Let It Go: Benny's Story, page 2
part #1 of Let Go Series
“Did you call just to check in, Kitty Kat?”
“Well, that too,” she responded shyly. “But Mason’s birthday is in two weeks, and I want to throw him a little get-together. I need your help.”
Benny hadn’t celebrated his own birthday since his brother died, but that didn’t mean he didn’t love celebrating with his friends.
“Anything you need, you know I have your back,” he told Kat.
They discussed the details and what he would need to do before they hung up. He scrubbed the palm of his hand across his face. Kat brightened up his day when he spoke to her, but he would be lying if he didn’t admit that he was jealous that Mason had that every day. When he had a bad day at work, he’d come home to Kat, her smiling face willing away the painful thoughts and the vivid reminders. Benny had used his vengeance, his need for payback to push his nightmares away. But now that he was almost one hundred percent clean in business and the hardened edge was falling away bit by bit, the skeletons in his closet were haunting him more and more.
He took one more minute to dwell on the past before he forced himself to start working on his part of Mason’s birthday. With the way his thoughts were working a mile a minute and the need to push them back, Mason was going to get one hell of a birthday party.
*****
Benny had been working on a new venture, a club that he was trying to buy. While working on the tasks that Kat had assigned him to prepare for Mason’s birthday, the next two weeks flew by in a blur. He had recruited John and Chain to help Kat with her own agenda, not that they needed much convincing. They both had a soft spot for her, too; they just didn’t acknowledge it the way Benny did.
Benny stood in front of his mirror wearing a black fitted suit and a deep blue button-down shirt. He didn’t have many occasions to wear suits lately. He stared at the image of himself while musing that his rough edges didn’t quite match the polished look. He could vaguely remember the way his eyes twinkled when he was just a kid, teaching Ethan to throw a ball, ride a bike, and even look up a girl’s skirt. Benny chuckled to himself, remembering the shenanigans they got into. His mood was momentarily dampened by the realization that it was his fault there was no joy to be had with Ethan by his side. He shook his head to clear those thoughts. He needed to head out and make it to Mason’s birthday. He took one last look at his attire. Most of his tattoos were covered. If you didn’t pay close attention to the ones poking out from around his neck or the steel look in his eyes, he could pass for one of Mason’s white collar friends. Funny enough, he used to be that guy. Squeaky clean, no tattoos, no drama, just a chip on his shoulder that he attributed to teenage rebellion. His body slowly started transforming into a picture book. Then Ethan got caught in the crossfire. And Benny got his first truly meaningful tattoo. All the others were just simply designs that he had liked or things he thought were “cool.” This one was made to look like a puzzle piece was missing, shadowed in, three-dimensional, right over his heart. It had been so accurate, still was. When Ethan died, he took a piece of Benny with him. He took the best of Benny with him. Benny had barely felt the sting of the needle then, his rage consuming his thoughts, but it became an addiction, another way to release the tension coiled through his very body. Now, he was on the verge of being his own art showcase.
He sighed and headed out the door. The closer he got to Mason’s place, the happier he was. That family could put a smile on the grim reaper himself. Even Eddie had started showing some of that charm, clearly letting Kat and Mason rub off on him. He was a good kid, but Benny was still hesitant around him since he knew he had been associated with Katherine, and he wasn’t as generous with letting go of grudges as Mason and Kat were.
Benny had stopped by their place earlier to make sure everything was set up. He had gone all out, more than Kat had even expected. There was a cigar roller in the back, a tequila bar to the side, more food than you could imagine, decorations galore, servers, and a cleaning crew at the ready. He pulled up to the driveway and tossed his keys to the valet he hired. He had thrown a party for a hundred guests instead of the thirty they were expecting, much to Kat's chagrin.
“Mason deserves it, Kat,” Benny had reasoned.
“Yeah, Benny, he does.” She smiled wide before jumping into Benny’s arms to give him a tight hug. As he held her close, she whispered in his ear, “Thank you for being there for him and me. We love you. You know that, right?”
