Totally Worth It, page 23
Lexi kept her in suspense for just a second, reaching over to place her phone down next to Jesse’s drink. She had been holding it so tight that a pool of sweat had gathered in her palm. She rubbed her hands on the back of her jeans and found both of Jesse’s hands with her own. Lacing their fingers together she bit her bottom lip and said aloud what she had felt from the very start.
“It’s real.”
She saw Jesse’s slow sexy smile spread across her face right before she leaned down to kiss her.
“Good.” Jesse touched their foreheads together lightly. “But we still have a problem.”
Lexi looked up, a rush of fear shooting through her.
Jesse sighed. “The job offer—”
Lexi was immediately relieved. “I don’t want the job,” she blurted out. “Seriously, I’m not interested.” She couldn’t keep from laughing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” She looked up and saw Jesse was smiling. “You know what I mean. Anyway, I applied for a legal position with the Department of Education a while back and they just called me for an interview.” She was giddy. “So I guess I’m declining your offer. No offense or anything.” Lexi giggled as she ran her hands up Jesse’s arms and wrapped them around her neck.
“It’s probably for the best.” Jesse nodded, finding Lexi’s lips again. “Because despite what you might think, I don’t sleep with my coworkers, interns or not.”
With her hands buried in Jesse’s hair, Lexi pulled her down and teased, “Actually, from my recollection, there’s been hardly any sleep at all.”
Jesse kissed her deep and soft, lifting her up and wrapping Lexi’s legs around her waist. Carrying her into the bedroom, Jesse whispered, “Trust me, there will be sleep tonight. When I’m done with you, you’re gonna need it.”
*
Lexi awoke in a state of complete bliss. There hadn’t been much sleep for either of them, despite Jesse’s promise. They spent the night engaged in intimate conversation, taking breaks to indulge in each other’s bodies, finally dozing off before dawn. Lexi was exhausted but content, curled into Jesse, her back to Jesse’s front. Picking up Jesse’s hand, she kissed each fingertip once, then doubled back to her middle finger gently nibbling it before taking the entire thing in her mouth.
Jesse purred in response. “Well good morning, Alexis.”
“Morning.” Lexi turned around and continued her onslaught, pushing Jesse onto her back as she kneeled over her, searching for more unsuspecting body parts to devour.
Jesse moaned. “We have to eat,” she whimpered.
Lexi responded with a naughty smile and Jesse rolled her eyes but played along. She pulled Lexi’s legs down, positioning her in a perfect straddle on top, and then leaned upward, pressing their bodies together. “I meant food,” she breathed in Lexi’s ear.
“We can do that too,” Lexi whispered back.
“So we’re going to do this, huh?” Jesse asked as she slid her hands along the back of Lexi’s shoulder blades and kissed her chest delicately.
Lexi knew that Jesse’s question went beyond the surface. She knew that Jesse was talking about the two of them, in a relationship, together.
“Uh-huh,” she answered, biting her bottom lip and leaning all the way back so her breasts were level with Jesse’s face.
Jesse met them with her mouth, her hair falling forward and grazing the top of Lexi’s breastbone as she moved her tongue through the cleavage. She held back Lexi’s hair and started up toward Lexi’s neck. “Are we crazy?”
“Probably,” Lexi cooed into her ear.
Between kisses along Lexi’s jawline, Jesse teased, “You know, there is an age difference.”
“Mmm, I know,” she said, basking in Jesse’s touch.
“What about your mothers?”
“What about them?”
“They hate me.”
“But they love me.” She said it seductively, trying not to lose the moment as she leaned forward to push Jesse down.
Jesse resisted. “I’m serious.”
“Oh my God, you’re really talking about my parents right now?”
Jesse looked at Lexi dead-on. “I know the timing sucks, but this is a pretty big issue, this thing with your parents. If we’re doing this, and we both know we are, then this is something we should deal with. Sooner rather than later.” She took Lexi’s face in her hands. “I know you’re close with your moms and I know they’re not my biggest fans—”
“That’s putting it mildly.”
