BITTER, page 19
My heart was pounding in my chest. I could feel my face heating up so I gently chewed on the inside of my cheek to distract myself from the tears that I felt welling in my eyes.
“Zuri,” Flip started.
“Fuck you, Flip.”
He nodded his head. “I’ll take that.”
“You ain’t shit.”
“Okay.”
“And you ugly.”
“Okay.”
“And your dick little.”
Flip looked at me and cocked his head to the side, knowing I was lying. “Okay Zuri. If that makes you feel better.”
“Nothing makes me feel better,” I cried. I picked up a French fry and tossed it at him. “I hate you.”
Flip sighed deeply and placed his elbows on the table. He lowered his head, resting it within his hands. His head shook slowly before he sat back and looked at me.
"I fucked up big time," he admitted. "Shit is all the way fucked up and it's all my fault."
I took a sip of my sweet tea and remained silent.
"Shit wasn't supposed to go this far or get this bad."
"Whose fault is that?"
"It's most definitely my fault. I take the full blame for all this. Because of my bullshit, a lot of people are getting hurt." he took a deep breath. "My mama not fuckin with me right now... Her and my sister been going at it...” He looked at me sadly. "You mad at them for some shit I did. That's all on me." Flip took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I love you Booty."
"You said that already,” I countered.
"And I'll say it over and over until I’m sure that you don't have any doubts about it." Flip leaned in and reached for my hand. Instinctively I allowed him to take my hands into his. By the time I tried to pull away, Flip had already tightened his grip. "You believe me, huh? Regardless of anything, you know I love you and you know I love my daughter and can't nothing in this world change that."
"What good is loving a person if you don't do right by them?"
"People make mistakes"
"Some mistakes just shouldn't be made" I countered.
"Some mistakes HAVE to be made because certain lessons must be learned."
I wasn't trying to hear what Flip was talking about. There was nothing he could say that would make what he did make sense to me.
"I just never meant to hurt you, Booty."
My chest tightened and I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from crying. I looked down and my food and picked up another fry. I nibbled on the fry and avoided looking Flip directly in his eye.
"Look at me," he demanded softly.
I shook my head and blinked. I watch the two year drops fall on the table. Two more drops caused a pool to form and start to spread.
I pulled my hand way from flip and grabbed a napkin. As I dabbed at my eyes, Flip sat back the booth and ran his hands down the side of his face.
The floodgate of tears was opened and pain was running down my face. My cheeks burned from the heat of fresh tears; tears full of pain, resentment, and confusion.
“Why did you hurt me Flip? Why did you do this to me? To ZaZa? Flip, how could you do this to us?"
"It was stupid"
"Don't tell me that" I replied shaking my head. "Don't downplay it like its nothing!"
"It doesn't compare" he told me.
"It was enough to make you betray me."
Flip saw that I wasn't letting him off the hook so just stopped talking. The space between us was full of tension and it was becoming more unbearable by the second.
"Why, Bryce?" I couldn’t remember the last time I'd called him Bryce. I knew it was back when we first met. Bryce was who I met, Flip was who I fell in love with.
Sitting across from him, he didn’t look like my Flip. He didn't feel like my Flip. Flip wouldn't have hurt me this bad; this was all Bryce. I didn't know Bryce and I hated that we had to be reintroduced under such hurtful circumstances.
"Wow...I’m Bryce?” he shrugged his shoulders and nodded in agreement. "I'll take that."
"Well that's who I’m looking at right? Bryce. The one who ran around breaking hearts and raising hell. That's what you told me, right?" I swallowed my tears and looked Flip dead in the eye. I spat back every single word he told me on our first date. "Bryce was trouble, but I didn't have to worry about that because Flip was the man I needed. The one who was all for taking care of his family. The one who wanted to marry me and give me everything my heart desired."
My lip quivered as I thought of all the broken promises over the years. "Flip was never supposed to break me down like this. He promised he wouldn’t."
Flip was speechless as he stared into my face. His eyes were starting to turn red, but he didn't look away. A chill shot through my body and caused me to shiver. Flip eyes were looking into my soul as I poured my heart out on the table.
"Why did you have to love me flip?"
His brows shot up, probably caught completely off guard by my question. "Why did I love you? What do you mean? I love you because-"
"Why did you fall in love with me? Why’d you make me fall in love with myself? Why did you make me believe that everlasting love was possible? Why'd you make me believe we were magic?" I sniffed and continued bearing my soul. "Why make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world? Why Flip?"
"You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me, Zuri. I tell you that because it's true."
"So why are we in this place? I don’t get it, Flip? Why bring me this far only to let me down?" I stared at flip teary-eyed, hoping for an answer.
I dabbed at my face and again and shook my head. I hated that I was crying so much, but some hurt was too painful to hide. "Who is she? How long has she been around? I need to know."
Flip licked his lips and shook his head. "It's not the time or place for that conversation. We can talk about this when we're alone"
I wanted to push the issue but as I looked around the restaurant and noticed people subtly looking in our direction, I realized Flip was right.
