Totally Worth It, page 21
“Okay.” Meg waited.
Lexi pursed her lips, holding back a laugh. “And I ran right into Jesse.”
Meg narrowed her eyes. “All right. That’s good, right? I mean, did you talk to her?”
“Not so much.”
“Huh?”
Lexi threw her head down between her knees and broke into hysterical laughter even as she wiped away more tears. Propping her chin up on her kneecaps, she puffed out her cheeks. “No, I didn’t talk to her. I had sex with her. Again.”
“What!”
Lexi nodded confirmation, looking a bit self-satisfied and disappointed at the same time.
“In my car.” She thought for a second before correcting herself. “That’s not even true. It was actually a stranger’s car.”
Meg’s jaw was on the floor. She held up her hand. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up.”
“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Lexi said through a chuckle. “Mush was fixing my car so she had me use a different one that she’s working on.” She registered Meg’s shock. “I guess that doesn’t sound too good either,” she admitted after hearing it out loud. “But that reminds me, she wants to look under your hood. She said you were rattling a little coming down the street the other day.”
“Jesse?”
“No, Mush.”
“Okay, slow down.” Meg put both hands out, halting the conversation. “Start over.”
“My mom wants to check out your car.”
“Got it. Done.” Meg swirled her head dramatically. “Now get back to the part where you have sex with Jesse.”
“That’s it. We ran into each other at the beach. I offered to drive her home because it was pouring.” She shrugged. “We didn’t talk about anything. It just kind of happened.”
“Are you okay?” Meg scrunched her face up sympathetically, knowing the answer.
“No, I’m a disaster. I have no clue what the hell I’m doing or what I’m going to do now.”
“And now you’re not going to take the job?”
“How can I?”
Meg chewed her bottom lip considering the possibility.
“Meg, I already slept with my boss. Twice. I mean, talk about office slut.”
“I still think that maybe she offered you the job because she wants to be with you, you know.”
Lexi looked at Meg like she was crazy.
“Not that you’re not a good lawyer or anything. But let’s be honest. You’re young, you’re hot, you’ve got these big puppy dog eyes—”
“I don’t think that’s it,” Lexi snapped.
Meg took a minute. “Okay, I’m sure you’ve already thought of this, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway.” She waited for Lexi to give her full attention. “Why don’t you try talking to her? I mean, she lives fifty feet away, for Christ’s sake.”
“And how’s that gonna go?” Lexi’s voice brimmed with animosity. “I just walk over, ring her doorbell?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“And then what, just launch right in?” She bent her head and put on a fake stern face. “Excuse me, Jesse.” Her voice matched her expression, and Meg had a hard time keeping a straight face. “Sorry to bother you with this, but I’m having a little dilemma. See, I know you offered me a job and everything, but I’m kind of in love with you, and the random fucking is messing with my head. So I was just hoping we could discuss it a little, you know, just so I can make an informed decision.”
“I mean I know you’re not serious, but that does kind of cover it,” Meg said.
Lexi rolled her eyes.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Stress out some more. Get drunk this weekend.”
“Well, that’s a solution,” Meg said.
Lexi shrugged.
“Did you have any place special in mind? Or are you just going to Virginia Woolf yourself again, hole back up in your room?”
Lexi managed a smile. “It’s Memorial Day weekend. The summer kick-off social is this Saturday. Figured I’d make an appearance.”
“Good, I can keep my eye on you.” Meg kicked Lexi’s foot lightly.
“Meg?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for looking out for me.”
“Sure.”
“And Meg?”
“Yeah?”
“Your hair looks fucking incredible.”
“Thanks, Lex.”
“Come here.”
Meg slid across the floor and hugged her friend. Lexi ran her hand through the back of Meg’s hair before pulling back. “What did Mia say about it?”
“I haven’t seen her.”
“No?”
“Nope.” She tousled her own hair. “Something’s off with us. I can’t really put my finger on it.”