“Awesome,” Jesse muttered sarcastically, flopping back on the bed.
Lexi stretched out on top of her, kissed her sweetly on the cheek, and traced the outline of her rock-hard abs with one finger. “Look, I meant what I said. My moms love me. They want me to be happy. And look.” She turned Jesse’s face toward hers and smiled. “Happy.” She kissed her again. “They will see that. I promise. It will be okay.”
“So you’re happy, huh?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Good.” Jesse rolled on top of Lexi picking up where they had left off. She paused momentarily, crinkling her forehead. “Do you hear music?”
Lexi scampered out from underneath Jesse. “My phone!” she yelled, remembering that it was still outside where she’d left it last night. Hopping out of bed she dashed toward the sliders.
“Um, babe?” Jesse called out. “You have no clothes on.”
“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Lexi scanned the room and grabbed the closest thing to her, a maroon hoodie hanging off the bathroom doorknob.
“Need some help?” Jesse offered playfully, as she propped sideways on one elbow savoring every second that Lexi fiddled with the zipper trying to get it closed before opening the door.
“It’s Marnie’s ringtone.” She looked frantically over her shoulder as she slid the door open. “I never told them I wasn’t coming home last night.”
Lexi grabbed the phone off the table, a little breathless from her ordeal. “Hi, Mom.” Not waiting for a response, Lexi jumped right into an explanation hoping to defuse the situation. “I’m fine. Obviously I stayed out.” She surprised herself when a nervous laugh escaped her. “Just forgot to text is all.” She clenched her teeth, wincing at the lack of detail she gave. She knew Marnie would pick up on it and question her, so she didn’t give her the chance. “Anyway, I’ll be home in a little while. ’Kay?”
There was silence.
“Okay, Mom?” She paused and waited, her heart starting to pound a little. “Mom?”
“Lexi.” Marnie’s one-word response was clipped and her voice had a strange tinny sound to it, like an echo. It took Lexi only a second to realize what was happening, but it was still too late. Almost in slow motion, Lexi looked down to see her mother stopped dead in her tracks on the path, exactly where Lexi had stood less than twelve hours earlier. Butter was next to her, looking at the ground as though even he couldn’t bear to witness the disgrace.
Lexi could feel Marnie’s anger even though her voice was steady. She said only three words. “Get home. Now.” Lexi knew it was not a suggestion.
She walked back into the bedroom, her euphoria gone.
Jesse sat up. “Everything okay?”
“Not exactly.”
*
The silence in her house was telling. At this early hour, Lexi knew none of her brothers and sisters would be awake, but she had hoped that at least Chris would be up to give her some support. She stood on the landing inside the doorway for a split second, deciding whether to go up or down. Even though she wanted to head downstairs to her room, she figured that wasn’t a realistic option. Slowly she trudged up the stairs to the main living area, where she knew she would find Marnie.
“Mom, I’m sorry I forgot to call,” she said with more attitude than she had intended.
Marnie’s gaze was fixed straight ahead, as if boring into the hickory cabinets in front of her as she braced herself against the kitchen countertop. “Forgot to call.” Lexi could see the muscles tighten in her neck. “Forgot to call,” she repeated again into the air. She shook her head vigorously and grabbed a container of strawberries that were next to the sink. Choosing a knife that was entirely too big for the task, she started to hack away. “I can’t believe you, Lexi.” She had yet to look at Lexi, continuing to take her anger out on the strawberries. “I can’t believe you let this happen.”
Lexi stuffed her hands into the pockets of Jesse’s maroon sweatshirt. “Mom, let me explain.”
Marnie shook her head. “I don’t want to hear it, Lexi. Go to your room. I can’t even look at you right now.”
“Fine.” Lexi was more than a little annoyed that her mother was treating her like a child, but she was happy to put off this conversation for now. She really wanted to wait for the more even-tempered Chris to wake up before talking about it anyway, so she turned and started toward the stairs.
Marnie slammed her knife down onto the cutting board. “I knew she would do something like this.”
It stopped Lexi in her tracks. “God, Mom. She didn’t do anything. It’s not like that.”
