BITTER, page 9
My stomach started to growl and I remembered that I was supposed to be ordering pizza. I reached over and grabbed the money Flip left and shook my head when I noticed the nigga left 4 five dollar bills.
“Twenty fucking dollars, Flip? Really?” I groaned.
I grabbed my laptop to place the order online and noticed that I had an email. My heart rate sped up when I saw that it was from Professor Brenham. I was slightly disappointed when I saw that there was nothing in the body of the email, only an attachment.
I clicked the PDF and read the quote, with a note attached saying he thought I needed to see it. Lord, was he right.
I smiled on the inside thinking about how compassionate he was, but my smile quickly faded when I remembered that Flip was in my car and I had left the sheet of paper with Bash and Brandon’s number in it. I tucked it safely in a textbook, but the thought alone made my heart rate speed up.
I glanced over at my phone and saw that it was lighting up. Confused, I looked at my screen and saw that I had five missed calls from Flip. I completely forgot I silenced my ringer before I got home to add on to my lie about not getting his call.
“Fuck!”
I didn’t want to argue with him about why I didn’t answer, so I decided to tell him that I fell asleep. I just hoped and prayed the pizza made it to the house before he did.
CHAPTER 16- INDEPENDENCE
I was all smiles after meeting with Brandon regarding the receptionist position. Not only did he hire me on the spot, he offered me more money than I expected so I was extremely satisfied.
When I made it to my car, I did a happy dance and called Ms. Inez to tell her the good news. She and I had developed a bond over the last few weeks and talked often, so she was just as excited as I was.
“I got the job!” I boasted when she answered the phone.
"I told you that you had nothing to worry about. God takes care of His children."
"He sure does," I agreed. “I prayed so hard about this!”
“I’m proud of you, honey. When do you start working?”
“They actually told me I could start as early as next week. Is that too soon?”
“Not at all, chile, you know I don’t hardly do anything. I could use the company.”
After we discussed the hours that I needed her to keep ZaZa, Miss Inez and I hung up the phone. Next, I called Martha, who was so excited she told me she would take me out for drinks even though I didn’t really drink.
I thought about calling Flip, but I decided that it would be better to tell him in person rather than over the phone. Maybe if he saw how excited I was, he wouldn’t be against it.
Martha was convinced he would be happy for me, but I had my doubts. For whatever reason, Flip never seemed too thrilled with the idea of me having a job. He’d always told me he wanted me to focus on school, but school wasn’t putting enough money in my pockets. I got tired of always having to ask Flip for money when I needed something. At first, it wasn’t an issue because he would just give me money randomly, but he suddenly stopped and I started having to ask for it. It never failed, he always wanted to know why and I didn’t feel like I should have to explain my reasoning. If I ask for it, give it to me. I thought it was a pretty simple concept.
Although I didn’t have a job, I did have a secret stash put aside, just in case. I was naïve in a lot of ways, but I knew that having my own money was a necessity so I saved most of my school refund. It wasn’t much and I had to dip in it more often than normal, so my job offer came right on time.
I held my phone in my hand, debating on whether or not I should call Flip. I sighed and scrolled, stopping at Bash’s number. I sent him a text message thanking him for putting in a good word for me.
I got the J O B ! Thank you for putting in a good word. I owe u.
I reread the text before sending it and deleted the part about owing him. I didn’t think it seemed appropriate. I sent the text and sat my phone down.
No sooner than it touched my lap, I saw that Bash had already replied.
CONGRATS BIG BALLER! You owe me lunch. I like Chick Fil A.
I deleted the messages without replying and drove home with a smile on my face. I would have loved to have lunch with him, but I didn’t know when I would be able to pull it off because I barely had any free-time. I thought about skipping class, but quickly dismissed the thought.
“You are bugging, Azuria,” I said out loud.
