BITTER, page 16
Flip was glaring at me, but each time I pushed him, he only nodded his head. “Fuck me, but I do everything for your ass?”
“You think you’re doing something by being the man you told me you wanted me to be? Fuck you! You don’t support me! You don’t show me respect! You don’t give a shit about what I’m doing if it’s not taking care of your daughter and riding your dick!”
“And you can barely do that right,” he said, antagonizing me.
This time, my anger got the best of me and I charged at Flip, swinging wildly. I was shocked when I felt a sudden jolt and I was falling back towards the bed. When I lost my balance and fell back on the bed, my pride was hurt. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to put his hands on me. “Really Flip?”
“Keep your hands to yourself, Zuri,” he warned through gritted teeth. “Next time, it’s not going to be a push, I’m going to knock your fuckin’ head off.”
Tears were burning my cheeks as I shook my head at him. “I hate you, Flip. I hate your stupid ass! That’s why I was out with Bash, because I can’t stand your stupid ass.”
“Fuck you and that nigga,” Flip spat, but I heard the hurt in his voice and it only made me want to hurt him more.
“That nigga knows how good of a woman I am! That nigga believes in me!”
“That nigga can have you,” Flip mumbled before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I laid back on the bed and put the pillow over my face. I let out a loud scream and cried until I didn’t have any energy left.
CHAPTER 25 – REBIRTH
LONI
I was laying on the couch, scrolling down my Instagram timeline, when I heard the locks on my front door turn. I rolled my eyes thinking it was either my sister or Kali, and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with either of them.
When Bryce stepped into my line of view, I almost jumped off the couch and ran into his arms. It had been a while since he came over at night time. When he closed the door and looked at me, I could tell something was wrong.
He looked like the world was resting on his shoulders and I wished that there was something I could do to lift that burden from him. Since I left the hospital, he had been so good to me, despite his lack of interest at times.
“Hey baby,” I greeted with a smile.
Bryce didn’t respond with the same enthusiasm I did, he offered a light grunt and walked past me toward my bedroom. The door closed softly behind him and I let out a deep sigh. I figured he wanted to be left alone, but something told me to go and check on him.
When I opened the door, Flip was sitting at the edge of my bed. He was leaning forward over his legs and his head was lowered. I walked over and stood in front of him. I gently ran my fingertips up and down his neck. “You okay?”
He nodded his head, but he didn’t move. He looked like a man who was defeated and it broke my heart. “You want to talk about it?” I asked.
Bryce took a deep breath and shook his head. “I’m straight; just some bullshit with my baby mama.”
Bryce didn’t speak on his baby mama too much. I concluded from the talks that we had before that she was a young, trifling, bitter baby mama who threw her child off on any and everybody. “You’re a great father, you know that, right?”
“I ‘preciate that,” he mumbled. I felt his hands on the back of my thighs first. Then slowly they raised until they were roaming my ass. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he rested his head against my bare stomach. When I felt his lips next to my navel, I could have cried. For some reason, that was the sexiest thing in the world to me.
Bryce’s hands palmed the bottom of my ass cheeks as he kissed my hot pocket through my shorts. In one swift motioned, he pulled my shorts down and stuck his finger inside me. After getting me wet enough for him, he stood up and gently threw me on the bed. After he undressed himself, he crawled on top of me and he took me slowly while staring into my eyes.
I will never forget that night; it was the first night Bryce made love to me. It was the first night I whimpered out those three words and although he didn’t say them back, the look in his eyes told me he felt the same.
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The next morning, Bryce was gone before I woke up. I looked at the time and saw that it was almost noon. I stretched and smiled, thinking about the night before. Bryce had been so gentle and looked at me in a way that I’d never seen before. After we made love, he asked me what I wanted to name the baby. We went back and forth about names until I dozed off, with my head resting comfortably on his chest.
I got out of the bed and went into the restroom to handle my morning hygiene. Once I was dressed, I went into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat and saw a note on the counter. Bryce told me he had some business to handle and that he would be right back. He also told me that there was food for me in the microwave.
I smiled as I pulled out a plate of sausage and scrambled eggs. It wasn’t much, but it was the most I had gotten out of him in weeks. After my accident, he had been hot and cold, causing me to question exactly where I stood with him. I heard my sister mention that we were at odds before the accident, but I didn’t remember any of that.
A knock at the door caused me to snap out of my thoughts. Shortly after the knock, the locks turned and Kali peeked her head around the door. “Anybody home?” she sang.
“No, we’re all gone,” I replied sarcastically.
“Fuck you!” she hurled back as she closed the door. “How are you feeling?”
“Good as hell. Bryce made me come at least five times last night,” I bragged. I took a bite of the sausage and squeezed my eyes shut. “Mmmh, I’m getting horny just thinking about it.”
Kali grimaced and playfully gagged. “I can tell by the way you’re sucking on that damn sausage.”
I giggled while she shuddered and shook her head. “Where that nigga at now?”
“He had some business to take care of.”
Kali nodded her head and turned on the TV. “Remember that girl that you told me to add? The ones that tagged Bryce in that picture?”
