Totally Worth It, page 15
Now that Mia had been promoted out of uniformed patrol into a plainclothes squad, her hours were constantly changing. It was harder in some ways for them to get together. With Mia’s rotating schedule and Meg always running off to London, neither one of them had a set routine. On the up side though, when they did manage to keep their Wednesday-night arrangement, like tonight, they were able to hook up at a normal hour and hang out a little, which made it all feel less tawdry.
About to hop in the shower, Meg paused and wrapped her robe around her body. She stepped back through the bathroom doorway to the bedroom and cautiously broached a subject that had been itching at her for the last week or so.
“Hey, Mi, are you doing the whole Save Tabitha’s thing?”
Mia looked up from her phone. “Not sure. That’s the thing up in P-town?” She yawned, stretching her long arms above her head. “Betsy mentioned something about it and I saw a flyer the other day at The Kitchen, but it didn’t really say much. What is it anyway?”
Meg grabbed her iPad from its charger and scooched Mia over as she sat next to her. “It’s this fundraiser thing for some famous bar there—Tabitha’s. Apparently the bar, the owner, really, is having serious money problems. So The Kitchen and some bar in Boston along with Bay West joined forces to promote this weekend in April to raise money and help keep the bar afloat. Here, check out this email that the Bay West board sent out, it has all the details.” Meg clicked open the message as Mia read it over her shoulder.
“Yeah. Looks cool, I guess,” Mia said as she finished reading. “April eighth and ninth,” she pondered aloud. “I’m pretty sure I’m actually off too. I should call Betsy tomorrow and let her know that I’m in.” Looking at Meg she added, “Why, what’s up?” noticing Meg’s sullen expression.
“Nothing, I was just curious.” Meg folded the flap of her iPad closed.
“Are you going?” Mia asked.
Meg turned on the mattress and faced Mia, answering as honestly as she could. “I want to, but I don’t know.”
“Why?”
Taking a deep breath, Meg reached over and gingerly placed the tablet back on her dresser. “I totally want to go,” she said optimistically. “I’ve actually never been to P-town,” she added with a little smile, “but, truthfully, things are sort of fucked up with my friends right now. So I don’t know if I will.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, since Lexi and Julie broke up, things are really…” She paused, searching for the right word. “Tense, I guess. I mean they’re trying to be friends, but it’s touch and go. Julie obviously still has feelings for her, despite the way things ended.” Meg had filled Mia in on the whole drama when it happened but hadn’t really updated her since then. “They kind of made up, as friends, I mean. Basically they both apologized for the fucked up things they did—Julie for leaving Lexi at the restaurant and Lexi for having the worst timing ever and breaking up with her on Valentine’s Day. Since then we’ve all hung out a few times. But it’s weird. Sam has actually become pretty tight with Julie, so she’s sort of holding the group together right now.” Meg shifted a little. “Initially Lexi was going to go, and we were all going to rent a house together for the weekend, but Lexi pretty much told me the other day that she’s going to bail. Which I totally get. It’s just, I don’t know.” She retreated into her own thoughts before continuing. “Sometimes I feel weird around Sam and Julie without Lexi there. It almost feels like I’m in the way or something.” She shook her head. “I’m probably imagining it. And Julie’s roommates and their girlfriends will be there too, so I’m sure it’ll be fine.” She shrugged. “I’ll figure it out. I just wanted to see if I’d know anyone else there.”
Mia’s light blue eyes filled with defiance. “Do not let some fucked-up girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, friends-taking-sides bullshit ruin your chance to experience P-town. It is fucking awesome, and you should absolutely go.” Mia leaned up and gave Meg a small kiss. “And if your friends act like assholes then you can come crash with me at Betsy’s. Deal?”
“Shit.” Meg leaped off the mattress and immediately started to pace the room. She held both her hands up to her temples and clenched her jaw.
“What now?” Mia said with a half laugh as she leaned back into the pillows.
“Nothing. It’s just something you said.” Meg quickened her step, turning sharply on her heels. She looked up at Mia, who was waiting for Meg’s implosion to blow over. “My ex-girlfriend. Becca. I guarantee you she’s going to be there. This is exactly the kind of thing she would go to.”
