Let It Go: Benny's Story, page 11
part #1 of Let Go Series
“Nah, this time it’s John’s fault,” he told her.
“John? What’d he do?” She’d known John almost as long as Benny. He was a big guy, extremely intimidating even when he was growing up. He was always pretty silent, too, which just made him seem even more threatening, like he was assessing the situation. Maybe he was, but deep down, Sophie knew that he was gentle unless provoked and had a really good heart. Huh. No wonder he and Benny were friends.
“We’re converting a warehouse into a lounge,” Benny told her. “We were onsite talking to the contractor, and John decided he wanted to get some hands-on experience. He was just trying to show off in front of the contractor’s assistant,” Benny grinned.
“So what happened?”
“He was too busy making sure the girl was watching and didn’t notice that the two-by-four he carried was aimed at my head.”
Sophie gasped and walked behind Benny. He had a small cut on the side of his head. It wasn’t long, but it was pretty deep and blood trailed down and onto his shirt.
“And where is John now?”
“The fucker wouldn’t let me drive. Dropped me off and went back to finalize things.”
“How are you getting back?” Sophie asked as she started working on Benny’s cut.
“I’ll get a cab,” he answered as if Sophie wasn’t sticking a needle in his head. She hadn’t bothered to ask if he wanted local anesthesia; she knew he’d decline.
“I don’t have any clients until after lunch. I can drop you off if you’d like.”
“I don’t want to trouble you,” Benny responded.
“It’s no big deal. I have to go out to grab lunch anyway.”
“Only if you let me buy you lunch,” Benny told her, and she found herself smiling at that.
“Deal.” She finished his stitches, and they headed out to a café nearby.
They ordered, and Benny paid before they found a table near the window.
“What’s it like?” Benny asked.
“What’s what like?” Sophie scrunched up her nose in confusion.
“Fixing people, helping them…just making a difference.”
“I don’t-” she started to protest, but Benny cut her off.
“Yeah, Sophie, you do. I’ve only ever…” he trailed off, but Sophie knew what he was implying. That he’d only ever hurt people.
“I do what I can, Benny. I’m not a miracle worker or even a genius. I studied the human body and memorized conditions and symptoms, and I match them together. I didn’t find the diseases. I didn’t create the medicines to treat them.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t downplay what you do.” But that was exactly what she was doing. Something inside her didn’t want Benny to feel so inadequate, and that was her way of showing him that she wasn’t any better than him.
“I’m not. It’s just that what I do doesn’t make me any better than other people. A woman who feeds the homeless or a guy who donates to charities, or even a person who is there for their friends…that’s helping others, too. That’s fixing people, Benny. And that’s something. So, back at you. Don’t downplay what you do, either. You’re there for the people you love.”
“Haven’t always been,” he muttered, but Sophie heard him.
“Better late than never,” she retorted.
“Sometimes late is too late.”
“You’re right, sometimes it is, but there is nothing we can do about the past. You said it yourself – it’s time to live our lives. So, let’s live. No more sad talk for today.”
“If you say so.” Benny cracked a smile.
“I do.” And then Sophie changed the topic and they ate the remainder of their lunch while chitchatting. It was easy and nice, and Sophie found herself truly enjoying Benny’s company. When she dropped him off, she actually didn’t want their time together to end. He had been the first real friend she’d had in a while. All the other people in her life didn’t really know her – they didn’t know the things she hid – and therefore, they only got to experience Sophie with a plastic smile. But Benny – and well, Kat and Mason and even John, too – knew the real her. She needed and wanted to cherish those friendships.
*****
“Sophie, I really, really hate to ask, but are you free this Friday?” Kat asked Sophie over the phone about a week later.
“Yeah, sure. Why do you ask?”
“Because I really wanted to have a date night with Mason. He’s been stressed lately, and I thought some time away for just us would be nice. But I need someone to watch the kids.”
“Of course!” Sophie cried. Kat had quickly turned into one of Sophie’s best friends. She’d do just about anything for her. Besides, watching the two cuties was a bonus.
Friday rolled around and Sophie headed toward Kat’s place. After knocking on the door, she found herself stuttering. “Wha…what are you doing here?” she asked Benny, who was holding Katy in his arms.
“Oh good,” Kat came to the door. “You’re here.”
“Uh, Kat, I thought you needed me to babysit,” Sophie told her.
“I do. Two kids, two sitters.” Then she ran back, grabbed Mason, and started pulling him out.
“Kat? What’s going on?” Mason asked.
“Oh nothing, both Benny and Sophie volunteered to watch the kids. Isn’t that awesome? Let’s go,” she told him as she dragged him out, a sorry expression on his face as he looked between Sophie and Benny.
“Kitty Kat,” Benny called after her.
“Love you too, Benny,” she called back and then they were gone.
“Looks like Kat struck again,” Benny chuckled.
“Looks like it,” Sophie giggled. “I don’t get why. We’re friends, right? Or is there something I don’t know?”
“Nope, all good here,” Benny answered.
“Well, if you want to head out, I can take care of them.”
“Nah, Kat’s right, it’s easier with two people, unless you have other plans?” He posed it as a question more than a statement.
