Totally Worth It, page 14
“I know we never talk about it, but this is what’s going on for me right now. I think I’m just—” Lexi shook her head again almost in disbelief at her own words. “I’m done.”
“Excuse me?” Julie’s voice was so bitter that it was clear that any sadness she might have previously been feeling had been completely taken over by anger.
Lexi tried to keep the tears from falling. She swallowed hard past the soreness in her throat and spoke softly. “We both know that we’re not in the same place right now. I’m sorry. I’m just done pretending that we are.” The tears spilled out. She wiped them away, knowing her makeup was probably a mess. “I’m sorry, Jules. I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen tonight.” The fact that she was certain she was doing the right thing made it no less upsetting, and Lexi was having a hard time holding it together. She knew that any minute she would completely break down sobbing. “I am so sorry. Will you please just take me home.”
“Are you fucking for real?” Julie was fuming. “You’re actually breaking up with me on Valentine’s Day.” She shook her head in utter disbelief. “You know what, Lexi?” She spit out the words as she threw a wad of cash on the table. “Find your own fucking way home.” Sliding her chair back from the table, she stomped out of the restaurant.
Lexi grabbed her purse and hurried out. The place had been crowded enough that no one noticed their argument. Once Julie made her dramatic exit, leaving Lexi alone crying at the table, people started to stare.
Now that she was outside, though, she really didn’t know what to do. The restaurant was only about a mile and a half from the development, but it was freezing and Lexi had five-inch heels on. She dreaded calling her parents and facing their sympathy just yet. She’d rather freeze than listen to a lecture from Sam right now. Quickly she dialed Meg’s number and hoped she was alone.
“Can you pick me up at Lombardo’s?” Lexi asked, her teeth chattering into the phone.
Meg didn’t ask any questions. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”
*
Lexi was thankful that Meg had the heat on full blast as she shivered into the passenger seat. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are a godsend right now.” Lexi held both of her hands up to the vents. “I am so sorry. I hope I didn’t screw up your Wednesday night thing with Mia.”
Meg laughed a little at the comment. “Not at all. First of all, she never shows up before midnight, and it’s not every Wednesday anyway. It’s only when I’m home, which is, like, never lately. Plus, I guarantee that I won’t even hear from her tonight. Trust me, Valentine’s Day is way too committal for Mia,” she said with a shrug. “Who cares anyway?” Meg looked over at Lexi. “What happened?”
Lexi filled her in during the short drive back to Bay West. As Meg pulled in to her driveway, Lexi leaned back against the headrest. “I really don’t want to go home yet.” She was mostly just thinking out loud, but Meg took her at her word.
“Come on then. We’re going to my house.” Meg cut the engine. “There’s cheesy movies on every channel. I’ve mostly been flipping between The Notebook and Titanic all night.”
“That sounds depressing.”
Meg curled her lower lip. “I guess. But Rachel McAdams and Kate Winslet,” she said optimistically. “We could do worse.”
Lexi nodded in agreement as she reached for the handle. She relaxed for the first time all night as she followed Meg into her house.
A half hour later, wearing borrowed pajama pants and an old sweatshirt, Lexi texted her parents from Meg’s couch. She told them where she was and about the breakup. Somehow it was easier to write it out than to actually have a conversation about it.
Meg and Lexi were about a third of the way through 50 First Dates when a knock at the back door startled them both. They looked at each other without moving and Lexi mouthed to Meg, “Mia?”
Meg shook her off completely and responded, “Julie?”
Lexi shook her head doubtfully as Meg crossed to the door. When she pulled back the blinds, Lexi saw her mother standing on the other side of the glass, one hand in her pocket, the other holding a plate.
Meg slid the door open. “Hey, Chris.”
“Hey, girls.” She stepped inside. “Mom sent me over with these for you guys.” She handed the plate of homemade brownies to Meg. She looked over at Lexi, concern etched deeply in her forehead, “You okay, kiddo?”
Lexi nodded as she rose from the couch and threw her arms around her mother. “Thank you, Mush,” she whispered. She knew she didn’t have to explain anything.
