Thizz, a Love Story, page 26
Paulo takes my phone to the kitchen. I hear drawers opening then pounding. He holds up what’s left of my cell phone, and Will nods in approval.
“She’s a hottie, we could make some money with her.” Will smiles and looks at Nick. Nick doesn’t react at all. He’s watching Paulo in the kitchen and then turns back to Will.
I’m trying desperately to prevent Will’s hands from exploring my body any further. When he starts to feel up my dress, I elbow him in the stomach and try to stand.
“You little bitch!” Will grabs my arm before I can escape and yanks me back onto the couch. The back of my head hits his chin. “What the fuck is your problem.”
A surge of adrenaline pulses through me. “You are my problem, you piece of shit!”
Will smiles at my outburst. He’s laughing at me as I struggle against him. The harder I fight, the tighter he holds me. He’s got me and he isn’t letting go. He will never let me go. Nick knew that, and he brought me here anyway.
Nick moves closer. I see tears in his eyes. For me. He knows Will is going to kill me. He knows and does nothing. Just like when he found out Will killed my parents and did nothing.
“Will, she didn’t see anything…” Nick finally says. It’s too late for explanations. Even I know that. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t see him. It never did. He knows he did it and he knows he was sloppy. He missed me the first time. He won’t make that mistake again.
“Shut up, Nick!” I scream. “Don’t act like you’re not just as bad as he is.” Nick’s jaw clenches and he looks away. I hate him. I hate them both.
“See Nicky, you got nothing to feel bad about. No regrets. No looking back. We’re gonna run Cali, together.” Will boasts. “Once she’s gone, I got nothing and nobody stopping me.”
“You think killing innocent people makes you a badass? You’re nothing but a coward!” I cry. I’m crying.
“Innocent? I don’t think so,” Will scoffs. “Your daddy took a job and he didn’t come through. Simple as that.”
Will’s words shock me. “My father wouldn’t have anything to do with scum like you.” I think of the picture from my birthday. “He told me you wanted him to take your case, and he refused.”
“I paid your daddy to lose the Devon Brown case, and the lucky bastard won.” His words knock the fight out of me.
The Devon Brown case was huge. He was proud of that win. He saved Brown from a third strike and life in prison. My father would never jeopardize his integrity for money.
“You’re lying!” I swing my fist around and hit him in the ear. He grabs my hand before I can land another blow but let’s my body go. I jump up, and Nick grabs me around the waist. He pulls me out of Will’s reach.
Will stands up with fire in his eyes and slaps me across the face. “This bitch is done.” He reaches around his back and pulls out a gun.
“Whoa!” Nick steps in front of me. I move back towards the door. Paulo jumps up and stops me.
I’m trapped. Nick is my only hope.
“What are you going to do, pop her in here? Cops will be all over this. Let’s go to the beach house. You have the entire ocean as a dumping ground.”
Wait. What. Nick is helping him. Vomit burns the back of my throat.
“Nick,” I cry. “Nick, no.”
He doesn’t turn around. He won’t look at me. He won’t save me.
“You’re right, nephew. You pack up the money and the boat. Let’s get out of here. I fuckin hate Eureka.” Will walks to the counter and picks up his juice. He drains the entire glass.
This is really happening. Nick moves to the table with a duffle bag and starts to shove things inside. I feel my legs go weak. I stop resisting Paulo. I close my eyes and think of my parents. I think about the day Matt walked me home. He said fate could go either way. Good or bad. My fate was to die at the hands of Will Walker, one way or another.
I let go. I let go of any hope I will survive. I let go of the idea that Nick Marino will save me. He isn’t my champion, he’s my executioner. I feel Paulo’s grip tighten as I start to fall unconscious. Then there is a knock on the door. Not really a knock. It’s pounding, banging. Yelling.
“Where is she!” It’s Matt. No, not Matt.
Paulo motions for Nick to toss him the gun on the table. All the blood has drained from Nick’s face as he hands over the gun. He can betray me, he can let Will do awful things to me, but he can’t hurt Matt.
“No.” Nick stops Paulo. “I’ll get rid of him.”