Marnie met Lexi’s eyes for the first time since she’d been home, and Lexi could see that she had been crying.
“Mom, listen to me—”
“No, you listen to me.” She wagged the knife in Lexi’s general direction. “I know you think you know everything. But that woman is a predator. She finds someone weak and naïve, she sets her sights, and then she waits to pounce.”
“Oh my God, Mom, could you be more dramatic?” Lexi said undercutting her mother’s stern tone with her own irreverence. “That is not what happened.”
Marnie grabbed a bowl from the cabinet. “Please, Lexi, I don’t need to hear the sordid details of how she seduced you. You could spare me that image.”
“You are such a drama queen,” Lexi shot back, borrowing the phrase that Jesse had used months ago to describe Marnie. “She didn’t seduce me. It’s not like that.”
“Don’t tell me what she’s like. Honey, I know her. I know what she’s like. I know she can be charming and funny and I also know she doesn’t respect boundaries. Clearly.” She indicated toward Lexi with a wave of her hand.
“Right.” Lexi nodded her head. “This is where you’re going to tell me she had a crush on Aunt Mary, right? A hundred years ago, by the way.”
“A crush?” her mother replied. “Is that what she told you it was?” Marnie huffed. “I shouldn’t be surprised. This is exactly what I mean.”
Lexi felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. She didn’t have the nerve to admit to her mother that Jesse hadn’t ever told her anything about Mary. The little information she knew was based on the things both of her mothers had said over the years and what she could puzzle out from those comments. All of a sudden she was sickeningly aware that she might not have the whole story.
Her mother plowed on. “A crush. Try an affair.” If Marnie registered Lexi’s shock it didn’t stop her. “A ridiculous affair that went on for years and very nearly destroyed everything in its way. Everything. Mary, Kameron, this place.” She gestured around the room but was clearly referencing the community that lay outside the walls. “Even your mother and I got dragged into it.” Her disdain was palpable. “And then when it was all said and done, when it was finally over, that woman”—she pointed in the direction of Jesse’s house—“that woman didn’t even have the decency to leave.”
Lexi fought back the tears with everything she had. She took all the anger and hurt she was feeling and directed it right at Marnie. “You’re lying.”
Marnie just shook her head.
“You hate her. And you hate me for being with her.” Lexi abruptly left the kitchen, nearly knocking Chris over in the hallway.
“What’s going on?” Chris asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
Lexi bounded down the stairs without saying a word. She closed the bedroom door behind her and reached for her phone. She didn’t bother wasting any time on choosing her words carefully. She typed as fast as she could.
Did you have an affair with Mary Brown?
The seconds ticked away and she held her breath waiting for a response, praying it would include a denial, something indicating it wasn’t true, that Marnie was mistaken. Instead the betrayal appeared in writing as her phone sounded.
I can explain.
But Lexi didn’t want to hear it. She silenced her phone completely, curled up on her bed, and buried her face in the pillow.
*
Midmorning, Chris popped her head around the door of her bedroom. Lexi couldn’t quite meet her mother’s eyes.
“You awake?”
Lexi nodded, piling up a wad of used tissues from underneath her pillow onto the nightstand.
Chris sat on the edge of the bed. “Your mother loves you, you know.”
“I know.”
“She’s just trying to protect you.” Lexi had heard their mumbled voices going back and forth a while ago. She knew that by now Chris would be up to speed on everything. “She just doesn’t want you to get hurt, Lex.”
Lexi nodded again and wiped at the tears that kept coming.
Chris peered at the cell phone that lay on the bed between them. “That looks like a lot of text messages and missed calls,” she offered, squinting one eye thoughtfully. “Maybe you ought to talk to her. Hear what she has to say.”
“What could she say, Mush?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart.” Her voice was calm and even, as always. Chris rarely got worked up. It was probably why her parents worked so well together. “People make mistakes.” She placed her hand on Lexi’s knee. “Sometimes they have good reasons. Sometimes they don’t.” She looked back to the cell phone. “You won’t know unless you talk to her.” She patted Lexi’s thigh gently and left.
