“…Ah, ahem… ‘I can’t believe someone of the weakest class could best someone as handsome as Mitsurugi. Surely you aren’t lying to me, a member of the royal family? His fame as a Sword Master and bearer of a magic blade is known throughout the capital. I seriously doubt a novice of the weakest class defeated him. Especially with his being so handsome.’ So… So says Her Highness. And I concur. He is quite handsome.”

  “All right, listen, I’m a pretty laid-back guy, but if you keep flapping your gums, I’m gonna give you a spanking.” I was getting pretty fed up with all the talk of “handsome” this and “handsome” that, especially seeing as it wasn’t a word that was being used to describe me, and I lost my head a little. Yes: I acted just like I always do, completely forgetting I was dealing with royalty.

  This immediately made White Suit very upset.

  “You lout! How dare you speak that way to Her Highness!” Even as she shouted, her sword was already in her hands.

  Oh, crap!

  “My humblest apologies for my companion’s impetuousness! This man has no sense of civility whatsoever, so please, for my sake, have mercy on him! His proud record in battle is the truth—isn’t that what Princess Iris came to hear about? To then punish him for it—well, think of your reputation…!” Darkness was furiously bowing her head.

  At that, the princess whispered to White Suit.

  “Princess Iris proclaims that in deference to the Dustiness family, which has served our kingdom so long and so faithfully, she will let this affront go unpunished. But her mood has been soured. She will offer a proper reward for these adventure stories. The weakling-class liar is advised to take it and go.”

  Geez, that hurts!

  Darkness had really saved my skin. But the way they’d spoken to me had just begged for a comeback—how dare they get so angry when I obliged? I was just about to up and leave when…

  “Eeeyow, ow, ow! Hey, Megumin, what are you—?!”

  The shout came from Darkness. Apparently, our wizard had gone from playing with Darkness’s braid to giving it an angry pull. I found myself going as pale as Darkness. Megumin probably valued her companions more than anyone else in our party.

  When everyone else had been running from Sylvia in Crimson Magic Village, and Megumin heard that fleeing would mean only more trouble for us later, she was the one who faced our opponent—a general of the Demon King—head-on. She had a tradition of never refusing a fight and was by far the most short-tempered and least patient of all of us. Given the situation, I was certain trouble was brewing.

  “…”

  Megumin was silent at first, adding several additional violent tugs on Darkness’s braid. As if that was all it took to make her feel better, she then let go of Darkness’s hair and returned to the business of eating.

  Geez, and here I was terrified she was about to be all, Just you say that again! or something. Talk about anticlimactic.

  While the princess and White Suit still stood in shock, Darkness, sounding mystified, said, “…Megumin, you’ve been awfully well behaved today. I was sure you were about to blow something up…”

  Megumin silently brought some food to her mouth, chewed it, and swallowed. Only then did she say quietly, “If I were by myself, I would certainly not hold back. But if I caused trouble here, it would only make more problems for you, Darkness.”

  And then she resumed eating. We stared at her.

  Darkness was silent for a moment. Then she stood in place and bowed to the princess. “My apologies, Your Highness, but I humbly ask you to take back what you said about this man being a liar. Exaggerate he surely does, but nothing he’s said is untrue. And he may be the weakest class, but when you really need him, he can be counted on more than anyone I know. I implore you, Princess, reconsider what you’ve said and apologize to him.”

  White Suit stiffened at this. “Miss Dustiness, are you suggesting Princess Iris would apologize to a mere commoner?”

  This time it was the princess who stood. Then she spoke, loudly enough that even I could hear her.

  “I will not apologize. If you say he is no liar, then have him tell me how he defeated Mitsurugi. If he can’t, then he’s nothing but a weak, foul—?!”

  She was cut off in the middle of her tirade by a slap from Darkness.

  “What are you doing, Miss Dustiness?!” White Suit stood openmouthed before flinging herself at Darkness in a white-hot rage.

