The Show Must Go On, page 11
Rob’s brow creased. “But, Nat, you can’t leave now.”
“I’m sure I won’t be missed.”
He shook his head. “But he specifically said he wanted all of us. Not like Blue Crab Records.”
“I’m sure it won’t matter if I’m not there,” she swallowed hard, “or you could find another keyboard player.”
Rob frowned. “No. It has to be you.”
Natalia bit her quivering lower lip. Trying to keep her distress under control, she said, “I’m sorry. I’m marrying Jake.”
“Damn it. I can’t believe you’re doing this. The band needs you. I need you.”
Natalia saw so many emotions swirling in his dark blue eyes. She almost hated herself for turning the band down, for turning him down, but did she really have a choice? If she married Jake, she couldn’t stay with the band.
“RAVEN can’t be RAVEN without the N. Without you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“If the band doesn’t make it, it will all be your fault.” After a long, anguished look, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him for good measure.
Natalia stood alone, wondering if Rob was right.
Natalia
Sunday 1/15
NATALIA AND JAKE AWAKENED late on Sunday morning. They enjoyed a leisurely breakfast together, then after they showered, Jake asked Natalia to dress up. My goodness, he was bursting with plans for them. That was helping her not to obsess quite as much over Rob.
They left again on another mysterious trip. After many twists and turns, Jake arrived at a pretty little shop. He opened her Jeep door and they walked to the entrance.
“What is this?”
He smiled. “You’ll see.”
As soon as they were in the entryway a hostess greeted them. The shop was actually a restaurant. Once seated at their table, the server greeted them and began to explain how the food and drink were served.
“No worries. I can tell her about it.”
The server nodded and left to get the drinks.
“This place serves a reasonably authentic English afternoon tea. It’s a bit early for tea but I thought you’d enjoy it all the same.”
“This is a wonderful surprise.”
“Afternoon tea includes tea, sandwiches, scones, biscuits, and cake. It’s different than high tea, which is served later and with much heartier fare.”
The tea arrived first but soon a tiered tray loaded with food was placed on their table. As Natalia ate, she noticed Jake was the only man in the in the entire restaurant. She supposed it was because afternoon tea was a fact of life for people from the UK and Australia. American men would likely not be interested. She wondered what Rob would think.
Natalia
Wednesday 1/18
ROB HAD TEXTED NATALIA every day since Saturday. She hadn’t responded. He came back on Wednesday even more distressed. “I want to talk to you.”
Natalia hesitated. She didn’t want to talk with him about the band. She wasn’t sure if she could say no again.
“Please?”
She glanced at his shirt. Every Once in a While, Someone Amazing Comes Along. Here I Am! Great, just what she needed to see. She studied Rob’s face, and his earnest expression made her step back to let him enter. She turned the volume down on the satellite radio.
“I want to talk, but I want to give you this first.” He grasped her hand and placed a small box in it.
“What is it?” she asked as curiosity battled with apprehension. She hadn’t expected a gift. Whatever it was, she couldn’t keep it.
“Open it and find out.”
She frowned then opened the box. Inside she found a silver charm bracelet, each small link a delicate heart shape. The style seemed so very much like her. The gift also looked expensive. When she touched it, her hand trembled. With tears in her eyes, she said, “I can’t accept this. It’s too much. It’s too personal.”
“Please keep the bracelet. I want you to have it.” His eyes held her gaze. In a whisper, he added, “If you’re really going to leave, I want you to remember me.”
“I don’t need a gift for that. I’ll always remember you.” Her bottom lip quivered ever so slightly.
He grasped her shoulders. “God, Natalia, all I want is for you to stay with me. Give us a chance. Maybe say you could love me.”
Her eyes met his. She pleaded for his cooperation. “You can’t keep doing this. It’s too painful for both of us.”
“What do you want me to do? What can I say to make you change your mind?” Rob said, his desperation obvious. “I’ll say anything you want.”
Her eyes widened. “No, I don’t want that. I want the truth, not just what you think I want to hear.”
“I am telling you the truth.”
“Don’t say anything else.” Natalia backed away from him, wishing the conversation would end. She shouldn’t have let him into her apartment. Now he stood altogether too close for comfort, demanding answers she didn’t want to give. She tried once more to get through to him.
“You have to stop this. You’re ruining everything. The reason our relationship has always worked is because we’re friends. It won’t work if we’re...”
“Lovers?”
Natalia saw a gleam in his eye. “Um, yes.”
“Being lovers can work for us.” He looked into her eyes. “You want me as much as I want you. I don’t know why you keep denying it.” His expression dared her to disagree.
She dropped her gaze. “Maybe I do,” she whispered. Right then, she realized that if she wanted to hear the truth, then she also had to tell the truth. “But this is just a physical thing.”
Rob advanced toward her. “We’ve already talked about this. It’s not just a physical thing. It’s more, and I think you know that.” She started to answer, but he suddenly stopped and cocked his head. “Listen to the song on the radio.” He paused.
She nodded her head. “‘Affair of the Heart’ by Rick Springfield.’”
Rob supplied his part. “RCA. Nineteen eighty-three.” He slapped his hand on the kitchen counter. “That’s exactly what this is, an affair of the heart.” His eyes blazed with conviction.
“Rob, there’s really nothing more to say.”
He looked at her, and she feared he could see her resolute words didn’t match her uncertain feelings.
“I don’t know why I keep trying this, but maybe there’s something I can do to change your mind.” His lips came down on hers, tentative and coaxing at first. His heat warmed her and without conscious thought she relaxed against him. The kiss became more sure, more sensuous, wreaking havoc with her self-control. Desire simmered inside her then bubbled up and over her restraint. He pulled her decisively into his embrace, and as he continued to kiss her, his hunger made her shiver and moan. A loud voice in her mind demanded she resist, but her body refused to obey.
