Totally Worth It, page 20
As she approached the ramp, she saw a figure sprinting from the other direction toward the same ramp. If the rain hadn’t been forcing her to run with her head down and her eyes open only the tiniest slits, she would have realized much sooner that it was Jesse.
They reached the ramp at exactly the same time.
“Come on.” Jesse placed her hand on Lexi’s lower back, guiding her under the boardwalk. Safely out of the torrent, Jesse doubled over to catch her breath. “This rain is something else. It’s got to ease up soon—we should wait it out here.” Jesse leaned against a support post, hands on her hips, and rolled her neck from side to side. “I guess we’re the only two idiots out here,” she said between breaths.
Lexi could not believe her fucking luck. For weeks she had manipulated her schedule a thousand different ways, praying for a chance encounter with Jesse, hoping for an opportunity to talk about what had happened. A scant few minutes to read her face and see if it was all in her head or if there might be something more between them.
But that was all before the letter.
With the letter had come the answers to those questions, she reminded herself.
So here she was, the proverbial deer in headlights, unable to formulate a cohesive thought, completely distracted by Jesse’s dark gray T-shirt, soaked through and plastered to her body.
She wanted to stop staring but the goose bumps forming on Jesse’s forearms caught her attention. She followed them all the way up to Jesse’s breasts, which were no less affected.
Lexi felt her face getting hot and she shifted her glance, embarrassed by her natural instinct. And then she realized how she was dressed, which only caused more anxiety. She was wearing a white tank top, a terrible choice considering the weather. It was completely drenched and fairly transparent. At least she was wearing two sports bras. She sighed in moderate relief, thinking that today might be the one day she was thankful for her big boobs. At least the triple layer kept her areolas from showing through.
“Did you see that lightning?” Jesse broke the silence. “Crazy, right?”
“I know.” Lexi tried to sound interested in normal conversation. She still could not believe the odds of this happening when she had finally given up.
Jesse looked past her down to the beach, seemingly oblivious to Lexi’s distress. “Hey, turn around and check out the waves, they’re pretty awesome.” In a step Jesse was next to her, leaning on a beam, their forearms almost touching. “Look, look.” Jesse touched Lexi’s wrist and pointed out a huge breaker as it crashed to the shore. Lexi fixed her eyes on the shoreline, determined not to look at where Jesse’s fingertips rested lightly at the base of her hand.
A million conflicting emotions rushed through her. She wished she could be cold and distant, blow Jesse off, prove she was unaffected. At the same time, she wanted to scream at Jesse for being interested in her brain over her body. More than anything she wanted to cry for being so completely caught up in it all.
What she should do, she knew logically, was simply talk to Jesse honestly about what she was feeling, what she had felt for months. Maybe she would have, she told herself, if this chance meeting had happened a week or ten days ago, before the letter.
Instead she talked about the weather.
“There’s another swell coming in.” Lexi attempted casual, pointing out a wave just gaining momentum. “That’s going to be huge too.” Thankful that her voice didn’t shake at all, she continued. “Too bad we’re not surfers, this would be amazing.”
“Do they really go out in the rain like this?” Jesse looked right at her.
Lexi maintained the eye contact at first, but she was surprisingly caught off guard by the pale green eyes. She’d almost forgotten their effect on her.
“I’m not sure if they stay out during the actual storm itself. But I know they’re always out here before it starts, anyway.” She turned her attention back to the water as she answered. “So, did you get a good run in? I mean before the rain.” Lexi glanced down at her sneakers trying to keep regular conversation going.
Jesse laughed heartily. “You could say that.”
“How far?” Lexi continued, not really sure what was funny about the question or the answer.
Jesse shook out her soaked hair and brushed her hands through it haphazardly. “I don’t know. Six or seven miles. Maybe eight. I’m not really sure. But obviously I should have turned around sooner.” She held out her shirt for emphasis. “Wasn’t paying attention, I guess.”