  “Oh! D-don’t…!” Iris stuttered, but she was too quiet for White Suit to hear. The woman’s sword came down at Darkness…

  “?!”

  …and, to our collective horror, bit into her pale arm with a dull sound. Bright-red blood erupted from it, covering Darkness and the princess, along with White Suit.

  White Suit didn’t move—or rather, couldn’t. She had probably meant to cut Darkness’s arm clean off, but instead the blow had only nicked the skin and muscle.

  Not sparing a glance for White Suit, who looked on in astonishment, Darkness silently turned to the princess.

  That was our Crusader, and boy, was she tough. Maybe the toughest in the whole kingdom.

  “I apologize for my rudeness, Your Highness. But this man has fought well and done many great deeds, and I am not simply covering for him. He has no obligation to explain his victory over Mitsurugi, nor do you have any right to deride him if he doesn’t.”

  Darkness spoke quietly, patting the princess’s reddened cheek, almost as though she were gently lecturing a child—with her arm bleeding the whole time.

  Iris looked at her in total shock. I stood and spoke to White Suit, who was still looking on in pale-faced amazement.

  “…Okay, fine. My friends have worked so hard to stick up for me, I guess I should come clean. I’ll show you how I defeated Mitsurugi. But it’s not very cool, okay?”

  The woman’s eyes went even bigger at that, but she resumed her fighting stance, sword in hand.

  “That’s enough! Enough, Claire! Stop this!” The princess’s voice was almost a scream. The overwhelming sense of tension I had felt from her just moments before was gone. What had caused her to change so quickly? Maybe she was just a spoiled little girl?

  “…If you want to, I won’t stop you. Do it, Kazuma. It’s not like you’re gonna lose, right?” Darkness laughed, egging me on, even as she pressed one hand to her wound.

  I leaped at White Suit. “Damn straight! Think of everyone I’ve fought! Magic sword guys and Demon King’s generals and bounty hunters! They’re my bread and butter! You know what comes next—Steal!!”

  White Suit obviously had no idea what was coming. I would steal her sword, and then…!

  …I would stand here awkwardly, apparently.

  Instead, I apologized to her in a small voice. “Sorry. I’ll… I’ll give these back…”

  “Huh? You’ll— Oh… Ahhhhh!”

  The white-suited woman dropped her sword as she desperately checked her lower body. I held out a pair of white panties, embarrassed.

  “You impossible, impossible man! Why can’t you ever just be cool for a change?!”

  9

  “I’m…sorry about what happened…”

  White Suit was apologizing to us. Beside her, the princess had buried her face in White Suit’s arm as if she was trying to hide.

  “Pay it no mind,” Darkness said. “We were impertinent as well. As you can see, we were able to heal my wound without so much as a scar. I think it would be best if we all considered this water under the bridge.” She smiled sweetly as she spoke.

  That brought an embarrassed tinge to White Suit’s cheeks. Apparently, neither she nor the princess really cared anymore how I had beaten Mitsurugi.

  “…Just the same, to heal an injury like that in the blink of an eye… You must have a truly gifted Arch-priest,” White Suit said, glancing at Aqua, who was stretched out on the table.

  I’d thought Aqua was being awfully quiet, but really she had gotten drunk all by herself and was sleeping it off. We’d had to smack her awake to cure Darkness, but the moment she’d done so, she blacked out again. Oh well. If she were awake, she’d just say something obnoxious. Let sleeping goddesses lie, I guess.

  White Suit continued. “And Lady Dustiness, that toughness! And from the color of her eyes, I’m guessing your friend there is of the Crimson Magic Clan… With a party like this, I shouldn’t be surprised that you’ve taken out several generals of the Demon King. Although, well, when it comes to Mr. Kazuma…” For some reason, I was the only one she cast a dubious look at. Maybe she still hadn’t forgiven me for stealing her panties earlier.

  Then the trembling princess whispered. Not to White Suit but to her other attendant, the mage, who I’d almost forgotten about because she hadn’t spoken a word or even moved this entire time.