He did, so he nodded. He loved them, too. He was never going to get to do this with Ethan or any family he could have created. It stung a bit. He had been thinking about Ethan a lot lately, and it bothered him. He looked down at Kat’s smiling face and pushed Ethan out of his thoughts.
“Love you, too, Kitty Kat, but don’t tell Mason I said that or he’ll try to kick my ass.”
“He’d never kick your ass.” Kat smiled.
“I did say try,” he chuckled. “I never said he’d succeed.”
Benny had stayed to watch Benji and Katy while Kat got ready and then headed home himself to get ready. Mason’s actual birthday was in two days. Adam often asked Mason for his help when Adam was swamped at his office, so it had been easy to hide all this from him with Adam’s help.
Benny was fashionably late, completely missing the “surprise” part of the party, but he liked it that way. He didn’t like the big fuss, and he knew Mason would understand. He’d also have time to scan the crowd and examine the situation. It had become a force of habit to do so even in a place such as this.
He spotted Mason first, talking to Adam, John, Eddie, and some work-related friend. It was an odd group of people to mix, but somehow, Mason made it work. They had probably been talking about something medical anyway. You’d never know it, but John was smart as hell and loved learning. He had barely finished high school, but that had to do with the fact that he didn’t like teachers telling him what to learn. He could read something and understand it immediately. That kind of knowledge was actually extremely helpful with the line of work Benny was slowly getting out of. John’s massive size and his snarl might have helped a little, too.
He made his way over to them and gave the proper hellos, as well as wishing Mason an early birthday and apologizing for being late. He hadn’t brought Mason’s gift as it was being installed in his office the next day. He had ordered new computers, a new server, and some other technical stuff he was told was top-of-the-line and something any doctor needed. He slapped his back, talked a bit, and then made his way through the crowd, saying hello to those people he knew and side stepping those he didn’t until he reached Kat.
“It doesn’t look so over-the-top now, huh?” Benny teased as he hugged Kat.
“Oh, you!” She pointed her finger at him accusingly. “No goading me,” she tried to say sternly, but the smile gave her away.
“Benny, this is Sophie,” Kat announced, turning toward the woman she had been talking to when Benny interrupted. He had only gotten a glimpse of her, seeing as she was partially hidden behind Kat when he snuck up on them. His back had been rudely turned to her, he now realized, when he spoke to Kat.
“Sophie, this is Benny,” Kat announced as Benny finally turned to look at a pair of deep brown eyes so dark they were almost black. Exotic, he mused. He only had a moment to analyze the face whose intense gaze he was on the receiving end of. Her full lips parted, as if in surprise, and her eyebrows knitted together. The look he was getting from those deep chocolate eyes was a myriad of emotions, none of which he could pinpoint. He would be lying if he weren't both perplexed and intrigued. But before he had a chance to hold out his hand and greet her properly, she pulled her own hand to the necklace at her throat and clutched it. Her lips thinned into a mixture between a sneer and a tight smile as she turned to Kat.
“Sorry, Kat, it just got a bit stuffy in here. I’m going to head out for some air.” She turned on her heel and practically ran away before either of them had responded.
“What’d you do to her?” Kat joked as both their gazes lingered on the spot Sophie had vacated. She seemed so familiar, but he couldn’t place her.
“I don’t even know her,” Benny replied.
“She’s the new doctor in Mason’s office,” Kat informed him. “Don’t tell me she was one of your famous one-nighters first,” she laughed.
“Oh shit,” he muttered.
“Oh God, Benny, say she isn’t. I was only joking. That would be really awkward.”
“Sorry, Kitty Kat. I have no clue, but there was something about her,” he admitted. “Don’t worry, though, I won’t let things get weird.”
“Good.”
