BITTER, page 22
CHAPTER 38 - CLUELESS
ZURI
I was half sleep when I picked up my cellphone. I didn’t even look at the screen before pressing the green button to answer the line.
“Hello?” I said, groggily.
“Is Bryce over there? Because the maintenance man is on the way and he said he would be here.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Bitch, go play with someone else. Keep your nigga on his leash if you afraid that he’s going to go roaming.”
“Trust me, he’s not going anywhere; I just know your trifling ass is always calling him to help with ZaZa.”
“Keep my daughter name out your mouth.”
“Keep her out my damn house, then,” Loni riposted.
“You are really trying it, but I’m going to let you make it,” I yawned, not interesting in the petty back and forth with this girl who was clearly clueless.
“You have no choice, bitch. You think Bryce wants you but he doesn’t. You’re a broke down, no-job, sorry ass excuse for a parent. What type of mother lets their child get burned in the face then turn around and tell a nigga that you can’t handle being a mother?”
When I heard those words, I was done! The bitch was lucky she was pregnant because the way I felt, she would have had to give me a round or two. I hung up the phone before I made myself any angrier. I called Flip but hung up before he could answer the phone. This was a conversation that needed to be discussed face-to-face.
The Lord was on my side because he sent Flip to my front door less than an hour later. He wore a smile until he saw my face. “Are you okay?”
“Fuck you, Flip. Why the fuck you here?”
He looked confused by the aggression in my voice. “I got your text and decided to come by. I would have called but I think I left my phone at my mama house.”
“Well that’s where you can go back to. I’m going to get my child and all y’all can kiss my ass.”
“Wait, Zuri, what’s wrong?”
“I hate your ass! You ain’t shit. It’s bad enough you cheated on me with that ugly bitch, but you have the nerve to be pillow talking with that hoe?”
“Zuri, what-”
“Fuck you!” I yelled as I slapped him across the face. “Do you know that bitch got me fired from my job? Do you know that she called my phone saying I burned my child on purpose, do you know what the fuck I’m going through because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants?”
“Booty, listen to me,” he started, holding his hands out towards me.
I took a step back. “I don’t want to hear shit you have to say.” I slammed the door in his face and went to grab my laptop. The first thing I did was go to the Attorney General’s website.
I knew it was hateful of me to file child support on Flip, but I wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting me. The worst thing a man can do his give his side-bitch the upper hand when it came to the woman he claimed to love. I didn’t know anything about Shalonda, but she knew things that she just shouldn’t have known.
After I filed the child support papers online, I called T-Mobile to deactivate Flip’s phone line. I also went online and maxed out the credit card that he had for emergency purposes. I hated him in that moment and I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to feel the wrath of a woman scorned.
Later that night, I showed up to Ms. Martha’s house when I knew Flip would be gone and picked up ZaZa. I cried all the way to my destination, but I knew I was going to a place where no one would find me.
When I pulled up to the driveway, Bash was standing there waiting. He didn’t say a word as he helped me carry my things into his house. As much as I pushed him away and throughout the pain I caused him after he lost his job, he still managed to welcome me with open arms.
I turned off my phone the second I stepped into Bash’s foyer and promised myself that I would focus on him and tune the rest of the world out.
------------------------------
It had been a week and though I appreciated Bash for everything he was doing, I knew eventually I would have to go home.
“I wish I could stay here forever,” I told him as I lay across his chest. We were in the bed watching movies, just as we had been doing for the past week.
“You can’t hide forever, Zuri.”
“Why not?”
Bash shook his head and pinched my thigh playfully. “Because we’re going to run out of movies to watch.”
I sighed and stared at the ceiling. “I really appreciate you for being there for me, Bash. I don’t want you to think that I’m using you or anything.”
“That’s not my concern. I just want you to be okay.”
“I don’t know if I can be okay after this,” I sadly admitted. “Too much has happened.”
“You’ll be okay,” he reassured. “Just don’t let this situation make you bitter; let it make you better.”
“Why is being bitter such a bad thing? I think I deserve to be bitter and angry.”
Bash shrugged. “Maybe. But how does it benefit you? You can hold on to that pain and that anger, but everyone else is going to move on.”
“So am I supposed to just forget about all the fucked up things people have done to me?”
“My mama once told me that Sometimes the best thing an ex can do for you is leave to show you how to let go and forgive."
"Why is it that I have to let go? When he texts me late night, people say he's just being a man. Men don't have to let go too?”
“They do too, but who is the one holding on to the stress and emotions? He’s just chilling while you’re stressing. I know he hurt you but you have to forgive.”
I shook my head defiantly.
“Why is it so hard for you to forgive, Zuri?”
“I'm afraid to forgive because falling in love again terrifies me. I forgive the lies and fall for new ones...No. Not this time. Forgiveness made a fool of me over and over again. So now, I want to try something new. I want to be mad. Fuck it, I'll be bitter.”
Bash chuckled and held me tighter. “You’re going to take him back.”
I repositioned my body so that I was facing Bash. “What?”
“Trust me.”
“You’re crazy. Did you take your ex back?”
