Thizz, a Love Story, page 5
He sort of laughs then bumps me with his shoulder. “Nah. You seem like an interesting person and I thought it would be cool to hang out.”
“Yeah right, I’m the least interesting person you’ll ever meet.” The only interesting thing about me is the one thing I can’t tell him.
Nick stops walking and turns to face me. We’re standing so close, no wind passes between us. He slides a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “You really want to know why I asked you out?”
I could care less. The why doesn’t matter, all that matters is now. This moment. Staring into those perfect hazel eyes. Nick runs his finger across my jaw and stops under my chin. Is he going to kiss me? The last time I kissed a boy was over two years ago. It was in a closet during a Christmas party at my father’s firm. His name was Charles, the son of the CEO. His breath tasted like peaches from the cheap brandy he had hidden in his coat pocket. The kiss was sloppy and wet. I am so ready for a new first kiss. I don’t care if we just met. Kissing a boy like Nick isn’t something that happens every day. Screw the rules.
A sly smile forms on his lips. I feel his breath on my mouth, my lips part, waiting, wanting. He’s going to kiss me. Nick Marino is going to kiss me.
He leans in closer, his lips brushing my ear. “It’s your lattes,” he whispers. “It could also have something to do with the fact that you’re beautiful.” He kisses my cheek and backs away with a playful grin.
Did Nick Marino just call me beautiful? I know I’m not horrible looking, but the positioning of my nose and the curve of my lips have nothing to do with why I find his compliment shocking. I find it unbelievable because I know I’m not up to his standard. I’ve seen his standard: Katie. She could do a Victoria’s Secret catalog shoot tomorrow without having to puke her dinner. She was perfect. And he didn’t want her.
I don’t douse myself with make-up every morning or give two shits about my hair. I never wear perfume and I can’t even remember the last time I plucked my eyebrows. Nick and I don’t match on so many levels, yet being here feels right.
Nick swoops down and picks up something from the sand. He examines it for a second then puts it in the pocket of his jacket. I think it was a shell. Oh lord, he collects shells too. My heart bursts into song. You can’t look like Nick and collect shells. It’s just not fair. I’m going to fall in love with this boy, whether I want to or not.
“How old are you?” Nick spins around and walks backwards, facing me.
“I just turned eighteen.” My birthday was last Saturday. I had to work and I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Lucy brought me a cupcake from the hospital cafeteria during her lunch break and I let her and Patty sing “Happy Birthday” to me in the back room. Celebrating didn’t feel right without my parents.
Nick stumbles back and puts his hand over his heart. “Oh man. You’re older than me.” He’s blushing like this really bothers him. “I won’t be eighteen until next month.”
“Good thing you told me this now, because I have a rule about dating guys younger than me.” Nick raises an eyebrow, and I realize he’s reacting to the fact that I just said the word dating. “I mean, I’m not saying I want to date you.” Nick clutches his chest again. “I mean, of course I want to date you, if dating you was an option.” I feel my face turn red hot. “I just need to shut up.” Just run now, Dani, before you make a bigger fool of yourself.
Nick reaches out for me. I let him take my hand and pull me to him. “To be honest, knowing you’re older kind of makes me want you even more.” He runs his hand down the side of my face then turns around and continues walking down the beach.
Being wanted by Nick is the best feeling in the world.
Being wanted by Nick is the scariest feeling in the world.
I don’t like needing things, because when you don’t have them anymore, it hurts. The idea of Nick not wanting me someday is almost worth walking away right now. Almost.
We are pretty far from the bonfire. Pale moonlight and the fuzzy orange glow from the parking lot is the only thing lighting our path. I stumble a few times and bump into him, not totally by accident.
“Whoa.” Nick catches me. He takes my hand and pulls me into his arms, holding me as we walk. My hormones are raging in a way that I never knew was possible. All of Lucy’s lectures on birth control and safe sex make a little more sense now. Even when I was making out in the closet with Charles, I never felt like this. Nick and I are just walking, and thoughts of him ravishing me won’t stop running through my mind.
