The Show Must Go On, page 9
“Oh, Talia.” He touched her clammy face and brushed her hair back.
“I’m okay now.”
He looked at her for a moment. “How can you have asthma and still be a singer?”
Good grief. He could never seem to even remember what she did. “I’m a keyboard player.” She took a breath and continued. “I only sing, maybe, one or two songs per gig. I’ve never sung for an entire gig. Although if I stay on my medication, I probably could.”
He gathered her against him and held her close for several minutes. She rested against his chest, but instead of feeling comforted, she was consumed with worry. What would Rob do next?
When he pulled away, his brows and his mouth were both downturned. “You should have let me manage that. You don’t need the aggravation.”
In a quivery voice, she said, “I can deal with my own problems.”
He frowned at her as if she was a recalcitrant child. “Yes, but you don’t have to now. You have me to do it for you.”
Feeling lightheaded and jittery from the medication, Natalia couldn’t seem to form a response to that statement. She stared at Jake as he continued. “Natalia, I need to know. Are you in love with that guy?”
She took a deep breath. “That’s a ridiculous question. He’s my friend. Or I thought he was.” She made a strong effort to sound convincing.
“He’s obviously in love with you. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Her gaze dropped to her hands clasped in her lap. Why hadn’t she? She sighed. “I didn’t know how he felt.”
In a rough voice, Jake asked, “Natalia, are you sure you want to be with me?”
Her head jerked up as alarm shot through her.
“If you say yes, then I’m not going to let you go. If you say no, I’ll leave straight away.”
“Yes, of course.” She grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes. “You make me feel safe and secure. He makes me crazy.” She watched his gaze soften and hoped he believed her, even if she didn’t quite believe herself. She bit her lip. Something inside her shrank back from telling Jake about the kisses with Rob, ever. She needed some advice. She texted her sister and planned to see her the next day.
Natalia
Thursday 1/12
NATALIA SAT ON HER sister’s sofa and clenched her hands. “Jake and I are getting married on January twenty-first.” Her shoulder and neck muscles felt tight, and her head hurt as she gave her sister the good news. Shouldn’t she feel better than this?
Marissa clapped her hands. “So, you’ve set a date. When you called on Sunday to tell me, I was so surprised. Let me see your ring.” Natalia raised her left arm, and her sister’s eyes widened. She grabbed Natalia’s hand. “My God, Nat, that diamond is huge.” With a grin on her face, she said, “This is great news.”
“Yeah.”
“I like Jake. He seems like a good man. He treats you so well, spends lots of money on you. He’s like a man from a romance novel, gorgeous, rich, foreign.”
Natalia smiled at her usually serious-minded sister’s behavior. “Well, yes, but those aren’t the important things.”
“I know that, but I’m just excited for you.” Marissa almost continued, but she stopped. “But you don’t look excited.”
“That’s what I want to talk about.” Even though Jake was waiting for her back at the apartment, Natalia needed to talk to someone. She needed to sort out her feelings about him and Rob. Her first thought was to call her mother, but she could no longer help. She thought of Rob next. She had always relied on him in times of trouble, but she couldn’t go to him now. He was the problem. She could talk to Jennifer or Lakeisha, but they wouldn’t be objective about Rob. Her sister seemed the best choice.
“I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.” Natalia took a deep breath as she struggled to find the words to describe her feelings. “Right after Jake proposed, Rob told me he loved me and asked me not to marry Jake. I was so shocked. I never knew he felt that way.”
With an arched eyebrow, Marissa asked, “How do you feel about him?”
Natalia’s mind clouded with confusion. “I don’t know. He’s my friend. I care about him.” Natalia sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Hmm.” Her sister gave her a wise look. “What else is going on?”
The words came tumbling out. “Everything is wrong. My life is unraveling right before my eyes, and I can’t do a thing to stop it. Mom is so sick. My music career seems dead. Jake is demanding we marry immediately. And Rob is making me crazy. He won’t leave me alone.”
