“Lady Dustiness, how is your father, Lord Ignis? You know, I served him for a time when I was young…”

  “Ah, Lady Dustiness! I shall thank Eris, the goddess of good fortune, for my meeting you here tonight! I’d heard rumors of your beauty, but never did I imagine…!”

  “The rumors don’t do you the slightest justice! You outdo even the legendary Monoctus flower, which is said to bloom just once every hundred years—and the even more legendary Moongrass! Actually, I know of a store that you would like very much. Perhaps you’d let me accompany you after the party?”

  “As if she would go with you! Your status is much too low to escort Miss Dustiness. Milady, you must let me…”

  A crowd of nobles surrounded Darkness, all offering her praise ingratiating enough to set your teeth on edge. But Darkness, being noble herself, knew how to handle it; she took in everything with a polite smile while gently rebuffing the various advances.

  “Thank you all so much for your kindness. It’s true I’m unaccustomed to parties. I hope you’ll be so kind as to understand…”

  It was enough to make me want to butt in and ask who she was and what she’d done with Darkness.

  She stood there playing the demure girl, but there was a slight twitch in her cheek. It looked like maybe she’d had about all she could take.

  But I was surprised at how popular she was. There were lots of handsome young guys around her, all golden hair and blue eyes.

  ……

  “So this is where you’ve been, Lalatina! Oh! But you’re so popular, Lalatina! Well, that dress certainly does look lovely on you, Lalatina…”

  I slid up next to her and started using her real name as often as I could. The shock caused her to spit out her mouthful of wine.

  “Cough! Ack! H-how rude!” she exclaimed. As the surrounding nobles goggled at her, Darkness, her eyes swimming, dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a handkerchief. “What brings you here so suddenly, my adventurer friend Master Kazuma Satou? Calling me by that name here will leave me most distraught. I see you like your little pranks as much as ever, but you’ll cause people to misunderstand the relationship between us.”

  Outwardly, she kept the sweet smile on her face, especially emphasizing the words adventurer friend.

  Seriously, who is this?

  Her words sent an obvious wave of relief through the gathered nobles.

  “Ha-ha, the way he suddenly called Miss Dustiness by her first name really surprised me. Now I remember, Miss Dustiness, you’re an adventurer, aren’t you? Protecting the people from monsters and indulging your own preferences at the same time. Heavens, I almost took you two to have a special relationship…”

  “You’re completely right. But I’d expect no less from one of Lady Dustiness’s companions. Gifted even at joking. I admit I’m jealous of him, being able to call Lady Dustiness by her name, even in jest.”

  “Truly! …On that note, Miss Dustiness, do you have a betrothed yet? If not, I happily offer myself as a candidate to become one of the lucky few who can call you by your first name…”

  “Get in line! I’ve been pressing my suit with the Dustiness household for ages!”

  The nobles went back to chatting up Darkness, but even as they tried to throw one another off, none of them made any attempt to leave the conversation. I guess that’s what you can expect from a bunch of powerful rich boys. They have plenty of self-confidence, and there’s no end of them.

  I was just considering dropping another bomb under the guise of teasing when it happened.

  “Miss Dustiness has achieved a great deal these past years. Surely there must be someone more suited to her than you lot.”

  This rather uncivil remark came from a man who suddenly broke into the conversation. He looked vaguely familiar. He was a big, rotund, middle-aged guy with hair everywhere except his head.

  “Gracious, Lord Alderp! Such a barbed greeting…”

  How could I forget that face? It was the lord of Axel, the guy who had tried to pin a crime on me and have me put to death.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Y-you!” Alderp spat. “Thanks to your dropping Destroyer’s core on my mansion, my house is still under repair! I’m staying in my house here in the capital until my residence in Axel is fully rebuilt. And anyway, I’ll have you remember your place, commoner! You shall address me as Lord Alderp!”

  Geez, he even has a second house? He really is rich.