“So, you’ve lived in Eureka your whole life?” I ask, desperate to say something.
“Yep. Depressing isn’t it? But I’m out of here after graduation. I have some things lined up in San Francisco.” He lets go of me to pick up a rock, then he throws it into the darkness ahead of us. The gesture looks so juvenile. So unlike something the man walking beside me would do. His face looks like it belongs on the cover of a romance novel. There is nothing about Nick Marino that says boy, even if he is only seventeen.
“I applied to CAL, but I’ll probably live in San Francisco.” I don’t want him to think I’m stalking him if we end up living in the same city. Even though I would totally stalk him; he’s so stalkable. “Did you apply to San Francisco State or USF?”
“Oh yeah, school.” Nick stares at the sand as we walk. He runs his hand through his hair and clears his throat. “I do have to go to college, it’s a family thing. I just don’t know where I’m going yet.” Nick pauses. “My family owns a bunch of property around town. I don’t know what you’ve heard.”
I remember what Mary said about Nick’s family being the largest developers in California, but it’s Mary. How credible can she be? “Not much. I hate gossip.”
“Me too.” Nick smiles and takes my hand. He corroborates Mary’s story about his family, only he tells the story like he’s embarrassed. “It’s no big deal. Besides, it’s my family’s money, not mine. I don’t want any part of their business.” Nick’s tone turns hard. “I’m going to make my own money. I’m going to take the Marino name to places it’s never been before.”
The fact that he separates himself from his family’s wealth is commendable. He isn’t a typical spoiled rich kid. Not that I thought of him as one, but hearing the conviction in his voice when he talks about making his own money tells me he’s passionate about his future. It only makes me admire him more.
We walk a few feet in silence. I get the feeling he’s finished talking about his family, so don’t I ask any questions. The last thing I want to do is talk about my family.
“What was it like growing up in the city?” he finally asks.
“Foggy mostly.” Please don’t ask me anything else.
Nick laughs. “Yeah, the weather kind of sucks, but it beats the shit out of Eureka. Why the hell would you move here? Did your parents want to torture you or something?”
I could tell him the lie Lucy made up for her coworkers and friends. She tells people my parents are on some bullshit philanthropic mission helping indigenous people in the South Pacific. I don’t want to lie to Nick. It will just make it that much harder to tell him the truth later. If there is a later. I shrug and force a smile. “Yeah, something like that.”
Nick is waiting for me to elaborate, but I can’t. I won’t. We keep walking hand in hand, both of us holding on to family secrets we don’t want to share.
“So, you like Audiodub?” It’s the only safe topic I can think of. It’s also something I’ve been curious about since I heard “Lucky Go Leah” in his car.
“Are you kidding? I love Audiodub. My uncle Will knows one of the guys in the band. Maybe we can go see them sometime. I’ll introduce you.” Nick’s face lights up at the thought. “Have you ever seen them live?”
I tell Nick I haven’t seen them, but it’s a lie. I saw Audiodub play at Slim’s last year. My mom freaked out when I asked her if I could go. She said Slim’s wasn’t an appropriate venue for a girl my age, even though the place has no age limit. The night of the concert, my father told my mom he was taking me to dinner and a movie. Instead he took me to see Audiodub. I couldn’t count on my father for much, but when he came through, he came through big. We never told my mom, it was just our secret. It still is.
“Then I’m definitely taking you.” I love that he is already thinking about future dates, because I can’t imagine my future without him in it. I’m so screwed.
We stop at the end of the cove and stare in the direction of the ocean. I try to maintain some dignity as my hair whips around my face from the unrelenting wind. I look up and catch Nick watching me like a puppy in a pet store window. “Are you cold?” He lets go of my hand and holds open his jacket. I don’t even hesitate. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his shirt. He smells like jasmine and car exhaust. Normally, that would seem like an odd pairing, but on Nick it’s divine. I’m surprised at how easily I succumb to him. He offers to hold me and I jump in his arms. It’s so unlike me—the old me. This is a new Dani. Who knows what I’m capable of?