"I think ZaZa should be our main focus right now. Once we get on the same page when it comes to her, and then we can focus on us. I’m sorry, though. I really am. I don’t know what else to say. Or do."
I nodded my head in agreement and waived down the waitress “Yep. You fuck up my life and all you can do it say sorry.” I pulled out a fifty-dollar bill and sat it on table. "This one was on me"
I stood up pulled down my shades.
"I'll get ZaZa in the morning, something just came up." I was lying though my teeth but after my emotional breakdown, I needed to redeem myself. I didn’t want Flip to know just how hurt I truly was.
As I drove home, all I could think about was my relationship. Not having closure really made it difficult to forget or forgive. It made it even harder to move forward.
On my way into the house, I looked at my phone and saw Flip's message telling me that his world wasn't the same without me in it. I was glad my phone died because I was two seconds away from replying that mines wasn’t the same without him either. I made it inside and poured a glass of wine. Shortly after, Valencia walked in the house and tossed her purse on the table. "Pour me a glass too, honey."
"Long day?"
She kicked off her shoes before rubbing her feet gently. "Very."
"What happened today at that ratchet ass call center?"
"It's not even work related. It's that damn baby daddy of mine."
I handed Valencia her a glass and slid in the seat to the left of her. "What's going on with you and Drizzy? I thought y'all were on good terms."
"We are for the most part but he wants to take Bray for Christmas and Halloween this year and I think he should get one or the other.”
"Who gets Thanksgiving?"
Valencia rolled her eyes. "Me but that's a boring holiday; all you do is eat. Kids don't care about Thanksgiving. Now Christmas and Halloween are both fun and intimate so I want one or the other."
"So is he not agreeing to that?"
"Nope."
"I would just not send him. What can he do about it?"
"Be an asshole about it and try to take me to court."
My eyes widened. "Court for what?”
"Violating the child support agreement," she explained. "Drizzy gets Bray every other holiday so this is his year to have him for Christmas. I was prepared for that, but I just realized he won't be home for his favorite holiday."
As she pouted I thought about ZaZa. Even though she was too young to understand, I wondered how my split with her dad would affect her. We were already fighting so I could only imagine what arguments about holidays would be like.
"You think he would really take you to court?”
"He might," she shrugged. "I never know what to expect out of Drizzy"
"Y’all get along pretty good though."
She shrugged again. "Sometimes."
"I went to dinner with Flip today." I changed the subject because Valencia didn’t seem too interested in talking about her situation anymore.
Valencia’s eyes lit up. She still had hope for us for some reason. "Spill the tea, cousin"
I ran down the entire conversation with Flip with Vee hanging on to every word. When I was finished she gulped down the rest of her drink. "Damn that sounds intense. I agree with him about focusing on ZaZa before trying to fix y'all issues. That's the best part about my relationship with Drizzy. We put Bray first."
"You make it sound so easy."
Valencia shook her head. "Ain't nothing easy about it? It took a lot for us to get to this point. Believe me, I did pop ups, I fought females behind him. It was crazy for a long time."
"When did it get better?"
"When I stopped fucking him," she stated matter-of-factly. "Once I drew that line, I was good. It didn't happen overnight but it was a start."
I groaned loudly. "Vee, I still love him," I whined. "Even after all this, I still want him. I want my family."
Vee smiled softly at me. "I know baby girl. The question is, is he worth it?"
My answer was yes without a doubt, but I kept that to myself. I felt pathetic and desperate for wanting a man who clearly didn't respect me or what we had. I looked at my ring-less finger and sighed.
Who knew love was so complicated?
CHAPTER 33 – PETTINESS
LONI
I went to another doctor's visit alone and quite frankly I was tired of it. Bryce came around more often but he wasn't consistent at all. I felt like the light skin bitch he had been messing with was taking all of his time.
I felt like a stalker for following the girl from school, but I needed to find the perfect time to approach her and let her know what she was up against. Bryce was a taken man and so she needed to back the hell up.
When she pulled in the Starbucks parking lot, I started to have doubts about what I was doing, but when I rested my hand on my belly, I knew it had to be done.
I waited for a few minutes before walking into the establishment. My target had entered only seconds prior and I was standing directly behind her. I eyed her from the back and couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. Not only did she have a pretty face, she had a banging body.
I took a deep breath and tried to shoo my envy away so I could focus. To get her attention, I coughed loudly. As expected, she turned around to face me. She offered a polite smile before turning away.
"Excuse me, you look a little familiar. Do I know you?" I asked.
Once again, she faced me; this time her smile wasn't visible. "I'm not sure. I don't think we've met before."
"Really? You look really familiar," I said, pretending to think of where I may have seen her. "Maybe I'm mistaken, sorry."
She turned back around and I didn't bother her again until she was seated. I walked over to the table. "I remember now. Someone sent me a picture of you out with my man a few days ago."
She sat down her pen and looked at me with challenging eyes. "Really now?"
"Yeah, that's where I saw your face. I'm not sure if you're aware, but he's taken." I smiled sarcastically. "And by he, I mean Bryce."
I could see the girl's face turn a little red and rejoiced on the inside. "Oh? And how long has Bryce been your man?" she quizzed.
