While I sat fretting, Megumin finished her food. “Kazuma, once you’re done with breakfast, will you go on a date with me?”

  It was as simple as that. And then she smiled.

  Megumin’s voice rang out across the mountain range near the capital.

  “Explooooosion!!”

  This was about what I expected!

  When Megumin had asked me on that date, I set about looking for somewhere outside the capital she could let off an explosion.

  “Look!” Megumin exclaimed. “Did you see that? What an explosion! The power! The area of effect! Another brilliant display!”

  “Uh-huh, great stuff. Ow! Hey, keep it under control—I can’t give you a piggyback ride with you thrashing around like that!”

  “Reprimand me if you must, but I just reduced a mountain to pebbles!”

  Ever since we had gotten back from Crimson Magic Village, Megumin’s passion for her explosion magic had gotten even more intense. Now that I had dumped all the skill points she’d been saving into strengthening Explosion, her blasts had gotten powerful enough to present a genuine threat to humankind.

  For the residents of Axel, the roar of her once-daily explosion had become part of the scenery; nobody batted an eye at the sound. But the same wasn’t true of the capital, and apparently, a lot of people had been complaining to Alderp.

  Actually, even though she’d been in the capital for only a few days, Megumin already seemed to be gaining a reputation.

  Ever since I’d made those changes to Megumin’s Adventurer’s Card back at the village, all her anxiety seemed to have disappeared, and she’d completely stopped doubting herself. I wondered why I’d decided to do that.

  With Megumin riding on my back, I sighed and muttered, “I probably should have had her learn advanced magic…”

  “I believe you just said something I cannot overlook! Your words and actions that day were so full of emotion, and now—!”

  She jabbered on as I got us home to Alderp’s mansion.

  One week since we came to the mansion.

  Still no thief.

  “Just a minute! Don’t underestimate the goddess of water—you can’t fool me when it comes to wine! I know there was a nice, expensive bottle in the library! Well, hurry up and get it for me!”

  That was Aqua, who in the previous week had managed to drink Alderp’s house dry.

  “…and my explosion blew him to pieces! That pitiful Demon King General Hans was reduced to cinders! And after that was the battle with Demon King General Sylvia. Let me tell you how I acquitted myself…”

  Megumin was cornering not just the maids but even Alderp himself, trapping them for half a day at a time with stories of her heroism. And as for me…

  “Miss Maid! Oh, Miss Maid! I believe it’s time for my massage! Oh, and for dinner tonight I want white ox sukiyaki. And the king-size bed and fluffy blankets I ordered will be arriving soon, so set them up in my room!”

  I had made myself completely at home.

  Recently, the lot of us had taken to spending our days leisurely in the parlor together. Since we couldn’t go back to the castle, I would be just as happy if this place remained at risk for the rest of our lives.

  And there was Alderp, watching us vacantly, possibly having gotten a little thinner over the past few days. In a tired voice, he said, “Lady Dustiness…”

  At that, Darkness, who was huddled in a corner of the parlor, jumped.

  “I know I told you to stay here as long as you needed to, but…”

  “You don’t have to say anything more! I’ll get them out of here right away!” Darkness hung her head, looking ready to weep from embarrassment.

  3

  It had gotten to be around two or three o’clock in the morning…

  “Well, crap… I was sure they were gonna hit this house…”

  The ones who were the most active around this time were the undead and NEETs.

  I found myself unable to sleep because of the generous nap I’d taken during the day, so I wandered down to the kitchen, feeling peckish.

  This could be a problem. Everyone hated Alderp so much. What was that thief doing not showing up? I had been so sure that I would catch them here and that the subsequent improvement in my reputation would get me back into the castle…

  But we were supposed to leave this mansion tomorrow, so that would be the end of my stakeout.

  Had the thief figured out we were there? And wasn’t I supposed to be really lucky? What happened to that? Come to think of it, from what I’d heard, I gathered Lady Eris was the goddess of good fortune. Maybe that was it. Darkness was an Eris follower. Maybe I’d teased her too much and upset the goddess.

