BITTER, page 5
I tried to wipe the tears away before anyone noticed, but I saw the elderly woman looking at me. When I looked her way, she pretended to be busy with ZaZa. We rode silently for the next ten minutes, then I noticed my stop was coming up.
I gathered my belongings and stood up once the bus stopped. The woman stood and handed ZaZa to me. “I’m sorry again. She’s a handful sometimes.”
“Oh honey, I’ve been dealing with kids for over forty years. This was nothing.” She started walking toward the opened bus doors. “This is my stop too,” she told me with a wink. “How old is she?”
“Ten months,” I replied. “Too old to be acting like that.”
The lady chuckled. “This is only the beginning. I had six of my own and some of them are grown now, still throwing tantrums.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I couldn’t imagine having six kids. Just one is more than enough for me,” I laughed. “I can’t even get her to stop crying. I tried everything and nothing worked. Yet, you got her to calm down in a blink.”
“Each child is different, but some things are the same, no matter what. One thing I learned is that children feed off your energy. She could tell in your body language that you were frustrated, which made her uncomfortable.”
ZaZa squirmed in my arms a little, causing both of us to stop talking and watch her. The lady smiled and patted ZaZa’s backside. “Baby is okay as long as mommy is okay.”
I looked in the woman’s face and smiled at her. In that moment, I wondered what my life would be like if she were my mother or grandmother. I know it sounds weird, but it was something that happened to me often. I always wondered what type of person I would be if my mother had shown me love and compassion; if she’d given me parenting advice.
“What’s your name, sweetie?” the woman asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I felt the water in my eyes again, but since it was getting darker outside, I hoped the woman didn’t see them.
“Zuri,” I answered. “And this is ZaZa.”
“Such a beautiful name! I’m Inez,” she told me. “You live around here Zuri?”
“Yeah, I stay in the neighborhood right across the street,” I answered.
A dark colored car pulled up slowly. I squinted my eyes trying to see if it was someone I knew, since it seemed like they were pulling right up to where Miss Inez and I were standing. “That’s my son,” she said, noticing my discomfort. “Do you need a ride? We can drop you off at the house if you need us to. That’s a pretty long walk to be carrying that heavy baby; I may have a stroller if you need one.”
“She actually has a stroller. It’s a long story, but we weren’t supposed to catch the bus; my boyfriend was suppose to- “
I stopped talking when I saw the look on Miss Inez’s face. It was the same look the nurses gave me in the hospital after I’d given birth when I tried to explain my relationship with Flip.
“I’m not that far from the house; I can walk,” I said, feeling slightly ashamed.
“That baby needs to get home. All that walking and moving is only going to irritate her,” Miss Inez dismissed. She turned toward the car and waved her hand. “Come on, sweetie.”
Miss Inez walked to the driver’s window to let her son know that she offered me a ride home. I’m not sure what happened, but I saw Miss Inez cover her mouth and then lean into the car.
She motioned for me to come to the car as she made her way to the passenger side with a huge smile on her face. “My grandson done drove his daddy car to pick me up. I didn’t even know he was back from college!”
I smiled at how proud Miss Inez looked as she talked about her family. I carried ZaZa to the car and slid in the backseat. “Thank you,” I said politely.
Miss Inez’s grandson nodded his head before driving off. “Where am I going?”
I explained to him how to get to my house and within three minutes, he was pulling into the driveway. I rolled my eyes when I saw Flip’s car parked out front. Miss Inez’s grandson opened his door and came around to help me, but I quickly exited the vehicle on my own.
I didn’t need Flip walking outside and seeing another man in my face. I didn’t need that type of drama. They guy quickly caught on and walked back to the driver’s seat.
“Thank y’all so much! It was so nice meeting you, Miss Inez.”
“You too, sugar,” she replied, getting out of the car to give me a hug. She kissed ZaZa’s cheek and handed me a card. “Now, I closed my daycare down a few years ago, but I still keep a few kids from time to time. Call me if you need anything, you hear? I’ll keep Miss ZaZa for you.” Miss Inez looked me in the eye. “I’m serious, okay? Even if you need to just get a few hours of sleep. Call me.”
