Totally Worth It, page 17
Lexi hoped to God in that moment that Jesse was not trying to send her a message.
As if she could read her thoughts, Jesse reached out and touched Lexi’s forearm softly, reassuringly. It sent a shiver through Lexi’s whole body in a way she was sure was not intended. Jesse raised her eyebrows. “Believe me, I know. I’ve been there.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep. I dated a girl, Lauren, for almost three years. Our families knew each other forever. We practically grew up together. We started going out when I was in law school. Our parents were totally infatuated with it. They all thought this was it, figured we’d be together forever. It was really the only time my mother was actually happy I was gay, because she approved of Lauren’s family. So stupid.” Jesse laughed wryly. “I think that’s maybe why I stayed in it so long, because on paper it was perfect. And of course, Lauren is a great girl. She’s beautiful and smart, but I was never in love with her. And I knew she was in love with me. It wasn’t fair to either of us, really. So I ended it, and it sucked. Everybody was disappointed. I was disappointed too. I wanted to be in love with her. I did. I just wasn’t.” She sighed deeply and leaned her elbows on the table, looking right at Lexi. “But my point is, it’s still hard because I see her a lot. You know, our families are still friends. It’s awkward sometimes.”
“What’s it like when you see her?”
Jesse raised her shoulders. “It’s complicated.” She crossed her arms over her chest and ran her hands up and down her toned biceps. She shrugged and spoke calmly. “We’re friends. We have to be.” She said it almost under her breath. “But there’s tension.” She shook her head. “It always comes back to the same thing. If I had just ended it sooner, when I knew I wasn’t in it for the long haul, I think it would have been okay. But I let it go on for a million terrible reasons. If I had ended it earlier, I think we could have recovered. I think we might actually be real friends, the way we were before we got together.”
Jesse rose and pulled a stack of menus from a cabinet. “So my completely unsolicited advice is that by not going, in the long run maybe you’ll save your friendship with Julie. Maybe not.” She shrugged again lightening the mood. “Either way though, I guarantee you there’s less heartache.” Waving the pizza menu in the air, she shifted gears entirely. “Anyway let’s order. I’m famished.”
The conversation flowed this easily all night. They moved seamlessly from talking about work to family, friends, movies, relationships. Nothing was off-limits. Jesse ranted more about her disapproval of the Meg-Mia coupling and it was clear she really did have Meg’s best interests at heart. Hearing her concern for their mutual friend made Lexi see Jesse in a whole new light. The hours slipped by, and Lexi relished every second.
A few hours later, the pizza long gone, they sat in the living room, Lexi on one end of the lush sofa, her bare feet curled up under her, while Jesse leaned up against the other end, facing her as they talked. When Jesse got up to get them each another beer, Lexi crossed the room and stood on tiptoe to reach a framed photograph on the bookshelf. It was a snapshot of her moms, Jesse, and Mary Brown, their arms linked as they stood together on the grassy knoll outside the Commons.
“Oh my God, look at you guys.” She held the frame close to her face, poring over a twentysomething Jesse. She looked a touch younger, yes, but more than that, she looked softer. Her broad smile held a kind of innocence that she couldn’t quite describe. It was like she was looking at the prototype, the girl who had not yet evolved into the chiseled, charming individual walking toward her now.
“Funny, right?” Jesse came up behind her, peering over her shoulder at the picture.
“Aunt Mary’s hair is so long,” Lexi marveled, hoping to cover the fact that she had been focused solely on Jesse’s image. “And Marnie, God, I remember when she dyed her hair that ultra-blond. This must’ve been right before I started my senior year of high school.” She flipped it over but, of course, the frame obscured any date that might have been on the back of the photo. She turned it back to the front and ran her hand slowly over the glass. “God, they all look so young.”
“I know.” Jesse sounded wistful. “We were.”
Lexi glanced back at Jesse. “Not you. You look the same.” It was true. Other than looking significantly more sophisticated, Jesse had hardly aged at all. “My mothers, though, unbelievable.” She shook her head, shifting the image back and forth in her hands, allowing the light to hit it as she examined each angle. “Could I borrow this?” She looked back at Jesse again. “Sounds weird, I know. But I’m putting together this thing for Mush’s fiftieth birthday. This would be perfect.”
