Thizz, a Love Story, page 11
"Nick! Your girl is raping me, dude!” His breath smells like beer and weed.
My incessant laughter weakens me. I have no control over my limbs as Arnie tosses me back and forth. He lets me go a split second before Nick jumps on top of him. I try to get up, but my legs feel like Jell-O, and standing seems like a monumental event. I crawl away and spot Heather across the fire. Her arms are wrapped tightly around her legs. "Are you cold?" I ask, looking around for my discarded hoodie.
She stares blankly into the fire, gripping her knees. "Do you like it?”
It takes me a second to realize she’s referring to the drugs. The euphoria feels so natural I often forget it’s artificial. Heather doesn’t look as euphoric as she should. She looks a bit freaked out. I don’t want to say or do something to make it worse. Matt walks up behind Heather and sits between us. He’s wearing his Stanford sweater. He must have went back to the car to get it. I wish I had my CAL hoodie so we could play my school is better than yours.
Heather reaches around Matt to give me a hug. "I love you, Dani.” My body stiffens as if it’s waiting for a knife to puncture my skin.
Matt leans back and represses a laugh. She’s rolling hard, so I just go with it. "I love you, Heather.” The words don’t feel like a lie, but I know the feelings I have for Heather, and they are not love.
Matt clears his throat, his blue eyes a glimmer of light in the darkness. “What about me?”
I reach over to hug Matt, and Heather joins me. "I love you too, Matt.” That definitely doesn’t feel like a lie. I have a lot of feelings for Matt. Most of them I can’t define. He’s my best friend, for sure. It’s the other feelings, the tingles and warmth that he creates when we touch. Sometimes I think it’s just me, my ego, or my imagination making up things that aren’t there. Matt is just being nice to me. Just being my friend. I’ve never had a male friend, so I don’t know how to differentiate platonic feelings and real love.
His warm hand moves under my shirt. He caresses my back, causing tingles to shoot up my spine. I sit up and we lock eyes. For a brief moment, I see the boy I met last February, the boy whose warm smile slowly chiseled at the block of ice inside my heart. My Matt. I shake the thoughts racing through my drugged-out mind. He was never mine. He didn’t want to be. Thizz is making me think there is something in Matt’s touch, his look, his smile. But it’s all in my head. Matt doesn’t want me. He never did.
"Hey, what the hell's going on over here?" Arnie is standing over us.
"While you guys are wrestling each other, I'm keeping the girls company.” Matt leans on his elbows with an evil grin. Heather punches his arm and rolls away. Matt returns fire by slapping her ass.
“Ouch!” Heather leans into me. “Help, Dani!” I grab her hand and pull her away from Matt. Maybe Heather isn’t so bad.
Nick sneaks up behind me and pokes my sides. I spin around and give him a big hug. The joy and love emanating from our group is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I can’t put into words the way I feel laughing and dancing with my friends.
My friends.
I kiss Nick, hug Heather, high five Arnie, and fist bump K. I keep my distance from Matt. We don’t need to do or say anything. Everything I need to know about him, I read in his eyes. Nick is my first love, but Matt is my first real friend. He liked me when nobody knew my name. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Matt.
“Hey, I have an idea.” Heather jumps up to address the group. “Let’s play a game.”
We assemble around the fire and Heather explains the rules. “Ok, this is just like truth or dare, but you flip a coin. Heads—truth, tails—dare. Then we spin an empty bottle to see who gets to ask the question or give the dare. Everyone got it?" She doesn’t wait for a response. She flips the coin to go first.
I’m sitting next to the fire with Nick on my left. Matt is next to him. Arnie and Heather sit directly across from us. The fire is our sixth player, since K decided to be the referee. On the outside I seem super excited to play Heather’s game, but I have a knot in my stomach the size of a grapefruit. I hate games. Especially ones with the words truth and dare in them.
"Truth," Heather announces.
The empty beer bottle makes two quiet rotations in the sand before stopping in front of Nick. I do a happy dance inside, thankful it’s just a question she is getting from him.
"Do you think Matt is hot?" Nick asks while punching Matt in the arm.
