“Yikes! Way to freak me out. Hey, Chris! Where do you think you’re going? You’re the one who got me into this mess. Sneak into Iris’s room and put this back!”

  “No way! I’m scared! Why does your Steal always take the worst possible things? And Darkness, you’ve changed. When did you start hiding evidence? I remember how dense you used to be, but I guess you’ve learned something about getting by in the world… I can’t shake the sense that you’ve been corrupted by my lowly assistant.”

  “Wha…?! H-hang on—I know I’m not very self-aware, but have I really changed that much?! I’m more worried about the princess being corrupted…”

  Apparently, this was all shocking to her. I ignored the other two, holding the ring up to the light.

  “…No choice, I guess. When we get home, I’ll bury it in the garden or something. I don’t think anyone will find it there.”

  “Don’t be stupid! That ring was Princess Iris’s precious possession! You have to take care of it—don’t ever be without it! And also don’t ever let anyone see it!”

  “What sort of twisted game is this?! Ahhh, fine, I get it. Give me back my other treasure, too. I mean, it’s too late to return that one, either, right?”

  ““……””

  Chris and Darkness looked at each other.

  When Darkness and I arrived at the castle, I was like one of the walking dead, courtesy of the living hell I’d been through.

  “Come on, stop shuffling! You can’t slump in front of the princess!”

  “Sniff…sniff… Whyyyy? Why’d you have to burn it…? I saved this country and nobody even knew… It was my one reward…”

  “Get over yourself. You look pathetic. That ‘lighter’ or whatever of yours sure came in handy. Yeah… I could see this being useful.”

  “I didn’t make it to do that, though! Sniff…sniff… My treasure…!”

  I’d meant to keep the book for myself, but the two of them had burned it in front of me. I couldn’t summon the energy to do anything at all.

  Chris said she was going to make herself scarce before somebody decided to be a hero and arrest the silver-haired thief. She said she would come back to Axel when she was good and ready, so I’d probably see her again. Maybe it hadn’t worked out so well, but I actually enjoyed partnering up with her, just a little. When they find out who I am and put out an arrest warrant for me, maybe we really should form a Righteous Thief Brigade.

  All this was running through my mind as I followed Darkness through the castle. Finally, she stopped in front of Iris’s room.

  “…It’ll only be trouble if I bring you in there looking like you do now. I’ll explain about the Sacred Treasure. You just wait here.”

  “What’d you even bring me for, then? I’m not in a very good mood right now. If you dragged me all the way out here just to leave me standing in a hallway, I might end up wandering the castle, and who knows what I’d do then?”

  “What are you, a kid?! Fine, but don’t cause any trouble! I plan to explain the dangers of the Sacred Treasure and tell them that the righteous thief’s goal was to save Princess Iris—it’s almost the truth. If you screw this up, believe me, it won’t go easy for you!”

  I shoved past Darkness as she blathered on and opened the door to the room.

  “You stupid, stupid—! What kind of person doesn’t even knock?! …Your Highness, it’s me! Lalatina! We need to talk to you, urgently!”

  Darkness and I entered the room to find…

  “Well, it was easy peasy for me! I sealed that Sacred Treasure right up, and now no one can use it again. So relax! Sheesh, those thieves didn’t know what they were in for!”

  “As a member of the Crimson Magic Clan, expert in all things magical, I offer my assurances as well. That was quite the impressive Sacred Treasure, but no one else can use it now. In other words, this case is open-and-shut!”

  Aqua and Megumin stood there in front of Iris and her entourage, looking awfully pleased with themselves despite the fact that they didn’t really do much this time.

  Lain breathed a sigh and said with a relieved smile, “Nothing less from Miss Aqua and Miss Megumin! That really puts my mind at ease. When you told me about the item’s true power, Miss Aqua, I was as pale as a ghost!”

  “But what do you think those burglars wanted? Their reputation among the populace wouldn’t suggest they meant to misuse the item, but… Hmm? Lady Dustiness and…you.”

