Thizz, a Love Story, page 17
“I thought that was you!” She tells her cousin Amy to pull over, then gets out and skips to the front door.
I’m so fucking happy she isn’t some asshole trying to shoot me, I overlook the fact that she was probably stalking me and invite them in. Alisa looks like one of those hot chicks in a rap video, and her cousin is just as built. After a few shots of rum and a joint, I’m feeling pretty nice. I don’t need the thizz, but I give the girls one when they ask. Half an hour after the pills kick in, the three of us are tangled up on my bed. A few hours later I wake to the sound of bells and Alisa shaking me with her foot. “Get the door,” she mumbles from somewhere under the covers.
I climb over the girls and slide on my sweats. The ringing is non-stop now. There’s only one person who rings my bell like that. I fling open the front door ready to sock Arnie in the chest.
I don’t see Arnie.
I don’t see anyone but Dani.
A few minutes later, she sees Alisa and Amy in my bed, and I go to the bathroom and puke. I send the girls home, and Nick starts our meeting. Aurora isn’t the only new addition. Alex, the guy Will hooked us up with, is here too. He’s a thirty-two-year-old stoner from Lake County who looks like he hasn’t showered in a month.
“Alex, you’ll be working Lake County. Aurora will be heading up the Humboldt State operation and a few surrounding areas. Arnie, you keep doing what you’re doing, and Matt, you’ll be with me.” Nick hands out new cell phones and reminds everyone they need to watch their minutes. “I know I’ve said this before, but it needs to be said again. Thizz is our business, it’s a product we sell to make money. We don’t get high on our own supply. When we party, we do it in a controlled environment. We don’t act a fool, we have to stay in control.” Nick looks at Arnie when he says the last bit. He’s been on a few binges lately. His father has been on him to join the army. We’ve been hearing about this since freshman year, but now he’s serious. Arnie will be eighteen this summer, and with no plans to go to college, it doesn’t look like his old man is going to let up. Arnie nods in agreement. It’s cool that Nick didn’t bust him out in front of Aurora and Alex. Then again, Nick is cool like that.
Nick ends the meeting and takes Alex into my room to count out the pills he is taking back to Clearlake, and the rest of us fall into pockets of conversation. Dani won’t look at me. I don’t even want to look at myself. I pull my beanie down until it’s just above my eyebrows. My head is pounding. I want to crawl back in bed and sleep until spring break is over.
I hear Aurora brag to Dani about her new car and her plans to travel to Europe after she graduates from college and I look up. Why is she even here? I pull Arnie aside to complain. “She drives an eighty-thousand-dollar Mercedes, what does she need to sell thizz for?” Aurora looks up like she heard me. I don’t care. “She’s just a bored rich girl that wants to play badass.”
“Dude, listen to what you just said. You could be talking about Nick.” Arnie’s right. Nick doesn’t need this lifestyle either. He doesn’t sell drugs out of necessity, and that’s what worries me. I always believed he would stop once we graduated. We had plans to go to Stanford together, and he didn’t even apply. Even if Nick leaves Eureka, it won’t be for school. It will be for the two most important things in his life. Thizz and Dani.
Nick finishes up in my room and walks Alex out. When he comes back, he motions for me to join him in the kitchen. As soon as the door swings closed he says, “We might have a problem.”
I pull an oatmeal cookie from the bag on the table and pop it in my mouth. Ashely must have left them down here for me. “What kind of problem?”
“The Devil’s Gold is putting up some resistance. They don’t like me very much.” Nick smiles like it’s something to be proud of. I choke on the dry crumbs. Nick pulls a bottle of water from the fridge and tosses it to me. “Don’t worry, Will’s working on it, but I wanted to give you a heads-up.”
I nod as I gulp down the entire bottle of water. I crumple the bottle and toss it in the sink. “Are they coming after you, us?”
“No, hell no. They don’t have the balls. You know who I am?” He puffs his chest out and flexes.
He’s pretending it’s no big deal, but he wouldn’t be telling me this if there wasn’t something to worry about. “Can you be serious?”