“Yes ma’am,” I whispered.
I watched her get back into the car and waved goodbye before heading toward the house. I didn’t even make it in the door before Flip was in my face, questioning me.
CHAPTER 9 – QUESTIONS
“Where the hell you been, Zuri?”
“Can you grab your daughter or the bag, please?” I asked with an attitude. The nerve of him questioning me when I hadn’t heard from his ass for hours.
Flip snatched ZaZa’s diaper bag out my hand and kept his position right in front me. “So, where the hell were you?”
“Can I go lay her down?” I asked, stepping around his large frame and walking towards our bedroom to lay ZaZa down. I knew she needed a bath, but it would have to wait until the morning. She was finally sleep and I didn’t feel like waking her up.
When I laid her down, I noticed the drops of sweat on her neck so I sighed and fetched a small bucket and filled with soap and warm water. I carefully undressed ZaZa and wiped her down quickly. I applied lotion to her skin and put on her diaper. I knew she was exhausted because she couldn’t keep her eyes open.
The entire time I was prepping ZaZa for bed, Flip was in the doorway glaring at me. He didn’t want to wake ZaZa either, so he didn’t say anything, but he made sure I felt his presence. Once ZaZa was in her bed, Flip turned and walked away without a word. I wanted to close the door and prepare for a shower of my own, but I knew that would only make the situation worse.
I walked out of the bedroom and walked into the entertainment room, where I knew Flip would be. I took a seat on the couch without saying a word.
“So, you not going to answer my question?” he started.
“Kind of like how you didn’t answer my phone calls and text messages,” I shot back.
“I called your ass back at least five times bro! Your shit kept going straight to voicemail!” he yelled.
“My phone died! I called you over five times, sent several texts, and left voicemails, so what’s your excuse?”
“And I called you back,” he repeated.
I folded my arms across my chest. “Hours later, Flip! What the fuck were you doing that you couldn’t answer my calls or texts?”
“I was helping Sticky move. I told you him and Kyesha got evicted.” Flip sat down across from me and opened a beer. “I forgot my phone in the car.”
I rolled my eyes again. That wasn’t a good enough reason for me. “So, y’all didn’t take no breaks? Not once did you stop to think to check on your girl and your daughter?”
“Don’t try to turn this shit on me, Zuri. You told me you would be ready by seven so when I realized it was almost seven, I ran and grabbed my phone and called you. I even went to your mama house.”
“When, Flip?” I didn’t get on the bus until after seven-thirty; and I could see my mom’s house from the bus stop, so I wouldn’t have missed Flip’s car. “It had to be after eight o’clock, which means, as usual, you would have had me sitting around waiting on your ass.”
“I got caught up and lost track of time, but as soon as I got your messages and shit, I went to pick y’all up.” He took a swig of his beer and glared at me. “That’s when your pops told me you left around six.” He looked at his phone. “It’s nine now. Where the fuck you been with my baby?”
“Well, while you were so busy helping your friend, me and your baby was on the fucking bus.”
Flip’s eyes bulged and his brows furrowed. “The bus?”
“You heard me! The bus! But before that we were waiting at the park for over an hour for you to pick up the damn phone. When my phone died, I did what the hell I had to do.”
“You didn’t have to ride no damn bus. Why you didn’t just ask your mama to bring y’all home?”
My jaw dropped as I stared at Flip blankly. “Are you serious? Did you not read my texts or listen to my voicemails?”
Flip didn’t answer me, he just shook his head. “From what I heard, you walked out. No one made you leave.”
“When a woman is sitting in my face, refusing to acknowledge my child and calling her a mistake, you damn right I’m going to leave!”
Flip leaned back on the couch and looked at me smugly. “You tend to over exaggerate sometimes, Zuri.”
I could feel my face turn red because I was so angry. “Fuck you, Flip!”
