I was a little disappointed I had missed the relatively unusual sight of Darkness really strutting her stuff. And come to think of it, where was Megumin?

  No sooner had I thought this than I spotted her on a stretcher, being carried along as carefully as if she were a broken doll. The knights around the stretcher shooed away any curious adventurers.

  “MVP of the battle coming through! Make way!”

  “Miss Megumin is tired—get out of the way! You want to be wiped off the face of the earth with an explosion?”

  “Make way for Miss Megumin, first among the spell-casters of Axel and she who reduces all to ash!”

  …What the hell?

  When I really concentrated, I could see a huge crater in the distance.

  “At first, everyone was really close, so Megumin couldn’t use her magic, right?” Aqua said. “But as things got worse and worse for them, the Demon King’s army started to fall back. Finally, the enemy commander goes: ‘This battle was just the start! One day we’ll be back with a much bigger army, and we’ll turn this place to ash!’ And then they tried to run away…”

  “And then it was awesome! Miss Megumin planted an explosion right in the middle of the fleeing troops, all, ‘My name is Megumin! First among the spell-casters of Axel and master of Explosion! It shall be you who are reduced to ash…!’ Just awesome!”

  “Yeah, have you ever seen anything cooler? It’s incredible how she used up her entire supply of MP just to cast that one spell for us!”

  Megumin, who rode on that stretcher like she was on the shrine float at a festival, seemed more than pleased to be treated like this.

  “Is that so? I see! Well, such insignificant opponents could hardly be expected to stand up to my most powerful technique! After all, my Explosion has buried more than one general of the Demon King, to say nothing of Destroyer, the legendary bounty head!”

  It was incredible, all right. Incredible how much she let this go to her head while she lay on that litter.

  “So it’s true that Destroyer is gone?!”

  “What a great and powerful wizard! Miss Megumin, could you possibly show us some of your other, non-Explosion spells?”

  “Oh yeah! I want to see just how much power there is in your advanced magic!”

  “…Yes, and of course, I dearly want to show you, but sadly, I’ve used up my MP for now. So unfortunately…”

  “Of course, of course! We can wait till tomorrow, Miss Megumin!”

  “Ooh, I can’t wait till tomorrow morning!”

  “I’m gonna tell everyone to come and see!”

  “…Y-yes. But, ahem, I might be busy tomorrow… Oh, Kazuma! Thank goodness Aqua was able to bring you back to life! It must be hard for you, having just been resurrected. Why don’t you let me look after you tomorrow?”

  Megumin had gotten so carried away with herself that things were threatening to get out of hand. Frankly, I thought I’d like to see where it went.

  4

  “The knights and the adventurers are back!”

  Those words—I couldn’t tell who had shouted them—were the cue for the whole capital to erupt into a joyous welcome.

  As we headed to the castle to debrief, the townspeople sang our praises. Some bowed deeply, while others pumped their fists in the air. It brought proud smiles to the faces of the returning heroes.

  When we got to the castle, a crowd of jubilant nobles, headed up by Iris and Claire, greeted us.

  Claire, in her white suit as always, stepped out in front. “Knights and adventurers! Excellent work today! Thanks to you, the capital is safe once again. Princess Iris offers you all her profound thanks on behalf of this nation. You may expect a healthy reward!”

  That got a cheer from the adventurers.

  “In addition! A feast is being prepared for tonight to help restore you. You must be very tired after that battle. Rest yourselves until this evening, and then come back to the castle. Those who distinguished themselves will be given special rewards! That will be all—and thank you again for your fine work!”

  The cheer rose to a fever pitch, the adventurers almost wild with joy, and then they went their separate ways to decide how to pass the time until that evening.

  “Lady Dustiness, please come to the castle; tell us all about what happened…!”

  “Yes, I heard it was quite a frightful encounter…!”

  “By all means, Lady Dustiness, regale us with your deeds!”