I nodded eagerly. It had been a few weeks, but I vividly recalled the little light skinned chick that had my man tagged. “Yeah, what about her?”
“Well, I wrote her.”
“Kali!”
“What? Shit, she didn’t accept my damn request, so I wrote her!” Kali shrugged with an attitude.
“What did you say, Kali?”
“I just asked her how she knew Bryce. What was their relationship.”
“And?”
“She hasn’t read it yet. She hasn’t been active in a while, though.”
I walked out the kitchen and took a seat across from Kali. “She probably ain’t nobody, fuck her.” I glanced over at Kali, who was texting someone with a frown on her face. “You okay?”
“I’m good,” she said once she sat her phone down. “Julez bitch ass just has me fucked up. He think because he picks Nyla up from time to time that his job is done.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand these niggas.”
“They sorry! They want to be part-time fathers with full-time father benefits. Fuck that. You get back what you put in and Julez ain’t putting in enough for me.”
“He got too many damn kids,” I laughed.
“Fuck you. Ain’t no telling how many kids Bryce has,” she countered.
“Bitch, please.”
Kali rolled her eyes. “Don’t bitch please me. You don’t know! Hell, you don’t ask enough questions for me.”
“He ain’t my man, I’m not supposed to.”
“He fucking you with no condom; you have every right. You better open your eyes and learn where the hell you stand.”
I started thinking about what Kali said. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was making it too easy on Bryce. I quickly shrugged away those thoughts because I didn’t want to argue with him. As desperate as it sounded, I was willing to take a piece of him if it meant not having to lose him altogether.
CHAPTER 26 – TEQUILA
ZURI
Two days had passed since my argument with Flip and he hadn’t been back home. I had called him on several occasions, but his phone went straight to his voicemail each time. I knew the things I said were hurtful, but damn, to go two days without checking in was a bit much.
My phone rang and an unknown number popped up on the screen. Hoping it was Flip, I answered the phone quickly. “Hello?”
“Hey, uh, Zuri?”
“Yeah, who is this?”
“Hey, this Squeak. What’s going on with you?”
“Umm, I’m headed to work right now. What’s up?”
“I was calling ‘cus Flip just called me from the county,” he said.
“The county?”
“Yeah, he couldn’t tell me much over the phone, but he said he had got caught speeding the other night and they took him to jail.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but it made sense. “Damn, is he okay?”
“Yeah, he good. He say he should be out in a few days or so. He said they found some old warrants that he has to sit out.”
“Damn,” was all I could say.
“Yeah, shit crazy, but he wanted me to call you and his mama to lace y’all up. He said he couldn’t take hearing y’all voice or some weak shit like that,” Squeak laughed.
I shook my head as I pulled up to Chili’s parking lot to meet Valencia. “If he calls again, please have him call me. Tell him I miss him and I love him.”
Squeak was silent for a few moments before agreeing that he would deliver the message. When we hung up the phone, I wanted to turn around and go home. I didn’t have much of an appetite after knowing that our argument landed Flip in jail.
I missed the hell out of him and I wanted to apologize to him about the way I acted. We both had our flaws and faults, but we were in this thing called life together.
After sulking for about ten minutes, I finally got out of the car and walked into the restaurant. Valencia was waiting for me as soon as I walked in.
“The wait time was about thirty minutes, so I got us seats by the bar.”
We walked over to the bar area and took our seats. When the waitress came over, Valencia ordered two Tequila Sunrise drinks with no hesitation.
“I’m not twenty-one yet,” I whispered, once the waitress walked away.
Valencia’s eyes widened. “I forgot!” She shrugged her shoulders. “Her fault, she didn’t ask for ID.”
I shook my head and laughed. Flip tried to get me to drink some liquor with him once but I hated it and had never tried it again, but today I felt like I could use a drink or two.
“So, what’s been up with you?” she asked. “How has everything been going?”
“It’s going, girl. Sometimes I’m up; sometimes I’m down,” I answered truthfully. “Life is hard.”
“Tell me about,” Valencia agreed. “I guess we’re all going through the motions. How’s everything with you and Flip? Have you heard from him?”
I watched the waitress sit our drinks down before I started talking. “His friend just called me and told me that Flip has been in jail.”
“For what?”
“Warrants apparently.”
Valencia shook her head and took a sip of her drink. “So, what are y’all going to do? It seems like y’all haven’t been seeing eye to eye.”
I apprehensively took a sip of my own drink and was surprised by how good it tasted. I took another sip and another and before I knew it, the damn drink was almost gone.
“Slow down, girl! You’re going to be tipsy as hell,” Valencia laughed.
“This tastes like juice, girl. I don’t even taste the alcohol,” I giggled as I finished off the last few drops. “But back to me and Flip, I don’t know what we’re going to do.”
Valencia smirked. “It’s that damn professor.”
I fidgeted in my seat a little and pulled at my ear. “Why would you say that?”
“Bitch, you’re red as a damn hot tamale! You know I’m right.”
I fanned myself with my hand. “I’m red because I’m hot as hell. You’re not hot?”
