Thizz, a Love Story, page 9
“Why was your bed wet?” I ask, then I see the red in his cheeks. “You peed the bed?”
He nods and pretends to be humiliated, but I can tell by the coy look in his eye that he is impervious to humiliation. Nick Marino is too confident to be embarrassed. Hell, I don’t even care that he wet his bed. I think it’s cute.
“Your turn.” He reaches for my hand and leans his head towards me. His fingers are unnaturally warm from the hot coffee.
The bells above the café door jingle and Mary pokes her head out. “Your break is over,” she says in her toddler voice, then closes the door. I’ve never been so happy to see Mary.
“Ok,” I tell her and turn back to Nick. “I have to go.” I look down at his hand wrapped around mine. We fit so perfectly together.
He kisses my hand, then leans his head towards mine so our foreheads are touching. I know my parents loved me and I know Lucy loves me, but I’ve never felt this kind of affection before. The way Nick smiles when I smile, the way he holds my hand and kisses my cheek, is something new and amazing. It’s something I never knew existed and will never be able to live without.
“I better go.” I try to scoot my chair out, but Nick grabs the seat and pulls me to him instead. The metal legs screech against the cement until our knees are touching, then Nick spreads his legs and pulls me even closer. The faint smell of jasmine and exhaust mixed with the coffee on his breathe makes my heart flutter. I inhale him and close my eyes. The next thing I know, Nick’s lips are on mine. He kisses me softly as his hand caresses the side of my face. My lips part and we kiss deeper. His tongue gently invades my mouth, and I let out a slight moan. I’m holding my breath, afraid to come up for air. I don’t want to pull away, but I’ll pass out if I don’t. I end our kiss, and Nick seems to snap out of a daze. His breathing is rapid, like he just resurfaced from under water.
“I have to go,” I whisper into the space between us.
He kisses me one more time and releases my chair. “I’ll wait here until you get off.”
I look into the café and see Patty standing behind the counter with her arms crossed over her chest. I don’t know if I can take two hours of her scowling at me. “I don’t get off until one. You don’t have to wait. I can walk home,” I tell him, but I don’t mean it. I want a ride home. I want to spend every waking minute with him.
Nick stands and walks me to the door. He moves a loose strand of hair behind my ear and kisses my cheek. “I’ll be back at one. My girl doesn’t walk anywhere.”
I open the door to walk inside and he calls my name. “Dani, wait.” He smiles. His Nick smile. “Is my plan working?”
“Yes.” I blush. Your plan is working and mine is out the freaking window.
Ice Cube’s “Today is a Good Day” pulls me from sleep. I peek from under my pillow and see Nick dancing in front of my desk. “Who the fuck let you in?” I pull the pillow over my pounding head and moan.
After Nick took Dani home, he came back to the party and picked up me and Arnie. We drove to a frat party in Arcata and sold half of the pills Will gave us. One hundred pills in one day. I even sold a couple of my bootleg CDs. We popped a pill when we got to the frat house, then popped another one a few hours later. It was off the hook. I think my favorite thing about thizz is how friendly everyone is. Most parties end in fights because some drunk asshole can’t handle his liquor. That doesn’t happen when people are thizzin. It’s all sunshine and fucking rainbows.
“Come on, Matty!” Nick yanks the comforter off my bed. “Ash let me in before she left with your parents. She said they were headed out for your mom’s birthday. Shouldn’t you be going with them? What kind of son are you?”
I know Nick is fucking with me, but it hits a nerve. It isn’t like I would’ve gone, but damn, they could at least ask me. Things have been screwed up between me and my parents for a long time. I don’t know if we can ever make it right. I was just a kid when Ashley was diagnosed. I didn’t know how to handle it. I started acting out, breaking shit, and fighting. I refused to visit her in the hospital. Death was foreign to me. I was only eleven. Ashely’s forgiven me, but I don’t think they ever will.
Nick turns the music off to answer his phone. I hear the one-sided conversation and I can tell he’s talking to Will. Nick hangs up and sits at my desk. “Arnie’s coming over; we have some details to discuss about business. Get the fuck up!”