  Darkness was immediately surrounded by nobles and shepherded off to the castle. She looked to us for help as they practically dragged her away, but as the guy who was killed by kobolds, I was feeling pretty embarrassed and didn’t want to garner any attention if I could help it.

  “Hey, Kazuma. I’m gonna kill time until the party starts by asking the people I healed if they want to join the Axis Church. They owe me for fixing them up, so I’m gonna go cash in!”

  “I’m sure they’re perfectly thankful even if you don’t ‘cash in.’ Stunts like this are why you never get new believers.”

  Aqua completely ignored me, going up to the nearest knight. As I watched her, a voice came from behind me.

  “Oh, you can let me down here. I’ll get a piggyback ride from my party member.”

  It was Megumin, of course. The knights who had been ferrying her around gently set her on the ground. From there, she beckoned to me. Does she realize I exist for more than giving her piggyback rides?

  “I just came back from the dead,” I said. “I thought you were going to take care of me?”

  “And so I shall, starting tomorrow. But for today, please indulge me. Kazuma, let’s go back to Axel tomorrow. First thing in the morning, if possible.”

  I bent down and hefted Megumin onto my back; she wrapped her arms around my neck in a familiar motion. That was when Iris came up to us wearing an innocent smile.

  “I’m so glad you’re all right, Elder Brother! Welcome home!”

  “Elder Brother?!” Megumin exclaimed.

  “Oh, Iris! I wasn’t all right for a while there, though. I actually died—but I came back to life.”

  That stopped her in her tracks, a look of amazement on her face.

  “You died?! Elder Brother, are you okay?! Come into the castle and rest up until the feast—the room you were using is just the way you left it!”

  “‘Elder Brother’ again?!”

  “Thanks. But you don’t have to worry so much. I’m alive now, no problem.”

  Megumin, meanwhile, had been making a racket right next to my ear. For some reason, the words Elder Brother seemed to bother her.

  “That’s good… Then tell me, Elder Brother, were you able to distinguish yourself in battle enough that you’ll be able to stay at the castle again?” She looked bright and cheerful and full of hope once more.

  “Er, well…I mean, even the best of us get caught by surprise sometimes, right? Things didn’t go so hot today…”

  “Oh, I see… But I’m glad you at least came back safely! And even if you didn’t do a lot of valorous deeds, you did go out and fight to defend the capital. So I’ll ask Claire again if you can stay in the castle, Elder Brother!”

  “…”

  “Thanks, Iris. But the way I died this time was really pathetic, so I don’t have much hope… Anyway, catch you tonight.”

  At that, Iris seemed incredibly sad.

  “…It seems this Iris girl has become quite fond of you in the brief time you were away,” Megumin said from my back once Iris had followed Claire into the castle.

  “I know, right? I got the little sister I’ve always wanted. Maybe I really do like ’em young.”

  “…When we get back to town, should I start calling you Big Brother?”

  “Nah, you’re my jailbait, remember? I don’t like mixing archetypes.”

  “You know, you can stop treating me like a jailbait character anytime now!”

  Perched on my back, Megumin was in the perfect position to try to strangle me as I headed for my room.

  5

  We came to the room in the castle where I had stayed, and I set Megumin down on the couch. She looked around in amazement.

  “My! This is quite a nice room. And you just stayed here while maids and butlers took care of you? I think I can see now why you didn’t want to come home.”

  “Right? There was great food, and everyone babied me. If you lived here, you wouldn’t want to come home, either. Ah, but I didn’t manage to do anything noteworthy in the battle. I guess we’ll have to go home tomorrow…”

  I took off my equipment and sat on the bed, kicking my feet aimlessly.

  Megumin, still tired from a lack of MP, said, “…But I think that may be for the best. As much as I’ve enjoyed our upscale life in the capital, I think I prefer our lives in Axel. Everyone going on quests together, our impassioned arguments… The four of us can all be together again, starting tomorrow.” And she gave her most genuine smile.

  “Oh! Y-yeah, you’re right. I mean, I was never that serious about wanting to stay at the castle…!” I found myself strangely agitated by her reaction. I kicked my feet a little harder to cover for myself.