“Yeah, I did a few times, actually. We went through the motions a couple times before we filed for divorce.”
“That’s y’all, I ain’t going back to a nigga that cheated on me and told all my business.”
Bash sighed. “I’m in my thirties; I’ve seen a lot and I’ve done a lot. It’s not over between you and your baby daddy. You had to turn off your phone because you don’t think you’re strong enough to face him.”
I rolled my eyes. “You think you know everything.”
“I don’t know everything, but I know of. And I don’t even know your baby daddy, but I’m sure he didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
“It sounds like you’re on his side.”
He nudged my side softly. “I’m on your side and I’ll be there for as long as you allow me to be. I just want you to be happy.”
I was satisfied with Bash’s answer, so I got comfortable in his arms and focused back on the television. Bash and I hadn’t taken our relationship past cuddling and I was appreciative of the patience he showed me. I wish I wasn’t so damaged so I could give him a shot.
CHAPTER 39 – REPRECUSSIONS
LONI
It had been a week since the last time I saw Bryce. He came back over to get his phone, but he didn’t utter a word to be so I was shocked when I saw him standing at my front door. I looked at his demeanor through the peephole and tried to decipher if he came in peace or not.
He was looking down so it was hard for me to decide. I slowly unlocked the door and opened. When Bryce finally looked up, his eyes were red like a raging bull. I took a step back, but I didn’t realize he was coming for me until I felt his hands around my neck.
“Didn’t I tell you not to fuck with with my family, bitch?”
I tried to talk, but his grip was too tight. I could feel my head getting light as I clawed at his arms.
“What the fuck did you do, Loni? What did you do?” he asked. Tears burned my eyes at the same time I saw tears filling in his eyes.
I know what I did was wrong, but this wasn’t the reaction I was expecting to get. As my throat and my eyes closed simultaneously, I instantly regretted how far I went in the name of love. I regretted being bitter about the fact that Bryce didn’t love me. I had so many regrets, but it was too late.
CHAPTER 40 – FINALITY
ZURI
PRESENT DAY
I woke up with a new attitude today. After dropping ZaZa off with Miss Inez, I decided to go and get my phone number changed. Once that was taken care of, I took Bash’s advice and went to be a nineteen-year-old for a day. I went and got my nails done, I went to lunch by myself, and I even went to see a movie.
When I made it back to Miss Inez’s house, something in my body told me that something wasn’t right. When I pulled into the driveway, I saw Miss Inez, Tristan, and Ms. Martha all standing outside. I looked around and tried to figure out where ZaZa was. When I looked into Tristan’s face, my heart dropped.
His eyes were sympathetic and they were the only pair looking in my direction. Miss Inez and Martha were both looking down. I quickly opened my car door and nearly jumped out. “What’s going on?”
“Where’s your phone?” Tristan asked.
“Why? What’s wrong? Where’s my baby?”
Ms. Martha looked at me with tear-filled eyes and my knees started to buckle. “Where is she? What happened to my damn baby?”
“She’s g-go-”
“No! No!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as Tristan ran over to catch me before I collapsed.
“What happened-what happened to my baby?”
“Do you know someone named Shalonda?”
My heart stopped, my world stopped, and all I saw was red.
TO BE CONTINUED…..
BITTER II
Coming soon
VALENCIA
“Mama, did my daddy call back yet?”
I looked at my four year old son and tried my best to smile, despite my irritation. The innocence in his voice made me want to drive over to my baby daddy’s house and slap the shit out of his ass.
“Not yet, Bray. I’ll let you know when he does, though. He is probably still at work.”
The disappointed didn’t leave my son’s face, but he nodded his head and ran back towards his room. “Okay, I hope it’s not too dark to go to the park when he gets off.”
I called Drizzy for the third time and listened to the phone ring and ring. I wanted to leave the most disrespectful voicemail, but I simply hung up the phone and shook my head. As much as I tried to keep the peace, I was tired of having to lie to my son on his dad’s behalf.
Drizzy’s new girlfriend had just went live on Facebook from his page and I saw his dusty ass in the background so I knew she was probably the one screening the call. If this was me a few years ago, I would probably be at their doorstep, but I’ve learned some battles ain’t even worth fighting.
Drizzy and I have had our ups and downs, but my son is my main priority. As long as he is happy, that’s all that matters to me. Drizzy and I were never in an exclusive relationship, we just liked having sex with each other.
I never tripped on what he did and he didn’t care too much about what I had going on; until I got pregnant. I was nineteen years old and I wasn’t ready for a baby, but I didn’t believe in abortion. I laid my ass down and made the baby, so I mentally prepared myself to take care of it.
When I told Drizzy I was pregnant, he was excited. He was there for me through my pregnancy whenever I needed anything so I figured we would do well as co-parents. Once we found out that we were having a boy, Drizzy was so happy, he told me we should try being a family.
Needless to say, that didn’t last long. Drizzy was a very attractive man with plenty of hoes and I just didn’t have time to deal with the drama. We broke up right after I gave birth to Braylon, and we’ve been cordial ever since.