“Where’s your car, I didn’t see it in the lot. Did you park somewhere else?” Lexi wondered aloud, immediately wishing she hadn’t.
Jesse grinned. “I forgot you’re always keeping tabs on me, Detective.” She only had to lean slightly to the left to bump Lexi’s shoulder with her own. “I ran down here,” she answered, “from the development.” Her smile grew wider as she said it.
Lexi found herself staring at Jesse’s mouth before catching herself. “Oh, are you training for the marathon or something?”
“No.” Jesse chuckled again, continuing the inside joke she was having with herself. “I just get in these moods. Consumed with what’s going on in my head.” She stuttered a little. “You know, uh, work and stuff.” She looked at the sand and shuffled a splintered board with her sneaker. “I have a trial coming up. It’s kind of convoluted, so I’m trying to write a good opening for it, and I keep getting stuck.” She continued to babble a little in her justification. “I figured I’d just kind of run it out.”
“Is that how you do all your openings and closings?”
“No.” Jesse raised her eyebrows and gave a slight shrug. “Hardly ever, actually.” Her voice was as husky as ever. “You just keep catching me doing it,” she added shyly.
Lexi felt her mouth go completely dry at Jesse’s obvious reference to their last encounter. “So did you figure it out? The opening?” Lexi choked out, barely maintaining her composure by reaching for something other than that night to talk about. She couldn’t believe Jesse just threw it out there like it was no big deal.
“I don’t know yet.” Jesse’s tone changed again as she shrugged and looked away. “I guess I’ll figure it out later, when I sit back down to work on it.” She turned back toward the ocean. “What about you? What brings you out here in this lovely weather?”
This was it. The opportunity she had been waiting for. Jesse had just given her the perfect opening to lay it all on the table—the awkwardness of their situation, what had happened between them, the job offer, everything. But Lexi balked. The whole thing was too embarrassing. She knew the truth anyway. Asking the questions out loud wouldn’t change the answers. It would only make them both uncomfortable. And Lexi was certain she would completely fall apart if she talked about it. There was no way she would let Jesse know how much it bothered her. She avoided the topic entirely, answering as plainly as she could.
“Just needed to get out of the house.” Although it wasn’t a total lie, it felt like one to Lexi, so she added a disclaimer. “I’ve been studying like crazy.”
“Yeah? How’s it going?”
“Good, I guess. Who knows?”
Jesse touched her arm again. “You’ll be fine. School doesn’t teach you how to be a lawyer. You learn that after, through internships and actual work. Trust me, you are way ahead of a lot of people in that area.”
Lexi watched as the rain dripped down between the wooden planks, making tiny craters in the sand. She was nervous that this topic of conversation would lead right back to talking about work and she wanted to avoid going there at this point. “Maybe we should start walking back. I’m parked up in the north lot. Hopefully it will have stopped by the time we get there, or at least let up a little. I can give you a ride back,” Lexi said, steering the conversation in a safer direction.
“Good idea.” Jesse pushed off the beam and faced the north end.
They walked the length of beach underneath the boardwalk, climbing over the pylons in their way. Lexi was proud of herself for keeping her composure, avoiding discussion of both their one night together and the letter. She was slightly surprised but also relieved that Jesse didn’t bring up the job offer either, figuring that their reasoning was the same. She was pleased with how easily their conversation flowed. Lexi’d forgotten how comfortable they could be with one another. She was especially satisfied at how normal she managed to sound. Avoiding direct eye contact was the key, she decided, which was much easier now that they were walking. She actually found herself fairly relaxed, if a little disappointed, as they reached the beginning of the boardwalk.
Lexi peered out from under the wooden overhang at the continuous downpour. “I guess we have to run for it.” She nodded her head toward the only car in the lot, the gigantic Ford.
“To that car?” Jesse said in disbelief. “That’s not your car. Where’s your little Camry?”