I couldn’t figure out why it seemed like I was acting out. I was doing things that I normally wouldn’t do and even though I wasn’t physically being unfaithful, I felt guilty for plotting on how to go to lunch with another man. No matter how innocent I convinced myself it would be, I still felt like I was being sneaky and for some reason, it excited me.
As I pulled up to the house, my mood shifted slightly; I was no longer excited or energetic, I just felt kind of blah. For the last week or so, I got the same feeling each time I pulled into the driveway and I wasn’t sure why.
Things at the house were good; there was no drama or tension because everyone just kind of did their own thing. It wasn’t a bad situation; I guess I was just over living with people; or maybe I was starting to feel like I was over Flip. He had been so moody lately and I didn’t have enough energy to try and figure him out.
As I got closer to the front door, I silently prayed that it was one of Flip’s good days. I wanted to tell him about my job and let him know how I was feeling about leaving the medical field. I didn’t want to bicker or fight with him; I just needed him to be my man for a few hours.
As soon as I walked in the house, a strong stench slapped me in the face. I pinched my nose and looked around, trying to figure out what the hell smelled so rotten.
I stepped into the living room and spotted ZaZa crawling around on the floor shirtless. My eyes zeroed in on her diaper, which was a hot saggy mess. It damn near looked like it wanted to fall off. I took a deep breath to calm myself down because I was only seconds away from acting a complete fool.
"Flip!" I called out, but received no response. I marched into the kitchen and didn’t see him, so I headed towards the bedrooms. “Flip!” I yelled again, but the nigga was nowhere to be found. “This nigga gotta be here somewhere.”
We lived in a nice sized house, but it was nowhere near a mansion, so it wasn’t that many places Flip could be. I ruled out Brookie and Martha’s rooms because he never went in there. There was no sound coming from the media room and the guest bathroom’s light was off, so I figured he must have been sleep on the couch and I overlooked him.
I walked back through the living room, but the couch was empty. I looked at the sliding door to the backyard and noticed it was slightly ajar. I pushed the door open and saw Flip off in the far corner of the back porch, with his back turned. He had his phone up to his ear and I could hear his baritone, but he was talking too low for me to make out anything he was saying.
"What are you doing out here?" I called out.
Flip quickly turned in my direction. He was visibly caught off guard by my presence, but he quickly recomposed himself. He nodded in my direction. “I ain’t doing nothing. What’s up?”
"What do you mean what's up?” I questioned with an attitude.
Flip tried to be slick, but I saw him press the end button on his phone before tucking it away in his pocket. I almost asked him who the hell he was on the phone with, but my main concern at the moment was my daughter.
“Why is ZaZa crawling around in a shitty diaper?”
Flip’s face slightly frowned. “Shitty? She must have just shitted. I only was out here for about ten minutes.”
If I wasn’t madly in love with him, I would have believed him; but his body language didn’t match the calmness of his voice. I used to study Flip’s every move; that’s how enamored I was with him. He was the most handsome man in the world, and he loved little old me. I was damn near obsessed with him so I studied his every move. From the twitch in his jaw when he was mad, to the way his lips move when he’s in a deep sleep. I noticed the smallest things about his body movements, so I knew without a doubt that he was lying and he was hiding something.
I rolled my eyes. “Flip, it smells like shit as soon as you step in the house. Her diaper is damn dear falling off so don’t tell me she must have just shitted.”
Flip felt cornered. I could tell by the way his nostrils flared that his next words were probably going to piss me the hell off. "So you mean to tell me that you chose to come out here and talk shit to me instead of changing her? I mean if it’s as bad as you claim it is, why you out here? I see where your priorities are.”
I didn’t know what I walked in on, but Flip’s defensive attitude told me that something wasn’t right. He had me fucked up, though. I wasn’t the one at fault.
"Don't try to flip this on me. You’re supposed to be watching her. Instead, she’s just roaming all around the house, while you’re out here sneaking on the phone.”
“Ain’t nobody sneaking on the damn phone, man.”
“So why the hell you out here instead of watching Zariyah?”
