BITTER, page 10
Flip sucked his teeth loudly. "Fuck it. I ain't going.” He forcefully kicked his shoes off and started taking off his clothes.
"That’s cus your ass wasn’t going to Bam house in the first place,” I mumbled. Flip had something going on but I couldn’t figure out what. I checked his phone almost every other day and didn’t see any indication that he was messing with another woman, so I didn’t know what his problem was, but it was obvious that things weren’t right.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing, Flip,” I said backing down from the argument. I sat the remote down on the bed and placed my hand on my hip. “Are y’all going to be in here or what? I can go to the kitchen to finish my homework if I need to.”
Flip didn’t answer me; he grabbed ZaZa out of her walker and slammed the room door on his way out. I shook my head and dove back into my homework while I still had the time, because the way things were going, I knew Flip would be back shortly to start some more shit.
CHAPTER 18 - REALIZATION
LONI
I pulled up to Squeaky’s apartment and scanned the parking lot for Bryce’s car, hoping I wouldn’t run into him. After our little run-in at the doctor’s office, I didn’t have too much to say to him. It wasn’t like I had expected for us to run off, get married, and start a family, but I surely didn’t expect him to be so cold toward me. I won’t lie and say that my feelings weren’t hurt, because they were, but I was just going to charge it to the game. He wouldn’t be the first or last nigga to let me down.
He had texted me a couple of times apologizing for the way things went down, but I didn’t see a need to reply. He wasn’t sorry for what he said, he just felt bad about how it came out so it meant nothing to me. I shook my head even thinking about it. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have never let him fuck me with no condom.
Before the pregnancy, we had a bond; a friendship... now I didn’t know what the hell we had. I sighed and stepped out of my car. I did a quick parking lot survey just to be sure I hadn’t missed his car the first time. Once the coast was clear, I walked up the steps to Squeaky’s apartment and knocked on the door.
Squeak’s freak of the week opened the door and looked me up and down. I returned the favor and walked past her. Squeak looked up from his place on the couch and nodded in my direction. “Loni Lon, what up girl?”
“Nothing much. I came to pick up what we talked about.”
Squeak nodded his head and stood up. He motioned for me to follow him to the back of the apartment, where he kept most of his work. I tried to quit smoking, but my stress levels were through the roof. Before you start to judge me, I smoked when I was pregnant with Baby J too, and he turned out just fine.
“I’ll wait out here,” I told him once we reached the back.
Squeak disappeared into the bedroom and I waited outside the door. I heard someone in the restroom and I didn’t need any rumors being spread if anyone happened to see us exiting the bedroom together.
When the restroom door opened, my heart stopped. Bryce looked just as shocked as I felt; he was the last person I expected to see. We didn’t have time to react because Squeak’s door swung open and he handed me my package.
Bryce’s eyes landed on the drugs and he looked at me with questioning eyes. I quickly grabbed it and jammed in my purse and handed Squeak the money.
“Them tabs are official too, bro, so pop them with caution,” Squeak warned and I wished he would have kept his damn mouth closed.
“What the fuck you doing buying tabs?” Bryce asked, catching me and Squeak off guard. He knew Bryce and I messed around, but he didn’t know how deep it had gotten these last few weeks. We always kept it cool around people, so Bryce’s outburst confused the hell out of him.
I rolled my eyes at Bryce and looked at Squeak. “Thanks Squeak.”
“Did I miss something?” Squeak questioned as he looked at the anger in Bryce’s face. He looked at me for answers, but I didn’t have any.
“I’m a grown woman, Bryce.”
“A grown, pregnant woman who supposed to be carrying my child so why you popping tabs?”
“Whoa! I didn’t know all that,” Squeak said.
I walked away as Squeak tried to plead his case to Bryce. I was grown and could do whatever the hell I wanted to do. Bryce had some fuckin’ nerve trying to check me after all the shit he said to me.
I damn near ran out of that apartment, even though I knew Bryce was right on my heels. I looked in the parking lot for his car again, not understanding how I missed it, but fell short again. By the time I made it to my car, I had already pulled out my keys, but Bryce forced himself in front of me.
“What the hell do you want?”
“Why you popping tabs and shit? That shit ain’t cool, Loni.”
“Why do you care? You made it very clear where you stood regarding me and the baby,” I snapped, folding my arms across my chest.
“Loni, I apologized for hurting your feelings. I ain’t try to do that.”
“I don’t care anymore, Bryce,” I replied, with a shrug.
“I’m not asking you to care,” he answered with a shrug of his own. “It ain’t about us, it’s about the baby and if its my baby, you not about to be popping pills and shit.”
“If it’s your baby?”
“You the one that loved to brag about having niggas,” he answered. “You can’t be mad at me for having questions.”
I shook my head and chuckled. “You are really something else. You have some fuckin’ nerve.”
“Can you blame me, Loni?”
“Nope. I blame myself for thinking highly of your dog ass! You ain’t shit and I hate it took me getting pregnant to realize it.”
“You ain’t shit either! You know you pregnant, but you still doing drugs.”