Arnie and Nick are playing Xbox in my living room when I get out of the shower. Nick turns off the game and fills us in on what’s next. “Will is coming up sometime this week to drop off a boat. That’s a thousand pills. We should be able to unload it in a month.”
“A month, more like two weeks.” Arnie reaches over and high fives me. “I’m ready to pop another one right now.” Arnie’s right, there is nothing like that rush. I wouldn’t mind popping another pill if it will cure this headache.
Nick sits on the edge of the sofa across from me and Arnie. He runs his hand through his hair. “Look, Will’s fronting us on this, so we’re only getting eight bucks a pill. We gotta be smart.”
Arnie makes a disapproving snort. “That ain’t shit, bro. We’re putting in all the work.”
“Yeah, well, once we have enough capital to buy the pills, we’ll get a better cut.” Nick sips a bottle of Gatorade and paces the room.
My mind is processing numbers like an adding machine. We stand to make eight grand off the boat, while Will makes twelve. “When we get the money to buy the pills upfront, what’s our cut then?” I have to focus on the money; it keeps me from feeling like a criminal.
Nick stops pacing and sits on the end of the sofa. “It depends. Everything is negotiable, but Will said once we get rolling, we can pick up a boat for three to four grand.”
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Arnie leans over and high fives Nick. “And how are we cutting our shares?”
Nick looks at us and smirks like he’s offended. “What, you think I’d burn my boys?” Arnie sort of shrugs, but I know Nick wouldn’t fuck us. “We split this equally, three ways. We’re in this shit together.” Nick holds out his fist and bumps it with mine, then Arnie’s. “We gotta be smart though. You’re responsible for your stash. Will warned me about getting high when we should be selling. We aren’t a bunch of tweakers. We can party, but when we’re working, we gotta be cool. We can’t be abusing this shit, you feel me?” Nick takes another swig of his Gatorade, and I wonder if he even slept. He still looks wired.
“Does this mean we can’t kick down a few freebies every now and then? I mean shit, you know the chicks are all over this!” Arnie grabs his crotch and pumps the air. “I had my pick of the honeys last night.” Arnie reaches up for a high five.
Nick slaps his hand. “Let’s play it case by case, alright?”
Arnie nods, but we all know he’ll do anything to get laid. The Nick I know would take full advantage of this new power. Well, the old Nick. After the way I saw him looking at Dani, I can tell he cares about her. I can almost guarantee she’s in love with him. It doesn’t take long for girls to fall for Nick. He’s got the whole rebel-without-a-cause thing going on. He’s got the car, the name, not to mention money. He plays ball, he has good teeth, and now he has thizz. Hell, if I was a chick I’d love him too.
I tried to keep my distance from Dani at K’s party. When she was in my line of sight, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I had to fight every urge in my body not to go to her, or even to talk to her. I didn’t want to risk crossing a line or saying something out of pocket. Something like, I saw you first. Why couldn’t you look at me the way you look at him? Why didn’t you choose me?
“What about Dani?” Where the hell did that come from? “I mean, does she know you sell thizz?”
“Who’s Dani?” Arnie asks.
“You know, the chick from the party. She’s Nick’s girlfriend.” Saying it out loud feels like a knife in my chest.
“Damn, Matty. You dropping the g-word already.” Arnie looks at Nick incredulously. “They just hooked up once. You know our boy just one-night’s them.” Arnie lifts his hand to high five Nick, but Nick leaves him hanging.
It pisses me off that Nick isn’t speaking up about her. Last night she was the best thing that ever happened to him, and now he won’t even say her name. I pick up a Nerf football and squeeze the shit out of it. “It ain’t like that this time. Nick’s whooped.” I toss the football to Arnie, and we look at Nick to see his reaction. He’s too lost in thought to say anything.
“We can’t tell her,” Nick finally says. “I don’t want her to know we sell thizz or weed or fuckin’ anything.” He looks worried, like her knowing will be an issue.
“Why not?” Arnie tosses the football back to me.
“She said some shit about drug dealers that wasn’t cool. I don’t want her to think I’m a fucking sleazeball.” Nick runs his hand through his hair.
