Let It Go: Benny's Story, page 14
part #1 of Let Go Series
They ate in tense silence. Sophie started to get up to do the dishes when Benny slammed his fork down on the plate. “No,” he yelled. “We’re not going to pretend like we’re a happy little family. The good little wifey does the dishes after breakfast,” he mocked. “I kidnapped you, Sophie,” he roared. “I kidnapped you.” He repeated it, but his words were full of both shock and defeat. “We’re going to fix this. We’re going to fix this right now.” He stood up abruptly then as if trying to figure out what to do or what to say. Then he walked over to her before pulling her to the couch so they could sit facing each other, almost touching, but not quite.
“This is big, Soph. This is pretty fucking big,” he waved his hand around the room. “I just kidnapped you,” he emphasized again. “Doesn’t that say something to you? I’m willing to go to great lengths just so we can figure this out. I need to figure this out. I need you.”
Sophie’s heart was breaking, cracking wide open, and she wasn’t sure if she was the one responsible for that or if it was Benny’s doing. She started shivering, not because she was cold but because his words were getting to her, his words were penetrating her very core. She opened her mouth to say something, say anything, but nothing came out.
“Dammit, Sophie! Talk to me.” He rarely used her full name lately, and the fact that he just did it twice in the last five minutes really meant something.
She found her voice, but the words she spoke were out of fear for her own heart. “I can’t, Benny. I just can’t. And I can’t be with you. We need to end things, and you need to let me out.”
“I can’t do that,” Benny responded.
“Please Benny, please let me go.”
Benny let out a humorous laugh. “You know,” he paused, “Kat asked Mason to let her go, and one day, he did. Look how that turned out.”
“I’m not Kat. You can’t keep me here!” she yelled. “I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be with you,” she told him as her voice cracked.
“You’re lying, Sophie. I know you are. Something happened, something that’s affecting you. I want to help you. I want to help us.”
“You can’t!” she screamed.
“Goddamn, Soph!” he shouted. “I fucking love you, and you’re breaking in front of me, and I can’t do anything about it because you won’t let me.”
Sophie’s heart beat frantically. He didn’t mean it; he couldn’t mean it. “You what?” she asked.
“Shit, sorry, it wasn’t meant to come out like that. It’s just that…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix whatever is broken if you won’t help me.”
“Don’t say that,” she croaked. “Don’t say that. You don’t love me.”
Benny stood and moved to kneel in front of her. “Look into my eyes, Sophie. I love you so much. I love you so fucking much. All this…it’s because I can’t let you go. I don’t expect you to love me. And if you tell me right now that you don’t care about me, that you really and truly don’t want to be with me, I will open that door, watch you walk out, and you’ll never have to hear from me again. Tell me that it’s what you want and I’ll do it. It will kill me, but I’ll do it.”
He lifted a finger to wipe the tears that were pouring onto her cheeks. She hadn’t bothered to brush them away because there were just too many. She was fighting not to sob in front of him, but she couldn’t stop from crying.
She stood up and moved away from him, causing him to stand and face her. They stood an arm’s length away as if preparing for battle. Maybe that was exactly what they were doing.
“Don’t you see, Benny? That’s the problem.”
“I don’t understand what you mean,” Benny told her.
“I don’t want you to leave me, but you will. Everyone I love does. Ethan…my baby…even my parents moved away. I can’t lose you, too. I won’t!”
“You’ll never lose me,” he told her.
“I will!” she yelled and moved back as he stepped toward her.
“Soph, baby, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Everyone I love goes! Everyone leaves me!”
“Not me. I’ll never leave you,” he told her.
“It’s not in your control,” she cried harder now.
“Sophie, you love me?” he asked.
“That’s why I have to go before you break my heart!” she responded.
“Tell me, Soph. Tell me you love me.”
“I love you, Benny,” she wailed, the words hurting her almost as much as her shattering heart. “And now I want you to let me go. You need to let me go.”
