Thizz, a Love Story, page 10
Matt pulls on my arm and I follow him into the building. I don’t have time to process how I feel about my newfound popularity. I have school to ditch. “Let’s go.” Matt breaks into a jog and I keep pace beside him. We run through the main hall, towards the parking lot, and right into Principal Leigh.
“Mr. Augustine, where are you off to?” She steps towards us, wearing a drab gray pantsuit and granny heels.
“Uh, nowhere, just going for a run.” Matt looks at me and we burst into laughter.
Principal Leigh does not. “Well, there’s no running in the halls. I suggest you go back to the quad.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Matt starts back to the yard and I follow behind him.
We walk into the yard, unnoticed this time.
“That was an epic fail,” I say as I plop back against my tree.
Matt sits beside me. “You suck at ditching.”
“That’s probably why I never tried it before.” I crack open my diet soda and take a sip, then offer it to Matt. He takes a drink, hands it back, and says he better text Nick and tell him to abort the mission. Oh yeah, Nick.
Tuesday is a little better than Monday. By Thursday I’m almost back to normal. It doesn’t matter, because today is Friday and we are starting all over again. I hop out of bed fifteen minutes early and take a quick shower. I can’t wait to get this day started. Friday is thizz day.
I dry my hair using something Lucy calls the scrunching method, where I crush my hair in my hand like a stress ball. It brings out the natural waves in my hair. Weird, right? But it works. I open my new bottle of foundation and dab little dots on my face. Lucy was off on Thursday night and Nick had some family business to deal with, so I let my shopaholic aunt take me to the mall. We spent an hour at the make-up counter, where the quirky sales girl guaranteed the hundred dollars’ worth of product we bought would give me the fresh, natural look I was going for. I also bought new jeans and a couple of tops that looked good on the mannequins (on me they’re alright). I’ve lost about ten pounds since I moved here. Lucy calls it a stress diet. Johnson calls it bad cooking. My new body is still curvy, but in the good way now. Caring about my appearance has taken some getting used to, but, hello, Nick Marino can’t have a slob for a girlfriend. If that means upping my personal hygiene game, then I’m all over it. The hair and make-up aren’t just for Nick. Giving a shit about my appearance makes me feel better about myself in a totally non-superficial way.
It’s a miracle I haven’t gained any weight back since Nick insists on driving me everywhere, and I let him. Except to school. I like walking, it helps me prepare for the day. Although the days are getting a lot easier. There are less death looks and more smiles thrown my way. I’d like to think it’s me—the hair, the eyeliner—but I know it’s Nick. They accept me because of him. I try not to think about what would happen if Nick and I weren’t together. It’s strange, but Nick doesn’t have any ex-girlfriends at school. Matt said he never officially dated anyone before. There are girls he’s hooked up with, whatever that entails, but none of them were special to him the way I am. Knowing this has changed me. It isn’t just being on everyone’s radar, having them notice me, watching my every move. I also want to be the girl Nick deserves. Someone he can be proud to have hanging on his arm. I walk through the doors of Eureka High with a smile on my face. For the first time since I moved here, I’m excited to see where the day takes me. Who am I kidding? I know exactly where this day is heading—to thizz.
I see Nick between second and third period; he tells me he missed me while three girls from my gym class follow us down the hall. They say good morning to me and smile at Nick. He nods at them and I wonder how genuine their interest in me really is. Does it matter? There are only two months left of school. At least I’ll get to end high school on a happy note.
Nick, Matt, and I have lunch under my tree, discussing where we will party tonight. Nick wants to go to Gold Beach since the weather is nice. Matt agrees and tells Nick he will let K and Arnie know. When the bells rings, Matt heads to his locker, leaving me and Nick alone. The courtyard empties quickly, but Nick and I stay until the birds in the tree above us are the loudest thing in the yard. He cups my cheek with his hand and stares into my eyes. “Is it working?” he says in almost a whisper. I watch his hazel eyes smile as I whisper yes into the space between us. “Good, because I’m falling for you, Dani.” Nick looks nervous, like he wasn’t planning on divulging this information. I’m a little surprised that he’s telling me this now, here. Sober. Affirmations like this are usually disclosed when we’re high.