Will pulls me from Paulo’s arms and wraps his left arm around my neck, clamping his hand over my mouth. Paulo stands behind the door with the gun in his hand.
Nick opens the door. “Get the fuck out of here!” He may not love me, but I know he loves Matt.
“I saw you on West Harris near the café,” Matt yells into the door. “I know she’s here.”
I scream into Will’s hand when Paulo opens the door and pulls Matt inside.
Nick is pleading with Will as Paulo holds a gun to Matt’s head. “Will come on, he’s with us.”
“I’m not with you,” Matt yells again.
“It doesn’t look like it, nephew.” Will picks up the duffel bag. “Looks like we’re cleaning house today.”
Nick runs both his hands through his hair. For the first time today, he looks defeated.
Will tosses the bag to Nick and opens the door. “Come on, kiddies. We’re going for a ride.”
We walk around the back of the property, down the path, past the gnome, to the black SUV. Nick leads the way. Paulo and Matt are next, then Will and me. I can’t let them hurt Matt. He’s an innocent bystander.
“Nick, why are you doing this? I know you love me. I still love you.” I choke on the words. I don’t know if I’m actually lying. Nick keeps walking. “I love you.” I say again, and I see him pause.
“Shut up!” Will yanks my arm and I scream in pain. “Keep walking, Nick. You don’t need this bitch. You’re going to be rolling in pussy once we get set up.”
His comment makes me sick. I wish I could puke all over him right now. We reach the back gate and Will yells for Nick to get the lock.
“You don’t deserve her,” Matt hisses as we watch Nick kneel down to unlock the gate. “You never did.”
“And you do?” Nick spits back.
“Yeah, I do. She deserves better than some wannabe drug dealer like you!”
Nick stands up and looks at Matt with pure hate in his eyes.
“Nick, get the lock!” Will screams.
It’s too late. Nick is already rushing Matt. The force of the punch knocks Matt out of Paulo’s arms. His gun skits across the dirt.
Will yells at them as they wrestle on the ground. Paulo pulls Matt off of Nick and holds him back.
Nick springs to his feet and wipes his mouth. It looks like Matt must have got a punch in. Nick’s lip is bleeding. Nick picks up the gun and puts it in the waist of his pants.
“Nick, let’s get out of here. You’ll get your revenge on this little cock-blocker soon enough.” Will looks around to make sure nobody heard the scuffle. There’s nobody here, they’re all at Arnie’s funeral.
Once the gate is open, there is no stopping him. Nobody can save us. We can’t leave the property. Will won’t shoot us here. He can’t. He needs Nick, he needs his money. Nick is still working the lock. I don’t remember it taking this long when we pulled in. He’s frazzled, so I try to make it even worse. “Nick, you’re just going to let Will shoot me, shoot Matt?”
Will gives me a hard shake and I wince as the gun in his hand digs into my side. “Nick will do whatever I say. If I tell him to shoot you, then you’re dead.” Will presses his mouth to the side of my face. “But I wouldn’t do that to my nephew. Shit like that haunts you. I’ll take you out myself. Maybe have a little fun with you first.”
“Will!” Paulo screeches.
My eyes dart to Nick, he’s holding a gun, Paulo’s gun. It’s pointed at me. At Will.
“What the fuck, kid?”
“Let her go.” Tears roll down Nick’s cheek. I don’t know if he’s crying because of me or the fact that he is holding a gun to Will, the man he’s looked up to for most of his life.
Will grips me tighter and raises the gun from my waist to my head. “Nicky, come on, you’re emotional.”
“Shut up!” Nick looks at me, then to Matt. “I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you,” I cry. I don’t what him to change his mind. I don’t want Will to change his mind.
“Let them go and I’ll leave with you.” Nick is trying to negotiate with Will. “We can leave with the money I got for my birthday. We can set up someplace new.”
“You know I can’t do that.” Will steps towards Nick. “Let’s talk about this in the car. We can work it out on the way to the beach.”
Nick shakes his head. “No, there’s nothing to work out. This isn’t happening. I’ll give you the money. All of it. Then you leave.”