  Or maybe that thief just had even better Luck than I did…

  When I got to the kitchen, I realized someone was in there. I could sense their presence, but there were no lights on. Which, at this time of night, could only mean…

  …it was Aqua, who could see even better in the dark than I could and kept similar hours to mine. I was sure she was there looking for a snack to go with her drinks. I was just about to call out when someone started talking to themselves in the dark, very quietly.

  “They’re not even keeping watch? Maybe I overthought this… But I’ve been avoiding this room because of the bad feeling it gives me…”

  The last night before we were supposed to leave, and it looked like we finally got something. Thank you, Eris, goddess of good luck!

  “Hmm…? Did I just sense something strange…?”

  Whoops! We were dealing with a righteous thief here—I was sure they belonged to the Thief class. That meant they might be able to detect me using a skill like Sense Foe. I had unconsciously activated Ambush, counting on it to keep me hidden as I stuck close to the wall and stayed perfectly still in the darkness.

  “Just my imagination…?”

  The intruder began to shuffle through the dark room. They had to grope their way along, which meant I’d been right about them not having any skills that let them see in the dark. I came up behind the thief, closing the distance, when I noticed something.

  “Okay, Sense Treasure, go! …Hmm, looks like it’s over here…”

  Whoever heard of a thief who talked to themselves so much?

  “Gotcha!”

  “?!”

  As I grabbed hold of the intruder, my hands cupped something soft.

  That’s right: This thief was a woman.

  “Okay, come quietly! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! You picked the wrong guy to mess with, you dirty thief! You might have tricked those other morons, but I’ve gone head-to-head with several generals of the Demon King—I’m not letting some crook get away!”

  “Stop! Hang— Hang on! Hey, wait, that voice—”

  Huh?

  You know, this thief did sound kind of familiar.

  “Kazuma, is that you?! Hrk! You know, you could probably stand to grab a less compromising part of me!”

  “I’m just trying to restrain an intruder. Wait…” My night vision didn’t allow me to see faces clearly, but I realized who this was.

  “It’s me! Darkness’s friend—the one who taught you some skills…!”

  The intruder was none other than Chris, trying to hide her identity with a bandanna around her face.

  4

  I reluctantly let go of Chris. I pulled out the lighter I’d gotten at Wiz’s shop, and the faint light illuminated Chris, hugging herself and with tears pooling in her eyes.

  “Sniff…sniff… Your hands were everywhere… How can I ever become a bride now?”

  “Well, what did you want me to do? I thought you were a thief! I don’t have any good skills to restrain you with. Go ahead, take me to court. I’m sure I’ll win.”

  “I can teach you a useful skill called Bind later…”

  I took another look at the sniffling Chris. She was wearing black leggings and a black shirt and even had a black cloth tied around her mouth. Of course, if she was sneaking into someone’s house wearing a getup like that…

  “So you’re the righteous thief everyone’s been talking about, huh?”

  “I sure am. Hey, what are you doing here anyway?”

  I gave her the short version. Chris scrunched up her face.

  “Y-you mean Darkness is here?! Aww, no, this is bad! If she finds out I’m doing stuff like this, she’ll be really angry!”

  “What else would you expect? Even a righteous thief is still robbing people. Anyway, Darkness likes you. If you just apologize, she probably won’t have you killed. What’s wrong is wrong. Own up to what you’ve done and pay the price.”

  “Hold on! You’re making a big mistake; I swear there’s a reason for this!”

  Of course she had her reasons. But I had mine, too. Right now, I needed to do something heroic.

  Besides, since she was Darkness’s friend, it would probably make it harder to punish her. All the nobles she stole from had made their money illicitly anyway, and no one would want a big public trial. If she played her cards right, I figured Chris could get off with an out-of-court settlement.

  As I was busy thinking about all this, I heard something coming our way. I guess we’d made too much noise.