I’m not exactly comfortable with this level of intimacy, so I smile and pretend his declaration is no big deal. “You better be.” I stand on my toes and kiss his cheek.
Nick scoffs when I don’t respond with my own declaration of love. I think he likes that I’m not some sappy, love-sick idiot. He likes a challenge. “Oh really?” He picks me up and spins me around. The weightless, carefree feeling reminds me of thizz. I can’t help but think how this moment would have felt if I was high. Kisses, touches, laughs, smiles, words—they’re all enhanced by thizz. It’s like the icing on a cake, the hot fudge on top of a sundae. It makes everything better.
“Hey, Dani. Wait up.” I turn and see Matt jogging towards me. “Nick ditched sixth period. He’s going to meet us in the parking lot after school.” Unlike me, Nick ditches a lot. Matt says it’s all family stuff. For someone who told me he doesn’t associate with his family’s wealth, he sure is invested in its business. Nick and I don’t talk about family—mine or his. So I don’t know why he’s always running errands for his grandmother, but it really isn’t my place to ask.
Matt and I walk into computer class and take our seats in the back. It’s the Friday before spring break, so I’m surprised to see an assignment on the board. The rubric says we have to build a three-page website. One family, one hobby, and one free page. The free page can be a dedication to a favorite band or the college we are attending in the fall. That reminds me, letters should be going out soon. The thought of leaving Eureka, leaving Nick, causes a sick feeling in my stomach. “Did Nick apply to school?” Matt is my go-to for all things Nick.
He sort of shrugs and keeps his focus on his screen. “I don’t think so.”
Nick mentioned something about moving to San Francisco after graduation. I hope that’s still his plan. That makes my plan suck less. What Nick Marino plans to do after graduation shouldn’t concern me, but it does. We’ve only been dating three weeks, but it feels like a lot longer. When you’re thizzin, seconds are minutes, minutes are hours, and hours are days. Each time we take thizz it feels like a year has passed by the time we come down.
I peek at Matt’s screen to see what he’s so interested in. He’s already starting on his page. His background is Stanford-burgundy. Matt wants to get into Stanford just as badly as I want CAL. It’s all he ever talks about. Nick and I never talk about the future. We live in the moment, and the moments we share are more than enough—for now. I don’t ask him about his plan, and we never talk about mine. Nick knows I applied to CAL, he knows I’ll leave if I’m accepted. Neither of us are ready to deal with what happens when that day comes. We have now, and now works for us.
Matt finally looks up and glances at my blank screen. “Do you need help with your page?”
“No, I got this.” I open a browser and search for the CAL logo. At least I have one page I can work on. I don’t know what I am going to do about my family page.
When the bell rings, I’m almost done with my first page. The background is royal blue, and I added some text from the CAL student life page. If I get my acceptance letter, I may add a picture of it, for personality points.
After a quick trip to Matt’s locker, we head outside. Matt opens the door and I spot Nick across the parking lot. He’s smiling at someone who isn’t me. I watch her bouncing blonde hair as she leaps into his arms. It’s just a friendly hug, but the smile in his eyes when he sees her infuriates me. I follow Matt to Nick’s car, trying to keep a stoic expression on my face.
“Hey, babe.” Nick smiles and shoves Heather to the side. He reaches for my hand and pulls me into his arms. “Did you miss me?”
I answer him with a long, deep kiss. When I open my eyes, Heather is rolling her eyes.
“I missed you too.” Nick whispers in my ear. “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?”
I blush and kiss Nick’s cheek. “Yes, twice.” Heather makes a snorting noise beside me.
“Just wanted to make sure you knew that.” Nick takes me in his arms and I melt into him. I can’t wait to take thizz. To enhance everything I feel right now times a thousand. Someone honks the horn inside Nick’s car and I jump back. I look into the car and see Arnie sitting in the front seat. My seat. I look at Nick in protest. “Hey, you guys need to work it out.” Nick walks me around to the driver’s side and opens the door. He refuses to get in the middle of the constant battle brewing between me and Arnie. Conveniently, Nick’s phone rings, and he answers it before I can state my argument for why Arnie should sit in the back.
