“H-hang on a second! Just a minute! Iris said she really wanted to hear—”

  “How dare you! You, a lowly adventurer, presume to refer to Her Highness without so much as a title of respect? You will call her ‘Your Highness’! And you will speak to her with proper formality!”

  G-geez, this lady’s a pain!

  “Stand down, Claire. I told Master Kazuma that he could call me by my name, and further that he should speak naturally to me. B-but anyway. Master Kazuma, what did… What did Lalatina do, naked and embarrassed and with your towel? You must tell me!”

  “No, Your Highness! You mustn’t listen to such stories, and Master Kazuma, you mustn’t tell them to her! A-anyway, surely the rumors that you and Lady Dustiness were in the bath together are—are only rumors, aren’t they?”

  The princess had been lying on the bed, her fists clenched in eager anticipation of the outcome of my tale. She urged me to continue. I sat on a chair and spoke to White Suit, aka Claire, who seemed every bit as intent on hearing my story as Her Highness was.

  “I haven’t said a single untrue thing. If you don’t believe me—well, a castle this big must have one of those, you know, those bells like they use in big-city police stations during interrogations to find out if you’re telling the truth. The ones that ring when you tell a lie? You could bring in one of those if you want.”

  That seemed to convince her I was telling the truth. For the moment, Claire put her sword away, but she glared at me and said, “Let’s say I believe you. I admit I’ve done nothing but doubt you since our meeting at Lady Dustiness’s manor. But all the same, I must ask you not to tell Princess Iris such stories!”

  “I’m of the impression that the decision of whether or not to listen to my stories is Princess Iris’s to make. Surely Her Highness’s handmaiden is not the one to mete out orders. Consider her royal disappointment at being interrupted just when she was listening with such interest! Go on, scat! I’m gonna finish my story, so beat it!”

  “You think I’d let you finish a story like that? And I am no mere handmaiden! I am Claire, eldest daughter of the Sinfonia family, a house no less noble than that of the Dustinesses, who seem to be so fond of you. I am Princess Iris’s bodyguard, and…”

  She started babbling on about her accomplishments. I ignored her, instead saying to Iris, “Well, if White Suit here says that story is off-limits, how about a different one?”

  “Wh-White Suit! You barbarian, you shall refer to me as Lady Claire! Argh, I am so sick of you! I can’t imagine how much Lady Dustiness must suffer every day…”

  Claire’s aggressive attitude must have registered with the princess, because with evident disappointment, she said, “I guess we don’t have a choice… It’s a shame, but we’ll have to postpone the rest until another time.”

  This obedient declaration earned a sigh of relief from Claire. I see—I guess Iris really is a good little girl most of the time.

  “All right, something else, then. Once Darkness and I had a duel, and whoever lost would have something awful done to them. So let me tell you what happened when I won…”

  “Y-y-yes, absolutely! I want to hear that one!”

  “A-absolutely not! Your Highness, you must not listen to this man! He is a bad, bad man!”

  3

  It must have been past midnight. Claire had been listening to my stories along with the princess, blowing up at me, then blowing up at me again, and finally, for a change, blowing up at me. It kept her very busy.

  But all that rage must have finally tired her out, because she had collapsed on the bed where the princess sat and fallen asleep.

  As for the princess, my stories must have really struck a chord with her, because she was still listening intently, showing no signs of getting sleepy. We had really hit it off, and formalities were out the window. However, I had long ago run out of both my own stories and those about my friends.

  “Really? Tell me more about this ‘culture festival’ at this ‘school’ of yours!”

  “More? Well, it’s just for kids about your age, Iris, and they do all these presentations. Like, some of them might set up a pretend café.”

  Our conversation had turned to the country I’d come from. I just told her it was somewhere very far away, omitting the fact that it was also in another world. The princess seemed awfully jealous just hearing about my life at school; she had never even seen Japan, but she already looked like someone thinking fondly of home.

  There were no monsters; kids her age got to study and play in peace every day. It was a life that had seemed totally boring to me, but for her…

  “Your country sounds like so much fun! It’s like something out of a dream. I can’t believe it… But trying to run a pretend café with people my age? What do they do when some derelict comes in and says he won’t pay? And isn’t that an awful lot of people working one location? Do they really make enough profit to cover everyone’s salary?”

  She seemed to think I’d had a life worth envying.

  I smiled at the princess—she was so much younger than me. “The point of the ‘café’ is to have fun. They’re not really out to make money. It’s…almost like playing make-believe. Everyone wears their school uniforms and tries to attract customers. It’s all in good fun.”

  The princess looked more envious than ever—but also just a little sad. And I guess that made sense.

  This girl was royalty. She had no commoner friends, and she’d never been to school.

  In this world, it seemed like no one except the highly intelligent Crimson Magic Clan, with their unique culture, had compulsory education. It wasn’t on a big scale, but the clan did make sure everybody attended school from the time they were small. From that perspective, maybe they really were ahead of the curve.

  …Even if they were also completely insane.

  “School…,” the princess whispered, longing in her voice.