He tried to grab her, but she moved further back and put her hand up to stop him.
“Why are you doing this?” Benny asked. “You love me, I love you. I don’t want to leave you, and you clearly don’t want to leave me. What are you afraid of?”
“I can’t survive losing you, too!”
“You won’t, Sophie. You have me forever,” he told her as he pulled his shirt over his head. She covered her mouth with her hand as she focused on his chest. Right above the missing puzzle piece tattoo was a new one.
“You see this, Soph, this is you,” he told her as he pointed to the tattoo. It was the missing puzzle piece. It fit Ethan’s piece perfectly, but this time, it was made to look like it was set on top of his skin, the shading so perfect that it looked like a real puzzle piece. And written across the piece was her name in beautiful script.
“When Ethan died, a part of me died with him. This tattoo,” he pointed to the missing piece, “was the part of my heart that he took with him to the grave. Ever since, I’ve been living with a hole in my heart. But I’ve found the missing piece, Sophie. I’ve found it with you. You fill my heart and make it whole. Only you can do that. My heart belongs to you and only you for eternity.”
“Benny,” she whispered, her sobs coming stronger now. She could just see a light pink tinge around the tattoo through the haze of tears. He had gotten it recently. He had marked his skin permanently with her even when he knew he was losing her. He was hers. He was well and truly hers, and he wasn’t going anywhere.
“I wasn’t going to do this like this,” he whispered. “But I guess now’s as good a time as any,” he said more to himself than to her. “I can’t promise you that I will live forever, Soph, and I know that scares you, but I can promise you that for as long as I live and then some, I will love you like no other. And if our days end up being numbered, I will make sure you don’t regret them, and that they are worth it. I’ll give you so many happy memories that you’ll never feel alone even if I’m not there. I’ll do everything I can to make you smile on a daily basis. No, scratch that, on an hourly basis, every single minute. And if you cry, I sure as hell hope they’ll be happy tears. I’m yours, Sophie, and I sure as hell hope you will be mine,” he said as he pulled a small black box from his pocket.
He told her the only words that could put a fracture in her stone wall. “I need you to let go of the past.” She felt the crack start to spread. “I need you to let it go so we can build a future together.” The first bricks started to fall as she took in his words. “Will you let it go, Sophie, so you can let me in?” And the wall fell. He opened the box, and an oval diamond sparkled, surrounded by smaller diamonds in a rose gold setting, catching the light and looking like the sun setting on the horizon. “Will you let me show you that I’m not going anywhere? Will you be mine, Sophie Basi? Please say you’ll marry me.”
She was frozen, paralyzed in place. Her fear had disappeared almost as quickly as it came. Benny was right. She couldn’t control life and death, but being with him – for any amount of time – would be worth it. She looked into Benny’s nervous face, the insecurities written across his face as clearly as her own. And then she knew, she just knew…she’d happily risk losing this man as long as she could even have just one more day with him.
“Yes,” she screamed as she fell into his arms. They fell backward, but Benny cushioned their fall, just like she knew he’d always do.
“Yes?” he asked.
“I love you, Benny, and I’d love to be your wife.”
“I love you so much,” he growled as he captured her lips, his mouth searing hers. “I love you, Sophie Basi, and I’m not letting you go.”
“Never.”
Epilogue
“I can’t believe he’s all grown up,” Kat sniffled next to Sophie.
“Kitty Kat, sorry to tell you, but Eddie’s been grown for quite some time,” Benny told her.
“But he was just this little lanky kid when I met him, and now,” Kat pointed toward Eddie, “look at him.”
Eddie was off to the side, appeasing his mom by letting her take pictures of him, but his eyes kept roaming over the girl who was to his right. Sophie had learned about Eddie’s past from Kat and Benny, and even met Samantha, Eddie’s mom, on numerous occasions. She’d have never known that she was a reformed addict if Benny hadn’t assured her. She didn’t drink, worked as a receptionist, and seemed to be doing well.