"Cop out!" Arnie calls through his hands.
"Yes," Heather answers flatly. She holds the coin in front of me and says, “Clockwise.”
I flip the coin low and catch it. It's hard to focus on the images. The more I concentrate, the more my eyes ping-pong from side to side. Nick takes my blindness as hesitation and rubs my back. He leans into me and kisses my cheek. I giggle when his warm breath tickles my neck. I’m lost in the euphoria of Nick. His smell, his hands on my bare skin. This feels nice.
“Ahem.” Arnie clears his throat. “Can we get back to the game?”
"Tails," Nick calls to the group as he continues to kiss the space behind my ear.
Oh shit, tails.
Nick hands me the bottle. “Spin it,” he says with an encouraging smile. It spins once, twice, three times, before stopping in front of Matt.
"Dude! You better make it good!” Arnie warns him.
The wicked look on Matt’s sweet face is misplaced. I know he wouldn’t do anything to embarrass me. Would he? "Dani," he clears his throat, "I dare you to let Nick..."
I exhale when I hear Nick’s name.
"Fuck that," Arnie interrupts. "You can't dare her to do something with Nick. That’s not fair."
"Shut the fuck up, Arn! You don’t even know what I'm going to say."
"It doesn’t matter. I know it’s going to suck!”
Matt flips Arnie off with both hands just inches from his face.
"Just go!" Heather yells, bringing their focus back to the game.
Matt elbows Arnie, who is steadily tossing sand in his lap.
"Ok Dani, I dare you to let Nick kiss your chest." Matt seems very pleased with himself.
That doesn’t sound too bad. "Over my shirt or under?”
"Under," Arnie answers for him.
My bra is black with little silver stars; it looks just like a bikini top. Considering we are on a beach, it’s very appropriate. I start to lift my t-shirt when Heather yells for me to stop.
"No, no she doesn’t have to take off her shirt." Heather is the only one brave enough to stand up to Arnie.
Heather, my new friend. I can’t believe I was about to strip in front of the guys. Damn you, thizz.
After a few minutes of bickering, Matt restates the dare. “She has to lift her shirt, but she doesn’t have to take it off.”
I smile thankfully at Heather. She really is a great friend.
Nick scoots closer to me. His head is lower than mine, so I can’t read the look in his eyes when he lifts my t-shirt. This is the most intimate we’ve ever been, and we have an audience to witness it.
"Wait!" Arnie shouts. "What about her bra?”
"Matt said chest, not breasts." I look to my new ally—she nods her head in agreement.
"That's bullshit,” Arnie exclaims. “You're cheating. You meant breasts, right Matt?" Arnie makes air quotes when he says the word breasts. I think it’s probably the first time he’s used the term to describe a girl’s anatomy.
Matt squirms uncomfortably beside Nick. I know he’s trying to choose between the lesser of two evils: humiliate me, or piss off Arnie.
I don’t care how messed up my brain is right now. I draw the line at nudity.
"I said chest, but technically, that means breast,” Matt reiterates. He also air quotes the word breasts.
"No, it isn't the same thing," Heather argues.
"K, we need a ruling," Nick finally calls over the fire.
"Chest is not breast," K declares. We all giggle when K makes over-exaggerated air quotes.
"Yes!" I cheer, lifting my hand to Heather, flaunting the high five in Arnie's face.
"Ok, just do it," Arnie hisses.
Nick lifts the front of my t-shirt. I feel his warm breath on my skin as his lips move over my bra. Although the fire is scorching my back, cold chills run through my body. I look up from the top of Nick's head at Matt. He isn’t even watching. His eyes are focused on the beer bottle in his hand.
"Enough," I say, pushing Nick away.
Arnie's hands are already up in the air for a high five when Nick returns to his spot.
I hand Nick the coin and lower my shirt. Nick flips it so high I lose sight of it. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to focus. Nick announces he has truth and spins the bottle. It lands between me and Heather. After some deliberation on whether it means he should run through the fire, K decides he should spin again. Nick’s second spin makes one perfect rotation and stops in front of me. I know exactly what I’m going to say, but I can barely contain my laughter long enough to get the words out. "Nick, have you peed the bed in the last year?"