  Claire, for her part, didn’t sound any nicer than usual.

  Aqua, it appeared, had already told them how dangerous the Sacred Treasure was.

  “I investigated that Sacred Treasure and learned that it is in fact immensely dangerous. We came to warn you, but it looks like there’s no need,” Darkness said, apparently relieved not to have to go through with her little act.

  Then, from the center of the clump of people, Iris spoke. “Do you suppose those two came to help me? That they knew about the necklace’s true power and believed that if they made the danger known, someone might put it to evil purposes?” For some reason, she was staring right at me as she spoke.

  Is this the part where it turns out she knows the thief’s true identity?

  “Your Highness, I’m sure you’re overthinking it. I know they call those thieves righteous, but even a burglar with a conscience wouldn’t deliberately put himself in danger just for something like that.” Claire closed her eyes, almost regretfully. “If one did, I would have to admit he was a very impressive man.” A note of respect mingled with the regret. Claire had become pretty much my least favorite person, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit of newfound affection for her at this.

  “Who do you suppose those two really were, though?” Lain asked. “I like to think I’m well acquainted with our higher-level adventurers, but I can’t think of anyone quite as capable as them. Especially that masked man… I only faced him for a moment, but he was able to destroy my staff from a great distance.”

  Yikes. I love a good pat on the back, but this is getting awkward.

  “Yes! That masked man!” Megumin said. “He was very cool, was he not? That mask and black outfit—a man after my own heart! Next time I see him, I must get an autograph!”

  “M-Miss Megumin, you might remember that we’re talking about a criminal! …But I have to admit, he was something else. He stopped Master Mitsurugi in the blink of an eye, to say nothing of about half the royal knights, even though he wasn’t so much as carrying a weapon…”

  Megumin and Claire both sighed wistfully.

  Well, crap. What do I do? I really want to brag that it was me all along.

  “Kazuma, what’s going on? That smirk on your face is giving me the creeps.” Aqua was still cradling the bottle of wine. One of these days I was going to have to take it from her.

  Aqua’s words caused Claire to fix me with a glare. “She’s right. What are you grinning about? You missed your big chance to catch the thief. Not that I think you would have lasted a minute against that masked man. Ah… Why did someone like that have to become a thief? If only he wasn’t a criminal, he would be more than welcome here… I wish I could meet him again…” She blushed ever so slightly as she said this, the first girlish act of behavior I had ever seen from her.

  So was she going to condemn me or praise me to the heavens? I wished she would make up her mind.

  …Then Iris threw in her two cents: “Yes, that righteous thief really was manly, wasn’t he?” As she spoke, she fixed me with a stare.

  Wait a second. What’s going on here? She really must have figured it out…right?

  “This is just my own flight of fancy,” Iris said, “but I’m convinced those two thieves really did do all that because they were worried for me. I’m afraid I may have…fallen rather in love…”

  Okay. Definitely time to reveal my true identity.

  Darkness noticed me digging in my bag, ready to pull out the mask, and made a vigorous finger-across-the-throat gesture to cut me off. I was about to hit her with Drain Touch to keep her out of my way, when—

  “I wonder where he is now? My silver-haired chief…!”

  I let my hand drop back to my side. Of course that was who she was talking about!

  Iris looked at me as I stood there, frozen. Her face flushed. She lowered her eyes to the ground, her narrow shoulders shaking.

  …Hey, she’s not laughing, is she?

  Then the shaking stopped, and she looked up again. She saw my irritation. Her voice trembled just a bit:

  “E-Elder Brother. May I ask…one thing of you?”

  “Y-Your Highness?” Claire seemed confused by the electrified atmosphere.

  Other than dragging me here in the first place, Iris had never shown any sign of selfishness toward me. Now her fist was clenched, her face serious, as though she had come to some decision.

  But just as she was about to speak, Darkness said, “Your Highness. Before you make your wish known, there’s something I want to say to you.”