“I thought that’s what you guys did,” Lexi teased.
“Don’t be gross.”
Lexi raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Hmm, you tease me all the time. Not so much fun when you’re on the receiving end, huh?”
Meg laughed at being called out so readily. “I know. I’m just kidding. I loved it.”
“Seriously, are you guys fighting or something?”
Meg stretched her arms out over her head. “No. I think it’s”—she let out a long breath—“kind of over. Run its course, you know.” She crossed her arms definitively. “I should probably take my own advice and actually talk to her. I’ve kind of been putting it off. Not that I think she’ll be upset or anything. I just want to try to stay friends, and sometimes I think that can be harder in a way. I mean look at you and Julie, right?”
“True.”
“I know she’s going to the social, maybe I’ll try talking to her then.” Meg wanted to suggest that Lexi do the same with Jesse, but she didn’t. She knew Lexi would never do it anyway. So she filled the silence with the only thing she could think of. “It’ll be okay, Lex.”
Lexi rested her head on Meg’s shoulder. They stayed that way, together in the quiet on the cold tile floor for a long time.
*
Two hours later, after Lexi had long gone, Meg took the matter into her own hands. A rush of adrenaline surged through her at the thought of what she was about to do. She hurriedly picked up her phone, scrolled through her list of contacts, and selected Jesse’s name. She started the text immediately before giving herself a chance to back out.
You going in early tomorrow?
Meg already knew the answer. She’d bummed enough early morning rides from her neighbor in the last few months not to know her routine by now. Fridays were a sure thing. Her phone dinged in response thirty seconds later.
Yeah you want a ride
Is that okay
No prob. C u at 530
Thx
At promptly five thirty the next morning, Meg rested against the rear bumper of Jesse’s car under the purple sky, still trying to work out how she was going to bring the topic up and precisely what she was going to say. It was a waste of time. As Jesse backed out of her driveway and slowly headed down the street, she did the exact same thing she had done every single time Meg had taken this trip with her, and probably every time she didn’t.
Jesse turned her head to the left and rubbed her chin against her shoulder, taking a long look at the façade of Lexi’s house, still dark and quiet with night.
It was exactly the opening Meg needed. She threw her head back and let out a sigh of relief. “I fucking knew it.”
Jesse tipped her head down and eyed Meg. “What?” She sounded serious, but continued playfully. “What do you know, Megan McTiernan?”
Meg picked up right away that Jesse was attempting to make light of it, but she wasn’t about to let her off that easily. “You like her.” Meg made the statement adamantly, nodding backward at Lexi’s house fading into the distance. “Lexi. You really like her, don’t you?”
Jesse looked at her from under her long, dark lashes with an expression that was more serious than Meg had expected. Meg met her gaze and waited for the denial, prepared to challenge Jesse when she brushed it off like it was no big deal. But she didn’t. She simply shifted her eyes back to the road and blinked long and hard, all but admitting it.
“Why don’t you just tell her?” Meg asked.
With a subtle shake of her head, Jesse responded, “It’s not that simple.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” She stopped and pushed her turn signal down with more force than was necessary. “Because. I don’t know. Just because.”
It was obvious there was something she wasn’t saying. Meg pushed her. “Because what? Spit it out.”
Jesse shook her hand through her hair roughly. “Look, I’m not even sure that she’s interested in me.” She paused for a second and then continued. “The way I am in her.” She looked over her shoulder as she merged into the traffic, the action somehow undermining the seriousness of the conversation. “I thought so at first. Now, I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” she started but then stopped for a second, before continuing. “It’s just that—” Her eyes burned straight ahead through the windshield onto the highway ahead of them. When she spoke, it sounded like she was talking to herself as much as to Meg. “She used to look at me and I could see it in her eyes. I could feel it. I knew she felt it too. I knew it.” Then she narrowed her eyes as she second-guessed herself. “At least I thought I did. God, it’s been so long that I’d forgotten what that felt like.”