“Fuck me?”
“Yes, fuck you!” I yelled. “The lady called my baby a mistake to my face. She even tried to snatch her out my sister’s arms and you have the nerve to tell me I over exaggerate?” My chest was heaving up and down and I feel like steam was coming from my head.
Flip could tell that I wasn’t playing, so he backed off a little. “I’m sorry, I guess I just don’t understand how a mother could act that way toward her daughter.”
“Everybody ain’t blessed like you,” I mumbled.
Flip sighed, but obviously his interrogation wasn’t over. “So, busses do house drops now? Cus that didn’t look like a bus pulling out the driveway.”
“Somebody gave me a ride from the bus stop. Anything else?”
“Who is somebody?”
“Someone I met on the bus, damn!”
Flip’s face grew angry. “So you let a random person from the bus drop you and my child off?”
“Really, Flip?”
“Do it look like I’m playing?”
I could tell by Flip’s face that he wanted to argue and go back and forth and I wasn’t in the mood, so I explained to him what happened on the bus and how I met Miss Inez.
“We ended up getting off at the same stop, so she offered me a ride because her son was there waiting on her.”
Flip chugged the rest of his beer and belched loudly. “That’s embarrassing. You can’t even control your own child. You gotta get that shit together, Zuri.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Flip had me fucked all the way up. I took enough shit for the day, he wasn’t going to add to it. “No, nigga! What’s embarrassing is the fact that my so-called man can’t come through for me. If you knew you were helping Sticky move, I could have dropped you off and kept the car.”
I stood up and pointed my finger in Flip’s face. “If you hadn’t wrecked my car, we wouldn’t be in this position so fuck you! You want to talk about embarrassment? When you tell a nigga who trying to holla at you that you’re taken and he laughs ‘cus he would never have his woman and child walking to a bus stop.”
I stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind me. I hoped Flip’s mom wasn’t home because I didn’t want to disrespect her, but Flip had ran me so damn hot. He wrecked my car and blew out my head gasket right before I moved out of Aunt Mel’s house. He claimed he would get it fixed, but he was dragging his feet like he always did.
I walked into the restroom and locked the door behind me. As soon as I turned on the shower, I slid down the wall and brought my knees to my chest. I put my face in my hands and cried. I didn’t try to contain myself this time. I cried a horrible, ugly cry to cleanse my soul.
Flip really hurt my feelings with his words. I didn’t understand how he could come for me when he was part of the reason things were so fucked up. He was associated with every bad thing that had been happening to me, yet he had the nerve to act like I just didn’t have my shit together.
As I showered, I did my best to block out all negative thoughts. I let the steam from the water distract me until I started to feel like I was suffocating. My heart rate sped up and I started to feel dizzy, so I turned the water off and carefully stepped out the shower.
I rubbed my hand across the mirror and took a good look at myself. Physically, I was still Azuria, but I didn’t know the girl looking back at me. I could see the sadness in my eyes; I saw them crying out for help, although there was a smile on my lips.
As I washed my face, I thought back to what Miss Inez told me earlier about how children can feel their mother’s energy. It made me wonder if I was the reason Zariyah was so cranky. Was I feeding my child negative energy? Did she know that I was so afraid of failing her?
A knock on the bathroom door caused me to jump and lose my train of thought. “Yeah?”
“I need to go clear my mind, bro, I’ll be back,” Flip called through the door.
I placed my face towel on the rack and opened the bathroom door. He was already heading in the opposite direction, toward the front door. When he heard the door open, Flip stopped and turned towards me. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Where you going?”
“Out.” His tone was as bland as I felt.
“Oh,” I answered. I waved in his direction and headed toward the bedroom. As soon I closed the door, I heard the front door slam. I looked over at ZaZa, who didn’t flinch, and sighed. I laid my head on the pillow and tried to go to sleep, but as usual, my thoughts got the best of me.