“This shit ain’t even for me! I got it for my cousin!” I yelled. “Stop trying to act like you care now, Bryce! Just move out of my way and leave me the fuck alone.”
I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn’t. I quickly wiped them away and grabbed my door handle. “Can you please move?”
Bryce stepped out of my way, but he gently grabbed my hand in the process. He turned me so that I was facing him, but I couldn’t look him in the eye. I bit my lip softly and stared at the cement.
He lifted my chin up and tried to lock eyes with me, but I didn’t want to give in. I knew that looking into his eyes would make me weak and I wanted to stay mad at him.
“Loni, I just want my friend back,” he started. “I just want us to go back to the way we were before all of this.”
“Before I fucked everything up by getting pregnant?”
“Before we let our emotions get the best of us,” he replied. His tone was soft and gentle and it eased some of the tension. “You didn’t deserve the things I said to you and you don’t deserve the way I’ve been acting.”
I chewed the inside of my lip, trying not to let any more tears fall.
“Can you look at me, Loni?”
Without hesitation, I looked into his eyes. I don’t know why I did that, because I was no good after that. His face was so soft and gentle that my guard immediately vanished. I was all the way open.
“Can we start over? Can we try this friend slash co-parenting thing again? Please?”
Reluctantly, I nodded my head as Bryce pulled me in for a hug. He held me in his arms until I stopped crying. He didn’t say a word, he simply held me and let me get it all out and I appreciated him for it.
Once I felt like I released all my anger, I pulled away and got into my car without saying a word to Bryce. He didn’t say anything either, but I think we understood each other in that moment.
I started my car and drove away feeling better about my future with Bryce; I felt like we could find a common ground and raise this child the best way we could.
CHAPTER 19- SUPERMAN
ZURI
When I woke up the morning after my argument with Flip, I noticed that he had moved all my textbooks and my laptop off my bed and put a blanket over me. I didn’t even remember falling asleep, but the rest was much needed.
After showering and taking care of my morning hygiene, I noticed a note on the bathroom counter from Flip saying that he would be gone in my car for a few hours and that ZaZa was gone with his mother.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, wondering why the hell he was always in my car. I didn’t have anything to do, but Flip didn’t know that. He just assumed I wanted to be stuck in the house all day while he did God knows what in my car. I grabbed the note and shook my head before tossing it in the garbage. It didn’t have a time on it, so I had no idea how long Flip had been gone or when he planned on returning. I was annoyed to no end so I dialed his number, prepared to go off if needed.
“Rise and shine sleepyhead,” he greeted in a sing-song voice.
I was a little surprised at how welcoming his voice was. My shoulders instantly relaxed and my demeanor softened. “Hey. Where are you?”
“I’m at the studio right now. Why, what’s up?”
“Nothing. I saw your note and was just wondering how long you were going to be gone in my car.”
“Oh, I meant to throw that away. My bad booty. I brought your car back already. Your keys are on the kitchen table.”
I walked back into the bedroom and looked out the window. Sure enough, my car was parked in the driveway. “Oh, okay. I didn’t even look outside, I just saw the note and called.”
“It’s cool,” he replied. “Did you sleep good?”
“Yeah, I did. You?”
“I slept on the couch so my neck hurting and shit, but it was cool.”
We made small talk for a few more minutes before hanging up. He told me he was on the way home, so I decided to make a quick lunch for us. Since Flip seemed to be in a decent mood, I planned on letting him know about the job situation.
I went into the kitchen and tried to find something quick to cook, but it seemed like everything needed to be thawed out so I ended up ordering Chinese food instead.
When Flip made it home, I had our plates on the table waiting on him. He seemed genuinely surprised by my gesture and couldn’t stop smiling as he sat down.
“You hungry?”
“Hungrier than a big bitch,” he replied, rubbing his hands together. “Thank you, booty.”
We ate in silence for a few minutes before I finally cleared my throat. “So, I have something to tell you.”
Flip looked up from his plate, but never stopped chewing. “What’s that?” he asked with a mouth full of food.
“I got a job.”
Flip grabbed a chicken wing off his plate and bit into it. “What kind of job?”
“A job as a receptionist. It’s a little part time thing, but I think it will help out a lot.”
“Help who out?”
“Help us out as a whole.”
Flip grabbed his cup and damn near drunk the whole thing before belching and finally looking at me. “You think you can handle a job and school, Zuri?”
I shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
He shook his head. “You’re not ready for all that. You can barely handle the responsibilities you have now.”
My brows furrowed. “What does that mean?”
Flip continued eating like it was nothing. He was completely oblivious to the way his comment made me feel. “Zuri, come on now. You don’t need a job right now. If you need something, just let me know. How many times I have to say that?”
“Flip, you act like you’re just throwing me money. I have to tell you what I want and what I need it for like I’m a kid. I’m tired of that.” Flip didn’t flinch at my statement, just kept eating like he had no worries in the world.
I sucked my teeth. “ZaZa is down to her last case of diapers.”