Lexi raised one eyebrow. “Hmm. Checking out my car. Keeping tabs on me,” she teased. “Interesting.” She wasn’t really sure why she was flirting now, when the time for that had clearly passed, but she didn’t stop herself. “This is my car today. Make a note of it, Detective.” Lexi beamed ear to ear. She took off sprinting without giving Jesse a chance to say anything.
She hit the car several paces before Jesse did. She had only gotten the door open a crack before Jesse flew up behind her, coming to a stop with her front flush against Lexi’s back, their combined weight and momentum forcing the door closed again. In one motion Jesse spun Lexi around and leaned in without any hesitation at all.
They stayed there pressed up against the car making out in the rain, like something out of a movie, for what felt like forever, until Lexi found the rear door handle and they slid into the backseat together, a sopping-wet mix of sweat and rain on top of the plasticky vinyl.
They kissed each other frantically, their hands all over one another. Without breaking contact, Lexi raised her arms and let Jesse lift her shirt over her head. She cringed a little, remembering once again that she was wearing two sports bras. It didn’t slow Jesse down. Undeterred, she pushed both bras up as she worked her way down Lexi’s body, tilting her backward onto the seat and leaning down on top of her as she positioned herself between Lexi’s legs. Then out of nowhere, Jesse pulled back a little and slowed the pace, dispensing sweet baby kisses all over Lexi’s face and neck. Her hand hovered at the waistband of Lexi’s shorts, her index finger gently playing at the elastic. They locked eyes, and in the intensity of the moment Lexi knew without a doubt that Jesse was seeking some kind of permission, making sure it was okay to continue.
Lexi knew that she should stop it from going any further. She should take the out Jesse was giving. Really, what good could come from this? If she let it happen, where would that leave her with the job offer—the one she had decided to accept just this morning? She closed her eyes and breathed in, mustering the resolve to call it off. She reached up to Jesse’s shoulders, fully intending to push her away, but something in her body took over. She grabbed the back of Jesse’s neck, pulled her down, and kissed her so passionately, so possessively, that there was no mistaking her answer. She ran her hands down Jesse’s back, found the bottom of her shirt, and peeled it off as she wrapped her legs around her.
The second she felt Jesse’s hand inside her underwear she realized that for all of her hemming and hawing, she had just made the only decision that mattered to her all week. This was what she wanted. It was what she had always wanted.
She pushed Jesse’s running shorts down and felt their half-naked bodies make contact. She moved her hand lower to touch Jesse and watched her react when Lexi pressed her thigh against the back of her hand to add support and pressure. For a minute Lexi internally marveled at how effortlessly they were able to maneuver in this confined space. She almost had to suppress a giggle as she acknowledged her newfound appreciation of the dated sedan with its enormous backseat.
Jesse looked at Lexi again, as intensely as before, their faces millimeters apart as she eased two fingers deep inside. Lexi gasped a little at first and then held her breath for a second. She knew it would be quick, she only hoped she would hold out long enough to get Jesse close too. They moved together slowly at first, until Lexi couldn’t take it any longer, her body instinctively taking over, accelerating the pace until she came hard and fast.
Jesse’s smile was sweet and a little smug as she kept her hand inside Lexi, feeling her pulsate. She pressed her forehead lightly against Lexi’s and kissed her softly as she moved against her, slamming her eyes shut and breathing out several expletives as she finished.
*
The short ride home was filled with the mundane. They talked about when the rain might have stopped, but neither of them was sure. Jesse mentioned that she always loved the way the steam came off the street after a good storm. Lexi offered something silly about the changing climate and global warming.
When they entered Bay West from the main road, Lexi immediately turned onto the exterior roadway, heading for the auxiliary lot, citing a lame excuse about how there was no room near her house for the big car. Which was bogus because obviously there was. Somewhere beneath the filler conversation on the way from the beach, Lexi had decided she couldn’t take it anymore. She had to talk about the job offer, about everything. After what had just happened, there could be no avoiding it. She settled in one of the first spots in the back of the lot and turned off the ignition.