“Will told the Devil’s Gold president that he’d put Eureka on pause while they’re negotiating, out of good faith. That’s why I have Alex and Aurora running shit from out of town. Arnie is using some guy he knows in Arcata to sell his shit. This way we can lie low.”
I take a deep breath and tell him I have no problem lying low. The lower the better.
“There’s one more thing.” Nick leans on the sink and runs his hand through his hair. This must be the real bad news. “Will’s worried that Devon, his old partner, will find out about our beef with the bikers and make them a counter offer. If the bikers back Devon, they’ll give him Eureka and all of Humboldt County. If that happens, Devon will try to move in on Will’s action in the city, and Will won’t stand a chance. With all the heat he’s getting about that dead lawyer, the last thing he needs is a war.”
“I thought they were fishing?” I feel a burning sensation in my throat.
“Yeah well, they caught something. Will found out the witness is real. He’s got his guys looking for her now.” Nick opens the fridge again and rummages around for something to eat while I’m fighting the urge to puke.
“You think Will shot those people?”
“I don’t know, probably.” Nick shrugs as he pulls another bottle of water from the shelf and tosses it to me. “My uncle is old-school. He has his ways of dealing with shit. Good and bad.”
I crack it open and take a huge drink. I let out a loud burp and fan the air in front of me. “Fuckin rum.” It isn’t just the regurgitated alcohol making me sick. “What’s he going to do with the witness if he finds her?”
Nick looks at me like I’m an idiot. “What do you think he’s going to do?”
A cold chill runs up my back at the thought of some innocent girl being hunted by Will Walker. What makes it worse is the fact that I’m not doing anything to stop him. What can I do? For all I know, Will is just paranoid. The cops have no evidence it was him; if they did, he’d be in jail.
“None of this bothers you?” I look at my best friend, the guy that cried when we were six because he nailed a squirrel with a baseball, who is acting like murdering innocent people is no big deal.
“Yeah, I know.” He runs his hand through his hair. “It’s fucked up, but what can we do? It isn’t like I can tell Will how to run his life. I respect my uncle. If that means turning a cheek when some bad shit goes down, then I will. But I don’t plan on following in his footsteps.”
“Well, that’s a fucking relief.” It is, it really is. Nick isn’t a killer or even a gangster. He’s just a fucked up kid with a really fucked up role model. Unfortunately, Will can do no wrong in Nick’s eyes.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Dani pokes her head into the room. “Aurora needs to go. She has an appointment.”
Nick rolls his eyes and I give him an I-told-you-so look. “Give us a minute, babe.” Nick winks at Dani, and she disappears without looking at me. “I gotta get this girl back before she drives me crazy. I just wanted to let you know what’s up. I got your back.” Nick gives me a bro hug and says it’s best not to tell anyone about Devon or the cops. By anyone, he means Dani. I agree. She’s in enough danger as it is with the bikers on our ass.
“Why don’t you call those chicks back to keep you company,” Nick jokes as we walk to the door. “It’s a shame you have the house to yourself and you’ll be all alone.”
Dani brushes past me without saying goodbye.
“Nah, I’m just going to crash.”
“Alright then, later dude.” He waves as he gets in the car.
I watch Nick drive away, hoping he isn’t stupid enough to get into another confrontation with the bikers, not with Dani in the car. Who knows what will happen next time. Nick’s first priority should be Dani’s safety. I hope for her sake he does everything he can to make sure nobody ever hurts her. I also hope the daughter of the people Will shot is somewhere safe, someplace he will never find her.
I pull my memory box off the shelf and open it. The box was a gift from my parents on my twelfth birthday. I don’t have jewelry, so I crammed it with birthday cards and old photos. It’s the only memento I let Lucy bring me from home. I didn’t want anything else. I would have driven out of the city with the clothes on my back if it weren’t for Lucy. She spent all night driving to San Francisco to pick me up from the police station the night of the shooting, and I wouldn’t even let her rest a few hours before heading back to Eureka. I couldn’t wait to leave the city, leave everything that happened behind.