He finally looked up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You should know that, Flip. She’s your daughter, too.” I could tell by his body language that he was ready to argue, so I quickly added. “I just need my own money. That’s all.”
“So you’re going to go to school and work?”
I figured his question was rhetorical so I didn’t say anything. Besides, I had just answered that questions a few minutes prior.
“So where is ZaZa gonna be? Huh? Or did you not think about that?” he asked in an accusatory tone.
“I have someone that’s willing to keep her for me.”
“I ain’t feeling this shit, Zuri. I ain’t feeling it at all.”
“I’m not asking your permission, Flip. I’m just giving you a head’s up.”
Flip stopped chewing and looked at me with daggers in his eyes. “You do the fucking most for no reason, fool.”
“How? By wanting to work?”
“You don’t have no bills, Zuri! You pay what? Your cell phone bill? That’s it! I make sure you have everything you need and you know ZaZa gon’ always be straight. You don’t need to be focused on no job; focus on being a mother. You already hardly have time for her as it is.”
I pushed away from the table and grabbed my keys. I was tired of Flip’s condescending comments when it came to me being a parent. “Look whose fucking talking. Every time I leave her with you, she ends up gone with your mama.”
“At least I have a mama that’s willing to watch her,” he mumbled. Flip’s lips barely moved but I heard his comment loud and clear. The pain I felt was indescribable. It was like I got hit with a MAC truck and someone poured salt in my open wounds while I was on the ground dying. It’s the worst feeling in the world to have someone who claims to love you throw something so hurtful in your face.
I stormed out of the house and slammed the door as hard as I could. I didn’t know where I was going, but I got in my car and damn near flew out of the driveway. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even notice that my gas light was on until my car started to shake. Honestly, I didn’t know how long it had been rattling because my mind seemed to be another planet. All I remember is that I felt the car shaking, and then seconds later, it just stopped.
I reached over to my passenger seat and almost had a panic attack. I had rushed out of the house so fast that I didn’t even grab my phone or my phone. Mentally exhausted, I rested my head on my steering wheel and let my tears flow. I didn’t know why I was surprised because I always found myself in fucked up situations. Leave it me to be stranded on the side of the road with no means of communication.
I nearly jumped out my skin when I heard a knock on my window. When I looked up, I was staring into familiar eyes, but I couldn’t figure out where I knew the person from.
I quickly wiped my face and cracked my door open because I couldn’t roll my window down. If the man was a killer, maybe I deserved to die, hell. I just didn’t care at that point.
“You okay in here?” the man said. His voice was friendly but I imagined most killers knew how to be nice.
“Just having a little old mental breakdown. Nothing major,” I answered with a shrug.
The young man nodded his head. “Yeah, I had one of those a few days ago. It’s good for the soul.”
His smile made me feel a little better so I did my best to smile back. “So is food. I prefer food over a mental breakdown, but hey.”
“Why not try both? Eat a nice meal then spazz out afterwards. It should hold your soul over for a least a month or two.”
I smiled at the man’s attempt to make me feel better. I wiped my eyes again and sat up straight. “I’ll try that next time.”
He smiled back at me before taking a step back. “You having car trouble?”
I sighed and nodded my head. “I ran out of gas. I don’t know how I managed to leave out the house with no money and no phone.”
“We’ve all been there before,” he replied. “Lucky for you, it’s happened to me so much, I keep a gallon of gas in my trunk now.”
I thought he was trying to make me feel better, so I was surprised when he told me he would be right back. I watched him walk back to his car and open his trunk. If I were in a movie, that would probably be my cue to take off running, but at that point, I just didn’t care.
When he approached my car again, he was holding a gas can. He emptied the contents into my tank and told me to start my car. I was a little past E, but extremely grateful.
“There’s a gas station right up here,” he told me, pointed toward the direction I was heading. “Follow me there and I’ll put some more in your tank.”
After declining his offer three times, the handsome young man finally convinced me to accept his gas donation. As I drove behind him, I thanked God for looking out for me. I didn’t know what I would have done without him.
After filling my tank, the young man walked over to the driver’s door. “You’re all set!”
“You really didn’t have to do that. Thank you so much, but you didn’t have to.”
“I know. But just in case you need to do some more driving to clear your mind, you’ll have a full tank.” He smiled at me again. “Be safe.”
“I will.”
After I dodged that bullet, I decided to head back home. The way my luck was set up, something else was bound to happen if I would have stayed out and about. As much as I didn’t want to go back home, I didn’t have many options. The realization that Flip was literally the only person I could turn to, broke my heart.
I didn’t talk to any of the people I grew up with, my family was a hot ass mess, and the people I attended school with all lived on the other side of town. Because my parents were so strict, I didn’t have many friends so being a loner was in my nature; but now I felt alone. Not wanting to be around people was one thing; but having no one to be there was different.
I felt like the one person that I was supposed to always have in my corner, wasn’t all the way there anymore. I couldn’t help but feel like Flip and I were coming to an end, which scared me. The thought alone made me sick to my stomach and I was afraid that I would vomit at any second.