They chatted a bit more and then headed in different directions to continue mingling with the rest of the guests. Benny had all but forgotten about his odd encounter with Sophie, except when he’d noticed her avoiding him from across the room. Whatever her issue with him was, he needed to make it right, so he followed her when he finally noticed her heading outside. She was alone, and he took a minute to examine her. She had found a tree in the backyard to lean against, her head hanging down and her hands balled up into fists by her side. There was a faint glow from the lights surrounding her and Benny couldn’t help but see how stunning she was. She pulled her arms across her chest, and suddenly, he wasn’t at the party. He was at his brother’s funeral.
He had been so distraught, so beside himself, especially after his parents had exiled him. He stormed out of there, but he remembered catching a glimpse of Sophie’s sun-streaked hair as her head hung low. Her back was pressed against a tree for support, and her arms clutched protectively around herself as if in a tight embrace.
She had been sobbing. Backbreaking sobs, the kind that robbed your body of breath. He remembered feeling for her, feeling her pain, but he had been so consumed with his own that he looked straight ahead and walked away with John, Chain, and Marco following. That was the last time he saw her…until now.
Sophie. Sophie Basi. Her name echoed in his mind as the memories washed over him. She had changed, dramatically. No wonder he hadn’t recognized her. She had been the girl next door, a year younger than Ethan, just a little kid. She had been tall and lanky, her figure just forming when Benny knew her, although her striking chocolate eyes had always been her best feature. He should have recognized her from that alone, but he had tried so hard to forget that life that it was no wonder he pushed her in the back, too. She had been Ethan’s best friend when they were younger, hanging out until the uncomfortable phase when they were made fun of by their friends. She came around, nonetheless, but spent most of that time in the shadows with only Benny to talk to. Her keen eyes always had a knowing glint in them, like it was only a matter of time before Ethan noticed her the way that she noticed him. Her eyes had always drawn him in, and the way that she had seemed older than her years had intrigued him. While she wanted Ethan, Benny watched her. Ultimately, Sophie had been right because by the beginning of high school, things changed and Ethan no longer saw Sophie as a friend or the girl next door. He was in love with her, or as much as a kid his age could be in love. Even though by this time, Benny had been around less and less, he knew Sophie was Ethan’s number one. When he realized just how important they were to each other, he pushed his childish fascination for Sophie into the recesses of his soul and the unreasonable pain of feeling like Ethan no longer needed him to the hollow spaces of his mind. After Ethan’s death and his parents’ rejection, he couldn’t handle being around Sophie. It was his love for Ethan and his own feelings for her that had him asking John to check on her after he finally pulled himself out of his own sorrow. John had come back with news that Sophie wasn’t doing well; her grief had caused her to get sick. It took all the strength he had not to visit her, to comfort her, just be there for her when Ethan couldn’t.
He did what he could to help her behind the scenes. When John told him that she was finally fine, he had breathed a sigh of relief. It was another few months before she left town to start college. It had taken days of convincing from John and Chain to let that part of his life go. Sophie wasn’t his problem. They were right. Thinking about her, worrying about her, had taken too much of a toll on him. It was like a switch clicked off inside him the day he agreed. He stopped thinking about her and that life. His memories, his feelings of Ethan, were harder to forget, but he managed just fine for a while. It was fairly recently that Ethan had been pushing himself into the forefront of Benny’s mind. Like now.
He couldn’t deal with the pain now as the memories assaulted him. He was on the verge of tears, and he hadn’t cried since his brother died. He turned to leave. He wanted to go back inside before she realized that he was there; before he brought either of them any more pain. He must have made a noise or maybe she could finally feel his eyes on her because she looked up before he could escape. And this time, there was no confusing what emotions were written in her eyes. It was hatred. Pure hatred and it was directed at him.