I don’t know who called the police. They showed up within minutes of the gunshots. My ears were still ringing when the swirling red lights came from three directions and surrounded my father’s Denali. They yelled for me to put my hands up, they asked if I had a weapon. After they figured out I wasn’t involved and realized I had just lost both of my parents, they left me alone. I sat in a room used to interrogate criminals for six hours waiting for Lucy. I thought about the last movie we saw, the last meal we shared. I wondered how long it had been since my mother kissed me goodnight or held my father’s hand when we walked down the street. I couldn’t even remember the last time I told them I loved them that wasn’t written in a card. The night I told Nick I loved him was the first time I uttered those words to another person since I was ten years old.
The first few weeks I pretended they were on some exotic vacation without me. It was easier to hate them than miss them. Only I could never hate them. They were the most loveable, likeable people on the planet. They were perfect, and I never lived up to their expectations. My grades, my hobbies, my hair, nothing was ever good enough. Not that they told me I was a disappointment as a daughter. I just was. I hated my mother’s charity events; they were boring and lasted forever. I usually had to dress in some dipshit-looking dress that fit too tight around the waist, especially after I attacked the snack table. Even though my father believed his clientele were good people at heart, I was still afraid when they came to his home office. I would always lock the door to the main house and hide in my room until they left. I’m not one of those people that see the good in others. My parents met at CAL and they were saints. I imagined walking onto the CAL campus and being magically transformed into a socially and environmentally conscience liberal out to save the world from injustice and the use of plastic water bottles. That was my goal. Is my goal. Only now I don’t see a future without Nick or thizz. They sort of go hand in hand. I don’t think of one without the other. How can I?
In the bottom of my memory box is a pack of my father’s favorite gum—Big Red. I pull out the gum and dump the pills I swiped from Matt into my hand. I place one in my mouth and swallow with a swig from an old water bottle next to my bed. I didn’t plan on popping alone, but Nick had to go out of town with Arnie to make a drop, and the meeting at Matt’s house was just a meeting. A very eye-opening one at that. Seeing those girls in Matt’s bed made me realize I was right all along. Matt doesn’t want me. He never did. I really thought, maybe, Matt had feelings for me. What do I know? I didn’t even notice my boyfriend and his friends were drug dealers. My perception of the world is seriously warped. I should blame thizz, but I don’t. Thizz is the only thing that makes sense to me. It puts a smile on my face. A happy thought in my head. Thizz is my best friend.
I feel the pill kicking in when my fingers start to tingle. The rush isn’t like it was a week ago. Every time is less powerful than the last. I need something to help stimulate the feelings. Music. I turn on the radio and Fergie’s “London Bridges” is on. It reminds me of Heather. I have to admit, she’s been less of a bitch since the night we thizzed. And now I know that Nick wasn’t at the beach with her, so I let myself keep an open mind to this new and improved version of Heather King. I pull a slip of paper from my desk drawer and go downstairs to use the phone in the hall. She answers on the third ring. “Hi Heather, its Dani.”
“Uh, hi.” She sounds very surprised to hear my voice.
“I was just wondering if you wanted to come over, for like, a girls’ night.” I contemplate telling her I have pills. Would that be weird?
“I can’t, I’m grounded,” Heather whispers into the phone. “My mom found my journal and flipped out.” She tells me she mentioned getting high and my heart stops. “She is threatening to send me away to some reform school our church has in Mexico.”
My heart is beating out of my chest, and not in a good way. “Does she know who you were with? What you took?”
“No, I’m not that stupid. It wasn’t like I was broadcasting it on Myspace. Don’t worry, I didn’t mention your name. I don’t think she even knows when I wrote it. I already told Arnie; he knows I would never rat him out.”
“What is up with you and Arnie?” She said Arnie wouldn’t let her take thizz, so he must care about her. They never did more than grope each other the night we took thizz, but it was more of a friendly groping.