Flip sighed and lit a black and mild. He pulled and blew the smoke out slowly before replying. “I told you I only been out here for five minutes."
I fanned the smoke away from my face with a frown. “Oh, now it’s five minutes? Because a few seconds ago, you said ten minutes.”
“Same thing,” he shrugged, blowing another cloud of smoke in my direction.
“It’s not the same thing. So which is it? How long you been out here bullshitting?”
"The real question is how much longer you going to let her sit in shit? Cuz this argument ain't getting us nowhere."
“She’s probably been like that for hours, so what’s a few more minutes going to hurt?”
Flip had the nerve to shake his head at me like I disgusted him. “Zuri, you’re too damn old to be trying to prove a point. If you know she’s shitty, change her diaper instead of acting stupid."
“I’ll show your ass stupid,” I spat before storming back in the house. I shook my head before scooping ZaZa up off the floor. She smelled so bad, I nearly gagged. Flip was out of fucking line for letting my baby sit in piss and shit for who knows how long. I mean, no parent was perfect, but damn; the least any decent parent could do was keep their kid clean.
ZaZa was so smelly, I was afraid baby wipes wouldn’t be enough, so I drew her a bath. The whole time, I had a slight attitude because it seemed like I never got a break. I understood that it came with being a mother, but what the hell was the point of being with my child’s father if he only helped when he wanted to? I shook my head, wondering how many other times, he had been careless enough to leave her unattended or dirty.
ZaZa was nine months, so she was crawling and able to lift herself up. She was at that stage where she was very curious. She was always trying to eat something or stick her fingers somewhere, so having her just roaming freely around the living roof just wasn’t safe. Whether Flip was gone five or ten minutes didn’t matter because it only took a split second for an accident to happen.
My anxiety levels started to rise, but I tried not to let myself get too upset. As I watched my baby girl play with her toys, my heart softened and the negative energy I felt faded away. I had to remind myself to look at the bigger picture. Zariyah was funky as hell, but she was healthy and happy, and that’s all that mattered.
CHAPTER 17 -RESPONSIBILITY
After getting ZaZa cleaned up, I carried her back into the living room and placed her in her playpen. I glanced out of the glass doors and noticed that Flip was back on the phone. I slid the door back and stuck my head out.
“Your daughter is in her playpen,” I said dryly, before heading to my room to finish my homework. I decided that I would at least complete the semester since it was almost over and the classes were already paid for. Part of me wanted to half-ass it, but I knew that I was better than that so I took a deep breath and got right to it.
I grabbed my backpack and my laptop, got comfortable on the bed, and zeroed in on the assignments in front of me. About ten minutes later, Flip walked in the room holding ZaZa. I quickly glanced his direction, then turned my attention back to my homework.
From the corner of my eye, I saw him sit ZaZa on the ground, then walk out of the room. When he came back in, he was dressed like he was going out. He’d changed out of his gray sweatpants into a pair of straight leg True Religion jeans with a matching shirt.
He walked over to our dresser, grabbed some cologne, and dabbed himself with it. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him. I noticed my tablet sliding down towards the edge of the bed and realized that ZaZa was pulling on my sheet, trying to pull herself to her feet.
“Stop that ZaZa! Bad girl!”
ZaZa was clearly amused as she laughed and used both hands to grab my sheet to help her stand up. “Flip, get her before she pulls these books down on her.”
He didn’t move. “She ain’t that strong to move no book, Zuri.” I cut my eyes at him as he brushed his hair slowly. ZaZa tugged again, and this time, my can of coke went rolling and landed on her foot. The sound of her scream caused both of us to jump.
“Flip! I told you to get her!”
“You get her, you’re right there,” he retorted. He didn’t look like he was going to move until ZaZa’s screams got louder. At that point, we both were shuffling to make sure she was okay. When Flip noticed the coke on the floor beside ZaZa, he shook his head. He lifted ZaZa in the air and kissed her little toes to make them feel better.