My smile is frozen in place, partly by the freezing wind, but mostly because I feel good. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of good. I place my ear against Nick’s chest and listen to the quick rhythm of his heart—it’s beating as fast as mine. I want to remember this moment forever—the cold wind on my back, the uneven sand under my feet, the warm sensation in my chest, and the safe feeling of his arms around me. Nothing exists in the world but us. I look into Nick’s smiling eyes, they are a plethora of earth tones—light brown and yellow with hints of green. Looking at him makes my body tingle in all the right ways. He pulls me closer and kisses my forehead. The gesture is sweet, but I want more. I need more. I focus on his lips, willing them to want me.
Kiss me, I scream with my eyes. I bite my lower lip; it draws Nick’s eyes to my mouth. He brushes his hand across my cheek and I inhale as if I’m about to dive underwater. My eyelids flutter as he draws closer, my lips part, waiting to feel his mouth on mine. Then I hear the faint call of his name. The salty night air replaces Nick’s warm breath as the yelling grows louder. How was this moment suddenly ruined? I look past Nick and see Matt running up the beach towards us.
Oh no, Matt.
My heart folds in on itself when I see her in his arms. Nick looks like he is about to make his move, so I yell his name. His eyes shoot in my direction and I wave. I put on my best fake smile and walk up to them like I didn’t just cock-block my best friend. I tell Nick its ten thirty, but I don’t say anything about the party at K’s house. Neither does he. I don’t think I can stand to watch them thizz together, not after what I read online about how it effects inhibitions, sex drive. Will was right. There is an entire culture built around this drug. Music, hairstyles, clothes. I can’t wait to release thizz culture on Eureka. Just not on Dani.
“I have to be home at eleven,” Dani says.
Nick looks at her curiously. “Ok,” he says. “I’ll drop her off then come back for you.” I know from the look on his face he doesn’t want me to say anything about the party. I nod my head once to let him know I get it. Nick and I have known each other forever. We can read each other like nobody else can. We always know what the other is thinking.
He takes Dani’s hand and starts back towards the bonfire. I follow two steps behind. I wonder if she’d be here with me if I wasn’t such a punk, if I would have just asked her out in class or at least talked to her in the parking lot. I knew better than to have her meet me with Nick around. He’s like a black hole, sucking up the attention of everyone around him. He can’t help it. Hell, I don’t even think he likes it, but he can’t escape it. None of us can. Dani being here is my fault. I put her in his path and she couldn’t fight the pull. I know she liked me, at least a little. I saw the way her cheeks turned red when I sat down next to her in class and the huge smile she gave me when I passed her in the hall. We had a good vibe, I know it. I felt it. I fucked it up.
When we get back to Nick’s car, I remember what Haley said about Dani. I wonder if Nick knows she doesn’t party and that’s why he isn’t bringing her to K’s house. Dani is standing on the passenger side of the car while Nick and I say goodbye. “Later,” Nick says, and we clap our hands together. He whispers that he wants me to wait for him to get back before giving out any freebies. As if I would do it without him.
Dani is watching us. More like she’s watching Nick. She doesn’t even see me. I’m just background noise. As Nick’s partner, it’s my duty to let him know about Dani before things get serious. “I heard Dani doesn’t party,” I whisper.
Nick looks at me like I’m speaking another language. “Who told you that?” I know Nick, and his defenses just went up.
“Haley.” The mention of Haley’s name makes Nick grimace. He runs his hand through his hair and looks back at Dani. “Alright, I’ll drop her off and meet you at K’s.”
I feel a huge weight lift from my chest knowing she won’t be at the party. I won’t have to watch her smile at him the way she used to smile at me. Nick unlocks the door and opens it for Dani. Before she ducks down to get inside, she looks up at me and smiles. “See you on Monday, Matt.”
My entire body erupts in pleasure with that one small look. I don’t want her to go, I want to stare at that smile a little longer. “Wait,” I yell as her head disappears below the car. “Don’t I get a hug goodbye?” I have no idea where that came from. It must be the six-pack of beer I slammed. Liquid courage.