"Long enough, " I huffed. I pulled back my sweater and revealed my small bump. "We are expecting a baby soon." I watched her eyes move to my belly. "See, we have a growing family and I'm sure you don't want to come in between that. Our little girl is almost two so you can imagine the history we have."
"Two?"
"I'm guessing he didn't tell you he had kids?"
"Well I know he has a daughter."
"Yes ZaZa. The cutest thing. I love her like she's my own," I smiled.
"You've met her?" Her eyebrow was raised and I could smell the insecurity seeping from her pores.
"He's my man, of course I met her."
The girl cleared her throat and looked down at her books. When she looked back up, she looked Pained and I sort of felt bad. "Look I just want you to know what you're getting into. He's with me, we have a baby, and we practically live together…I just... Woman to woman I just want you to back up. That's it."
"Do you know who I am?"
I chuckled. "No, honey, and quite frankly I don't care to know. All I know is that this is my first and last warning to you. Now back off. "
With that, I turned and walked out of Starbucks confident that I left that bitch shook.
ZURI
I knew who Shalonda aka Loni was the second I saw her. It was no coincidence that we ended up in the same place at the same time. I almost ignored her pathetic cough attempt, but I wanted to hear what she had to say.
I was caught off guard by her arrogant demeanor but I told myself to play it cool, no matter what. When she mentioned ZaZa I wanted to grab the bitch by her stiff ass BOB and drag her all up and down Starbucks, but I played it cool. I wasn't sure if she really didn't know who I was or if she was just that delusional; either way, I refused to get out of character.
Seeing her baby bump was a huge blow to my heart but I held it together for my pride’s sake. Miss Loni thought she had it all figured out, but I was going to give her a really rude awakening. We would see each other again much sooner than she expected.
As for Flip, he had the game all the way fucked up. If it was true that bitch had been around my daughter, all hell was going to break loose. My first mind was to call him and curse him out, but I had a better idea. He wanted to play, so I would play too.
I called Flip as I was leaving Starbucks. "What’s good, Booty?" he answered on the first ring. He'd never picked up a call that quick when we were together.
"Are you busy tonight? I need you to watch ZaZa for me. I have a date."
The line got quiet. "A date? With who?"
"Why does it matter Flip? Can you watch her or not? "
"I mean, yeah, but I don't know about this date shit, Zuri"
"I'm single, Flip. I have the right to live my life."
“You never officially broke up with me, if you want to be technical. You just up and moved out.”
“If I didn’t make it clear enough, we are over, Flip. O-V-E-R,” I spelled out.
Flip sighed and smacked his lips. "You bringing her or do I need to come get her?"
"Come get her please. Around 7 if that's cool."
"Yeah," he said with an attitude. "So am I still helping you move this weekend or is dude gon’ handle that for you?"
I giggled silently. "I didn't ask him, but I’m sure he wouldn't mind if you can't make it."
"I'll be there,” Flip barked before hanging up.
By the time Flip made it to Vee house, I was dressed to impress. I went shopping in Vee’s closet and found a nice lace black bodycon dress that hugged curves that I had no clue I had. The dress along with my strapless push-up bra had me looking like a snack, as the cool people would say.
Vee had straightened my hair so I had my hair slicked back into a high ponytail. The length of my hair was much longer straightened, so it was dangling down to my back. I let Vee apply false lashes to my eyes and I finished the look with red lipstick, courtesy of Rihanna and Mac.
Flip couldn’t take his eyes off of me. "You look nice," he managed to say.
"Thank you."
He nodded his head and jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "So what time you leaving out?"
"He's picking me up around 8:30. Why?"
"Just asking.” He stared at me for what felt like an eternity. "Alright, have fun."
When we arrived at the bar, I felt like all eyes were on me, literally. Valencia was sight to see, too, but it seemed like every time I looked at someone, they were damn near salivating over me.
When I met a pair of familiar eyes, I sauntered over to the bar and slid next to him.
“Are you even old enough to be in here?” Tristan asked with a smirk.
“When the bouncer has a crush on your cousin, you don’t need to be old enough,” I answered with a smirk of my own.
“Must be nice.”
“I guess you can say that.”
Tristan looked me up and down, before licking his lips subtly. “You look the part; that’s for sure.”
“Is that your way of telling me that I look good.”
“You a’ight,” he joked, while taking a sip of his drink.
I playfully pushed his shoulder. “You’re an asshole.”
“I’m just playing. You look beautiful. I almost didn’t recognize you. I’m used to finding you somewhere stranded.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “You ain’t shit.”
“I’m just saying; it’s good to see you like this because I had left my cape at home.”
“I can’t deal with you.”
“What you drinking?” he asked as he flagged down the bartender.
“Surprise me. Give me some of what you drinking.”
Tristan’s eyebrows shot up. “I don’t know if you can handle what I’m drinking, little lady.”
“I’m a grown woman,” I flirted. Tristan had always been attractive to me, but that night, he was sexy as hell. He had his grill in and a fresh haircut, which made me shiver just thinking about it.