  “Is that so? Are you not happy with that Iris girl?” Megumin said teasingly. She seemed to be enjoying this.

  Excuse me? Iris was never anything more than a little sister to me.

  But I’d admit, it was hard to just leave her there. She seemed so lonely—but not in quite the way that, say, Yunyun seemed lonely.

  Just then…

  “Elder Brother, could I have a moment…?”

  …Iris’s voice came through the door.

  “I’m so sorry, Elder Brother. I tried to talk to Claire, but she says you just can’t stay at the castle.”

  Iris was sitting next to Megumin, sniffling.

  “It is what it is. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to prove my worth.”

  “You don’t have to apologize, Elder Brother. You risked your life on the battlefield—in fact, you gave your life…” As she spoke, Iris looked at me with eyes full of tears. She seemed so serious, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I’d been carried off by a bunch of kobolds and beaten to death. Instead, I just returned her gaze in silence.

  The two of us sat there, looking at each other wordlessly.

  “…Have you both forgotten that I’m here?”

  “Huh?! N-no! We haven’t forgotten!”

  “Iris is right—we didn’t forget about you, Megumin! No Lolita complexes here, so don’t look at me like that! Iris is just a little sister to me; there’s nothing weird between us! …W-wait, Iris, don’t look so sad. People will get the wrong idea—in fact, I might get the wrong idea!”

  Megumin ignored my admittedly suspicious behavior, suddenly seeming to notice something.

  “Hmm? Now, there’s a princess for you—that’s quite some magical item you have. I sense far more magical power from it than you might expect. That necklace of yours—is it possible it’s on the level of a Sacred Treasure? It doesn’t look like anything made by the Crimson Magic Village. Where in the world did you get it?”

  I guess she was interested in the necklace Iris was wearing. It was of a simple design very different from those of her other accessories.

  “Oh, this? This necklace was given to my real elder brother. But since he’s away on campaign, I have it right now, as the representative of the royal family.”

  Megumin leaned in, her eyes shining. “Yes? And what power does that magical item have? It must be something impressive—that item is far more magical than average! It must be strong enough that it could potentially destroy the world!”

  Look, not everyone shares your interests…

  “No, I don’t think… Actually, we haven’t figured out exactly how to use this item yet. We believe perhaps you have to intone a specific word or phrase in order to activate it. It’s engraved with some characters that we think may represent that word, but all the king’s scholars couldn’t decode them…”

  She turned the necklace so we could see the back. Some letters were indeed carved there…

  “Huh? It’s just Japanese. ‘What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is yours. I become you!’ That’s really dumb. Who came up with this incantation?”

  It was such a random phrase. I had serious doubts about the sanity of whoever had given this divine item to some Japanese person.

  “Wha…? W-wait! Kazuma—the princess’s necklace is shining!”

  “E-Elder Brother?! I think you may have activated it…!”

  “Huh? Wh-whoa, get rid of it! Iris, take that thing off and throw it out the window!”

  I tried to pull the necklace off her neck, but the shining gem in the middle of it shot out a beam of light—!

  “Huh? Nothing happened…”

  I realized I had squeezed my eyes shut. When I heard Megumin’s voice, I opened them again.

  And I was standing in front of me.

  I was reaching out toward me with shock written all over my face.

  “How long do you two plan to stand there staring at each other? Please don’t forget I’m here again.” She sighed in exasperation, apparently ignoring the bizarre circumstances.

  “Cram it, Megumin, something really weird is going on here!”

  “My goodness, Your Highness, are we suddenly on a first-name basis? I’m older than you, so if you’re comfortable addressing Kazuma as Elder Brother, you can call me ‘Big Sis Megumin’ or ‘Elder Sister.’ For that matter, I really don’t think you should talk that way. Claire or whoever she is said she thought Kazuma was a bad influence on you, but it sounds like it’s too late now.”