He looks at me, stunned that I would reveal his secret. "Yes—but let me explain," he yells. It’s too late, the guys are already rolling in the sand, calling him piss-head.
I laugh until my stomach hurts.
“I can’t believe you told my secret!” Nick grabs me in a bear hug. “That reminds me, you still owe me a secret.”
I can’t tell him my secret, not now. Not when I feel this good. This truthful.
“I know.” I kiss him. It’s a long, deep kiss. The kind of kiss that makes you forget what you were talking about.
“Alright, guys. Let’s play.” Heather brings everyone’s attention back to the game.
Thank you, Heather.
Matt flips the coin next. “Truth.” His bottle spins at least four times before finally landing on Heather.
She claps her hands and sits up. "Matt, who do you think is prettier, me or Dani?”
Matt doesn’t hesitate, he just blurts out my name. Heather smiles, seeming satisfied with his response. Her reaction is odd to me, even with my flawed senses. Why would she want Matt to choose me over her? Heather isn’t the type of girl that likes to lose.
Arnie snatches the coin from Matt and flips it high in the air. It seems to be lost in the stars until Arnie yells, "Tails baby!” He jumps to his feet and dances in the sand.
"Come and spin, dumbass." Matt rolls the bottle to Arnie.
Arnie squats down and focuses on his spin. He lines up the neck of the bottle so it points directly into the fire and gives it a hard, firm spin. We wait breathlessly for it to stop. There is a collective sigh of relief when the mouth of the bottle lands in front of Arnie.
“I get to choose my own dare,” he declares. As if any of us could come up with something outrageous enough for his standards. "Let's see.” He taps a finger to his chin while surveying the group. I notice I’m not the only one trying to avoid eye contact, fearing he will take it as a request to join him on whatever he is scheming. "I dare myself to jump in the ocean—naked!" he says, then takes off running towards the water line.
"You're a fucking idiot!" Matt screams as he jumps up and follows him.
Arnie stops a few feet from where the surf cuts through the sand, takes off his shirt, and drops his pants and boxers in one quick motion. Even from where we stand, we hear his muffled scream over the roar of the ocean when his naked body comes into contact with the freezing cold water. He splashes frantically, fighting to get back on his feet as the waves crash around him. I almost feel sorry for the idiot.
The guys finally make their way back to the circle, and Arnie regales us with the details of his swim. If I didn’t see it for myself, I might have actually believed his distorted version, which included spotting a shark fin.
Matt leaves the guys standing at the fire and sits down next to me. “How you feeling?”
“I’m great!” I get a nice surge of adrenaline as I suck down half a bottle of water.
“Are you mad at me?” Matt looks at me with his crystal-blue eyes and I swear I see dolphins swimming in them. His eyes. Those eyes. Those secretive, curious eyes.
I shake my head, because I’m at a loss for words.
“Good.” He smiles, and my heart kicks back into motion.
“Why would I be mad at you?” I clear my throat and try to gain some composure. It’s really difficult to pretend that the look on Matt’s face doesn’t knock the air out of my lungs. That the touch of his hand on my leg doesn’t send my pulse into hyper drive.
“Because of the dare.”
“No, it’s just a game.” I lean into his shoulder. “Just wait until you see what I have planned for you.” Matt gives me a curious smile and bites his lip.
Oh my God.
All conversation stops when we hear Nick’s cell phone ring. He answers it and walks away from the fire. Matt leans over and turns the music louder, which seems weird to me.
“Who is Nick always talking to on the phone?” I’ve asked Matt this question before, but maybe one day he’ll tell me the truth.
“It’s just family business.” He shrugs.
I look at my watch. “What kind of family business does he need to take care of at midnight?”
Matt fidgets with a bottle cap before tossing it in the fire. “He has a lot of family obligations, you know what I mean?”
“No, not really.” Nick told me he wants nothing to do with his family’s business. Was that bullshit?