“So?”
Meg shook her head frantically. “Fuck.” She paused, considering for a second. “Nope. I can’t go. There’s no way.”
“Hey.” Mia sat up and patted a spot in front of her. “Stop freaking out and sit down.” Meg did as she was told. Mia hooked Meg’s hair behind her ear. “This girl, Becca, this is the one that you’re still hung up on?” Without waiting for an answer she plunged into her next question. “I’ve never seen you like this. Seriously, what did she do to you?”
The question wasn’t rhetorical. Mia raised her eyebrows waiting for an explanation. That was the problem, though. The answer was kind of lame. Becca really hadn’t done anything that bad. She hadn’t cheated. She hadn’t even lied, really. She’d told Meg straight off that she didn’t think they were right for each other. That they continued to hook up for the following two years wasn’t Becca’s fault alone. Logically, Meg knew that. Still, she blamed her. Meg had spent twenty-seven months wearing her heart on her sleeve, believing that Becca would ultimately come around. Becca had known how Meg felt, it wasn’t a secret. She just hadn’t cared. She’d used Meg as a place keeper, waiting for something better to come along.
Meg wished the truth was more dramatic, something that matched her visceral reaction at the thought of seeing Becca again.
Even though it made her feel foolish, and vulnerable, and completely exposed, she gave Mia the real version of events. Finishing up her saga, Meg’s voice cracked. “It’s stupid, I know. But I just don’t want…I’m not ready to see her yet.” Meg pulled her knees up under her chin and wrapped her arms tightly around her shins.
“I don’t know why,” Mia responded sarcastically. “She sounds like a real gem. Stringing you along for two years and all.”
“It’s not even that. She’s not all bad,” Meg offered in defense. An old habit, not easily broken.
“They never are. Exes.” Mia hung her head in exaggerated frustration. “They have these annoyingly irresistible qualities. Usually the things that hooked us in the first place.”
Meg breathed out a sigh in agreement, feeling relief that Mia was so easy to talk to. She knew it was weird that she would choose to confide in Mia about Becca given the nature of their relationship, but Mia always made her feel comfortable and relaxed, and tonight was no different. Mia sensed Meg’s stress over the situation and turned it around immediately.
Tipping Meg’s freckled chin up with her thumb, she forced eye contact, revealing a devilishly sinister gleam as she pitched her idea. “Here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re going to P-town, because it’s fucking awesome. You’re going to Save Tabitha’s because you are a good lesbian and Tabitha’s needs you.” Mia nodded affirming her declaration. “And if you see her there, you see her. Your friends will be there and I’ll be there too. We’ll get you through it.”
Meg gave a small smile. She appreciated Mia’s understanding and she loved that they were able to talk like this. Still, she wasn’t sure she was ready to see Becca. “I guess,” she muttered.
“All I’m saying is, you are going to run into her sooner or later.” Mia continued to try to win her over. “I’m sort of surprised it hasn’t happened yet.”
She said it offhandedly but it hit Meg like a ton of bricks. “Fucking A. Of course.” Meg flopped back on the bed and covered her face with part of the crumpled up comforter. “She totally has a girlfriend,” she groaned into the blanket.
Mia leaned down on top of her, pulling the blanket away. “You don’t know that,” she said lightheartedly. “You are completely jumping to conclusions.”
“It makes sense though,” Meg responded. “You’re right. I haven’t seen her in months. She’s never at The Kitchen. And, believe me, she loves it there.”
“So who cares if she does?” Mia shrugged, inches from Meg’s face. “You just finished telling me you don’t want to be with her.”
“I know.” Meg sulked. “I just wanted to have a girlfriend first. Or at least by the time I saw her.” She shut her eyes. “I know it’s stupid. I wanted to prove I was over her. I wanted to have actually moved on.”