“Our fathers grew up together, so we’ve been friends our whole lives. He’s like a big brother to me. We have this stupid pact that we’ll marry each other when we turn thirty.” She laughs, but I can tell it’s something that means a lot to her. To both of them probably.
“That’s so sweet!” I gush. Oh shit, the thizz is really kicking in.
“Yeah, he really is a nice guy, once you get to know him.”
I really hope I get to see that side of him one day.
“I’m sorry I can’t hang out. I’ll try to stop by the café this week to say hi.” I hear a knock on a door and Heather says she has to go. “Check your Myspace, it’s the only way I can communicate without my parents snooping.”
I tell her I will and we hang up. Heather really has everyone at school fooled into thinking she’s this socialite, sneaking into clubs and partying. She went out one night and her parents are ready to ship her off to Mexico. I was wrong about Heather. She’s just as fucked-up as the rest of us.
I lie across my bed and pull out a piece of my father’s favorite gum. I fold it into my mouth with a sigh. My boyfriend ditched me to meet his uncle, my best friend is having a threesome with the town sluts, and the girl that’s made my life a living hell since the day we met has turned out to be sort of nice. Can things be more fucked up?
I rummage through my desk and pull Nick’s Audiodub CD from its case. I borrowed it from him and never gave it back. My CD, along with my CD player, was never retrieved from my father’s SUV. I place the disc in my computer and crank the speakers as loud as they will go. “The Story that Never Ends” fills the room. The familiarity of the rhythm is like a hug from an old friend. Halfway through the second chorus, the phone rings. I storm down the steps to the hall and answer it.
“Dani, thank God you’re home! Can you close tonight?” Mary’s voice sounds twenty times worse on the phone. “I just got invited to a party and my parents are actually letting me go,” she squeals. “I’ll owe you, please!”
I want to say no, I want to tell her to piss off, but that isn’t what comes out. “Sure! I’ll be right there!” Empathy—a side effect of ecstasy.
The twenty minute walk takes ten minutes. I run all the way. I open the door to the café and steady myself to act normal in front of Mary. Three girls are fixing their makeup in the mirror on the wall.
Mary comes out of the storage room looking like she’s headed for a red carpet event. She throws her arms around me and I hug her back. Her gratefulness makes me happy. I feel like I’ve done something right. The praise induces another surge of serotonin.
I let her go and step back to admire her dress. “You look amazing.”
“Thanks.” She steps away, remembering who I am, who she is, and the mutual disgust we usually display for each other.
I think maybe I should insult her so she doesn’t think I’m acting weird, but I can’t think of anything clever to say. So I grab the bar rag from the counter and begin wiping things. The social aspect of thizz has me longing to join Mary and her friends in their inane conversations about hairspray and eyeliner. “Where is the party at tonight?” I ask nobody in particular.
“You wouldn’t know her,” a snotty girl answers. A few of the others sneer in my direction then turn back to the mirror with lip gloss in hand.
“I was just making conversation.” I turn from the counter and ferociously wipe down the train. Mary never bothers to clean the dried milk from the steamer or wipe coffee grounds from the counter. I don’t care where those bitches are going anyway. I’m sure wherever it is, it’s going to be lame.
“It’s a girl that goes to our school,” Mary says ruefully as she places three empty mugs in the sink. She hands me a fresh towel and offers an apologetic smile. “She comes in sometimes. Her name is Alisa.”
My head whips around at the sound of her name. “Alisa Martinez,” I hiss. Alisa has been in the café? I guess I never really pay attention to the people plucking coffee cups from the counter.
“You know her?” one of the girls in the group asks, as if my knowing Alisa was the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard.
“Actually I do,” I sneer back. I saw her boobs today!
“Yeah right,” the snotty girl rolls her eyes and whispers something to the group that makes them giggle.
My out-of-whack brain starts to process the situation. Mary is going to a party at Alisa’s. I wonder if Matt’s going to be there. I want to call and ask him. I might have yesterday, but now it seems wrong. It’s none of my business what he does with Alisa or any girl.
After Mary leaves, I sit on the counter and watch headlights come and go.