“You suck,” I say to Arnie, who is triumphantly smiling from my seat.
“Nick wishes you did,” he whispers, so only I can hear the insult. Nick won’t pick between me and his friend, but he doesn’t let Arnie tease me. I don’t mind being a tattle-tale whenever Arnie tries to take a dig. “What did you say to me?”
Nick looks into the car with his phone to his ear and glares at Arnie. Arnie gives one of his disgusting smiles and says, “Bros before hoes, dude.”
Nick shakes his head like a disapproving parent and closes the car door to finish his call. Nick is always talking on the phone or texting. I don’t think Matt would lie to me about the nature of the calls. It isn’t like Nick has time to see other girls; we’re always together.
Suddenly Heather’s face appears at Arnie’s window. “What’s up, girl.” She leans in and he kisses her cheek. “You ready to hang with us tonight?”
My heart stops beating.
Heather looks at me with a wicked grin. “Sure, if you think Nick won’t mind.”
I mind. Heather is the only thing that can ruin my thizz high. I’ve already had to wait five days, and now my night is about to be ruined by this snarky blonde. Arnie asks Nick if Heather can tag along, and of course he says yes. There are so many reasons to hate Arnie. He pouts like a baby when he doesn’t get his way, he’s a pig when it comes to girls, and he’s a chronic high-fiver. Inviting Heather King to hang out with us is an entirely new level of douchebag.
Twenty minutes later I’m sitting between Matt and Heather King in the backseat of Nick’s car, headed towards Gold Beach. We haven’t said a word to each other the entire drive. Nick pulls off at a 7-Eleven and the guys head inside, leaving me and Heather in the car. It seems ridiculous to ignore her when we’re about to get high together.
“When was the last time you took thizz?” I ask in my best fake girly-girl voice.
“This is my first time.” It sounds like it pains her to admit this.
“Really? I thought since you like to party that you would have done this before.” It feels good to rub it in her face.
“Arnie wouldn’t let me,” she says softly. Arnie is the last person I would suspect of being protective. Maybe he likes her, and that’s why he invited her out with us tonight. The thought makes me feel better. Heather and Arnie will be too preoccupied with each other to annoy me.
The guys return from the store and I start to get excited. An hour from now I won’t care about Heather King or Arnie or anything. In sixty minutes I’ll be high and my world will be perfect.
One minute I’m dancing with Nick, the next I’m running down the beach with Heather. Or am I dancing with Heather and running with Nick? Who cares. I’m high, and nothing in the world matters. I pause to watch the sun slip into the Pacific Ocean, and I have this overwhelming feeling that this is where I belong. I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything in the world. Not even my old life. That sounds like a shitty thing to say, but it’s true. Does it mean I’m glad my parents are gone? I wrap my arms around myself and shiver at the thought. No. I’m just happy to have found happiness. They would be too.
“What are you thinking about?” Nick slides his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. We watch the last sliver of light dip below the horizon, then I turn around and snuggle up to his chest.
“Nothing. Everything. Me. You. Life. The future. The past. Where the bathroom is.”
“See, that’s what I love about you.” Nick squeezes me to him. “You don’t have to say anything, and I get you.”
“I’m glad, because sometimes I don’t get me.”
“I got you, Dani. No matter what.” Nick kisses my head again and I close my eyes. I can’t imagine not having this in my life. This feeling. These moments with Nick. Or is it the rush of emotion, the euphoria that makes my skin tingle that I will miss? You know that saying, which came first, the chicken or the egg? In my case, it’s which came first, my feelings for Nick, or thizz? Would one exist without the other? Can I exist without either one?
I wonder where we’ll be six months from now. I want to ask him about school, what he plans to do after graduation. Will I see him, have access to his mouth, his kiss, his pills?
“You know why I think you’re awesome?” Nick squeezes me to him.