“Mush?”
“Sorry. My mom, Chris. That’s what we call her. Mush.”
Jesse laughed. “That’s cute. She is such a mush too.”
Lexi had almost forgotten they’d all been friends, before they weren’t.
“Yeah, of course you can take it.”
“I’ll give it back. I can just scan it and use the image.”
Jesse nodded again, obviously pondering something. “Actually, I’m sure I have more. Hang on.” Jesse disappeared into the den, loudly riffling through her things. When she came back, she held a leather-bound photo album. Dusting it off, she sat down right next to Lexi, opening the book in her lap so they could both see the pages.
Lexi’s arm was stretched out on the back of the couch behind Jesse as they perused the pictures together, pointing and chuckling at the dated clothes and hairstyles. At one particularly embarrassing shot of Jesse dressed in some kind of princess getup at a Bay West Halloween party, Lexi turned to Jesse as she teased her. Up to that moment, Lexi hadn’t realized how close they actually were. Then she did the unthinkable. Dropping her gaze to Jesse’s mouth, she licked her own lips, drawing her full bottom lip in with her teeth as she leaned in.
And on that hot April night, outrageously high on conversation, mildly buzzed from a few beers, sitting altogether too close on the couch, Jesse Ducane kissed her back.
They kissed for a long time.
Lexi was aware of Jesse’s hands first on her face and neck, then slowly making their way down her entire body as she pulled Lexi onto her lap, sending the photo album spilling to the floor.
In all of her fantasies, things usually ended about here. Typically it involved Jesse stopping them dramatically with a fervent no or we have to stop—it had played out a multitude of different ways in her mind. Always though, it ended in the same conversation about why this shouldn’t and couldn’t happen. So it was no exaggeration that Lexi was absolutely astonished when no protest came at all. Rather, she felt Jesse’s hands move under her shirt, sliding up her back where Jesse unhooked her bra and then shifted her hands around to the front, up and under the fabric, until a hand covered each of Lexi’s breasts. They remained there for a few seconds, until Jesse kissed her way down Lexi’s neck, lifting off her shirt and bra in one fluid motion. Only then did she speak, breaking them apart momentarily to utter a one-word directive.
“Up.”
Lexi followed obediently as Jesse led her directly upstairs into the bedroom.
What happened next was surreal. With her mind in overdrive, Lexi tried like crazy to stay in the moment by focusing on every nuance—taking Jesse’s shirt off and kissing her chest, Jesse’s fingers unbuttoning her shorts and pushing them to the floor, the feel of Jesse’s lips on her shoulders and arms, her belly, her thighs. She swore she could feel each individual thread of the cool sheets beneath her blazing body until she lost control completely, finally emerging from her fog with a short, sharp twinge felt all the way to her toes.
Oddly, instead of feeling spent, Lexi’s orgasm invigorated her, supplying a welcome burst of energy. Swiftly, she pulled Jesse up. Wasting no time, she kissed her way down Jesse’s incredible body, grating her teeth open-mouthed over Jesse’s unbelievably tight abdomen before reaching her ultimate destination.
Lexi had had a decent amount of sexual activity in her life. There had been the long-term high school boyfriend whom she had lost her virginity to; the short-lived college girlfriend to whom she gave her other v-card; plus a smattering of girls and a few boys she had messed around with over the years. Most recently there was Julie. In all of these encounters, not once did she ever experience anything remotely similar to what was happening now.
As she gratifyingly went down on Jesse, she felt her insides tightening up, rushing headlong toward an uncontrollable peak. She knew what was happening. She tried unsuccessfully to think about Margaret Thatcher or baseball, things she’d heard guys did in this situation. It didn’t work. As Jesse got closer and closer, betrayed by both her rhythmic movements and gasping breath, Lexi’s building orgasm intensified. She was very obviously and kind of audibly having trouble staying focused. Thankfully, Jesse used her hand to press hard at the back of Lexi’s head, keeping her in place until they both came, Jesse bucking off the mattress as Lexi moaned into her.