Lexi tucked her hands under the pillow and pulled the blanket all the way up to her shoulders, considering Chris’s advice. Her mother’s presence had relaxed her even if that hadn’t been her intention. Lexi finally stopped crying and drifted off to sleep.
*
The light tapping on her bedroom door woke her with a start. Looking down at her phone on top of the comforter, Lexi realized she had been asleep for hours.
“Lexi, honey”—Chris’s voice was soft as she opened the door—“Jesse’s here.” Mush inspected Lexi’s face, waiting for Lexi’s sign that she was okay before she headed back up the stairs, leaving the door wide open.
“Hey.” Jesse’s voice was husky as she leaned up against the door frame.
Lexi sat up and rubbed her eyes, still puffy from crying. “Hi.”
“Can we talk?”
Lexi pushed back the covers and walked to the door, hooking Jesse’s pinkie with her index finger as she guided them through the sliding glass door into the yard. She dropped Jesse’s hand as soon as they were outside and walked straight back to the rear of the deck. She turned and looked up at Jesse, squinting in the bright afternoon sun. “Why didn’t you tell me about Mary?” She spoke softly and seriously, her voice revealing both her curiosity and pain.
“I don’t know.” Jesse looked away momentarily before turning back to Lexi. “I guess I just…I don’t know.”
“Come on, Jess.” Lexi looked up, almost pleading. “Talk to me.”
Jesse swallowed hard, fighting back her own emotions. “I thought you knew at first. Then when I realized that you didn’t—” Her shoulders slumped before she tried again. “I guess I just wanted more time. Time for us to be together, for you to see me for who I am now.” She reached for Lexi’s hand. “Honestly, Lexi, I’m not that person anymore.” Her light eyes displayed genuine anguish. “I wanted a chance for you to see that.” She shook her head a little, turning her face to the sun. “I know what you must think. God only knows what your parents have said about me. And I suppose they’re not all wrong, but I wanted you to see for yourself I’m not a bad person.”
Lexi tilted her head and wrinkled her brow. “If you had told me last night—”
“Lexi, what was I supposed to say?”
“You could have told me the truth.” Lexi looked right at her. “I had to hear it from my mother.”
“I’m sorry.” Jesse cleared her throat. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell you yesterday.” She placed her hands gingerly on Lexi’s waist, meeting her eye to eye. “Last night was amazing.” She checked for reassurance that she wasn’t alone in that feeling and must have seen it in Lexi’s eyes. “We had just gotten past the stupid job offer fiasco. So, forgive me, but I wanted more time before we dealt with another major obstacle.”
Lexi raised one eyebrow, not quite certain the explanation was cutting it.
“Try to see it from my perspective for a second,” Jesse implored. “What was I really going to say?”
“The truth.”
Jesse’s voice cracked in frustration. “It was our first real…I don’t know, not date even. But it was the first time we were really together. And I just didn’t want to start our relationship off by telling you about the affair I had with Mary, who is like your parents’ best friend—”
“She’s my godmother.”
“Great.” Jesse looked defeated.
There was an awkward silence before Lexi spoke. “So, it’s true, though?”
Jesse nodded ever so slightly. “It was a long time ago. I don’t know what your parents told you, but they don’t know the whole story. I’m sure of that.” She sounded more vulnerable than Lexi ever imagined. “I was young. I made some bad choices, selfish ones.” Her voice dropped into her throat. “But I was in love—”
“With Mary?”
“Yes, with Mary.” She dug her hands in the pockets of her jeans and leaned back against the corner post. “She loved me too.” She met Lexi’s gaze. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear. It’s partly why I didn’t want to tell you.” She chewed her bottom lip nervously. “It was different back then. Mary and Kam, their relationship was…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.” She shrugged. “I thought it would all end differently. I thought”—she breathed out heavily—“I thought we would be together. I honestly believed she was going to leave Kam.” Her voice was low and she looked a little embarrassed. “At the time I thought that made the cheating okay. Of course it doesn’t.”