We actually used to fool around from time to time, but since he’s gotten a new little girlfriend, his ass has been acting brand new. I don’t really give a damn about how he treats me, but it pisses me off that he’s starting to push my son to the backburner and focusing more on his relationship.
After an hour passed, I walked to my son’s room and saw him quietly playing with his toys. He didn’t seem interested and I knew his feelings were hurt. I sighed and walked to my kitchen to fix him a bowl of ice cream. The one thing my son loved just as much as his daddy, was cookies –n- cream ice cream.
I walked into his room with my hand behind my back. “Hey, little man. Guess what?”
Braylon looked up with bright eyes. “My daddy called back?”
Although my heart broke a little bit, I maintained my smile. “Not yet, but I have a surprise for you!”
Braylon loves surprises, so he jumped to his feet and held out his hand. I pulled the bowl of ice cream from behind my back slowly. Bray exposed his tiny little teeth and threw his fist in the air, before pulling it back beside him.
“Yes!” he cheered. I walked over to his Ninja Turtle table and sat the bowl down. He looked at me with wide yes. “I can eat in my room?”
“Just this time,” I told him as I patted his head. “Make sure you don’t get up so you won’t make a mess.”
“Yes ma’am,” he nodded, with his mouth full.
I chuckled as I walked out of his room. He looked and acted just like that damn daddy of his. I pulled out my phone and checked it again, but nothing had changed. Drizzy still hadn’t called his son back.
I walked back into the living room and flopped down on the couch. I picked up the remote and flipped through the channels until I finally settled on a movie to watch. It was a struggle keeping my eyes open, but I fought the drowsiness because my motherly duties weren’t done for the night.
I was sure Braylon would be nice and sticky since he didn’t believe in using his spoon half the time, so I needed to bathe him before bed. I yawned and grabbed my phone again, this time opening my Instagram app. It didn’t take me long to get bored with seeing the same thing all down my timeline: people with nothing acting like they had it all.
At the age of 23, I wasn’t doing the best, but I wasn’t struggling either. I had been working at the same call center since I was seventeen, but I couldn’t complain. I made decent money with my commission and they worked with me when it came to my son. I knew if I needed to take a day or two off, they wouldn’t trip with me.
My car wasn’t the best, but it was paid off; and I was fortunate enough to be able to pay rent every month on time. My two bedroom apartment was decorated nicely, even though I hadn’t gotten new furniture in nearly three years. I was comfortable and so was my son, so I couldn’t complain.
I heard knocks at my front door and nearly jumped off the couch. “What the hell,” I exclaimed, standing up. I looked at the time and figured it was probably my neighbor. She always came by at random times to vent about whatever new problems she had going on in her life.
I looked through the peephole and sucked my teeth loudly before turning the locks and opening the door.
“Drizzy, what did I tell you about coming by here unannounced?”
“What you mean unannounced? I told you that I was coming to get my son,” he said casually.
“You said you was taking him to the park hours ago. It’s dark as hell outside now.”
Drizzy responded like typical Drizzy. He avoided taking blame for his wrongdoing and changed the subject. “You gon’ let me in or you have company?”
I wanted to be petty and tell him I had company, but I simply opened the door wider and allowed him to enter my apartment. As soon as I closed the door, Braylon turned the corner, holding his bowl in his hand. “I’m finish mommy!”
When he noticed I wasn’t on the couch, Braylon looked in my direction. He lost his mind when he saw his father. “Daddy!”
Bray was so excited, he dropped the bowl and sprinted into his dad’s arms. I cringed as I watch the contents of the bowl spill onto my carpet. “BRAYLON!” I scolded.
“Sorry, mommy,” he giggled, while Drizzy tickled him.
I rolled my eyes as I walked over to clean up the mess. It was just like Drizzy to come in and make a big ass mess in my life. He disappeared to the back with Bray while I scrubbed the carpet. Once I was satisfied, I walked back into the kitchen to clean out his bowl. My mama always told me I was a neatfreak, but I couldn’t help it. I just liked everything to be organized.
“What you cook?” Drizzy asked, startling me. I didn’t hear him walk up on me and had almost forgot he was there.
“I didn’t cook nothing.”
He shook his head. “You slipping.”
“Slipping? Nigga, I just worked a 45 hour work week. I ain’t cooking a damn thing.”
“What did my son eat?”
“OUR son ate at his granny house. Thank God for that since you stood him up,” I snapped.
“I done already talked to Bray about that. He’s good. We gonna go to the park tomorrow,” Drizzy replied, leaning on the wall. “Did you eat?”
I looked at Drizzy, who had a concerned look on his face and almost laughed at him. “Why?”
“I was just asking, damn,” he said, raising both hands. “I could have went and picked you up something to eat, that’s all.”
“Mmmh hmm.”
“I was just trying to be nice, don’t bite my head off,” he laughed. “Why you tripping on me baby mama?”
I shot him a stern glance. “My name is Valencia. Don’t call me that shit.”
“Damn, Vee baby. I’m just playing!” He paused. “You snappy as hell today. It’s the end of the month, so I know it’s not your cycle that’s making you so cranky.” He smirked. “You ain’t getting no dick, huh?”