“Two sitters, it is,” Sophie told him.
The night had been all sorts of fun, between Benji peeing on Benny when he changed his diaper to Katy crying every time Sophie put her down for over an hour to both kids giggling uncontrollably when Benny sang to them. In their defense, Benny was not a singer. Sophie had to stop herself from laughing several times. It was hours before the kids went to sleep, and both Benny and Sophie plopped down on the couch exhausted.
“How do you do this by yourself?” Sophie asked, knowing Benny had babysat several times on his own.
“It’s a struggle, but I love them.”
“Yeah, they’re great, but I’m glad they’re finally asleep.”
“Me, too.”
They found a movie to watch on TV, but the next thing Sophie knew, Kat was waking them up gently. Sophie opened her eyes to realize her head was on Benny’s shoulder and his arm was around her, holding her and keeping her safe. For a brief moment, she actually resented Kat for waking her up. She hadn’t slept that well in ages, and she felt so warm and not alone. It was a wonderful feeling.
When she said goodnight to Benny after they walked out together, she blamed just waking up and her head feeling a bit fuzzy for the words that came out of her mouth. “I like hanging out with you. We should do it more often.”
Benny seemed to ponder her statement, his mouth slightly ajar, his brows furrowed before he responded with a dazzling smile. “Yeah, we should. I’ll call you this week, and we’ll grab dinner.”
And he did. He called her two days later, and they went out as friends the next day. That was the start of their friendship. They hung out several times a week, sometimes going to dinner, sometimes watching movies together, sometimes getting drinks, but it was always nice, and Sophie had fun getting to know Benny. It was like being with the little boy who sat and talked with her for hours when she was a kid…but better.
Chapter 19
Spending time with Sophie had become Benny’s favorite pastime. He loved the way that their conversation would flow easily between them, the way she laughed with her head thrown back, how her eyes twinkled when they teased each other, how she’d fall asleep on his arm when they watched TV together…shit, he just loved pretty much anything to do with Sophie.
He knew he had chased away the shadows in her life, but his were still there, just lurking under the surface. But when he was with her, they were pushed deep down into the recesses of his mind. He didn’t deserve to feel the way he did around her. He knew no matter which direction life had taken him, and no matter what Mason had told him or what Sophie believed, he wasn’t a good guy beneath it all. Ethan was gone, his child with Sophie a distant memory, and here Benny was spending time with Sophie like she was his girl. And damn if he didn’t want her to be. She was beautiful – inside and out. He was a selfish bastard, so he couldn’t stop being with her, but he’d never make a move on her. Although Ethan was long gone, she was still his girl. He knew realistically that Sophie would find someone and move on, but it wouldn’t be with him. Not that she’d want him. He was someone she could relate to, so she spent time with him, but he was still a street thug…reformed or not, he was what he was, and Sophie deserved better.
It didn’t stop his feelings from going on a rollercoaster whenever he was around Sophie…or even when he thought about her. It sure as hell didn’t stop his imagination from thinking about her chocolate eyes staring into his as her long legs wrapped around his body. His mind was extremely creative when it came to Sophie and her body. He saw her in lingerie, in skintight dresses, in bikinis only women in Brazil could get away with, and of course, he pictured her naked too many times to count. And his dreams…damn, he’d woken up hard more times lately than he did when he was a teenage boy. He was surprised that he wasn’t walking around with a bulge in his pants more often.
It didn’t help that he couldn’t seem to stop himself from flirting with her, and she liked to give it right back.
A couple months after they first started hanging out, Sophie had been at Kat and Mason’s helping Kat go through the kids’ things. He wasn’t sure why Kat needed help doing that, but Kat simply gave him a look, then rolled her eyes and said, “Men.”
Later, Sophie had told him that Kat had asked Sophie to be the voice of reason when it came to determining what to trash and what to save. Kat had a hard time letting things go even if Benji and Katy had outgrown them. She’d whine and say things like, “But Benji wore this the first time he made the pucker face.” He didn’t even know what a pucker face was or how Kat remembered that, but supposedly, Sophie took charge when Kat started crying about tossing things out.
Mason had told the guys to come over and watch the game while the girls did their thing. Benny was pretty sure that Mason needed a buffer between an emotional Kat, a slightly controlling Sophie, and two infants who were beginning to become a handful.
Benny had been the first guy to arrive. “Honey, I’m home,” he called out as he walked through the door. He was no more than a few steps in when he watched Sophie walk out of the kids’ room, trip on a toy on the floor, and pretty much sprawl at Benny’s feet.
“Falling at my feet.” Benny smiled. “Now that’s a greeting,” he chuckled.
“Oh, shut up, you,” Sophie tried to scold, but the smile gave her away as he helped her up.
“You know, Sophie, if you want to kiss the ground I walk on, there are better ways to do it,” he teased.
“And there are better things to kiss,” she responded.
Benny turned so his butt was pointing at her. “If you want to kiss my ass, you only had to ask.” To which, she slapped his butt and then laughed.
“Now, children, children…we already have two in the house, well, three if you count Mase. We don’t need anymore,” Kat said as she walked out.
“You love this big kid,” Mason said as he came around the corner.