  I said casually to her, “If you like the idea that much, how about you start a school here? I’ll bet it couldn’t hurt. And it would definitely help the nation as a whole.”

  Just for a second, the princess looked like she was going to say something, but then she stopped.

  …?

  As I was wondering what was going on, a clanging bell shattered the night’s quiet. It caused Claire to spring up from where she was sleeping. She collected herself quickly despite the rude awakening.

  “…Ugh, again?” she muttered, then jumped off the bed and rushed out of the room.

  What? What again?

  Before I could ask, a voice boomed through the town. It sounded like the emergency quest announcements we occasionally got in Axel.

  “Demon King army attack warning! Demon King army attack warning! All knights, sortie immediately. All adventurers are to help preserve public order. Come to the center of town and prepare to repel any monster attack. All high-level adventurers, we request your cooperation!”

  The announcement had brought a sad smile to the princess’s face.

  “You see how it is. We don’t have the leisure to focus on schooling,” she murmured.

  Then I remembered something Aqua had said to me before we came to this world.

  She’d told me things were tough here because of some guy called the Demon King.

  4

  “The night attack by the Demon King has been repelled. We thank all adventurers for their cooperation. Compensation will be offered to all those who participated in the battle. Please stop by the desk at the Adventurer’s Guild to claim your reward.”

  The announcement came less than an hour after Claire had run out of the room. They’d dealt with things surprisingly quickly. But this was supposed to be the capital of this country. If the Demon King could just launch a night attack any old time he wanted—didn’t that speak to a pretty dire tactical situation?

  What were all the reincarnated cheaters from Japan doing? They needed to step it up!

  I guess they probably wouldn’t want to hear that from me, given how little help I would be to them. Sheesh! I’d love to just leave the front lines behind me…

  Maybe the look on my face gave me away.

  “…Thank you for such a pleasant chat. Once the sun rises, you can have Lain take you back to your town. Would you apologize to Lalatina for me? I did take you away without asking… We’re not exactly on the front lines of the war with the Demon King, but attacks like this do occur from time to time. It’s not entirely safe.”

  It almost sounded like the princess was concerned for me.

  Even if I stuck around, I couldn’t protect this city. I couldn’t even help. I felt bad for the princess, but it would be best for me to get out of the line of fire as quickly as I could.

  “Thank you for going along with my bout of selfishness today, Master Kazuma,” Iris said. “Perhaps you could…tell me more adventure stories some other time?” She gave me a girlish smile.

  Damn, she’s pretty cute.

  She spent all her time surrounded by servants and officials, never having any friends her own age to play with. I guess a story now and again wouldn’t hurt…

  Her lovely, innocent face left me feeling a bit awkward. I smiled back at her, trying to hide it.

  “Well, sure. To be honest, I’m pretty much a coward, so I’d like to go home as soon as I can. But for you? I’ll make sure to do lots of interesting things, and then I’ll come tell you about them.”

  She looked at me, genuinely thrilled. “Hee-hee! Thank you. Somehow…you…remind me of how my older brother used to be. I do have an older brother, you know, but in a royal family, even close relatives turn formal after a certain point. He and I don’t talk like this anymore… The truth is, I wish you could stay a little longer, but it wouldn’t be fair to ask any more of you…”

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” She’d said it so casually.

  With some embarrassment, she answered, “…Huh? Er, um…I…I really wish you could stay a little longer…”

  But that wasn’t what I’d been asking about.

  “I…I said this is how it used to be with my older brother…”

  “That. Kindly say that again, please.”

  “Y-you remind me of my elder brother,” she said hesitantly.

  “Not so formally, if you don’t mind.”

  Then she said it.

  “You’re like my big brother…”

  I decided to stay at the castle.

  5

  Tok, tok.

  A knock came at my door, a thoughtful knock that wasn’t so loud as to upset the person in the room. I opened my eyes at the sound, confused to find myself in a strange place.

  “Master Kazuma, are you awake? I’ve brought your breakfast.” The voice on the other side of the door jogged my memory of the events of the previous night.

  That’s right. I had decided to live in this castle, starting today.

  “Good morning. I’m up.”

  That brought an acknowledgment from the other side of the door, and then a white-haired old man in a tuxedo appeared. I sat up in bed, and the old probably-a-butler wheeled in a cart loaded with food.

  Let’s call him Sebastian.

  “For breakfast today, we have Lesser Dragon bacon and fried eggs and a vegetable salad with plenty of fresh asparagus. Please choose any bread you like to go with it. The vegetables for the salad were picked just this morning. Asparagus has a high Attack value, so please take care that it doesn’t bite back.”

  The old man set the food by the side of my bed while running down a menu that offered any number of chances for a smart remark. It was shocking enough to think that a dragon, the king of any fantasy world, might show up in bacon form, but powerful, aggressive asparagus was unsettling, too.

  Maybe I should start with the easiest food. That would be the eggs.

  And so, with impeccably poor grace, I leaned over in bed and speared the fried eggs with my fork.

  “Kyuu!”

  …Kyuu?

  I froze when the eggs gave a cry. Slowly, I looked down at my plate, but at that moment, another knock came at the door.