Mia moved closer and brushed Meg’s cheek. “I have a solution for that.” She kissed the spot just below Meg’s ear and continued down her neck, reaching down and undoing the bathrobe’s sash. “I say”—she pushed the robe to each side of Meg’s body—“that we go to P-town”—Mia went on, taking Meg’s legs, one at a time, and wrapping them around her back—“and if we see your ex, well then”—she kissed Meg’s chest—“I’ll just have to pretend to be your girlfriend.” She reached up and kissed Meg slowly, seductively on the mouth.
“That’s the plan?” Meg asked distractedly.
“Yeah,” Mia breathed out. Her entire demeanor changed as she moved between Meg’s legs. “Right now though, I think we should probably practice,” she added with a naughty grin.
“If you insist.” Meg smiled back as she pushed Mia’s shoulders down, guiding the way.
*
As she and Mia walked toward Mia’s pickup, Meg was disproportionately sublime for five thirty in the morning. Her mind relaxed and her body refreshed, she was enjoying the predawn quiet when she heard Jesse’s husky voice a few feet away.
“What are you two hooligans up to at this ungodly hour?” Jesse stood by the rear passenger door of her SUV in sweats as she hung her work clothes from the hook in the backseat.
Mia nodded a hello. She really wasn’t a morning person. Meg answered for both of them. “Morning, Jess. I’m going in to work. Mia was just going to drop me off at the ferry. You?”
“I’m on my way in too. Headed to the gym before work.” She gestured toward her truck. “Hop in. I’ll give you a lift.”
“Great.” A ride all the way into the city was way better than taking the ferry. Once she grabbed a subway from downtown, Meg would be at her office in minutes, giving her extra time to prep for her meeting. She awkwardly kissed Mia good-bye, steering clear of Jesse’s judging gaze as she climbed into the passenger seat.
Backing out of the driveway, Jesse didn’t waste any time. “So, Mia? That’s still happening, huh?” She looked over at Meg as she shifted into drive.
“Give me a break, okay,” Meg defended herself. “She was super sweet to me last night,” she added.
“I’m sure.” Jesse nodded. “And I’m sure she’ll be super sweet to whoever she’s with tonight. And whoever she happens to be with tomorrow night too.” She raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips at the same time.
Meg laughed. “So what?” She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not serious. We’re not exclusive. I know that.” She chuckled. “Trust me, I’m fine with it. Honestly.”
Jesse shook her head and looked out the window. Meg caught her and called her on it. “Why do you hate her so much anyway?”
“I don’t hate Mia.” Jesse looked right at Meg. “I actually count her as one of my friends.”
“So?” Palms up, Meg asked, “What, then?”
Jesse took her time. “I don’t want you to get hurt.” She hunched forward a little in the cool morning air as she waited at the traffic light before the entrance to the bridge. She turned and looked directly at Meg. “Girls like Mia”—she breathed out heavily—“they crush girls like you.”
“Well, I’m a big girl. I know what I’m doing. So I appreciate the concern, but it’s not necessary,” Meg responded, totally put off.
Her irritation did not go unnoticed. “Hey, don’t get all pissy. I realize that it’s none of my business, but…look, if I had a younger sister who happened to be gay, I wouldn’t let her near Mia. But I don’t. I do, however, have you. So I feel like it’s my responsibility to warn you off her. So I’m sorry if that annoys you, but as your slightly older and wiser lesbian mentor, that’s my job.” It was delivered with the perfect amount of concern and levity that Meg couldn’t stay mad for a minute.
“Duly noted, gay Yoda.”
Jesse smiled. “Just looking out for you, kid.”
“Slightly older, by the way? That’s a stretch, don’t you think?” Meg teased, leaning into the door to avoid Jesse’s inevitable punch. Jesse was exactly nine years older, almost to the day, a fact that Meg never let her forget.
“Careful, or you’ll be walking,” Jesse joked back.
Meg looked ahead at the clear highway ahead of them. It was amazing the difference a few hours made. At this rate she would be at work by six fifteen. “So, what’s your story?”
“Hmm?” Jesse grunted, confused by the question.