As Jesse continued to peer out the window into the distance, Meg considered asking her what exactly she meant by the last comment. But as she studied Jesse’s tense body language, she knew that she didn’t need to. Jesse and Lexi’s connection wasn’t random, it wasn’t a fling. Meg had suspected all along that there was something deep and genuine between her two friends, and in this moment she was sure she was right.
“I would have sworn there was something there,” Jesse said, as though she could read Meg’s mind. She shook her head, not even trying to mask her disappointment. “But then after we slept together, she took off. I’ve barely seen her since.”
“The way I heard it, it was you who ran away last time,” Meg challenged.
Jesse glanced over, looking more relaxed than Meg expected, particularly considering Meg had just called her out. “So you’re obviously up to speed on everything.” Instead of anger or annoyance, Jesse’s voice held a note of clarification.
“Don’t be mad at her for talking to me. She’s stressed out and confused. She just needed somebody to talk to.”
“I’m not mad.” Jesse sounded defensive. “I just wish she’d talk to me.”
“Well, I think she feels the same way. I know she wished you’d talked to her before you offered her the job. That really messed her up. I’m just curious, is that your move to get close to her?” Meg asked, testing her own theory.
“What are you talking about?”
“It freaked her out. The job offer. She thinks it means you’re not interested in her.”
“What job offer?” Jesse sounded angry and confused.
Meg spoke slowly. “At your law firm. The lawyer position, I guess.”
“I didn’t offer her a job.”
“Uh, yes, you did.”
“No, I didn’t.” Jesse’s voice was firm. “I specifically did not offer her a job, as a matter of fact.”
Meg shrugged. “Well, she thinks you did.”
Jesse continued to drive in silence, cocking her head this way and that as she licked her lips repeatedly. Whatever she was trying to work out in her head must have clicked, because she suddenly pounded the steering wheel. “Shit.” She leaned her head back on the headrest looking defeated as she muttered under her breath, “Fucking Laney.”
For the first time it occurred to Meg that there might have been factors at play behind the job offer that she and Lexi hadn’t considered. “So, wait. You didn’t offer her the job?”
Jesse shook her head slowly in response.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Clear it up. Come clean. Tell her you like her. You obviously do.”
Jesse bit her bottom lip. “That’s just it. Once I tell her—everything, that is—I’m afraid she’ll…I don’t know.” She trailed off, sounding nervous. “I’m worried she won’t want to be with me. That is, assuming she does right now.”
“Listen to me. I don’t know what it is you’re worried about, and I can tell you don’t want to tell me, which is fine. Whatever it is,” Meg said dramatically, “I honestly can’t imagine it making that much of a difference.”
Jesse pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows indicating that she wanted to believe Meg, but she still had concerns.
Meg tried to convince her. “Jess, I’ve been listening to her talk about you for months. Basically since I moved in here. I see the twinkle in her eye every time she says your name.” Meg said it playfully, even though it was true. She put on a sugary voice and batted her eyelashes in a terrible impersonation of Lexi. “Then Jesse did this, then Jesse did that.” She dropped the act but her voice was still light and full of optimism. “Trust me, whatever it is you’re worried about, it’s not going to matter. Lexi is into you. I’m sure of it.” Meg finished with a smile.
The corner of Jesse’s mouth turned up ever so slightly. “I hope you’re right.”
Chapter Twenty-two
The weather Saturday was perfect—bright sunshine, not a cloud in the sky, and high seventies. By late afternoon, Meg had had enough waiting around. She called Lexi and demanded she be ready in five minutes. Lexi acquiesced, albeit grudgingly.
They entered the summer kick-off festivities together and, even though Lexi had told her what to expect, Meg still took a few minutes to absorb all the details.