Marissa frowned, concern etched on her face. “Let’s start at the top. This thing with Jake and Rob is obviously most important. Do you love Jake?”
Natalia averted her eyes and hesitated a moment, then gazed at her sister. “Of course, I love him.”
“You had to think about your answer. Are you sure?”
“He’s just what I want. I want a man I like, a man I can respect. I don’t want a bad boy type. Nice, stable men are the best for marriage.”
Marissa gave her a wry smile. “That sounds like something Mom would say.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Marissa started to speak, but Natalia continued. “I want a solid, comfortable marriage, not an emotional roller coaster.”
“I understand that. And you think that’s how it would be with Rob? The unstable musician?”
Natalia nodded.
Marissa leaned forward. “You’re probably right. But how stable could an actor be?”
“That’s not fair.”
“I’m not sure you’re being fair to either guy. You need to love the man you marry with your whole heart. Halfway doesn’t seem right. You need to set the other guy free. Can you say you love Jake with all your heart?”
Natalia struggled to find the right words. “With Jake, I see peace. With Rob, all I can foresee is pain. I remember the way he treated Christina. He always strung her along. He said he wanted her, but Val said he messed around behind her back. He would promise to see her then blow her off to hang out with friends, or he would promise to call her then not bother. Their breakup was ugly.”
Marissa frowned. “From what you’re saying now and from the things you’ve said in the past, he seems like trouble.” She paused, then continued. “Are you thinking he’s too much like Joey?”
Her insight surprised Natalia. “Yeah, but Rob isn’t a bad person. He’s smart, warm, and caring.” She clenched her hands. “I’m just afraid that’s not enough.”
“Okay. So, Rob isn’t all bad. What is the problem really?”
It was just like Marissa to dig down to the core of the matter. Stuffing the painful emotions deep down, Natalia spoke as if she was completely unaffected by the direction of the conversation. “Drugs and alcohol ruined my relationship with Joey. He was so unreliable and irresponsible. If Rob went out of control like Joey...I don’t think I could stand it.” Her eyes met Marissa’s. “I just don’t see him as marriage material.” She shivered at the thought of marrying Joey or someone like him. He had caused her nothing but enduring pain and endless regret.
Marissa cleared her throat. “Nat?”
Natalia snapped back to attention. “What?”
“Is Jake marriage material?”
“Yes.” Natalia started to fidget with a loose string on her shirt. “Well, Jake isn’t perfect either. He doesn’t like that I’m in the band. He doesn’t like some of my choices. He says I can do better.”
“Maybe you can do better.”
Natalia gasped at her sister’s comment.
“Maybe neither man is the right choice. Maybe you’re not ready for marriage. Maybe you need more time to think.”
“I’m not sure I have a lot of time. Jake doesn’t want to wait, especially now that Rob has stirred everything up. He wants to get married right away. Just a small ceremony here in Orlando with a few family members and a few close friends.” Natalia frowned. “I’ve told Dad that he proposed, but I know he and Mom won’t be able to be here. If we marry right away, most of the family won’t be able to be here.”
“You need to be really sure about this. I don’t know if I like Rob, but it seems to me he couldn’t stir anything up if nothing was there to stir up in the first place.”
“It’s not my fault.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying maybe you feel more for him than you want to admit. Maybe he sees that, and that’s why he keeps coming back.”
Shaking her head, Natalia slumped further into the cushions. “If anything, it’s just a physical attraction. We’ve only had a couple of kisses...” Natalia bit her lip then blurted out, “...but, my God, they were amazing.” Hiding her face in her hands, she avoided her sister’s gaze.
“Amazing, huh? You really need to get your head on straight about this. You need to decide what you want.”
“I know.” Natalia turned to face Marissa more squarely. She squirmed as she asked, “Is it possible for friends to become more than friends?”
“I think so. It has for Rob. Has it for you?”