“Well, you’ve just declared yourself my lesbian mentor. As your protégé, I’m inquiring as to what your current romantic status is. I mean, how am I going to learn, if not by example?” Meg was half joking but genuinely curious.
Jesse let out a small laugh. “I’m not sure you should follow my example. I’m trying to help you avoid making mistakes.”
“That sounds interesting.”
“Look, I just haven’t historically made the best choices.” Although the statement was given as some kind of warning regarding her past transgressions, Meg took note that Jesse’s tone sounded more nostalgic than remorseful.
Meg let it go, and pressed on. “Seriously, though, you’re seeing somebody, right? You’re never around lately. Something’s up.”
As they entered the tunnel connecting Brooklyn and Manhattan, the rising sun disappeared and was replaced by the dim safety lights that hid Jesse’s facial expressions.
“Yeah, I guess I am. But not for much longer, to be honest.”
“Talk to me.” Meg rubbed her hands together in delicious anticipation of some good gossip.
Jesse gripped the steering wheel with her left hand and messed her hair with her right. “There’s not really much to say. I opened a door that’s been closed for a long time.” Jesse paused considering for a moment. “Sometimes I think we should never have dated at all. Should have just stayed friends, you know?” She placed both hands back on the wheel definitively. “Suffice it to say, the second time around’s not going any better than the first.”
“Who is it?”
“Just an old girlfriend. No one you know.”
“So how did you and the mystery woman end up back together?”
“Well, we’re not technically back together.” They emerged from the tunnel and Meg could see Jesse’s face again. She looked more than unsettled as she spoke. “I saw her around the holidays. In a way, it was easy. Familiar. You know how it goes.” She sighed. “Anyway, not a good idea.”
“Why?”
“For starters, the problems that we had years ago—still there.” She glanced out the window looking both ways before turning into the oncoming traffic. “And, to be honest, my motives were questionable at best.”
“What do you mean?” Meg pressed her, genuinely interested in the details.
Jesse shrugged. “I don’t know, it was Christmas. I was…” She sighed. “Lonely, I guess.”
Meg let the last comment drop. “Betsy?” she asked, taking a stab at the identity of Jesse’s secret girlfriend.
“No, Meg. It’s not Betsy.”
Meg believed her. “What’s the deal with you two? Were you guys ever together?” She’d been wondering about that.
“Me and Betsy? Nah.”
Meg nodded.
“You’re surprised, right?” Jesse looked over and Meg knew she could see the answer written all over her face. “I know. People never believe me when I tell them that. But it’s the truth.” Without prompting, she went on. “I met Betsy when I was going through a really rough time. She was totally there for me and has been ever since. I know most people find their best friend in high school or college, some even earlier, but for me it didn’t happen until I met Bets in my twenties.” She shot a quick glance at Meg. “Which brings me to an interesting idea.”
Meg was pretty sure where this was going but she waited for Jesse to continue anyway.
“What about you two?”
“What about us two?” Meg played dumb.
“You and Betsy. You guys would be cute together.”
The controlled way Jesse played it off made Meg certain that this was not the first time this pairing had occurred to her. Meg didn’t say anything she simply squinted and wrinkled her nose.
“What, you’re not into her?”
“It’s not that. She’s very pretty, obviously.” Betsy was tall and blond with eyes that ran the spectrum from sea-foam green to aqua, dependent on the light and the color of her shirt. Meg doubted there were too many people that didn’t find her attractive. “It’s just that I’m not into setups. I feel like if it’s gonna work, then it should work on its own.”
Jesse had pulled up right next to the 4 / 5 subway stop. As Meg stepped out of the truck, Jesse’s sarcasm followed her. “Well, maybe it would happen on its own. If you quit spending all your free time with Mia.”
Free time. Meg harrumphed to herself as she swiped her Metrocard through the turnstile. She wished she had any free time. Lately it seemed that every minute was split six different ways. In New York she worked on her local projects and fielded calls all hours of the day and night from her UK clients. In London the same thing happened in reverse. On more than one occasion Meg had gotten up in the middle of the night, showered, and dressed before she realized her internal clock was set to the wrong time zone.