“No fucking clue.”
“You don’t care about who am I or what I’m supposed to do with my life. You live in the moment. Who gives a shit about tomorrow?”
Maybe now is not a good time to ask him about his plans. He’s right. I do live in the now. This is all I have, all we have, because nothing in the future is certain. I know I want Nick, that I need thizz, and that I like my life. That’s ok for now. “We don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I learned the hard way that I need to appreciate what’s in front of me.”
Nick pulls me away from his chest to face him. “I know one thing that will happen tomorrow. I will wake up and have you. You can always count on me, Dani. Always.” His dilated pupils ping-pong back and forth. He’s high as fuck. I wonder how much of what he’s saying is the thizz talking. I don’t want to know. I don’t care. Not right now.
“Do you promise?” I whisper almost to myself. I don’t want to need him, but I do. I refuse to think of myself living anywhere without him.
Nick presses his forehead to mine. “I promise,” he breathes into my mouth, as if he’s giving life to me with his words. I close my eyes and feel them travel past my lips. I breathe them in. My heart rate increases and my breathing hitches. I believe him. Nick kisses me with more want and need than I’m ready to accept. He leans into me and I lose my balance. Nick catches me around the waist and gently lowers me to the ground. Our eyes stay locked on each other, trapped in this moment. Seeing him hover above me drives my body insane. I pull him closer and he drops onto his elbows. We kiss, and I feel him wanting to go farther, push harder. He’s cutting off my air supply, but my body is screaming for more.
“Get a room,” Arnie yells from the darkness. Leave it to Arnie to ruin a moment.
I feel Nick smile as we kiss. “To be continued,” he whispers and pulls away. I don’t want him to stop, but I don’t really like making out with an audience. Nick sits up on his knees just as K yells heads up and a football comes spiraling at us. Nick catches it then jumps up and starts running with the ball. K takes off after him. Boys.
Arnie plops down beside me with his big thizz smile. “How you feelin’, D?” He nudges me with his elbow, but doesn’t take his eyes off Nick and K running football drills in front of us. Asking someone how they feel is a common question while on thizz. Your feelings become very relevant to everyone around you. There is a need, a desire, for everyone to feel like you do.
I’m high and no longer feel stifled with self-doubt or embarrassed to say what’s on my mind. I use that to my advantage and call Arnie out for treating me like crap. “Why do you hate me?”
Arnie looks at me like I’m crazy. “I don’t hate you. Shit, I thought you were hot when I first saw you. I was going to ask you out, but Nick beat me to it.” His eyes look as if they’re about to shake loose from their sockets.
I smile at his attempt to compliment me, even though I know he’s lying. I’ve sat behind Arnie for almost three months, and he never looked at me once. I was invisible until the day Nick noticed me. Invisible to everyone except Matt. He was always there. Where is Matt?
“Nick’s never had a real girlfriend, so I was surprised when you started hanging out with us every day and taking my seat. I’m a little jealous, I guess. Nick’s my boy. I’d die for his dumb ass. So, you better treat him good!” The sincerity in Arnie’s voice changes my perception of the situation. He has feelings, and I’m hurting them.
Thizz heals all wounds.
“I get it. I’ll let you have shotgun sometimes.” I really mean it. Arnie and Nick have been friends for years, and they’ll be friends long after I’m gone. Arnie holds his fist out to me. I bump it with mine and laugh at the silliness of it. “I have one more question.” I try to keep a straight face.
“Shoot,” Arnie says and turns to give me his full attention.
“Do you still think I’m hot?” It was meant as a joke, but Arnie actually takes the time to check me out before he answers.
“All I can say is, you’re lucky I love Nick, because the way I feel right now…” Arnie lifts his eyebrow at me.
“Don’t be a jerk!” I laugh and sock him in the arm.
“No, but really, I think you’re beautiful—inside and out.”
I blush at Arnie’s sincere compliment. “I’m so glad we had this talk.” I lean over to give him a hug. He wraps his arms around me then pulls me on top of him. I squeal and try to break free, which only makes his grip stronger.