  Chris looked up at me from where she was sitting on the floor, appearing to have made up her mind. “Looks like I don’t have a choice. I’ll tell you what’s really going on. If we explain everything to Darkness, I’m sure she’ll understand—she’ll probably even help!”

  Those resolute eyes gave me a very bad feeling. I knew what was coming next.

  “I have a good reason for breaking into these nobles’ houses and stealing from them…”

  It was what always came next: I would get stuck in yet another dangerous escapade!

  “No, stop right there; I don’t want to hear it! And you don’t have to tell Darkness, either!”

  Chris looked perplexed by this outburst. But I knew Darkness. She was so dense, if she heard that something bad was happening, she could never let it go. I wanted to do something heroic, yes, but even more than that, I wanted to do something safe. And wherever this conversation was going, it would more than likely involve danger.

  “Huh? B-but…”

  “Nope! Come on, run away before someone gets here! I’ll pretend I never saw you!” I started shoving Chris toward the kitchen.

  “Wh-what? But I…I really want your help…”

  “La-la-la, I can’t hear you! Anyway, think about it! There’s a disgusting lecher of a lord heading this way! If he sees a female thief here…”

  “C-consider me gone, for today! I’ll find another chance to tell you what’s going on!”

  “No, don’t come back! I-in fact, use Bind on me! Then I’ll have an excuse for how you got away!”

  “G-good call! Here goes—Bind!”

  Chris pulled out a rope and invoked the skill, and my body was tied up. Then she scampered away, out the kitchen window and into the night.

  “Kazuma, are you okay?!”

  The first person to arrive was Darkness, carrying a lantern. Aqua and Megumin were close behind her.

  “Oh no…!” Megumin exclaimed. “Someone hit Kazuma with Bind! What happened to the thief?!”

  “I almost had him—but he got away! He got me when my guard was down…!” I did my best to look genuinely frustrated in my predicament.

  “So he got away. Still, it’s not your fault. This person has hit one heavily guarded noble mansion after another and has still never been caught. I’m more worried about you. Are you hurt? What kind of person are we dealing with here?” Darkness knelt beside me and tried to loosen the bonds, but because these ropes were created by the Bind skill, it couldn’t be done.

  “The thief was a guy in a weird mask. He was crazy quick—I’ll bet he could get the drop on one of the Demon King’s generals if they weren’t careful.”

  “Th-this must be quite the opponent—!” Megumin started, shocked.

  Then Aqua, who hadn’t said anything until that moment, slipped up close to me and knelt down. “…By the way, Kazuma. You look kind of like you’re in a cocoon… Can you move at all?”

  “What do you think? I almost had that thief cornered, but then he used Bind on me. Hey, you can’t get rid of it with your magic or something, can you? I know you can break spirit barriers and stuff.”

  “Who do you think I am? Of course I can do it.” She was smiling.

  “That’s my Aqua, always coming through when it counts! Hurry up and untie me, then. It sucks not being able to move.” I asked Aqua—who was being a little friendlier than usual—for her help, but at the same time I had a bit of a bad feeling.

  “Hey, Kazuma. I know it’s kind of an awkward time, but I’d like to apologize to you…”

  “…For what? Spit it out.”

  Okay, now it was a really bad feeling.

  “Well, you see… Since you didn’t come back from the castle for so long, I messed up your room just to kill time. And, uh… That figure, or whatever it was, that you were making? It kind of broke when I played with it.”

  Now I was spoiling for a fight. When I got out of those ropes, she was gonna get it. But at the moment, I didn’t exactly have the upper hand. There wasn’t much I could do.

  “H-hey, whatever. I can make another one. Just say you’re sorry, and it’s water under the bridge. But first, hurry up and untie me…”

  “You’ll forgive me? Great! In that case, I’ve got lots more to confess. Let me get it all off my chest now. Actually, I figured since no one was using your room anyway, I would do some drinking there. I mean, when I drink in my room, it’s such a pain to have to clean up the bottles and the leftover snacks when I’m done, right? So I got a little drunk and…broke some other stuff, too.” Her face, but not her voice, seemed apologetic as she chirped, “Sorrrrry!”