“Fuck her, if she does.” Arnie waves his hand in the air, dismissing Nick’s self-deprecating comment.
I fire the Nerf ball at Arnie’s head.
“What the fuck, Matt!” Arnie rubs his temple and looks around for the ball.
Nick snatches it from the floor before Arnie can grab it then leans over and high fives me. He points the end of the ball at Arnie. “Don’t you ever talk about Dani like that.” He fires the ball at him. It bounces off the side of his head and back into Nick’s hand. I’ve never seen Nick stand up for a girl. He must really like her. Fuck.
Arnie rubs his head and sits on the couch with his arms over his chest. He’s such a cry baby.
Nick starts pacing again. “Matt, you’re friends with her, right?”
“I guess.” I don’t know what we are.
“Alright, then you keep her busy. You know, divert her attention when we’re out and someone wants to by some shit. Can you do that?” Nick looks desperate.
It seems impossible to hide the fact that we sell thizz from Dani, but if anyone can do it, it’s Nick. I’ll do everything I can to make sure she doesn’t find out about it either. If Nick is worried about what she’ll think of him, then I know it will be far worse for me. He’s Nick Marino. I’m nobody.
“I can do that.” I hold out my hand and he pulls me in for a bro hug.
“You’re my boy, Matt.”
Nick and I have been best friends since first grade. I don’t think we’ve ever had a single fight. Not over a game, a toy, or a girl. When Ashley was diagnosed, my parents lived at the hospital. They sort of forgot about me. So, Nick invited me to stay with him. His grandmother made up a room for me, but I stayed in Nick’s room. He had bunk beds and gave me the top, even though it was his favorite. He didn’t make fun of me when I woke up crying for my mom and he never, ever, left my side. He’s the kind of guy that will give you the shirt off his back or bring you in on a business that will make you a lot of money. I’d do anything for him. Even give up the girl of my dreams.
My alarm goes off and I slap the top of the clock. It falls on the floor and breaks. Fucking great. I stumble down the stairs to the bathroom and jump in the shower. I perform all my morning rituals on autopilot. I dress in whatever shirt and pants are on top of my laundry basket then I slip on my Vans. Ready for school. The walk is cold because I forgot to wear a jacket. I hate Mondays and Tuesdays, and any day that doesn’t include me taking thizz. Being on thizz is the best feeling in the world. Being hungover is not.
I don’t know how I make it to lunch, but I do. I’ve sat in the center of the quad every day for the last two weeks. I need a break from the bullshit and fake smiling. My nose burns from the battle of the body sprays at Nick’s lunch table. I miss the oblivion. I don’t want everyone to know my name. I don’t care about who is dating whom, or where the good parties are going to be. I can’t do popular today. I walk to my tree and sit down. I close my eyes and tilt my head to the sun. It feels good on my bare arms.
“What are you doing over here?”
A smile forms on my lips at the sound of his voice. I open my eyes and find Matt’s silhouette standing in front of me. “I’m eating.” I look down at my lap. I didn’t get any food, just a can of diet soda. “I mean, I’m drinking.”
Matt sits next to me and leans against the trunk of my tree. “I can’t eat either. I’m still fucked up.” We got high yesterday after my Sunday morning shift at the café. We started on Friday after school, then stayed in some state of ecstasy the rest of the weekend. Lucy is on doubles at the hospital. There is a stomach flu going around, so they’re short staffed, which means no lies, nobody waiting up for me when I crawl into bed at dawn. It’s usually just Matt, Nick, and me. Sometimes K tags along, or Arnie if we’re going to a bonfire or someplace where there will be lots of people. I hate those nights. I hate being high in a crowd. I feel so exposed, although small talk is a lot easier when I’ve got tons of serotonin flowing through me. I’m almost fun to be around. Mostly it’s just me and Matt no matter where we go. Nick is always off somewhere doing popular-people things. I really don’t mind. Matt is fun to be around, high or not.