  Everyone looked at her. Darkness dropped to one knee but shot a glance at me. “This man, Kazuma Satou, has bested many generals of the Demon King. It may even be he who one day defeats the Demon King himself. It is an immensely difficult task, one no ordinary person could achieve… Please, when you speak, bear in mind the challenges he already faces.”

  Whoa, where had this come from? She thought I might defeat what?

  “Defeat the Demon King? Really? Elder Brother, do you truly seek to topple the evil ruler?” Iris, too, seemed completely serious.

  No, I don’t! That’s obviously completely impossi—

  “Well, uh, I mean, if the opportunity comes up, then maybe…I could, you know…think about it? I guess?”

  I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say it to her face.

  Behind her, Claire snorted as if this was the stupidest thing she had ever heard.

  But…

  “I see… I’m sure you can do it, Elder Brother. Please give everything you’ve got to defeating the Demon King. I wish you every success!”

  And then Iris smiled as wide as the sky, and no one was able to say anything at all.

  I take that back. One person was.

  “Elder Brother this, Elder Brother that! Why don’t you just stop it already? You have an actual elder brother, you know! Get all sweet and cozy with him! I can’t help feeling oddly threatened by that form of address! One day I am going to bury the Demon King—Kazuma need not even be there!”

  It was Megumin, who was very worked up for some reason.

  “W-well, Elder Brother is Elder Brother! If I call Elder Brother ‘Elder Brother,’ what’s wrong with that? And anyway, it would be pointless for you to defeat the Demon King; I want Elder Brother to do it!”

  “I told you to stop using that name, and you immediately used it five times! That amounts to throwing down the gauntlet!”

  “Y-you wanna go?! I’m w-warning you, the royal family is very strong!”

  Darkness and Claire rushed to separate them before things could get any worse.

  “Quit it, Megumin! Weren’t you best friends with Princess Iris just the other day? And now you’re starting a fight?! What’s gotten into you?”

  “Your Highness, please calm down! You’ve never even been in a fight before—what’s gotten into you?”

  I tried to calm her down by changing the subject. “So what was it you wanted to ask me for? Go ahead, anything at all.”

  I was actually pretty curious. What with the way she’d been acting, maybe she would ask me to stay in the castle…!

  “Oh yeah… My wish…”

  She was the one who had brought it up in the first place, but now she paused, almost as if she had to think about it.

  “Our game isn’t over yet. I hope you’ll have another round with me sometime.”

  And then she smiled like a mischievous little girl.

  Interlude

  The Voracious Noble and the Broken Demon

  I could hear an occasional asthmatic wheezing in the musty basement. An unsettling sound, every time.

  “Max? Get up, Max!”

  I gave the wheezing form a swift kick, and he sat up as if nothing had happened.

  “Wheeze…wheeze… O-oh, it’s you, Alderp. Need something from me? Ahh, you’re letting off a lovely aura today, as always, Alderp.”

  He was mocking me—it was obvious. Almost without thinking, I kicked the demon again.

  A demon: Yes, that’s what this disgusting thing was.

  At first glance, he appeared to be a young man, his features almost intimidatingly shapely, but his expressionless face, as if drained of all emotion, never failed to send nameless shivers running down my spine.

  “Why would I ever come down here if I didn’t need something from you? I have a job for you. Some thief stole my Sacred Treasure and sealed it up, to boot. I want you to get it back and break the seal. Understand?”

  “Wheeze…wheeze… Alderp, Alderp! That’s impossible, Alderp! I don’t even know where it is, and normally it’s impossible to seal a Sacred Treasure. If it was really sealed, then I have no chance of— Hrk?!”

  As he blathered excuses at me, I kicked him again.

  “Are you saying you can’t even do this, you worthless lout?! When exactly will you be able to grant my wish? Lalatina! Hurry up and bring me Lalatina! Why is that so hard?!”