“Yeah, I do,” she responded and then kissed him softly on the lips. Benny looked at Sophie at this moment, and he caught the longing look on her face. It was only there for a brief moment, but it was there. He hated that she felt that way, that she didn’t have that someone special in her life, and he knew deep down that he had prevented her from having that with Ethan, but he wasn’t going to dwell on it. And yet, when he thought of her with someone – even with Ethan, had he still been alive – he was jealous, which was ridiculous, but he felt it nevertheless.
Either way, when they bantered like that, his stupid heart reacted in a way that it shouldn’t.
About a month after that, they were at Sophie’s place. She had bought some new paintings, a couple decorative pictures, and some random décor pieces to put around her place. She hadn’t lived there long, but was in the mood to make it cozier. She had asked Benny if he wouldn’t mind helping her. Of course, he didn’t.
“Move it to the right…no, back to the left. Hmm…I don’t know.”
“Will you just pick a spot already?” Benny huffed. They had spent almost three hours doing things like that. “You are the most indecisive person I’ve ever met,” he complained.
“I just want it perfect,” she insisted. “This is my home, and I want it to feel…homey.”
He couldn’t say no to her when she said things like that. Heck, he couldn’t say no to her regardless. If she knew the thoughts he had or the power she had over him, she’d probably throw him out. Or maybe she’d use him even more. No, she wasn’t like that. She’d probably let him down gently, not that he needed to be let down. He knew that she was way out of his league, but even if he hadn’t been, he’d never try anything with her anyway.
“Sophie, please, for the love of God, tell me where you want this,” he urged her.
“Oh, you big baby, here let me show you.” He set it down and started to trade spots with her. As she tried to move around him, she knocked over the vase that was on the coffee table.
He dove for it, trying his best to save it, but apparently Sophie had the same idea.
“Ouch,” she laughed as they bumped heads. Somehow, the vase fell unharmed, although the fluffy rug probably helped cushion the fall. “I knew you were thickheaded, but damn, Benny, that’s real thickheaded,” she laughed.
“And your skull is oh so soft,” he chuckled as he rubbed his head. He lifted his head to the realization that their faces were mere inches away. He only had to lean in a bit and he could taste her lips once more, feel the softness and the warmth against his mouth, play his tongue against hers. He stopped laughing, his eyes focused on her parted lips. He knew his breath had become shallow, and he could have sworn hers did, too. He wanted to move closer, he wanted to dive in. His heart contemplated, but then his mind stepped in. You can’t, it told him. You can’t do this. She’s not yours.
He cleared his throat and physically shook his head to stop his racing heart. The spell was broken. They stood up and he took a moment to compose himself. Sophie grabbed the picture and they continued to bicker about placement the rest of the day. But it was moments like this that had Benny’s heart contending with his mind, his logical mind that is. Luckily, logic always won out.
Chapter 20
The only time Sophie and Benny kissed, it was but a whisper. For an instant, though, Sophie relished in the feelings it invoked. And then it was followed by sorrow. That had all changed now. The despair she felt was gone and she was starting to feel truly alive for the first time. She hadn’t even realized that she was only half living before she was able to let go of her sadness, let go of her past. And now, she found herself spending more and more time with Benny. He was an excellent companion and an even better friend. The problem was that she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to feel his lips brush hers, his mouth tantalize hers, his tongue tease hers. She wanted him in ways that she shouldn’t, but she did.
No matter how far they’d come, how far she’d come, and no matter how grounded Benny seemed, he was still the same Benny – full of big aspirations and pins under his butt. She couldn’t give into her feelings because she knew Benny wasn’t the staying kind, and she would miss him and his friendship too much if they complicated things with her emotions. She’d never be enough for him, not that he wanted her. Benny was a go-getter, and if he had wanted Sophie, he would have had her by then, not that she would have tried all that hard to stop him. But he hadn’t. She saw that as proof that her feelings were all one-sided.
It didn’t help when Kat would make comments about how wonderful Benny was. Sophie knew that. She had learned it firsthand as they grew closer the past few months. Then Kat would mention how nice Benny looked, but once again, Sophie knew that, too. She had been staring at his gorgeous face and his hard body every time they hung out. She was pretty sure Benny caught her ogling him a couple times, but she managed to always play it off. And of course, Kat would comment about how Sophie and Benny made such a cute couple. Now, that was just cruel. Sophie hadn’t had any type of relationship in years; she hadn’t wanted one. However, for the first time in what seemed like forever, she was ready, but she just couldn’t find the desire to get out there and start dating. She wanted to spend time with Benny instead. For all intents and purposes, they did act like a couple, but they certainly weren’t. And that would never happen.
Sophie was over at Kat’s place a few weeks later just hanging out, playing with the kids, and chatting about everything and anything. Mason had been trying to fix his gaming system for the past hour, and they had been laughing at the cursing and whining that had been coming from the living room. They had decided to stay hidden in the children’s room because they didn’t want to “get hit by any flying objects unintentionally,” Kat had said as she laughed. “Mason thinks he’s a handyman, but he’s not good at the technical stuff. He usually gets Benny or John to help him.”