“Her toes are red as hell, like they’re bruised or something.” Flip examined her toes carefully, while simultaneously tickling the bottoms of her feet. ZaZa’s screams turned into giggles and before she knew it, she had forgotten all about her boo-boo. Flip rotated from blowing on her navel to kissing her toes, and she was loving every bit of it.
My lips spread as I watched them interact. The bond they shared warmed my heart; they loved the hell out of each other and it showed.
Flip glanced my way as I was smiling at them, but I quickly pursed my lips together and pretended to be focused on my homework. I didn’t need him thinking we were cool because I was still pissed at him.
“She could have broken a toe, you know that, right? That can shouldn’t have been in a place where it could fall on her.”
I looked at him like he was crazy. I wasn’t taking the blame for this one. “If you would have gotten her when I told you to get her, all of that could be avoided.”
“I’m just saying. For future references, be careful about stuff like that.”
Flip knew how I felt about people coming for my parenting, yet he still chose to take it there. “You’re one to talk, dad of the year. When I walked in the house, she was pulling on the cord to the lamp. Who knows what would have happened if I walked in a few minutes later.”
Flip’s smirk left his face. Even though what I said was a lie, it could have easily happened and seeing how he wasn’t watching her, he needed to feel some guilt. I was tired of his ass galloping around on his high horse like he was Super Dad. “I guess we both need to be careful about stuff like that, huh?”
Flip chuckled and mumbled something under his breath before sitting ZaZa in her walker and turning on the TV. I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath.
It was clear Flip wanted some problems because there were plenty other TVs in the house that he could have watched. He flipped through channels and stopped on some cartoon and turned the volume up to ignorant levels.
“What are you doing?” I finally asked. “Why can’t she watch TV in the living room?”
“Why? There’s a perfectly good TV right here,” he said, tossing the remote on the bed. “Plus, I’m about to go.”
I snatched the remote and turned the TV off. “Go where?”
"To Bam house to watch the fight,” he answered. Flip strolled over to the closet and put on his shoes.
I quickly jumped out of the bed and grabbed ZaZa’s diaper bag and shoved it in his direction. “Take her with you.”
"What?" he questioned with a scowl. I didn't repeat myself because we both knew good and well that he heard me. Flip shook his head. "I'm not taking her with me. It’s a fight party. That's no place for a child."
“Why didn’t I know about this party? I wasn’t invited?”
“It’s not that type of party,” he tried to explain. “It’s just a few of us fellas getting together to shoot the shit and watch the fight. It was some last minute shit that Bam threw together.”
ZaZa finally realized the TV was off and started to whine so Flip turned it back on. As soon as he put the remote down, I clicked the power back off. "Flip, I have homework to do. A lot of it.” I waved my hand over all my textbooks and notebooks. "You told me that you'll take care of her tonight so that I can catch up, so take her with you. Bam and Juicy just had a baby not too long ago, so I’m sure they have something for ZaZa to do.”
ZaZa’s started jumping up and down in her walker, slapping her hands on the table as she tried her best to conjure up some real tears. Flip looked at the remote in my hand, so I pulled my hand behind my back and shook my head. “I’m behind as it is, Flip, so just take her with you.”
“So you want her to be around smoking and drinking, that’s what you saying?”
“Why will there be smoking and drinking in the house with a newborn, Flip? Or are you saying Juicy and the baby won’t be there?”
Flip was obviously irritated as he shrugged his shoulders roughly. “I don’t know; I didn’t ask all that.”
“Want me to call Juicy? I have her number,” I said, walking over to my phone. I really did have Juicy’s number, but I didn’t want to call her. We only talked because our men were cool, but we didn’t have much in common. The girl could braid her ass off, though; I’d give her that. She did my hair before and I promised to let her do it again but never got around to it. That’s how I ended up with her number. I grabbed my phone and looked at Flip. “Want me to ask if the party is kid-friendly?”