Chapter 3
Benny had practically run away from her stare and fled inside. He spent the rest of the evening avoiding her but seeing her had gotten to him. He did his best to hide his emotions, but every so often, he’d catch a worried gaze from his friends. He left the party earlier than he normally would have, but he needed to get away. He sank down on the sofa and just stared at the wall in front of him. His memories of Ethan crashed in his mind, and his body went numb from the emotion overload. He shouldn’t have been surprised when he heard a loud knock on his door about an hour later and John’s loud voice booming through. “Open up or I’m using my key.” John, Chain, and Mason had keys to his place and he had copies to theirs. It had been as a precaution, so that if any of them needed to get away from their worlds, they could just crash at each others’ places. But also because John, Chain, Benny, and Marco had locked themselves out way too many times when they were younger, especially if alcohol and drugs had been involved. Mason had been brought into the fold after prison, especially since Benny had visited and checked on Kat when Mason had been absent.
Benny made his way to the door and pulled it open, letting John walk in, although stroll was more like it. When they were growing up and were just kids, Benny had been envious of how John just poured into any space like he owned it. He had been a big guy, even then, and Benny had wanted to feel just as big. Looking back now, Benny realized that his need to feel like the most powerful guy in the room had started at a really young age.
“I was wondering how long it was going to take you to realize it was her.” John spoke, his voice low and calm, but the hard edge that he’d had all his life was still there. John had gotten into trouble with Benny for two reasons. He was loyal and would have followed his best friend anywhere, but also because he needed an outlet for the life he had at home. He had learned early on to stand up for himself, or rather that you had two choices – take a beating or give a beating. John had chosen the latter, which was also probably why he seemed so much larger than his already huge frame. Not something Benny should have been envious of, but it’s hard to tell that to a little kid.
“What the fuck?” Benny narrowed his eyes.
“Took me a little while to put two and two together myself. She’s a fucking fox now,” John smirked unapologetically. “But those eyes, man. That and the fact that she ran away from you as fast as she could when you walked up to Kat.”
“You saw that?”
“I was watching her the minute I saw her.” John chuckled and Benny couldn’t help but smile. He would have watched her, too, if she hadn’t been a painful reminder of what had been. “Damn, she hates you.” John whistled through his teeth.
“Can’t blame her. Seeing me probably reminded her of Ethan, and she couldn’t handle that.”
“Yeah, but that would have been pain, sadness even, but anger? You must have done something to her in another life.” John paused. “I just came by to make sure you were okay. I would have come sooner, but I thought you probably wanted some time alone. That and Kat has some pretty hot friends, and I needed to get a few numbers before I left.” He knew John would have dropped anything to be there for him if he needed but was thankful for his attempt at humor. Benny smiled.
“I’m good,” Benny told him. “Some days it sneaks up on me. And Sophie was that today. Just going to grab a drink and head to bed.”
“Good.” John nodded and Benny looked up to see the pain etched across his features. John knew more about Benny’s life than any of their other friends. He had known him since elementary school, whereas Chain and Marco didn’t come along until high school and Mason much later. When something affected Benny’s life, it affected John’s, too. They had been as close as brothers could be without being blood. Sometimes even closer than Benny and Ethan had been, which ate at Benny on numerous occasions. But that also meant that when Benny lost Ethan, John lost him, too.
“Hey, you good, too?” Benny asked, finally realizing that this was probably almost as hard for John to remember as well.
“Yeah,” John sighed. “Just sometimes...sometimes I wonder if his death was our punishment, but when I think about that, I wonder if it was for what we had done before his death or what we did after.” He paused, but Benny didn’t know what to say. He had often thought of that, too. “I loved him, Benny. You’re my brother, and he was my brother. So don’t, for one second, think you’re alone when you’re feeling the pain. You ever need to talk, I’m here.” He spoke, looking Benny directly in the eyes before smirking and adding, “And I won’t even tell the guys, so they don’t think you’re a pansy-ass.” John knew how to make a bad situation a little better. It had been ingrained in him to do that, but right now, Benny appreciated it.
“Same here, Johnny,” Benny chuckled. He only called him Johnny when he was trying to get a rise out of him.
“You’re lucky I feel bad for you or you’d be on your ass for calling me that.” John always said something like that whenever Benny called him Johnny, but he never did anything about it. “All right, I’m out.” John started for the door. “Let me know if you need anything.”