  Oh, she’ll pay…

  Apologizing while I was immobilized? What a dirty move! But if I gave her a piece of my mind then, while I still couldn’t move, there was no telling what she might do to me.

  “D-don’t worry about it. We’re friends, right? It was my fault for not coming home! So now that your conscience is clear, you can—”

  But Darkness and Megumin shoved Aqua aside.

  Darkness: “Oh! I’ve just realized…”

  Megumin: “…how much fun we can have with him like this!”

  The lantern illuminated their devious grins.

  Alderp heard the commotion and came running into the dim kitchen with his bodyguard.

  “What in the world is going on?! Has the thief broken—? Wait, what is going on here?!”

  No sooner had he come in than he saw me and stopped.

  As soon as I saw him, I cried, “Help meee!”

  Darkness was looking down at me, really enjoying herself. “No, not ‘Help meee!’ I told you, say ‘I’m sorry for being so high and mighty recently! I’m sorry for causing you nothing but trouble! I’m sorry for embarrassing you over and over!’”

  “I’m sorry! I’m sorry for causing you trouble! I’m sorry for embarrassing you!”

  “I want to hear you say those words again—those cool words you said before! So tell me: How many points was my explosion?”

  “Stop it! That’s something I can only say once! Don’t try to get me to say it again; it’s embarrassing!”

  “No, it’s not! Go ahead, say it—come on, don’t be shy!”

  “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! I think I like being in control every once in a while! Now, next you’re going to say…”

  With tears in my eyes, I turned toward the man I had once hated and begged for his help.

  “Lord Alderrrrrp!!”

  5

  The next morning.

  We’d come to the castle to report what had happened the night before. We were in a room deep in the building called the audience chamber.

  Claire was speaking, and she was none too happy with me.

  “I see. So after all that boasting, you were thwarted by a simple Bind skill?”

  On the throne at the far end of the audience chamber, in place of the king, who was away on campaign, sat Iris.

  I could hardly admit that the thief was an adventurer we knew, so I made up a fictional villain: a masked master burglar.

  “Well, I’d hardly call it a complete failure! If I hadn’t been there, Old Man Alderp might be a lot poorer right about now!”

  That set the nobles talking. I was surprised how many people seemed to be saying that that might not have been such a bad thing.

  “…Hmm. Very well. These are the words of the great Kazuma, conqueror of the Demon King’s generals. I’m sure there’s no need to bring in a magical lie detector. Yes, this thief must have been quite the opponent.”

  She didn’t exactly sound like she believed me.

  Behind me, I could feel Megumin prickle at Claire’s sarcastic response. Darkness hurriedly put a stop to whatever Megumin had been about to do. Iris rose from her throne.

  “Ahem… In any case, excellent work! You didn’t fail at capturing the thief—you succeeded at preventing a burglary. You deserve no blame!” Her face was red, and her little fist was clenched.

  I thanked her silently.

  With a disturbed expression, Claire said, “Such is the generosity of Princess Iris. You gave your word, in front of many nobles, that you would accomplish a task, and yet you failed. Normally that would warrant punishment. You should be grateful for the princess’s mercy.” She paused. “But since you failed to capture the thief, there’s no reason for you to stay at the castle. Now get out!”

  As we worked our way out of the castle, the maids and butlers we encountered acted cold toward us. Apparently, they’d gotten word of my failure. Now everyone knew that I was nothing special.

  “Ehhh, don’t worry about it,” Darkness said. “You did good. Just like Princess Iris said, you did manage to keep the thief from stealing anything. Come on, let’s go home. I won’t even bug you to find work for a while. We’re going to get a windfall from Vanir, right? Let’s kick back.”

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18