In the expansive lawn area adjacent to the pool, a huge cookout was set up, complete with two Budweiser trucks that were sponsoring the day’s event. The DJ was playing a nice mix of oldies catering to the afternoon clientele made up predominantly of women and kids who lived in the development, but Meg spotted a few fresh faces prancing around inside the gated pool area, their bikini-clad bodies begging for attention. She also spied a group of girls that she was pretty sure were new renters. They looked a tad unsure of themselves and Meg made a mental note to befriend them before the night was over.
Meg rubbed her hands together, sizing up the multitude of food stands lining the perimeter. “Thank God, I’m fucking starving.” She looked over at Lexi, who was still sulking. “You eating?”
“I doubt it.”
Meg dragged her along anyway toward the first in a row of barbecue stations. She kept moving once she saw its sole option was veggie burgers. She was equally dismayed to discover that the next booth specifically offered tofu selections. Continuing down the row, her choices were soy chicken, seitan burgers, quinoa and kale salad, and something flat and oval-shaped called vegan fry, with no additional explanation.
“Christ. Who do you have to fuck around here to get an actual hamburger?”
Lexi barely laughed. “I’m gonna guess that’s Kam Browne.”
“Seriously, does no one eat meat any more?”
“You do know you’re a lesbian, right?”
“And so that means what? I can eat all the pussy I want, but God forbid my lips touch red meat, then all bets are off?”
“Don’t look at me, I don’t make the rules.” Lexi inspected her fingernails as she matched Meg’s sarcasm.
Meg shook her head, only slightly defeated, then grabbed a veggie burger and loaded it up with toppings. She was just finishing when she saw Mia and Amanda heading toward them.
“Ladies.” Mia raised her beer to them.
Meg squinted, scrutinizing the contents of Mia’s other hand carefully. “That almost looks like a real hot dog.”
“It is,” she said taking a bite. “I guess as real as a hot dog can get, anyway,” she added between chews.
“But where?”
Mia chuckled lightly at Meg’s amazement. “Around on the other side of the beer truck, tucked away in a corner.” She popped the last bite into her mouth and raised a finger to her mouth. “Shh, I don’t think we’re supposed to talk about it, but there’s some hamburgers back there too.” She laughed at her own joke. “You want me to grab you one? I’m going over that way for a refill.”
“No. I conformed and had a veggie burger.” She frowned. “But I will come with. I could use another.” Meg turned over her empty beer cup, shaking out the last drop for emphasis.
When they reached the Budweiser trucks, they flashed their plastic bracelets, indicating that they were over twenty-one, to gain entrance to the cordoned-off service area, and walked to the end of the drink line.
“So, I kind of wanted to talk to you,” Meg started.
“What’s up?” Mia asked passively, as she perused the crowd.
Meg dug deep to overcome her awkwardness over the topic. She could tell that Mia preferred that they left this alone, but it had been on Meg’s mind too much to ignore it.
“Look, things have been totally weird with us since P-town.”
“Can’t we just”—Mia sighed heavily and rolled her neck—“I don’t know, not make a big thing out of it?”
Meg took a step forward in the line. “It’s not a big thing.”
“Then why are we talking about it?” Mia accused in response.
“I just wanted to talk, make sure we’re still friends. That’s all,” Meg said, defending herself.
“Fine. Just don’t be all drama about it.”
“I’m not.” Meg could hear the swell of emotion rising in her own voice. She took a breath and regrouped. “Mia, all I’m trying to say is, I just want to be friends. I kind of miss that.”
Mia fixed her cool blue eyes on Meg, slightly annoyed. “Yes, Meg. We’re friends.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course.”
“I only ask because we don’t text anymore, about anything. We don’t call each other. We don’t hang out. These are things that friends do. So you can’t blame me for being kind of confused.” She turned and looked up at Mia who stood more than half a foot over her. She waited for Mia to make eye contact again before she continued. “Look, we both knew what this was when it started. We knew it would end eventually.” She shrugged and offered optimistically, “It’s sort of perfect that we both got here at the same time.”