“I don’t know.” Natalia weighed her thoughts and feelings for several long moments, and then a sudden sweep of clarity hit her. She sat straighter. “I want to marry Jake, and maybe it is better to marry now. What’s the point of a big wedding? I always thought Mom would be more interested in planning a fancy wedding for me than I am in having one. Now, Mom is in no condition to enjoy it.”
Her eyebrows raised, Marissa asked, “Are you absolutely sure?”
She sighed. “Yes.” She paused. “But I have another problem. Do I tell Jake that Rob and I kissed?”
Marissa gazed at her. “That’s a tricky situation. A lot of people, probably most, consider even just kissing as cheating. But sometimes spilling the truth is just about unloading the guilt without considering how your partner will feel.” She paused “The wiser thing to do would probably be to come clean and take full responsibility for your actions.”
“I’m so afraid to tell Jake. I’m afraid he will dump me. I deserve that, but I really don’t want to lose him.”
“Yes, he may leave you. But he may not. Honesty in a relationship is important.”
“What if he never trusts me again?”
“If you have feelings for Rob then you probably shouldn’t be marrying Jake anyway.”
Natalia thought about her sister’s guidance and knew she needed to seriously consider it while deciding what to do.
They sat in silence for a minute, then in a complete change of subject, Natalia said, “When I leave for Sydney will you take Sebastien? Jake says the quarantine and requirements would be too difficult.” Tears dripped down her face. She would miss her beloved cat.
“Of course.” Marissa rubbed her back and they said no more.
As she left, Natalia thought about her decision. Her head might be sure but was her heart?
Natalia decided her talk with her sister helped but she still felt disturbed when she left. When she ran into Kaede in the hallway of the apartment building, her friend must have sensed her discomfort. Kaede invited her to spend some time with her. Natalia agreed but went to her apartment first to freshen up. Luckily Jake was out. She didn’t know where he went but he must have gotten bored.
Several minutes later she walked upstairs to the next floor and knocked on Kaede’s door. Her friend opened the door and Natalia was greeted with the scent of a cherry blossom candle. She entered and took off her shoes, placing them on the shoe rack in the entryway.
She gazed around Kaede’s apartment, thinking again how peaceful it always seemed. It was open and airy, with white walls and lots of natural light during the day. The minimalist look didn’t describe Natalia’s apartment, but it sure applied here.
“Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable. I’m making some tea.”
Natalia sat on the zabuton cushion and took a deep breath, trying to relax. She gazed at the Ikebana floral arrangement and woodblock print of a red-crowned crane. They must be new.
In only a couple of minutes, Kaede returned with four cups of Matcha green tea. She placed them on the low coffee table. Before Natalia could ask about the number of cups, she heard a knock on the door. Kaede opened the door and Jennifer and Lakeisha entered.
Natalia smiled at her friends.
Walking further into the living room, Lakeisha said, “Hey girl, we’re here to help.”
Jennifer nodded. “What’s going on?”
Everyone sat and once they were settled, they gazed at Natalia, waiting for her to speak. Surrounded by her friends, she spilled the details about Jake’s proposal and the confrontation with Rob. She watched as each processed that information.
She knew Jennifer much preferred Rob. Lakeisha did too. She had no idea what Kaede would say.
Jen commented first. “You know what I think. We’ve talked about it before. I think Rob is the best guy for you.
Lakeisha gave her opinion next. “I agree. Jake is a jerk. Rob’s the one.”
Natalia turned to Kaede, who hadn’t spoken yet.
Gazing into her teacup, her quiet friend finally said, “I think you should honor your promise to Jake.”
Jennifer and Lakeisha looked at each other and spoke in unison. “No way.”
Tucking a stray lock of long black hair behind her ear, Kaede shook her head. “A promise carries much weight. Think carefully before breaking that promise.”
Natalia knew Kaede disliked confrontation and antagonism, so when she spoke her opinion, Natalia respected it.