The yard is filling up. I see all the usuals at Matt’s table. Heather, her minions, a few jocks, but no Nick. Matt must see me looking for him and volunteers that he had to meet with his counselor. As much as I adore Nick, sometimes I just need a time-out. Being Nick Marino’s girlfriend is equal parts bliss and horror. I’m on the hit list of every girl that ever wanted to hook up with him. It’s sort of like being hunted by terrorists. You never know when they will strike or how. The first couple of days were bad. I was pushed down a flight of stairs. Ok, the last two stairs, but still. Someone wrote slut across my locker, which Matt quickly painted over. And to top it off, everyone thinks Nick and I have slept together, because why else would he want someone like me unless I was the world’s best fuck? Nick assures me that nobody has the nerve to mess with me now that we are official. Ok, so maybe I’m not going to get jumped on my way to school. But I still have to deal with how I dress and the state of my hair on a daily basis. I don’t know what’s worse, having some random girl kick my ass, or having a group of girls laugh at me because I don’t know how to apply eye shadow.
“Let’s get out of here.” I sit up and look at Matt. “I’m about to graduate, and I’ve never ditched school.”
Matt just shrugs. Like finding out I’m a dork that’s never ditched school doesn’t surprise him. “I don’t know. I kind of like your tree. I wish I would’ve noticed it sitting here a little sooner. This tree and I could have had some good times.” He looks angelic and totally at peace as he closes his eyes and lifts his face towards the midday sun. I elbow him in the side and make a little whining sound. He opens one eye and turns his face towards me. “You’re really serious?”
My heart does a double back handspring when I see the adorable look on Matt’s face. I don’t understand why things like this happen when I’m around Matt. I think it’s because I’ve never had a guy friend. I confuse Matt’s friendly smile, his innocent touch, with something else. Matt has never given me any reason to think he’s interested in anything more than my friendship. The inappropriate thoughts that sometimes cross my mind when I’m high are just moments of weakness on my part. “I’m totally serious. Let’s do it. Let’s ditch.”
“Alright, let me text Nick.” He pulls out his phone and starts to type.
Oh yeah, Nick. Matt and I spend a lot of time together. Nick is always going off to run an errand for his grandmother or to say hi to a family friend. When we’re high, Matt is my partner in crime. We go on adventures at the beach, searching for starfish or talking dolphins. We have philosophical discussions about the amount of water left on the earth, the utter failure of our judicial system when it comes to white-collar crime, and the best way to eat ice cream. I say cup, he says cone. Not even a sugar cone; he likes the old-school flat bottom kind that are a cross between cardboard and Styrofoam. I always have fun with Matt. I feel like I can let loose and be myself with him. My real self. When Nick is around, everyone is always so serious. Nick brings out the grown-up in all of us. Don’t get me wrong, I love being around Nick, especially when we’re alone. When Nick and I carve out some time on your own in the dark, talking and goofing around is the last thing we do. Soon the rumors about me sleeping with Nick will become justified. I just hate that my sex life is something people are placing bets on. If this is what it’s like to be popular, then I consider myself lucky to have lived in the shadows as long as I did. I would happily return there, if Nick would join me.
Nick texts Matt right back. “It’s on. We’re meeting him in the parking lot in ten minutes.” Matt stands and helps me up. “Be cool, I don’t want Arnie following us out.” One thing thizz hasn’t changed is my feelings for that jerk. I try to walk through the quad like nothing is up, but the excitement of cutting school feels kind of like a thizz rush. It makes it impossible to wipe the smile from my face.
We’re almost to the door when Arnie spots us. “Hey Matt, where you going?”
I swear the entire yard goes silent.
“Nowhere.” Matt shrugs. “I’ll be right back.” He pushes me forward and I stumble into Heather.
She turns around with a murderous look in her eye. When she sees me standing behind her, she steps back and smiles. “Sorry, Dani,” she apologizes. Heather King is apologizing like she was in my way and not vice versa. What planet are we on?
I step around her, waiting for one of her minions to grab me by my ponytail and swing me across the quad. Instead they offer identical smiles in their matching Eureka High Cheer uniforms. They look like three smiling, cheering, blonde-bots whose mood switches have been set to nice. It isn’t just Heather and her clique. Everyone is always smiling at me, saying good morning, offering me gum. All of sudden I exist. Not as myself. I am Nick Marino’s girlfriend. Most days I don’t mind playing that role.