  “Tell us, Lord Alderp. Who is this person you think would make a more suitable match for Miss Dustiness than us? Rumor says that you yourself are more than a little obsessed with her. Surely you don’t think…?” said one of the nobles who had been talking to Darkness, in a voice thick with irony.

  “It’s not myself, of course. And not my son, either. Whatever might have once been appropriate, now, given Miss Dustiness’s family status and all the things she herself has achieved, I can think of only one man who could match her.”

  He looked very confident about this. Just one man who could match all the things Darkness had done?

  “You mean me?” I said.

  “That’s enough out of you! You’re going to cause me nothing but trouble. Go play with Aqua and Megumin!” Darkness snapped, her facade slowly crumbling as I pushed her further and further.

  Alderp ignored us; he spoke with a broad smile. “I refer to the man personally leading the army with His Majesty the king against our demonic enemies—the firstborn prince, Lord Jatice. In principle, Miss Dustiness must take a husband in order to ensure the continuation of the Dustiness family name, but if they had enough children, one of the younger ones could inherit the Dustiness household.”

  None of the nobles, listening silently, looked especially pleased about this.

  “Prince Jatice has been fighting on the front lines for some time now, and Miss Dustiness has lately established herself with a succession of victories against generals of the Demon King. They both can already be considered heroes of our country. Being brought into the royal castle would be a fitting reward for Miss Dustiness’s deeds. And I have no doubt their children would be strong and beautiful and fine. What do you all think? Are they not a most appropriate couple?”

  Darkness had said this old man had an unnatural fixation on her, but he almost sounded as if he had finally given up on his unreachable flower.

  “He… He’s not wrong…”

  “True, there would be few better matches…”

  The gathered nobles began to disperse, not very enthusiastically. Darkness looked like she was about to say something…

  “Hey!” I exclaimed. “So what does that make me, chopped liver? What about us? Lalatina, are you just going to throw me away?!”

  ““““?!””””

  This drew a stunned reaction from everyone around.

  “Gah, what the hell is wrong with—! Ahem, Master Kazuma, you think of the most outrageous pranks, but I believe I’ve already told you how much trouble your little jokes cause for me in places like this…”

  Darkness smiled as she spoke, reaching out for my arm as if she were just drawing close to a friend of hers.

  I dodged her neatly.

  “Lalatina, think of the idyllic days we’ve spent together! Always living in the same house—we’ve even bathed together, haven’t we? You washed my back, didn’t you?! Why, just the other day, we played that game where you call me Master, and I—”

  “Young Master Kazuma, jokes have their place, but you’re really going too far!”

  Darkness pursued me, no longer worried about what it looked like, reaching out for me with both hands.

  “Oops! Are you sure about this, Lalatina? Do you really want all these nobles to see your beastly strength? You’ll have to become a bride someday, won’t you? Even though I know I’m making that hard on you. As a noble, you’re reaching the age where it’ll look bad if you don’t get married, right? But Young Lady, if you reveal your outrageous physical strength here, you might scare off all your suit— Ow, ow, ow!”

  “Goodness, ever the showman, aren’t you, Master Kazuma? I’m not putting any strength into this at all, and yet your cries of pain are so believable! I wonder what they’d sound like if I really put some muscle into it. My level’s gone up recently. Want to find out what I can do?”

  “My joke went too far, Lady Dustiness—!”

  9

  I wasn’t really trying to be mean, mostly. I just got a little annoyed seeing all those guys around Darkness, and I wanted to throw a wrench in the works. I didn’t really want to date her myself, but I also couldn’t stand the thought of a close female friend of mine belonging to someone else.

  I mean, I know I was the one trying to press Darkness at a matchmaking meeting not long ago because I had my eye on the reward—but now that I didn’t need the money, I found I wanted to scuttle any potential courtship.

  I must admit, it was pretty selfish, even for me.

  This banquet was supposed to be a going-away party for me, but with Darkness getting so much of the attention, I was all but forgotten.