Jen and Lakeisha grumbled a bit, but they drank their tea and didn’t press the issue as Natalia had expected.
After a short time, the group broke up and Natalia walked downstairs to her apartment, thinking about Kaede’s words.
Rob
Thursday 1/12
ON THURSDAY EVENING, the guys sat in their usual booth at the Curious Lizard. No one had cranked up the music yet, so Andrew didn’t have to yell, but in his typically straightforward way, he said, “Okay, what’s going on between you and Nat?”
Rob lifted his beer halfway to his mouth and stared at Andrew for a long moment. Maybe he shouldn’t say too much. “What do you mean?”
Andrew rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. She’s engaged to Jake, but I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at her and the way she’s been looking at you. Something’s up.”
Rob’s eyebrows raised. “The way she looks at me?” He took a quick drink to soothe his suddenly dry throat.
“Yeah. You know, if you’re going to do something about this, you’d better do it soon.”
Rob was in a state of shock at the conversation. He wasn’t sure what Andrew was trying to say.
With a grin on his face, Eric said, “You’re in love with her. Are you going to let her get away?”
Rob stared at Eric, then Andrew, then Val. He ran a hand through his hair and said, “Damn, is it that obvious?”
Andrew shrugged. “Yeah, to someone who knows you both.”
Rob fell silent. If the guys noticed something about the way Natalia looked at him, then he couldn’t give up, not yet. His single-minded pursuit of her surprised him. He always backed off if a relationship became too emotional. Usually, he ran as fast as he could from the possibility of commitment. Now, even though the thought of commitment scared him, it was all he wanted. Her unwillingness to even consider it was so damn frustrating. In a sudden epiphany, he wondered if the other women he had dated and then dumped had felt the same way. It wasn’t a nice feeling, and in a heartbeat, he came to regret many of the things he had done before. But what could he do now to make Natalia see him? What could he do to prove he could be the right man for her? Contemplating, he realized he ought to be careful. He knew she was terribly upset with him. He didn’t want to further upset or frighten Natalia. But he was also sure he didn’t want to let her go without even trying to prove he loved her.
While Rob continued to sit and stare, Eric pried his glass from the sticky table and swung it back and forth as he chimed in with his own opinion. “It’s obvious you love her.” Rob started to speak, but Eric interrupted. “You know it’s true. You treat Nat like she’s special. You two have something together that I’ve never seen between you and anyone else or her and anyone else. Have you talked to her?”
Rob frowned. “I’ve tried to talk her out of marrying that guy. She won’t listen.” Maybe he wasn’t ready for marriage yet, but he would never be ready to stand back and let her marry Jake. Rob gazed at his friends and realized he needed all the help he could get. “Any and all suggestions are being accepted.”
Silent until this moment, Val studied Rob then said, “You know, she’s made her choice. Maybe you should respect that.”
Andrew and Eric looked at Val like he had lost his mind. Andrew said, “Are you crazy? Those two belong together.”
“It just seems like she’s made up her mind. Be careful you don’t turn into one of those creepy stalker type of guys.” Val took a swallow of his beer.
Rob frowned. He thought about what Val said. He definitely didn’t want to come across as a stalker. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he did a quick bit of research on stalking. He didn’t follow Natalia or keep her apartment under surveillance. He didn’t threaten her. He didn’t do crazy things like use technology to track her. But he did keep calling her, texting her, and going to her apartment to see her. She had asked him to stop. His head dropped. Damn. He really should back off, but he had such a strong gut feeling that she truly did care about him. And she still seemed confused about her choice.
Eric put his glass on the table. “Listen. You need to go after her. All I can say is you better think of something. You don’t have much time.”
Rob slouched in the booth, only too aware he needed to decide what to do.
Rob
Friday 1/13
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, Rob sat with Jennifer in a coffee shop. Rubbing his aching forehead, he leveled with his friend about his actions toward Natalia. “Am I a stalker?”