Chapter Fifteen
“So Nick’s guys told him that this whole thing, Lucy’s entire Internal Affairs investigation, is all being driven by the inspector.” Lexi listened carefully as she sat in one of the chairs opposite Jesse’s cherrywood desk, as her boss explained how she had spent the better part of last night on the phone with Lucy Weston, laying out the options for her.
Lexi’s mind kept drifting back to her own conversation with Jesse from the night before, wondering how much, if any, influence it had on her breakup with Julie. She tried to shake it off, forcing herself to focus on the case as Jesse continued.
“In addition to being the actual shooter’s uncle, the inspector absolutely despises Dani Calhoun. Once he found out she was involved, however remotely, his goal has been to expose her. Nick explained that on the night of the shooting, Calhoun was the tour commander, so to leave your post, it’s a pretty big deal.” Jesse paced back and forth behind her desk, going over the details for Lexi’s benefit—but it also seemed she was still trying to make sense of them herself. “Nick said if it came out that Dani was not where she should have been, there would be definite repercussions. She might not get fired, but at the very least she would face discipline, and I’m sure in this case what she was actually doing would become public, leading to the obvious embarrassment.”
She sat in her high-backed leather chair. “Plus she’s married, so probably some problems at home too. It would likely bring her career to a complete standstill. So this inspector has been trying to get someone to go on record to jam her up, to use Nick’s words. But nobody will do it because she’s actually very well liked. Bottom line is he’s dragging this whole thing out trying to force Lucy’s hand. He’s hoping that Lucy will give her up to save herself.”
“Wow. That seems vindictive. So what now?”
Jesse leaned back and ran her hands through her hair, lacing her fingers together behind her head. “Well, I think we have two choices, really. One, we challenge them. Tell them we know the whole IA is nonsense. We’re aware of the ploy to get Lieutenant Calhoun. Completely turn the tables on them. Demand the reinstatement of Lucy Weston, with the back pay owed her. When they laugh at us—which they will—we threaten suit, citing discrimination on the grounds of gender and sexual preference. We’ll mention that we will be seeking damages for lost pay, plus mental anguish, pain, and suffering and we say that our plan is to go to the press, full boat. Regular media in addition to all the LGBT outlets, women’s groups, etcetera.”
Lexi loved listening to Jesse talk about anything. Her smooth voice, the way she licked her lips constantly. Nothing beat it when she was fired up, which she very clearly was at the moment. “Option two?”
“Option two.” Jesse leaned forward on her desk. “Much less aggressive approach. Take the punishment for not securing the weapon. Nick says that Lucy could get demoted, but more likely she’ll just get transferred out of her squad. She’ll have to admit to where she was, that she was with the lieutenant, because that takes her out of the shooting itself. Let Dani speak for herself.”
She rose from her chair, grabbed a bottle of water, and offered one to Lexi. Lexi shook her off and watched, mesmerized, as Jesse twisted the cap and drained half the bottle, before continuing. “The problem is that everybody knows that the inspector’s nephew did it, but no one will admit seeing it. Likewise, they all know that Lucy wasn’t there. They all know where she was, but everyone is keeping quiet about that too, because nobody wants to screw her up either.”
“What do you think she should do?”
“I don’t know. Normally, my instinct is to be as aggressive as possible.” She moved behind her desk and glanced over her shoulder out the large window before turning back to Lexi. “It pisses me off that they’re using Lucy as a pawn. And I do think ultimately we would win, but it will be dragged out for God knows how long. It’ll be vicious and dirty and it means taking some serious risks, ultimately just to protect Dani Calhoun.” She took another sip of her water. “We all know that the good lieutenant would not do the same for Lucy,” she added, rolling the plastic cap between her thumb and forefinger. “I told Lucy that last night on the phone when I laid all of this out for her.”
“And?”
“She didn’t really say much. She knows that either way she has to own up to being with Calhoun. She cannot pretend that she fired the gun. She would basically be saying that she shot someone. She can’t do that—it would be used against her forever. That seemed to resonate.”