“Yeah, I’m not so sure about that whole grown-up thing,” Sophie laughed just as she saw Eddie wink at the girl.
It was Eddie’s graduation day from Princeton, and everyone was in high spirits. They had screamed their hearts out when Eddie was called up. Even quiet John, who was now chatting it up with some female professor. It had even topped the day they found out Eddie had gotten into the USC Keck School of Medicine. “Now will you tutor me?” Eddie had asked Sophie.
“I’m so happy for you. I’m tempted to say yes,” she told him.
“Don’t do it, Soph,” Benny told her. “Stay strong.” They all got a good laugh.
“You hush,” Kat mock scolded Sophie, bringing her back the present.
“Kat, he’s not the shy guy he was back then,” Mason reminded her.
“But I don’t want him to grow up!” Kat whined.
“That’s what you said about Benji and Katy last week,” Sophie snorted. “And they’re three!”
Kat opened her mouth to obviously protest, but Mason spoke before she had a chance to. “Come on, Kat, let’s go get some pictures, too.” She beamed and he dragged her away.
Sophie turned to her husband and smiled. They had been married for just over a year, but it still made her heart flutter when she thought of him as her husband.
After she had said yes, they ended up staying in the infamous Kidnap Club, as Sophie referred to it, for three more days. They talked through the past, through her fears, even his insecurities, and of course, they barely left the bed. After that, though, they had to go back to their normal lives, but Benny refused to let any more time slip away from them. He convinced her to marry him almost immediately. If Benny’d had his way, they would have flown to Vegas that weekend, but she told him that although she wanted a small wedding, she still wanted a real wedding. He gave her one month. Thank God for Kat because she wouldn’t have been able to pull off a wedding in one month, but when Kat heard, after she let out an ear-piercing scream, she became a wedding planner drill sergeant.
“I know the perfect place!” she told her, and she had been right. They were married in a small restaurant that was high on a cliff with glass windows that overlooked the entire city. They had only about thirty people there, but it was exactly what she wanted. It was intimate and perfect. Her parents had assumed that she was pregnant, but she assured them she just had firsthand knowledge that time was short and not to waste any of it. It took them a few days to come around to the idea that their girl was marrying “troublemaker” Benny, but he called and had a lengthy conversation with them. He shooed Sophie away when she tried to listen in, but she heard little snippets about how much he loved her, how he’d never do anything to hurt her, and he knew he wasn’t worthy of her love, but he’d spend the rest of his life trying to be. Her heart broke when she heard that, and it took a lot of self-restraint not to barge into the room and tell him that he was worthy.
Needless to say, they told Sophie that they approved. She wore an ivory satin gown that flowed near the bottom like a classy ballgown. Light crystals adorned the torso and the sweetheart neckline as well as the very bottom. She wore her hair up with a fishnet veil that covered only the side of her face. She had gone for old Hollywood glam, and from the look on Benny’s face when he saw her, it had worked.
“Holy shit, Soph. How am I going to survive until we’re alone?” he had asked her. “You look un-fucking-believable.” He was so sweet when he needed to be.
They lived at his place for about another month while they looked for a place to move into together, and then Benny came home and told her he had a surprise. He drove her two blocks away from Kat and Mason’s home and before she even saw the place, she knew it was the one. It had been perfect inside, too, not to mention the fact that she loved she’d always be near Kat.
There were times she became nervous that Benny would leave her, and there were times that she’d see the shadows pass his eyes and knew he was thinking about Ethan, but they were strong together.
“He’s a good kid, huh?” Benny asked her motioning toward Eddie.
“Yeah, he is,” Sophie agreed.
“But he’d better stop hitting on my wife or I’m going to have to hand him his ass.”
“Now that’s not a very fatherly thing to do.” She smiled.
“Nah, Mason’s more like his dad than me,” Benny responded. “Not saying I wouldn’t make a fucking great father,” Benny smirked. “Have you seen me with Benji and Katy?” he bragged.