When ZaZa woke up at six o’clock in the morning, I wasn’t sure if I had even been to sleep that night. One thing that I was sure about was the fact that Flip hadn’t come home that night. I didn’t have time to dwell on it though; ZaZa was woke which meant my motherly duties needed to be handled.
CHAPTER 10 - LONI
LONI
“Baby Jay, take your ass to sleep!” I yelled out. “You too, Antwon!”
My son ran in the living room wearing the world’s biggest pout. “Isn’t it the weekend? I don’t have to get up in the morning.”
“Yeah, Aunt Loni,” my nephew Antwon agreed with a smile on his face.
I shook my head at the adamant five year olds and shook my head. “Thirty minutes. Then it’s time to get in the bed. Y’all don’t have to go to sleep, but all toys need to be up and y’all asses need to be in bed.”
They cheered and slapped hands before running back to my son’s bedroom. I was happy that I lived on the bottom floor in my apartments because it sounded like they were jumping off anything they could. They were little boys, so I let them handle their business. As long as I didn’t hear any crying, I was good.
I picked up the remote and flipped through the channels. I didn’t find anything worth watching, so I turned off the TV and headed toward my bedroom. As I was turning off the lamp, I heard knocking at my door.
I looked at the time and hoped it was my baby, because Lord knows I needed some dick. When I looked in the peephole, I got so excited. I opened the door and took a step back to let him in.
Bryce walked past me and went straight to my bedroom. I didn’t know if I should be offended or turned on, seeing as how I did text him hours ago telling him I needed a fix. I locked the front door and turned off the lights in my living room and headed towards my bedroom.
Before I went in, I made a beeline for Baby Jay’s room. “Times up, get in the bed!”
“That was thirty minutes already?” he asked with a frown.
“Sure was,” I lied. “Now put on a movie and get in the bed. Y’all can clean this mess up in the morning.”
I impatiently waited for their bad asses to get settled in bed before I kissed them both and turned off their light. As soon as I shut the door, I damn near ran back to my room. When I opened the door, Bryce was laying down watching ESPN in his boxers and his shirt.
I would have preferred him naked, but it was cool with me. I removed my silk robe and climbed into the bed in my bra and panties. I slid over to Bryce and kissed his lips.
“I didn’t think you were coming since you didn’t respond to my text.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What text?”
“I text you and told you to come over because I needed my fix,” I told him. “I wanted to take you in the restroom earlier and put it on you but you looked so focused on mounting that damn TV, so I let you be.”
“You’re welcome, by the way,” he said.
I pushed his shoulder playfully. “Nigga, please. You did that more for you than me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he replied. “But I didn’t get no text from you, though. I just wanted to come see you and see how you liking the place.”
“I love it, babe. Thank you so much for everything.”
It was the first night in my new place, thanks to Bryce. I had issues at my old apartments so Bryce stepped in and made sure my babies and I were in a comfortable living situation.
“Baby Jay was so excited to see his new room.”
“I bet he was,” Bryce chuckled. He leaned over and kissed my neck. “So about that fix you needed.”
“Say no more,” I told him as I reached for his dick. His hands roamed my backside as I planted kisses on his neck. He patted my butt twice and I knew what he wanted. I pulled my hair to the other side of my neck and took him into my mouth. I bobbed my head up and down and played with his balls until he was hard enough for my liking.
He grabbed a handful of hair and moved his hips up and down as I matched his rhythm. He always tried to make me gag, but I never did. That was one of the things that drove him crazy about me. I looked up at his face as I continued working my magic. When I felt his balls grow heavy, I got up and undressed myself.
I quickly got back on the bed and lowered myself on top of his dick. I hissed slowly before rocking back and forth. Bryce had the best dick I’d experienced in a while; I think that’s why I liked his ass so much. We had been kicking it for about six months, and though we never made anything official, we both knew what it was.
We always made sure we looked out for each other; we kept each other high; and we had great sex. We had a great situation-ship as far as I was concerned, but I’m a woman, so naturally, I was starting to catch feelings.