“Sounds like it was a pretty interesting night.”
Jesse bent over her desk to straighten a stack of papers that hadn’t seemed disorderly at all, and Lexi’s eyes were drawn to the black strap of Jesse’s bra visible where her shirt gaped open. “Speaking of, how was your date?”
Lexi hoped she hadn’t been caught. She was surprised by Jesse’s question and embarrassed by her answer. “It was pretty bad, actually.”
“Wait. I thought you were going out with your girlfriend.”
“I was. I did.” Lexi swallowed hard, still not ready to talk about it. “We broke up. At dinner.”
“Last night?”
When Lexi simply nodded, Jesse’s confused look morphed into something like irritation. “Wow. That’s brutal. Breaking up with your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?” She shook her head in sympathetic disgust. “Who does that, anyway?”
In a low voice Lexi admitted, “Me, I guess.”
“Huh? Oh, shit.” Flustered, Jesse said, “Sorry, I didn’t realize. I thought…crap. I suck at this.” She continued to straighten her already pristine desk, as she stammered around trying to recover. The office phone rang loud and shrill, saving her. She picked it up quickly and listened before replacing the receiver. “Lucy’s here.”
Lexi stood up to go retrieve her, but Jesse stopped her by coming around her desk and placing a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. Roe is going to bring her back.” Keeping her hand in place, she looked Lexi in the eye. “For what it’s worth, I’m sure you did the right thing.” She gave her shoulder a gentle rub and slid her hand all the way down Lexi’s back and away as Lucy appeared in the doorway.
*
The conversation with Lucy was fairly straightforward. Jesse reviewed the options again in as much detail as she had the previous night.
Lucy didn’t ask any questions. She just waited for Jesse to finish and nodded. There was a long silence before she spoke.
“I’ve been up thinking about this all night. For months, really.”
“So what do you think?” Lexi’s voice was warm and comforting.
Lucy looked from Lexi to Jesse. “I thought about what you said. My choices.” Her gaze drifted past them to the skyscrapers out the window. “I can’t do it.”
Lucy continued to stare out the window as she spoke evenly. “The options, they all involve screwing Dani over.” She looked back and forth between Jesse and Lexi. “Just hear me out. It’s not what you think.” Lucy leaned forward on the sofa. “I told my girlfriend about Dani, when all of this happened. I knew it would come out and she deserved to hear it from me. She’s amazing, my girlfriend. She’s been completely supportive this whole time. We’re working through our issues. It’s not that.”
“What, then?” Lexi asked earnestly.
“Dani is a good person. She’s a good cop. She got where she is because she’s smart and fair and she knows what she’s doing. And like you said, Jesse, I’m sure there’s a ton of people, like the inspector, who would love to see her fail because she’s a woman or a dyke or whatever.” She sank back into the cushion, shaking her head. “I can’t be part of that. Her career shouldn’t be ruined because of a stupid, selfish mistake.”
Jesse was calm but firm. “Lucy, you need to think about your career right now.”
“That’s just it.” Lucy half laughed. “My career is already over.”
“But you—” Jesse started.
“You don’t understand. Since I’ve been on modified duty, it’s been a nightmare. Nobody looks at me. Nobody talks to me. The trust, the relationships that it took me years to build up—it’s all gone. I’ll never get them back. I’ve seen it before. This thing will follow me around forever. It will never be over.”
Lexi crossed her legs and leaned her elbows against her knee. “So what do you want to do, then?”
Lucy let out a heavy breath, sounding almost relieved as she answered. “I’m going to sign the letter of resignation.”
“Lucy?”
“Are you serious?”
Lexi and Jesse spoke at once. Lucy shook her head slowly, silencing them both.
“I know you’ve both done a lot of work for me and I appreciate it, I do. But I’ve made my decision. I’m leaving the police department.” She said it resolutely, bravely, as though she was trying to convince everyone in the room, herself included, that it was the best move.