  For some reason, Megumin was eyeing me like I was a naughty child.

  Then the me I was looking at waved my hands frantically. “Uh, um… Excuse me, but I’m Iris…”

  Everyone in the room went dead silent.

  “W-w-w-w-w-wait, I’m Iris now?! You mean this is—! Ahhhh! It’s really truuuuue! I’m in a dress! I’m in a frilly dress! What is this strange new feeling?! It’s like I’ve woken up to find out someone put women’s clothes on me!”

  “Elder Brother?! You’re in my body?! Please don’t do that; it’s shameful!”

  “Hang on, Iris; I see all sorts of problems here! This skirt is a disaster waiting to happen. I’ve got no confidence about my lower body! This is incredible—do women really walk around in public so defenseless?!”

  I held up the hem of the dress, but I—or rather, Iris in my body—clung to me, nearly weeping.

  “Elder Brother, no more! Please stop there!”

  “Stop?! I think I know what’s happening here, but with my skirt up and me—I mean you—I mean Kazuma—grabbing me like that, what are people going to think?!”

  At that moment, there was a knock on the door.

  “Your Highness?! I hear screaming—is something wrong?!”

  It was Claire. She must have been just outside as Iris’s bodyguard.

  I plastered myself against the door so it wouldn’t open.

  “C-Claire? It, um, it is nothing! Indeed, I was merely conversing with Elder Brother, and we became rather excited!”

  “A-are you sure? That’s all right, then, but don’t spend too long talking with that man. He speaks nothing but rubbish.”

  “I’m fine…! You may go back to…bodyguarding now!”

  Wearing a dress and trying my best to talk like a princess, I was experiencing something entirely new. I leaned against the door and slid to the ground.

  The three of us sat in a circle in the middle of the room, trying to decide what to do about these bodies.

  “Now what do we do?” I said. “I’m not exactly averse to living the rest of my life as a beautiful, pampered girl, but I admit it’s hard to let go of the body I’ve spent my entire life in. How can we get back to normal?”

  “I’m not sure, but I think you just nonchalantly said something incredible,” Megumin said. “Tell me, how are you two? No pain? Not feeling ill?”

  “No, I seem to be fine. If anything… Well, I feel big and powerful in a man’s body. I’d sort of like to go on an adventure.”

  “I’m sorry, Your Highness, but maybe you could speak just a little less politely with that mouth.” Megumin looked like she might cry.

  “Well, this is trouble. We tried the activation phrase again, but the necklace just glowed. So we can’t swap right back, and that’s bad,” I said.

  It was true; we had tried to use the necklace’s power again, but we hadn’t switched back.

  “Perhaps there’s a different phrase that undoes the spell,” Megumin said. “This is some item, though. The power to switch bodies! I’ve never heard of such a potent artifact.”

  Iris sniffed as she spoke. “What are we going to do? What if we can never go back to normal? I have to live out the rest of my life as an adventurer…? Forced out of the castle, living a wild and free life of adventure… Finding trustworthy companions, destroying one evil monster after another, traveling to places I’ve never seen…! Elder Brother, what am I going to do?! I’m not sure I would be completely unhappy if we can’t go back to normal!” She had gone from sniffling to somewhat pleased.

  “Princess, please calm down! What you’re saying is foolishness!” Megumin cried.

  True, we really couldn’t go on like this. If the magic item’s power was some form of curse, we might be able to ask Aqua to do something about it…

  Thinking of Aqua reminded me: She was the one who had given this body-swap item to some Japanese person to begin with…!

  “It’s okay! I know what this item is! It’s a particular Sacred Treasure. If anyone besides the original owner uses it, the switch only lasts for a limited time. I don’t know exactly how long, but it means we won’t be stuck like this forever.”

  That brought a sigh of relief from Megumin. Iris, though, seemed strangely conflicted.

  “So all we have to do is wait, and we’ll go back to normal. Sure hope it happens before the party tonight…” I tossed myself onto the bed, intending to sleep until then.

 

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