Dani looks up with a strange expression. She looks shocked or disgusted by the words coming out of my mouth, which makes what I’m about to do even more pathetic—but I really don’t care. I walk to her side of the car and wrap my arms around her frigid body. She smells like coffee and car exhaust. Weird—but fucking awesome. She doesn’t say a word. I’m practically assaulting her. I’m such a loser.
“Ok, ok, hands off my girl,” Nick says as I let her go.
His girl. She’s Nick’s girl.
The house is dark when Nick pulls into the driveway. Lucy isn’t home yet, which means she won’t know I went out tonight. I’m not sure what is happening with Nick, but I’m definitely not ready to talk about it with Lucy. She has this way of blowing things out of proportion. I also don’t need another lecture on birth control. I try to say goodnight in the car, but Nick insists on walking me to the door.
“Do you work tomorrow?” he asks as we reach the porch.
I tell him I have the morning shift.
“Can I come see you? Maybe we can do something after you get off.” He takes my hands and smiles, as if he has to convince me to say yes. He doesn’t realize how badly I want to see him again. How I hate letting him go right now.
This is crazy. I can’t be attached already. “Yes, of course.” I’ll be counting the minutes.
Nick smiles like I just told him he won the lottery. I think that’s what makes being with him feel so nice. The way he looks at me like a coveted piece of art. He sees something that nobody else can, not even me. “Good night,” he says, then leans in and kisses my cheek. I exhale slowly, and the next thing I know, his lips brush my mouth. We kiss softly two or three times then break away. My heart sputters in my chest when I open my eyes and see him staring back at me. This wasn’t my first kiss, but it is the one I will commit to memory and pull up whenever I need to smile.
“Good night,” I whisper into the air between us.
“Good night,” Nick says again and takes a step down off the porch. My arm extends towards him until my fingers slide from his like some cheesy music video moment. I get why those moments exist. I’m having one right now.
Nick walks down the steps and stands by his door, waiting for me to go inside. I finally unlock the door and wave one more time before closing it. I run straight to my room and watch Nick drive away. After his car disappears around the corner, I fall onto the bed with a loud sigh. I just went on a date with Nick Marino. He said I was beautiful. He kissed me goodnight. I don’t know how I will sleep tonight or work tomorrow. I already miss his touch, his smell. I’m already completely addicted.
Forget flying under the radar. Fuck the radar. I’m going to fall in love with Nick Marino.
I’m in the bathroom washing my face when the doorbell rings. It’s late, and Lucy wouldn’t ring the bell. Whoever it is must have seen Nick drop me off. They know I’m home alone. I creep into the hall and look down the staircase to see if I recognize the silhouette on the porch. The doorbell echoes through the empty house again. For the first time since the night of the accident, I’m scared. Lucy calls it an accident, now I’m doing it. I guess accident rolls off the tongue a lot easier than the truth. I look at the phone in the hall. I could call Johnson. He’s home in Arcata. That’s at least twenty minutes away. I could be dead by then. Now I sound as paranoid as Lucy. I’m safe here. Lucy, Johnson, even the police seemed convinced that Eureka was the safest place for me to be. I take a step to go downstairs when there is a loud knock on the door. I scramble back to the hall and pick up the phone, ready to call nine-one-one. What will I say? A stranger is knocking on the door? That’s hardly an emergency.
There’s another loud knock, then a voice yells my name. “Hey Dani, it’s me.” It’s Nick! My heart does a happy dance while my stomach exits my throat.
I bolt down the stairs and open the door. “I’m sorry, I was in the bathroom.” Great, I just told Nick Marino I was using the bathroom.
“That’s alright.” He smiles his Nick smile. “I just wanted to see if you felt like going to a party.”
“Right now?”
“Yeah,” he says apologetically. “I was going to ask you before, but you said you had to go home.” He runs his hand through his thick dark hair. “I just really want to hang out with you a little longer.”
I don’t want this night to end either, but I hate parties. Especially parties that may include Heather King.