  “Your Highness, I think it would be better if you said that yourself. It’s all right; I’ve been watching Mr. Kazuma, and I believe he has a soft spot for people like you.”

  Wait a second—we just met, and she’s already branding me a jailbait enthusiast?

  The princess came up to me, not taking her eyes off the ground.

  “…I’m sorry I called you a liar. Will you…let me hear about your adventures again?” She was clearly embarrassed, but she managed to look at me while she spoke.

  “Gladly!”

  “Well, then. We’ll be going back to the castle now. Lady Dustiness and everyone, thank you, and we apologize for the trouble,” the mage said.

  Beside her, the princess wore an enthusiastic smile that looked much more suited to her age than her earlier expressions had.

  “No, thank you. We’re sorry we couldn’t be better hosts…” Darkness spoke with a smile on her face. “Your Highness, let’s speak again next time we’re around the castle. I promise I’ll have lots of good adventure stories for you.” This made the princess smile even wider.

  Somehow, the two of them looked like a pair of sisters, where the older one cared about the younger and the younger admired the older. Watching the pleasant scene, the mage began to chant Teleport.

  …Okay, here we go.

  “Now, then. You have all achieved a great deal, and your exploits will no doubt go down in the history of our kingdom, to be related to future generations. In recognition of your deeds, we offer you these.”

  As she spoke, White Suit took out an award certificate and some kind of pouch…

  …and gave it, not to me, but to Darkness.

  …Well, that’s just fine!

  “Goodness, thank you very much.” Darkness accepted the items with a gracious smile, then said, “All right then, Your Highness. Take care of yourself…!” She and Megumin both waved good-bye.

  “Okay, Princess. I’ll come by to tell you some more stories someday.” And I started waving, too.

  The mage had nearly finished her Teleport incantation when the princess took my arm.

  “What are you saying?” she asked with a look of confusion.

  “Teleport!”

  I closed my eyes. Light engulfed both the princess and me.

  When I could bring myself to look again, I found the girl smiling innocently, a huge castle behind her. Apparently, I’d been teleported right along with her.

  ““Your Highness?!”” White Suit and the mage exclaimed together.

  “You said you’d come by to tell me some more stories, didn’t you?” the princess said, and then she smiled at me.

  I guess that’s royalty for you. They always get what they want.

  Chapter 2

  May I Reeducate This Intelligent Girl!

  1

  The world was shrouded in darkness; it wouldn’t be unusual for most people to be in bed around this time.

  But despite the hour…

  “““Welcome back, Your Highness!”””

  A host of servants offered a greeting almost as though they’d been waiting for us.

  We were in the great hall of the castle in the center of the country’s capital. I could barely process any of it for wondering how I’d gotten myself into this. I could only follow the princess’s lead.

  She and White Suit showed me to a luxurious room on one of the castle’s upper floors. Then White Suit said she had to make a report and disappeared somewhere, leaving the princess and the mage woman and me.

  The people we had passed on the way didn’t give me any perturbed looks; they just offered a slight bow and went about their business. Not to be too self-deprecating, but are they sure they want to leave someone like me alone to wander the castle freely?

  What to do, what to do? I really wanted to go home. Never mind the fact that until just a little while ago, I’d been so taken with the princess that if she had asked me to be her personal knight, I would have seriously considered it.

  As I stood there, still panicked over my sudden kidnapping, Iris whispered to her mage. The woman nodded and then said to me with a smile:

  “‘Mr. Kazuma Satou, welcome to our castle. As you’ve been invited here as a guest, there’s no need to stand on ceremony or take undue consideration. Please make yourself at home. For the time being, this room shall be yours. Now, then. More adventure stories!’ …So sayeth the princess.”

  “I’m sorry, Miss, uh…Miss Mage. Could you, um, come here for just a second?” I retreated to one corner of the room and gestured to the mage.

  “Yes? Oh, you can call me Lain. There’s no need to be particularly formal with me. I’m a noble after a fashion but from a very small house, not worth comparing with the Dustiness family. As a friend of Lady Dustiness, you practically rank higher than me.”