  “Wheeze…wheeze…wheeze…wheeze…”

  Again and again I kicked him; he covered his disgusting face and curled into a ball.

  This fool of a demon. This absolute fool.

  He had no ability to remember, so he forgot my orders the moment I gave them.

  Argh… That Sacred Treasure, at least, I had to get back. Everything had been going so well for so long that I got lax, let my guard down.

  I pushed too hard. I should never have tried to go straight for the prince’s body.

  That was my chance: switch bodies with a prince who was engaged to marry Lalatina, and I would obtain everything I had always wanted. I leaped at the chance, at the opportunity to get all of it at once, and as a result, some thief stole my Sacred Treasure and now here I was.

  If I’d given it directly to the prince, I would only have had to recite the incantation and then destroy this body for all of it to be mine. I couldn’t stop cursing myself, but now the first thing was to find out where the item went.

  Sigh… If I’d known things were going to turn out this way, I wouldn’t have waited around. I would have just switched bodies with my son, Balter, and been done with it…

  If I don’t get that item back, there will have been no point to my bothering to take him in. I worked hard to find an intelligent child with a bright future. If only he could have successfully concluded the betrothal to Lalatina, I wouldn’t have had to go to such dangerous lengths…

  “Lalatina! Lalatina! You are mine, Lalatina! Do you know how long I’ve watched you?!” I shouted into the dim basement, letting my anger at having lost the item carry me away.

  The disturbing demon began to get excited. “Wheeze! Wheeze! You’re wonderful, Alderp! Ever loyal to your appetites, twisted and cruel—I like you very much, Alderp! I want to grant your wish quickly, Alderp; I want to receive my reward! Now set me to work, Alderp! Tell me what you wish, Alderp! Alderp!”

  Truly worthless. Even if he granted my wish, he’d immediately forget he did so. If it weren’t so easy to bilk him on his reward, I would summon some other monster.

  I held a round stone in my hand. A Sacred Treasure that allowed me to summon and control a random monster. I caressed the stone.

  “I have only one wish! Bring me Lalatina! She belongs to me!”

  How many times had I told him what my wish was? I had lost track. But now, I told him once again.

  Epilogue 1 — A Hero’s Reward

  As the magic circle from Lain’s Teleport spell vanished, the room turned quiet. I couldn’t believe what a difference there was with and without those people.

  I stared at the spot where the magic circle had been. “Your Highness,” Claire said, “please don’t…don’t be too upset.”

  She went on. “I admit that since that man came, you truly seemed to be enjoying yourself; you seemed truly happy. But that man… He’s from another world. If you became too attached to a particular member of the opposite sex, it would only be painful for both of you when you were finally married, as princess. I will accept your rebuke. But please understand why it had to be this way…”

  Claire closed her eyes and bowed her head deeply. Beside her, Lain, too, was looking at the floor.

  “I’m all right. Please, both of you, look at me.”

  The two women slowly raised their heads. The pained looks they both wore told me of their care for me, as well as their resolve.

  I felt no resentment toward them. I didn’t even see a need for such a feeling.

  I stretched out my left hand, looking at my fingers. One spot on my ring finger was lighter than the rest of my skin. The ring that had been there for so long had kept it from getting tanned.

  The sight of me staring at my empty finger seemed to trigger some guilt in Claire and Lain, because they burst out:

  “I-I’m very sorry! We lacked the strength to keep you from losing your precious ring…!”

  “Whatever can we do to make up for this failure…?!”

  I wasn’t exactly unhappy about the loss.

  “Both of you did your best. A number of capable adventurers were staying in the castle that night, so I suspect the ring would have been stolen no matter who was in command. I’ll talk to my father when he gets home to ensure there’s no need to place blame. So please don’t look so distraught.”

  Claire was making herself smaller and smaller as I spoke. She was very talented, but she did tend to be too serious. I was hoping she might relax a little after working with him for a while. The way Lalatina had.

 

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