“Nicky, no. We’re family.” Will sounds hurt.
“Family?” Nick scoffs. “This has nothing to do with family. It was always about the money. You used my father, and now you’re using me.”
Will pulls me to the side, holding the gun firmly to my right temple. “That’s not true. You’re my blood.” He points at Nick with the gun then puts it back to my head. “I was setting you up to be the next Tony Montana, just like we talked about. Just like you wanted!”
Nick shakes his head. He runs his hand through his hair and smiles. At me. “I love you, Dani.”
I almost tell him I love him back. The words catch in my throat.
“You fucking pussy. I knew you didn’t have it in you,” Will sneers.
“Let her go, and I’ll leave with you,” Nick says again.
“Fuck you. Drop the piece and maybe I’ll let you live.” Will grabs me by the throat.
I grab at his hands and he squeezes tighter. There’s a ringing in my ears. It hurts.
Nick drops the gun and kicks it towards Paulo. Will throws me onto the ground. I taste dirt as I gasp for air. Nick is suddenly at my side.
“Are you ok?” He pulls me to him. “I’m sorry, Dani. I never meant for…”
Matt pushes Nick away from me. “You don’t get to say sorry.” He helps me stand. Nick looks devastated.
“Let’s go,” Will yells. We look up and see him standing next to the open gate with Paulo, their guns pointed at us.
Matt grips my hand and moves forward, but Nick holds us back. “Wait.”
Matt pushes his hand away and pulls me closer. A helicopter flies over the house. A dozen men appear out of nowhere and rush towards Will and Paulo.
“What the fuck!” Will screams as he is surrounded.
Swirling lights come out of the tree line across the road and park in front of the gate. Cops come running up the path that leads to Nick’s cottage. They’ve been here all along.
Nick walks up to Will, who is now in handcuffs. “I don’t think I want to be the next Scarface.” He smirks. “I was thinking more along the lines of Donnie Brasco.” Nick lifts his shirt and exposes a wire taped to his chest.
Matt and I don’t move, we don’t speak. We’re in shock. Just like Will.
The eight hours that followed were a blur. I learned that Nick contacted SFPD after the shooting at Will’s bar. They had a plan to get Will to confess to shooting my parents, but Nick couldn’t get him to talk. It was the detective’s idea to have Nick pick me up and bring me to the cottage. Johnson and Lucy were not thrilled to hear they used me as bait, even though there were twenty members of law enforcement surrounding the property, ready to take Will out as soon as they had what they needed. Matt showing up almost blew the whole thing, but Nick stalled on the lock and gave them the time they needed to mobilize and take Will down without any casualties.
That isn’t totally true. There was one casualty. Devon’s attempt on Will’s life came after Will made a deal with the Devil’s Gold to partner up with a member from their San Francisco chapter. The guy turned out to be an old high school buddy of Will’s. When Devon found out Will was keeping Humboldt, he decided to take him out. He failed and lost his life, taking Arnie with him.
The man who killed my parents, who ruined my life, is behind bars. If it wasn’t for Will Walker, I would have never moved to Eureka. I wouldn’t have met Matt or Nick. I would have never, ever, taken thizz. I can thank and blame Walker for all the good and bad that’s happened in my life over the last six months.
The strangest change is my relationship with Heather. She practically lives in my room these days. Her parents adore Lucy. She helped nurse Heather’s grandmother after triple bypass surgery two years ago. Once they found out she was my aunt, Heather was allowed to come over. Heather knows all my secrets now. She knows I miss Nick. She knows I loved Matt. And she knows some days I pull out the Big Red gum pack and hope to find a pill.
I don’t think that craving will ever go away.
Five months later – San Francisco
I used to walk down Columbus Avenue thinking nothing existed past what I could see—dogs running in the park, a homeless man lying on a bench, kids playing in the school yard. As I walk along the crowded sidewalk on this fogless October morning, I know that the world extends far beyond my line of sight. I know that six hundred miles north of here, there is a happy family with a baby girl named Marguerite. Even though she was born two months early, she is perfect. I know there’s a sick girl in Colorado wearing a turquoise necklace fighting for her life. I hope there is a God and that he will heal her. I walk down this street, and I know there are people in this world that love me.