  It wasn’t like I was eager to be the center of attention for noble guys, and I definitely wasn’t feeling lonely. For some reason, all the noble ladies were firing questions at Aqua and Megumin: What shampoo did they use? What kind of soap did they like?

  Well, as long as it kept them busy, that was fine.

  I was not the least bit jealous…!

  I found myself in a corner of the banquet hall, shrinking into the wall as I watched everyone make a big deal over everyone else.

  “Gosh, what are you doing all the way over here?” It was Iris.

  “Iris! Thank goodness, I knew I could count on you! Kind, sweet, considerate Iris! It’s so lonely being by myself at a party like this—thank goodness I have my dear little sister, Iris!”

  “G-gosh…”

  My fervent praise evoked only a mutter and a blush from the princess.

  Hmm? Lately, she hadn’t hesitated to give me a piece of her mind over just about anything, but she was acting awfully shy today.

  Her face still red, Iris lined up next to me against the wall. It looked like that obnoxious Claire wasn’t following her around everywhere for now, maybe because the party was in the castle.

  As she looked out at the elegant banquet hall, Iris said, “The castle will be much quieter tomorrow. Who will make Claire mad or annoy Lain?” She didn’t move from the wall as she spoke.

  “It’s only taken a week for those two to pretty much learn to hate me. Anyway, won’t the castle be better off quiet? Every day at my mansion is chaotic. If I could have one wish, it would be to live an uneventful life.”

  Iris glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and smiled sadly.

  …Whoa. Just one little lonely gesture, and my heart starts thumping? What’s with this? Am I that easy?

  “I know I’ve treated you like a little sister basically since the moment we met, but you seem to have gotten pretty attached to me in the last week, too.”

  I tried to change the subject and avoid drawing attention to the fact that my pulse was racing over a twelve-year-old girl.

  “Has it been a problem for you?” she asked, barely looking up at me, and my pulse only quickened.

  “N-no, no way. I’m totally happy about it, you know? I just…can’t imagine what would ever make anyone like me.” I somehow managed to keep my voice from scratching with nervousness. Iris giggled.

  Then she said, “I’ve never met anyone like you before. I’ve had lots of servants, but there was no one who was totally fearless, and rude, and obnoxious, and willing to tell a princess like me all kinds of dirty things, and who wanted to win at any cost in a totally immature way…”

  “H-hey, I didn’t ask you to tell me what you don’t like about me. I was trying to find out why you would like me.”

  I was definitely getting a little confused here.

  “And that’s what I’m talking about, isn’t it?” She smiled brightly.

  Stupid, adorable princess!

  Eris, Iris—why must there always be a wall between me and the sanest girls around here?

  I mean, not that I saw Iris as anything more than a little sister. She was twelve years old, for crying out loud!

  “By the way, about our game—I believe I won more times than you did, so it’s my win overall, right?”

  “The hell it is! Those later games were fifty-fifty, and if anything, when I won, my victories were by a landslide. If we could have kept playing, I definitely would have racked up more wins.”

  “Maybe you could finally just admit that you lost? You’re being a kid right to the end, Elder Brother!”

  “Well, only a kid would gloat about beating a kid in a game!”

  Iris and I tired of talking after this bit of argument, both of us settling back against the wall. Sheesh, she just wasn’t going to let it go, not to the bitter end.

  But really, these days, Iris somehow seemed to be enjoying herself when we argued.

  For a while, we didn’t talk about anything. We just looked out at the party.

  Over the last week, we’d talked and argued and laughed together about many things. But for some reason, standing there at that moment, we didn’t do any of that. We were just silent.

  Aqua and Megumin continued eating and drinking ravenously, while Darkness remained surrounded by her crowd of noble admirers.

  “I’m sure I’ll never forget this week I shared with you.” Iris sounded almost like she was talking to herself as she watched the party. “I’m jealous of Lalatina. You all must have so much fun every day…” She sounded so lonely.