  “Come in,” I said, giving up on the eggs. The door opened gently.

  “G-good morning…”

  There, half-hidden in the shadow of the door, stood Iris, speaking softly and acting a little embarrassed. She looked over at me but hesitated to come in.

  Well, this is a new side of her. I wonder what’s going on.

  The women in my circle surely would have stood in front of the door crying, kicked it down, or threatened to blow it up with magic if I didn’t come out.

  “Good… Good morning, Your Highness. We were talking until quite late last night—I’m surprised to see you up so early.”

  “Um, so long as we’re in the castle, I’d be happy if you wouldn’t be so formal with me, if possible…”

  We exchanged these hesitant greetings, then looked at each other awkwardly. I had been less formal yesterday, but that was in the middle of the night, and there had been kind of a weird tension between us.

  Iris seemed to be a little calmer, too, now that it was morning. She was shooting me little glances, looking a bit embarrassed.

  “You think? Okay, let’s go again.”

  “Right! G-good morning, Big, um, Big Brother…!”

  Big Brother! Those words made the tension rise in spite of the early hour, but if I made a stir about it, I would frighten Iris. Minding my gentlemanly manners, I got out of bed and gave her an indulgent smile. Maybe my mature behavior made her feel shy, because she went just a little bit red. It was adorable.

  “Morning, Iris.”

  “…Um, thank you, but…please put on some pants…”

  Once I was fully dressed and had eaten, I went on a walk through the castle with Iris.

  “You’ve got it all wrong, Iris—I swear I’m not some kind of weirdo. I just didn’t have any pajamas, so I was sleeping in my underwear this one night…”

  “I understand! I know that now, so could you please stop talking about it, Elder Brother?”

  Iris hadn’t called me Big Brother since the events of that morning. It was Elder Brother now, a term with a definite sense of distance.

  When I asked what I should be doing in the castle, I was given to understand that I should just talk about things that Iris didn’t know or that might catch her interest.

  “So I should kind of think of myself as your teacher, then.”

  “No, you shouldn’t. Claire and Lain are my teachers. You’re more of—maybe a playmate?”

  Beside me, Iris’s apologetic voice grew smaller and smaller, and finally she looked at the ground.

  This girl was the most important person in the castle at the moment, so I wished she would be a little clearer on what she wanted. Maybe I could do something about this shyness. Iris had finished higher education, which made her strangely adult—maybe she was trying to be considerate toward those around her. She well understood how much power the royal family held and how much consternation she could cause for those around her with just a single self-indulgent demand.

  Lain, the mage, had said that dragging me to this castle was the first selfish thing the princess had ever done. Apparently, she’d done it partly as a way to get back at Darkness, but at the same time, if all I had to do was be the royal playmate in order to earn a rich life in the castle, well, that didn’t sound so bad.

  Lost in conversation, Iris and I found ourselves at the castle gardens. There were some parasols set up there, along with chairs and a table with a board game on it.

  “Actually, I don’t have any lessons today, so I thought perhaps we could play this game together…” Her invitation was hesitant, as if she was afraid I might refuse.

  I sat down and started lining pieces up on the board. “I’m not one of your servants, Iris, so don’t expect me to let you win after putting up a little fight. When I play, I play for real. They haven’t yet made a game I’ve lost at. You sure you wanna do this?”

  “! Y-yes! That’s just what I want! Nobody in the castle will ever play against me—maybe they think they’re being polite. But I don’t mind losing! I really don’t, so please, give it everything you’ve got!”

  “I like your spirit! Now, you won’t cry when I beat you, right? If you do, I bet I’ll get in a lot of trouble. Okay, here we go! If we’re really being serious, then we should start by wishing our opponent luck. Good luck!”

  “Good luck!”

  Then I made my first move…!

  “Uh… Um, it’s getting dark out. Do you think maybe we could stop for today?”

  “As if! Think you’re gonna win and then just ditch me? I told you, when I play, I play for real! I finally know all your little quirks, so now it’s just a matter of time till I beat you. Oh, and incidentally, don’t hold back just ’cause you want to wrap up, okay? If you let me win, I’ll know!”

  “I know I was the one who wanted to play in the first place, but you can be an awfully annoying person, Elder Brother!”

  “Whatever! I hate this stupid game anyway! One of my party members loves this game, but every time I get teleported, it drives me nuts!”

  “Well, saying that to me doesn’t help much, does it?”

  As we sat there arguing over the game board, Claire came running up to us, her face pale.

  “I come back from getting dinner ready, and what do I find?! How dare you speak to the princess that way! Acknowledge your defeat like a man and come eat dinner before it gets cold! It isn’t your place to cause trouble for Princess Iris!”

  “Damn it all! Thanks a lot, Claire. We’ll finish this tomorrow! And I’ll win for sure!”

  “You child! You’re being such a child, Elder Brother!”

  “Elder Brother?! Y-Your Highness, do you mean him?!”

  Only the heated argument between Claire and me disturbed the tranquil, aristocratic atmosphere of the castle.

  And that was how I became the princess’s playmate.

 

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