I round the corner onto Union Street and turn to the overweight bulldog behind me to offer words of encouragement. “Come on, Arnie! You can do it, boy!” He can only muster a slight gallop before running out of breathe. He wheezes and looks at me with his big brown eyes. “Ok buddy, take a break.” He plops down on a shady patch of sidewalk and rests his head on his front paws. His tongue hangs from his mouth, and a pool of saliva forms on the cement in front of him. Walking up these steep San Francisco hills always wears him out.
I unlock the door to my flat, and Arnie pushes the door open with his large round head then scampers to his bed and falls straight to sleep. I look at the clock. I can’t stop time, and I can’t keep running from my past. Today is going to happen whether I want it to or not. With Arnie snoring in the corner, I settle into my favorite spot on the couch, pull out my history book, and begin to read. I have an hour before I have to meet them. I might as well make good use of it.
I’m only halfway through the first paragraph when my phone makes that tinkle sound. A sound I’ve grown to love, because I know it’s him. Cal-girl c u in 60. I smile, but I can’t ignore the anxiety I feel in the pit of my stomach.
I haven’t taken a pill in months. I don’t want one, but there are times I miss the rush. I don’t think that will ever go away. I haven’t had many moments like that since I left Eureka, but I can recall a few times I would’ve killed for a pill.
The day I told Nick I was going to CAL was one of them.
Things weren’t the same after the incident with Will. Matt and Nick seemed to go back to normal, but there was no denying that something changed between me and Nick. Even after finding out he was working with the cops to bring Will down, I couldn’t forget the look on his face the day he found out I was the one Will was looking for. Some part of him hated me for who I was. What I meant to his uncle. I hated him, too. He became tainted for loving the man who killed my parents.
The day after Matt left for Stanford, I asked Nick to meet me after work. He picked me up and took me to the beach. I remember thinking we’d come full circle. Our beginning and end at the beach. The sky was filled with fog when I told him I got into CAL. The same dank gray fog that filled the sky the night my parents were killed. Nick congratulated me and asked if I had a place to stay. He offered me one of his family’s apartments in Nob Hill, and I told him I wanted to do this on my own. I knew Nick would happily follow me to the city, but I couldn’t allow him to do that. Following me to school wasn’t the best solution for him, for either of us. I would be using him just like I used the pills, to fill my void. Once Nick realized I wasn’t including him in my plans, he started the car and drove me home.
I remember the song playing on the radio and the sweet metallic smell of jasmine and burnt oil, the smell of Nick when he stopped in front of Lucy’s house and left the engine running.
“When are you leaving?” he finally asked.
“A week from tomorrow.” From the corner of my eye, I saw him shake his head in disbelief at the short amount of time we had left together.
I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t muster the strength to look at him. I didn’t want to see the pain on his face that was so evident in his voice. I watched his hands gripping the steering wheel as if it would fly away if he let it go.
“You’re just going to leave, that’s it?” He paused and ran his hands through his hair. “We’re over?” His strong, confident voice cracked, and he cleared his throat to hold back any sign of weakness.
Are we over? I didn’t even know the answer myself. I never really considered what my choice meant for us. Going to Berkeley was my plan long before Nick Marino was part of my vocabulary. Nick and I never talked about the future, maybe it’s because we were never destined to have one. As I fought to find the right words to say, Nick’s phone buzzed in the ashtray. I glanced quickly at his face as he read the text. The hurt in his eyes was not caused by the words on the screen. He closed the phone without replying and placed it back in the ashtray. His face seemed less hard, less desperate. He looked almost relieved. I thought, maybe he realized that this truly was for the best. We both needed to move on, to grow. The whirlwind drug-induced romance that we shared was too much too soon. We needed to find ourselves before devoting our lives to each other.
The possibility that we could end up together someday soothed me. It made what I was about to say easier. I finally knew what I wanted to say and how to say it, but when I started to speak, Nick stopped me.