“You’ll make an amazing father,” Sophie agreed. “But maybe you should start laying off the cussing…at least in the next eight months,” she added as she laid a hand on her stomach.
“Eight months,” he repeated as her words dawned on him. “You’re? I’m? We’re?” He couldn’t finish a sentence and Sophie smiled wider.
“We’re pregnant,” she whispered.
The words were barely out of her mouth before Benny swooped her in his arms and kissed her fiercely. “We’re gonna have a baby!” he cried out as they broke apart. “We’re having a baby!” he screamed again. Suddenly, they were surrounded by their friends, who were hugging them and wishing them well.
“And I thought today couldn’t get any better,” Kat told them.
Benny wrapped his arms around Sophie. “Thank you, Soph. Thank you for letting me into your life, for marrying me, for giving me this gift. Thank you for letting me love you.”
“I love you, Benny,” she whispered as she laid a kiss on his lips. “You know,” she told him, “this all started because you didn’t let go.”
“And I never will.”
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Other Books by DC Renee
Please visit your favorite ebook retailer to discover other books by DC Renee.
Stand Alone & Prequel to Let It Go: Let Me Go
A Brutal Betrayal
Coming Soon: Three Loving Words
Excerpt from Let Me Go
His accuser. All he had to keep him company for the last six years was her name and a vague image in his mind; those details had been seared into his mind for him to mull over. He never got to see the realization dawn on her face when she comprehended that she had picked out the wrong guy. He wasn’t even sure if what she accused him of had truly happened to her. Whether she had gotten the wrong guy or had just focused on him and lied. He had a feeling it was the latter. And it was that gut feeling that burrowed its way into the depths of his soul and stewed there, waiting to erupt, waiting for the chance to explode.
And now that chance was about to present itself. He had planned it all perfectly. Finalized the details with precision, thinking of every little thing that could go wrong. But, then again, that was what he had done in his former life. He had been a doctor, one of the best. He graduated from Harvard at the top of his class, became one of the youngest doctors to lead a department, and went on to lead several departments. He was skilled; it was like second nature to him. The body was like a puzzle, waiting to be put back together, and he was a master at puzzles.
He was good looking, six feet tall with shockingly black hair that he always kept short but messy, deep green eyes, straight nose, strong jawline, and even perfect teeth, thanks to braces in junior high. He knew he was a looker and always used that to his advantage.
He had never had time for relationships, but he definitely loved the company of women. Lots of women. He never took advantage of a woman; his looks got him whatever he wanted or needed. He justified his actions because he was always up-front about the fact that he wasn’t looking for more than just sex. It didn’t stop some women from calling him every name in the book. So his womanizing reputation preceded him, but he didn’t care. He had a fantastic home in an upscale neighborhood and the respect of all his peers and friends. His parents, unfortunately, had died in a car accident while he was still in college, but he knew they were smiling down on him with pride. They had been wealthy, coming from “old money” that he had inherited, but his career also helped increase his worth. He was on top of the world until, one night after a thirty-six hour shift, he was awoken from his much needed sleep after only hours of snoozing by loud knocking on his door.
Rape. One damn word changed his life.
He was accused of rape. He lived alone, had no good alibi, and somehow his hair was found on the victim. How it got there, he could only guess. She had positively identified him from one of those line-ups like they show on the television. The prosecution had a flimsy case, but it seemed like the jury was hell-bent on convicting the good-looking, hard-working doctor. His memory of what she looked like was fuzzy at best, but that was probably his own imagination as the entire trial was a blur. His mind was reeling the entire time at the realization of his situation. He had the finest lawyers defending him and his sanity, spending an absurd amount of money. But in the end it wasn’t enough, he was still convicted of rape. Something he couldn’t ever fathom coming close to doing. He had seen the ugliness of such a crime numerous times in the hospital, and it left a person with not just physical scars but mental ones as well. The trial and subsequent prison time had left him with mental and physical scars of his own.