  …I’m really surprised by how close we got in just a week.

  I was going to go back to Axel, and starting tomorrow, this girl would have to suppress herself in order to do her duty as part of the royal family and go back to playing the good little girl who never said anything selfish.

  …Isn’t there some way for me to stay in the castle?

  Maybe they could take me on as a knight? No, I was so pathetic that even with Iris’s and Darkness’s connections, it would be hard to get into a unit of knights. And when they eventually chased me out, it would be for being a bad influence on Iris and bringing no benefit of any kind to the castle.

  Hmm. Maybe a general of the Demon King could conveniently attack right now? I could gallantly defeat them, and once everyone was recognizing how useful I was to have around, they wouldn’t mind if I made a slightly selfish request.

  I just needed to gain a bit of renown in the capital. It didn’t have to be anything big. Then there might not be so much opposition to me…

  As I stood there quietly fretting about this, Iris spoke up.

  “I’d like to try being an adventurer, like Lalatina. The royal family has always been known for having good magical abilities and excellent training. I might not be able to be a Crusader like Lalatina… But maybe I could at least be a Wizard or a Priest? Or maybe… Maybe I could be a Thief and be like the righteous thief everyone’s been talking about recently! But I guess Claire would get pretty angry if I told her I wanted to become a thief…” Then she giggled.

  “Wait, what did you say everyone’s been talking about?”

  I raised my head suddenly, and she looked at me, surprised. “You don’t know about the righteous thief, Elder Brother? As the story goes, there’s a thief who breaks into the houses of evil nobles and steals all the dirty money they’ve made. And then the next day, a huge donation is left in front of the orphanage run by the Eris church. That’s why everyone thinks this thief is on the side of justice.”

  A righteous thief…

  “A royal like me probably shouldn’t be calling someone who goes around committing theft ‘righteous.’ But…I think it’s kind of cool, you know? Being a royal myself, I guess maybe the thief will try to steal from me sometime. But even so, I can’t help admiring them a little bit.”

  Her eyes sparkled as she spoke. It was enough to make me jealous of this thief, and even though I had no idea what they looked like, I kind of wanted to catch them.

  …Catch a thief?

  “…That’s iiiiit!!”

  10

  “Darkness! Darkness! …Oh, perfect, Claire’s here, too.”

  “Wh-what? You again? I thought I told you to go away. I’m busy.”

  “D-do you need something, Master Kazuma?”

  I ran up to Darkness and Claire, clearly interrupting their conversation.

  “Hey, I heard this rumor! Something terrible is happening in the capital right now!”

  Both of them gave me quizzical looks.

  “Terrible?” Darkness said. “I guess you could call it that. Some adventurer has gotten the country’s princess to start calling him ‘Elder Brother.’ If His Majesty finds out, don’t be surprised if you end up beheaded again.”

  “Lady Dustiness is right,” Claire added. “I have no intention of defending you in front of His Majesty when he gets back from the front lines. I’m going to tell him exactly what went on in this castle.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about! And anyway, I was just helping a lonely little girl pass the time while her father was away! But more importantly!” I tried to make myself as audible as possible to the other nobles. “The terrible thing I’m talking about is the righteous thief stalking the streets of the capital! I’ve heard! I know all the nobles who live in the capital are targets!”

  “Y-yeah,” Darkness said, “it does sound like that thief tends to hit nobles who are openly malicious…”

  “And what about it, Master Kazuma?” Claire asked.

  Confronted by two very puzzled high nobles, I jabbed my thumb at my chest. “This righteous thief everyone’s talking about or whatever? I’m gonna nail ’em.”

  ““Huh?””

  Darkness and Claire looked at me blankly. The nobles nearby were clearly unnerved.

  “He’s going to catch the thief? The one the capital’s police force and knights have been investigating but still haven’t found a single clue about?”

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18