  “Okay, then. Miss Lain. Can I ask you something?”

  “No need to be formal. You don’t have to afford me any special form of address at all… Anyway, yes, what is it?”

  She sounded a bit disappointed, but she was an older, noble mage, and a woman to boot. I didn’t have the nerve to call her by her name alone when we’d only just been introduced. Especially not after White Suit had spent the entire time at Darkness’s house berating me for being rude. And now I didn’t have Darkness to cover for me in the event of any faux pas. Even if Lain said it was all right, I couldn’t help hedging my bets.

  With one eye on the princess, who looked a little bored, I said quietly, “So, uh, Miss Lain. I’d like to get an explanation somewhere along the line here. I know the princess said she invited me as a guest, but…this is really a kidnapping, isn’t it?”

  “No, you’ve really been invited as a guest. Not kidnapped.”

  “I’ve totally been kidnapped!”

  Lain ignored my interjection but leaned a little closer and whispered:

  “…I can tell you, I’ve never seen the princess act this way in her entire life. She’s normally an upstanding member of the royal family and doesn’t cause trouble for anyone. And there’s no one in this castle who’s of both the right age and the right social status to play with her. Please indulge this first act of selfishness and stay to be her playmate for a while. Won’t you?”

  ……Ummm…

  “That’s not really the point. To be completely honest, I pretty much told her all my adventure stories earlier. Maybe you could be so kind as to tell her that so she’ll let me go home? Just say I’m fresh out of stories.”

  So Lain went back over to the princess and whispered all this to her.

  Eventually…

  “She says…‘I brought you here as a little bit of payback to Lalatina for slapping me.’” Beside the mage, Iris was listening to this with a certain despondence. “‘And also because you and Lalatina and your friends looked like you were having a lot of fun, and I was jealous… I’m sorry for suddenly doing something so selfish. Please, will you play with me? Even for just a few days?’”

  …Okay, that’s pretty sweet. Really, all they’re asking is for me to be the princess’s playmate for a while, right? And if I say no, she’ll just get upset, and then Darkness’s reputation will be down the drain, right? Can’t let that happen.

  “…All right. Okay, then, why don’t I tell you a little bit about Darkness…I mean, Lalatina? Miss Lain, if you could be so kind as to explain to my friends that I’m staying here for a little bit? I wouldn’t want them to worry.”

  She agreed to my request and left. Suddenly, the princess and I were alone in the opulent room.

  Well, sort of. Two female knights stood just outside the door, probably the princess’s bodyguards. But still, a lot of unsettling questions ran through my mind: Did they really want to leave a girl of her age alone at night with a young man? Especially some weirdo they’d just met and dragged here? Even if I explained this was all the princess’s doing, I couldn’t imagine the king or the other VIPs taking this lightly if they found out.

  The princess seemed to read my thoughts. She smiled and said, “My father is with my older brother and the generals, heading for the town where they’re going to make their stand against the Demon King. And nobody will get upset about a little thing like this… When it’s just the two of us, you can talk to me just like you do to Lalatina—or Darkness, I guess you call her. Please, tell me everything about life outside the castle.”

  She sat on the bed, eager to listen.

  2

  White Suit came back after she had finished delivering her reports and taking care of procedures.

  “Pardon me. Your Highness, I’ve made the arrangements. Mr. Kazuma, you’re our official guest now, so please, be at liberty here in the castle.”

  I was right at the climax of the story I was telling.

  “And then Darkness says, ‘Erg… H-how did this happen…?’ And then, naked as the day she was born, she goes around behind me, red up to her ears, takes my towel, and filled with shame, she…”

  “And? And what?!”

  “And what, indeed! Teaching Princess Iris things like that—do you want me to cut you down?!”

  White Suit took in the sight of the princess, lying on the bed listening to me with rapt attention, and jumped between us as if to cover her. Her sword was out of its scabbard as she shouted at me.

 

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