Lexi couldn’t move. She barely made it to Jesse’s stomach, her thick brown curls splayed across Jesse’s torso, before she completely passed out.
*
When Lexi next opened her eyes it was nearly two hours later. No longer sprawled out across Jesse, she found herself tucked neatly under the covers on her side with Jesse’s arm draped over her thigh. She felt divine. So good, in fact, that she cursed herself for having to get up to use the bathroom. Slipping out from between the sheets, she carefully tiptoed across the floor so she wouldn’t wake Jesse.
She hadn’t intended to leave. Only, when she stepped back into the bedroom she panicked. Jesse hadn’t moved at all. Lexi didn’t know how exactly to insinuate herself back into the previous position or if she should even try. Standing in the doorway between the two rooms, she could feel herself starting to sweat. Overwhelmed by insecurity, she snuck out of the bedroom, throwing her clothes on haphazardly as she moved quietly through the house until she clicked the front door closed behind her.
Lexi spent the entire morning wondering if that was the best or worst decision she had ever made.
At one o’clock that very afternoon, as she sat on her sofa upstairs in the living room rereading the same paragraph in her wills and estates textbook, letting her mind wander gratuitously back to last night, she heard a faint tap at the front door. She scurried down the steps hoping it was Meg, assuming it was the UPS man, and was stunned to find Jesse standing on the other side of the screen.
Lexi barely got the word hi out before her cell phone rang. Reaching into the back pocket of her jeans she grabbed it and saw the screen flashing Mom. She answered the phone and opened the door at the same time. She half stepped out of the house, keeping the door open by placing her body between it and the frame as she held up one finger to Jesse.
“Hi, Mom.”
She listened to her mother and watched Jesse look around while she waited.
“Okay, Mom. Give me two minutes, okay? I’ll call you right back.” She rolled her eyes but kept the phone to her ear since her mother was still talking. Jesse smiled politely. “All right. I got it. Five minutes, Mom.” But she didn’t hang up. Instead she nodded her head and said, “Okay…okay.”
Pressing the phone tight to her chest, she turned her attention to Jesse. “I’m sorry, can you just give me one second?”
Jesse nodded her head slightly. “You’re busy.” Lexi had to suppress the urge to drop the phone and jump her right there on her doorstep. “Don’t get off the phone. I just came by to give you these. For your project.” Jesse handed over an envelope that Lexi hadn’t even noticed she was holding. With a small wave, and an even smaller smile, Jesse backed away, leaving Lexi with an envelope full of pictures, her mother on the phone, and about four million frazzled nerves.
Chapter Eighteen
After waiting as long as she possibly could, Lexi knocked on the door of Meg’s house, found the door unlocked, and walked right in. Scanning the first floor living area, she saw no sign of Meg. She was sure she was home—she had watched her enter the house a half hour earlier. She moved into the kitchen and noticed Meg’s laptop open on the breakfast bar. Just as she was about to call up the stairs, Meg opened the laundry-room door.
“I thought I heard you come in.” Meg grabbed Lexi for a quick hug as she passed behind her.
“Did you miss me?” Lexi asked in a spirited voice as she patted Meg’s forearm, before unwinding from her grasp.
“Actually, yes.”
“So, how was it?” Lexi hoisted herself onto one of the counter stools.
Meg opened the refrigerator and grabbed two Diet Cokes, handing one to Lexi as she cracked the other open.
“It was okay.” Meg’s voice was even as she searched through each kitchen cabinet, finally removing a jar of peanut butter from the last cupboard.
“That’s it, just okay?” Lexi was certain from the flat tone that something wasn’t right. “Oh no, you ran into her? Becca?”
Meg shook her head as she tossed two pieces of wheat bread on a plate, simultaneously pointing to them to see if Lexi was interested in a sandwich. “Nope. I actually didn’t see Becca. I’d say that was the bright spot of the weekend.”
Lexi declined the offer with a shake of her head. “What happened?”