Before she could say anything, Jesse leaned over, put her hand behind Lexi’s neck and pulled her in, kissing her so sweetly, Lexi nearly slid off the seat and onto the floorboards.
“I’ll talk to you.” Jesse looked her dead in the eye before she opened the door and was gone.
Lexi walked to her house feeling ecstatic, elated, and more confused than ever. Pushing open the front door, she called up the stairs. “I’m home. Going to take a shower.”
“Hey, honey,” Chris yelled back from the kitchen. “Did you get wet?”
Lexi smirked to herself. You have no idea.
Chapter Twenty-one
Later that same evening, as Lexi was setting the garbage pail at the curb, totally oblivious to the world around her, Meg marched across the two lawns, grabbed Lexi’s arm, and dragged her into her own house. She shut the door behind them and faced Lexi.
“What the hell is going on with you?” Meg crossed her arms, exploding again before giving Lexi a chance to answer. “And don’t say nothing. It’s obvious you’re avoiding me. And I know for a fact you’ve been ignoring Sam too.” She uncrossed her arms and held both hands out, expecting an answer.
Lexi gave a weak smile at Meg’s concern. Squeezing herself into a tight hug, she sank into the door behind her. She shook her head and huffed. “I’m a mess.”
“What’s going on?”
Lexi slid down the wall and crouched on the tile. “What isn’t going on right now?” she responded rhetorically.
Meg arched her eyebrows and waited.
“Hmm, let’s see. Where should I start?” She tapped her forefinger on her puffy lips. “I got offered a job at Stanton Ducane,” she said with a twinge of anger and annoyance.
“That could be a good thing, you know.” Meg understood the source of her frustration and was about to give her a pep talk, but Lexi stopped her.
“I know. I’m supposed to be excited. Thrilled, over the moon, all that.” Her voice started to crack. “It is a great firm and everything.”
“Also, you get to be with Jesse every day.”
Lexi pinched a tiny leaf that hung off the bottom of her flip-flop. She rolled it into a teeny ball between her thumb and index finger, staring at the floor. “I don’t know, Meg.”
Meg squatted in the middle of the floor just to be at the same eye level.
Lexi met her gaze briefly. “I thought I could do it. I really did.”
“This happened, when? The other night? When I saw you standing outside your house?” Meg commented as she put the pieces together.
Lexi leaned her head against the wall. “I have been avoiding you.”
“Yeah, I got that.”
“Sorry,” Lexi said genuinely. “Don’t feel bad though, it’s not like you missed anything. I’ve only been bawling ever since.” She frowned. “And of course, freaking out.”
“I’m not convinced that this is a bad thing.”
“Come on, Meg.”
“Did you ever think that maybe this is her way of trying to get close to you?”
“No,” Lexi responded sharply. She wiped her hands against her shorts. “You know, I had actually started to accept it. Not the job, I’m talking about the fact that she wasn’t interested in me.” She drew her knees in close to her chest. She had a funny kind of smile and as she spoke her eyes welled up. “Obviously, I was totally bummed about it. But I was coming to terms with it, I swear. I went over and over it in my head, pros, cons, the whole shebang. Then, this morning, I finally decided to take the job.” She nodded her head, the tears spilling in spite of her small grin.
“Yeah?”
She wiped her cheeks. “Yep. Swallow my pride. I have no other offers anyway. Decided to be a bigger person and the whole bit. I had myself convinced.” Her voice caught in her throat, and her eyes refilled immediately. “I really believed I could do it. Honest to God.” She sniffled, rubbed her face roughly with her hands, taking care of the new stream of tears. Her smile was bigger now, and she wore the look of someone who has just realized her own foolishness.
“You changed your mind?”
Lexi let out a laugh. “Well, Meg, then I went for a run down at the boardwalk.”