“His grandmother depends on him a lot to help with tenants and stuff.” He places his hand on my leg. “You have nothing to worry about.”
Matt’s wrong. The tingles shooting up my thigh are definitely something to worry about.
Nick hangs up and walks back to the fire. Matt removes his hand and nudges me with his shoulder. “Hey, don’t mention the calls to him. He hates talking about his family, you know.”
“I know,” I assure him. I won’t say a word.
Arnie stumbles in front of us and I lean towards Matt to avoid being trampled. Matt slides his arm behind me, cradling the small of my back with his hand. I want to blame the drugs, but I wasn’t this tingly when Arnie held me.
Arnie grabs Heather and starts dancing with her in a way that could be considered sexual harassment. “Dude, get a room!” Matt yells at them, which only makes it worse. Matt’s face, lit by the fire, is beautiful. I don’t want to look away, but I have to. I have to be stronger than thizz. I don’t know what’s wrong with me tonight.
I turn my attention to Arnie and Heather. The obnoxiously red lipstick Heather had on has faded. Her wavy blonde hair and curvy shape form the outline of the perfect female body.
“Does Nick think she’s pretty?” I wonder aloud.
Matt snorts next to me. “Nick loves you, Dani.”
My heart is in my throat. I don’t know if hearing Nick say it would have the same effect on me. Somehow Matt’s words make it real. If the person that knows Nick better than anyone in the world can see that he loves me, then having Nick say it is unnecessary. Matt withdrawals his hand from around my back and grips his knees. He just told me his best friend is in love with me, and all I can think about is how badly I miss being in his arms.
The song ends and Heather drops to her knees in front of us. "My turn.” She flips the coin. “Tails.” She spins the bottle. It makes an entire rotation before stopping at Arnie. He jumps up and does a victory dance, kicking sand all over everyone. I open another bottle of water and take a long drink, swishing it around, replenishing the moisture that is missing from my mouth. Nick sits down beside me and I offer him the water.
“No, I’m good.” He smiles and his jaw tightens. He rolls his neck and focuses on Arnie. He looks different to me somehow. Like Matt just peeled a layer of skin off of him and I can see something that wasn’t apparent before. Or maybe I could and I just didn’t want to believe it.
"Heather—I dare you to kiss Dani,” Arnie announces with an evil grin plastered on his face.
I choke on a mouthful of water. What did he just say? My eyes shoot across the fire. “French kiss," he clarifies, so there will be no arguments.
I look at Heather. She seems unaffected by the dare, like she was expecting it. "I'm down," she proclaims.
Everyone’s eyes move in my direction. I instinctively look to Nick, who’s smiling at Arnie as Heather crawls over to me like a cat in heat. She arches her back and licks her lips in an effort to win over the boys. She stops in front of me and sits up on her knees. “Well, are you in?”
I look at the guys, who anxiously await my next move. I clear my throat and take one more sip of water.
“I knew she wouldn’t do—” she starts to say, but before Heather can finish her sentence, I grab the back of her head and kiss her. Her lips are small and unsure. I am definitely the aggressor. She tried to one-up me, and I beat her at her own game! I hear a rumble of moans as I move my mouth over hers. She finally yanks free to a roar of cheers.
She recovers quickly and forces a smile. "You little slut," she sneers before crawling back to her spot.
I receive a high five from Arnie and a quick kiss from Nick.
"Your turn," Heather says and holds out the coin.
I snatch it from her and flip it in the air, watching carefully to make sure it lands in my palm. Tails—another dare. The group is silent as I spin the bottle. It makes two rotations before landing in front of my worst nightmare—Arnie. The guys get excited at the possibility of some more girl-on-girl action. My teeth chatter out of control as I wait for him to speak.
Arnie isn’t smiling. He isn’t laughing. He’s so serious it gives me chills. "Dani, I dare you to kiss Matt.”
Before I can respond, Matt is on his feet. "No way dude, that's just wrong!” Matt says all the right things, mounts the perfect argument. He says all the things I should say, but I don’t say anything.
"If you want to be a punk, then you shouldn't play." Arnie looks directly at me. "K, back me up here."