Valencia chuckled. “You’re feeling that drink that’s why you’re hot. But you’re red because that damn teacher has been giving your ass more than a few assignments.”
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling although Valencia’s statement was far from the truth. “That’s not the case, Vee, honestly. We’re just cool; nothing like that.”
“Mmm- hmm.”
“I’m serious. We’re just friends.”
“And she say he’s just a friend,” she sang, causing both of us to crack up laughing. “Girl, the way you talk about him seems like its more than friendship.”
“It’s not. He’s just someone that I admire. He understands me and he makes me look at life in a different light.”
“Basically, he’s doing all the things that Flip should be doing.”
I sighed and looked toward the bar. I twirled my earring around my finger and hunched my shoulders. “I don’t know. I love Flip, you know? I want to be with him, I just need him to grow up and stop being so controlling.”
“You messed up when you gave him that control, honey,” she said matter-of-factly. “That’s what he is used to, so that’s what he is always going to expect.”
“I’m not the same girl I was back then.”
“He doesn’t see it that way. Men never do. They’re allowed to grow and change, but we’re supposed to always remain the person they fell in love with.”
“But why is that?”
“They’re selfish; and they’re weak. Not in the sense of being a pussy or nothing like that; but behind their egos and their pride, men are nothing more than grown little boys. That’s why I’m doing my best now to raise my son to appreciate women. I’m teaching him early how to treat one.”
“I would think that boys who have a good relationship with their mothers would be good spouses. Like Flip. He is super close with his mom and sister.”
“They seem like they are more willing to show and express their love for women; but it doesn’t mean they know how to do right by them. Certain things a man has to learn from another man.”
I nodded my head. “That makes sense.” When I saw our waitress again, I ordered another drink. What the hell, I thought. “I just wish Flip would be happy for me. Ever since I started working, it seems like I never know what to expect from him.”
“My mama told me something a long time ago and it literally stuck with me. She said once a woman finds her strength, weak men become afraid. They lose the control they once had and they panic. So they become nonchalant and arrogant; they start to try and make you feel low. They do these things as a defense mechanism to try and mask the fact that they are terrified of losing you. See, a man is nothing without his backbone and he knows this. The thing is, it’s always too late once he realizes it.”
We talked about a host of other things that night, but those words were the only ones I can remember.
When I made it to the house, I was surprised to see Flip’s car in the driveway. My stomach was turning flips and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was nervous or if it was because I drank too much.
I walked into the house feeling like my legs were noodles. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to walk straight. When Flip laid eyes on me, he almost looked amused.
“Have you been drinking?”
“A little,” I slurred, leaning against the wall in the hallway. “You’re home from jail?”
This time, he smiled. “Yeah, I’m home from jail.” He looked at me and shook his head. “Come here.”
He gently grabbed my hands and led me to our bedroom. “Who were you out drinking with?”
“Valencia.”
“Did you have a good time?”
I nodded my head and looked Flip in the eye. “I love you so much, Flip.” I had no clue where that came from, but I felt like it needed to be said. “I know things have been crazy between us but I love you so much.”
Flip chuckled and pulled me into his chest. “I love you too, Booty.”
“I promise I’m not sleeping with anyone else.”
“I know, baby, I know,” he told, rocking me side to side.
“That’s making me sick,” I groaned. My head was spinning and the rocking was only making me feel dizzy.
“Come lay with me,” he said.
Flip took his time helping me undress down to my bra and panties. He went and got a bottle of water for me to drink before guiding me to the bed. When I laid down, I started to feel a little better, but I was still afraid I would throw up. By the time Valencia and I had left the restaurant, I’d had at least three drinks. It was by the grace of God that I made it home safely.
“I gotta throw up baby,” I said slowly.
Flip quickly helped me to the restroom and held my hair back while I hurled into the toilet. Once I was finished, he ran me a bath and took his time bathing me. I was surprised at how gentle Flip was being with me. I knew for sure that he would be mad at me for being drunk, but his patience made me feel even worse for the way I had been carrying on with Bash.
By the time I made it to the bed, I was in tears. I have no clue what I was crying about, but Flip understood whatever it was. He kept telling me over and over that he loved me and everything would be okay.
That was all I needed to hear.
CHAPTER 27 - PANIC
ZURI
I had a raging headache when I woke up the next morning, but I got a call from my job asking me to come in. I wanted to decline, but I knew I could use the extra money.
“Have a good day, baby, I love you,” Flip said groggily on my way out. I leaned down and kissed him before I left.
I don’t know how I did it, but I made it through the day without a hitch. By the time I made it home, I was exhausted. Flip texted me saying he had to go to the store for his mom and that ZaZa was at the house with her.
When I made it home, I spoke to Ms. Martha and took ZaZa to the room with me. We laid in bed watching cartoons and at some point, I dozed off. I was awakened by ZaZa’s screams. My heart pounded and I shot out of the bed without realizing what was going on. ZaZa was still screaming so I ran toward her. It was then that I noticed the iron sitting next to her, still plugged. I quickly sat it upright because it was burning the carpet. I grabbed my daughter off the floor and nearly screamed when I saw the right side of her face.