“Nothing. It was fine,” she added, less than enthusiastic. Seeing Lexi’s concern, she lightened her tone. “I’m just being dramatic,” she said, half making fun of herself as she reached into the fridge for the jelly.
“Tell me,” Lexi said earnestly.
Meg obliged, and as she made up her sandwich she laid out all of the details of the weekend from the beginning.
The car ride up had been uneventful, but pleasant. Tabitha’s was old and adorable and quaint. She and the girls spent both nights partying there for the cause. Of course there were tons of people from the development—even Kam Browne and Mary Brown made an appearance, not that Meg talked to them. She told Lexi about the house they had rented, which was fine, but she emphasized heavily that it was not the same without her. Meg confessed that she met up with Mia on Friday and ultimately stayed at Betsy’s house both nights. Apparently Betsy actually owned the house that they’d stayed in but rented it out most of the year. Meg made a special point of mentioning that Jesse had been a no-show the entire weekend.
As she meticulously cut off all the crusts of her bread, Meg finally got into what was bothering her. The problem, she told Lexi, was that Mia had brought along her work partner, Amanda, and further divulged that Amanda was very obviously into Mia. Meg acknowledged that while she was pretty sure nothing was going on between them, Mia loved the attention. Meg claimed she didn’t care about the flirting itself, she certainly wasn’t jealous, but she could have done without the display right in front of her. She admitted that she and Mia had gotten into a pretty wicked fight about it on Saturday night.
Inspecting her sandwich for the exact right spot to bite, Meg finished her story. “Look, I know we’re not girlfriends or anything and that’s fine. Seriously. She can do what she wants, and I’ll do the same—not that I do. But I just didn’t need it right in front of my face. It made me feel like an idiot, you know?” She leaned against the kitchen sink as she chomped through her sandwich.
“So that’s it for you guys?”
Meg licked some wayward peanut butter from the base of her hand. “No, we hooked up after that,” she confessed. “It blew over. It just annoyed me, is all.”
Lexi shook her head in mock judgment. “Jesse’s right. That girl is no good for you.” She pursed her lips to hide her smile.
Meg choked out a laugh. “I’m sorry. What was that?”
“I said, Jesse’s right. Mia is trouble. For you, in particular.” Lexi knew she was smiling wide now, but she couldn’t help it.
Meg smiled back, looking a little puzzled. “Okay, I’ll play along. Since when do you and Jesse discuss my love life? I thought everything was strictly business with you two.” She threw up some air quotes and dropped her voice an octave, openly teasing.
“We talked about you a little last night,” Lexi said in a lyrical tone, delighting in Meg’s semi-engrossed reaction as she swallowed the last of her PB&J. Then Lexi dropped the bomb as casually as she could manage. “Yeah, I went over there for dinner and we chatted for a while, you know, before we had sex.”
“Shut up!” Meg laughed harder this time, shaking her head in disbelief. Then her mouth dropped open. “Holy shit, you’re serious. I can’t believe you let me go on and on about my stupid weekend, when you were sitting on this. Tell me everything.”
Lexi did, including the part where she skulked out of Jesse’s house in the middle of the night.
“So, wait, you left?”
Lexi nodded silently, her exuberance fading fast.
“Why?”
Lexi still wasn’t a hundred percent sure of her reasons or the logic behind them. Even though she knew it was nearly impossible to find the right words to describe how she had felt, she tried anyway. “I don’t know what happened. It was weird. I couldn’t figure out how to get back into the bed.” In defense of how lame that sounded, she continued down a path she hadn’t planned on discussing at all. “Plus something totally weird happened to me when we were having sex. I was sort of embarrassed. I think I just kind of ran away.”
Meg looked intrigued. “What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, it’s mortifying.” Lexi buried her face in her hands.
“Just tell me. I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
Lexi lowered her hands, peeking her eyes out just above her fingertips. “It’s bad.”
“Hit me.” Meg waved her on with both hands.
“I don’t even know how to say it.” Lexi paused. She slid her hands back over her face all the way up to her forehead, fanning out her fingers until they held her curls back off her face. “Okay. So we were having sex—”
“Where?” Meg cut her off.