“Are you sure?” Jesse asked, but she knew the answer. When Lucy nodded, Jesse spoke again. “Well, I think we should at least try to get you some kind of deal.” When she was met with confused stares from both Lucy and Lexi, Jesse explained. “Look, they wanted you to just sign and go away, but now we know all this other information about what was really going on in the IA. Let’s turn the tables a little, get the department to make you an offer to leave. If you’re sure it’s what you want.”
“It is.”
“Understand it’s not going to be enough to live off of or anything.”
“Okay.”
Jesse stood up. “If you’ll excuse me for a second.”
*
Lexi was uncertain if Jesse had left to immediately contact the police department. That didn’t seem likely but she still couldn’t explain where her boss had run off to. She filled the silence with an obvious question. “So what will you do now?”
“I have no idea.” The corner of Lucy’s mouth tweaked nervously as she fingered a loose fray at the knee of her jeans.
“Are you scared?”
“A little. I don’t really think it’s sunk in yet.”
Lexi tried to be optimistic. “At least things worked out with your girlfriend. That’s good.”
“Yeah, I guess so. She’s pretty amazing. I’m lucky.”
Lexi forced a smile and checked the door, hoping Jesse would be back soon. She was running out of fodder.
Lucy followed Lexi’s eyes to the office door. “What about you two? How long have you been together?”
“Me and Jesse?” Lexi felt her face flood with color. She shook her head and attempted to laugh it off. “Oh no, we’re not together.”
“Oh, sorry,” Lucy deadpanned, although it was clear that she wasn’t. “It’s just that you guys always seem so cozy. Even when I got here before, it looked like you were having a moment.”
Lexi had thought the same thing at the time, but she denied it anyway. “No, no. It was nothing like that.”
“My bad.” Lucy smirked slyly, and they both turned toward the door when Jesse opened it.
Jesse went over some rudimentary details of how the settlement offer would likely play out before Lucy left with the promise that they would contact her as soon as they had any information. When they were alone in the office, Jesse turned to Lexi.
“What did you talk about when I left?”
“Nothing really.”
“No?” Jesse seemed disappointed. “I was hoping you might be able to talk some sense into her. Get her to come around. I figured if I left you two alone she might relax a little. She’s way more comfortable with you than me.”
“I’m pretty sure her mind’s made up.” Dropping her eyes to her skirt, Lexi pulled it down where it had ridden up a little. “So what now? Like, how long until it’s over?” She tried to sound casual, but Lexi could feel her whole body tense up. Her internship had ended over a month ago, and the only thing keeping her at Stanton Ducane was Lucy Weston’s case. Now it was slated to end, one way or the other.
“It’ll be quick, I bet. The department wanted this to go away from the start. They won’t want to give her the chance to change her mind.”
Jesse outlined possible variations of the settlement. Lexi pretended to listen, but she already had the only answer that mattered. Her days with Jesse Ducane were numbered.
Chapter Sixteen
“Tell me again why you need to go in at the ass crack of dawn,” Mia called out from the bed, covers hanging around her waist just below one of her many tattoos.
Meg had already explained that she had an early morning conference call with the people from Davis Pruitt, her biggest and most exasperating London client, but she answered anyway.
“Because I have to be on a call at seven,” Meg answered from the bathroom. “It’s with the CEO and he’s a pain in the ass. It took me forever to convince him to push the call back. At first he insisted on doing it at nine a.m. their time, which is four o’clock in the fucking morning here.” She sighed, prattling on mostly to herself. “He’s going to ask me a ton of questions, all of which he has the answers to already. But he’s a nervous guy and he needs me to hold his hand a little.” Meg shrugged as she looked at herself in the mirror. “I want to be in by six thirty just to get set up and everything.”
Meg turned her head from side to side, watching the wispy ends of her hair touch her jawbone as she moved. She pulled each side back and tested out what she might look like if she cut it all off, a notion she toyed with from time to time but had never had the courage to actually pull the trigger on. She looked over at Mia sprawled in her bed, deeply involved in her phone, and studied her short blond coif. Such a bold look; she’d probably never be brave enough to do anything even remotely like it.