He nibbled at her lips, teasing them apart, then slipped his tongue in to meet hers. She sagged against him, letting him taste and feel the desire she couldn’t seem to hide. His body tightened as her body softened against him. He smiled against her mouth, then deepened their kiss further, his tongue tangling with hers. She should have pushed him away, but instead she grabbed at the collar of his shirt. He drew her into him, into sensation so overwhelming, she couldn’t stop him even if she tried. Her body hummed with a passion she had never experienced before.
To her dismay she found her hands threading through his hair. He continued to kiss her, and her resistance fell away. Against her better judgment, she found herself pushing against him, returning his kiss. She should pull away, but his touch unleashed a tide of passion that threatened to pull her under.
“I love you so much,” he murmured into her ear. He pressed himself against her. “You love me too.” He nipped her earlobe and she quivered. Rob backstepped her against the door and surrounded her with his body. She could feel his heart pound in time with her own. He buried his hands in her hair and his kiss gentled. He moved his hands down her body, to entice, caress, persuade.
She tensed against his embrace, but his body held her wedged against the door. The struggle with her emotions proved much more difficult.
He must have realized her uncertainty because he slipped his hands up to cup her face. “I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” he whispered, his lips still lightly on hers.
His question surprised her. “Yes, Rob. It means so much.” Oh, no. She had blurted out an answer before she had taken the time to think. Stupid, stupid, stupid. No chance now to take her words back. He groaned and shifted to fit her body to his. She could feel his warm breath on her face as his heat seeped through her. Her hands had moved to his chest and although she had intended to push him away, she instead found she had wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him even closer. He kissed her again, steamy little kisses, over and over. Her passion burned hot as their bodies melded together. She could feel the evidence of his arousal pressed against her belly.
“Oh, Rob,” she whispered, lost in emotion, exciting, passionate emotion. How could she push him away? Hopelessly confused about what she truly wanted, she could only stare stupidly at him.
Claiming her mouth again, his tongue met hers, and she whimpered. That was enough to make him clasp her even closer, turn, and half carry her to the sofa. She clung to him as his body pressed her into the cushions. He slipped between her legs and continued to kiss her senseless. Her nails dug into his shoulders, and he moaned when she wiggled under him.
Rob took a deep breath and shuddered. “I’ve never said the words ‘I love you’ to any other woman. I’ve never loved another woman the way I love you. Deep in your heart you know that’s true.” He paused. “Let me make love to you. Let me show you we belong together forever.”
Her breath caught in her throat. Did he really mean what he said? He was good with words. He was a songwriter, for goodness sake. Yet, his declaration hit her with a depth of yearning that touched her soul. She gazed up at him and wondered if she saw love or just lust shining in his deep blue eyes. His hips moved against hers, and his heat burned through her setting her blood afire. Her body craved his touch. Being with Jake felt nothing like this. Her mind waged a fierce battle with her body. Her thoughts and feelings churned, but she was suddenly, absolutely sure about one thing. She did want him just as much as he wanted her. Natalia touched Rob’s cheek as she realized she had never thought of him as a man, a man with needs, with desires.
Rob watched her face as if he could follow her thoughts. He knew her so well he probably could. She moved her hands up to his nape then into his hair. Her eyes made a slow ascent to meet his. Complete madness had taken over, but she couldn’t stop herself. “Yes,” she whispered on the edge of a sigh.
At that one word the color drained from Rob’s face, and he shuddered. He gazed into her eyes then with a low moan he claimed her mouth again. She arched against him, and he thrust his tongue in deep. His kiss held a fierceness she couldn’t resist, and they kissed each other in wild abandon. Her breathing was as ragged as his as they melted into each other. How she heard the click of the key in the keyhole she would never know. She tensed beneath him then struggled to pull away.
“Rob, he’s back,” she said, as she began to hyperventilate.
“What?” He gave her a blank stare.
“Rob, please. That has to be Jake. He can’t see us like this.” He rose, sat and stared as if in a daze. She slid away from him and leaped off the sofa. In frenzied, jerky movements she smoothed her hair and dress. She hoped if she appeared relaxed on the outside, Jake wouldn’t sense the chaos on the inside. Natalia stood and waited, trying to slow her breathing, as Jake entered the apartment and dropped his keys on the kitchen counter. He moved to enter the living room, carrying a bag from Natalia’s favorite bakery. When he saw Rob, he came to a sudden stop. She watched as his expression of disbelief changed in an instant to anger. He strode further into the room, coming to a halt in front of Natalia.
“What the bloody hell is he doing here?” Jake yelled. He glared at Rob then turned to fix Natalia with a hard stare. “I told you to stay away from him.”
Natalia really needed to explain her feelings for Rob to Jake, but he seemed much too angry. She decided it might be smarter to wait.
“Is he bothering you? I’d be pleased as punch to throw him out on his sorry arse.”
She rolled her eyes. “He’s not bothering me,” Natalia said. “And don’t touch him. He just stopped by to say goodbye.” Rob stood and his eyes never left Natalia’s face. She wondered if he’d call her on that statement. Before Rob could say anything, she took him by the arm, and turned to Jake. “He was just leaving.” She walked to the door, tugging Rob along with her but he stopped before she could push him out.
“Natalia...what...how?”
She gave his hand a surreptitious squeeze and gave Jake a stern look when it seemed he would follow. She pulled Rob into the hallway, away from her door and around the corner, into the corridor that led to the back door. If Jake did follow them, he would walk to the front of the building first. This would give her and Rob a few extra moments to talk. She turned to look at him.
She touched his face and said, “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t want to push Jake completely over the edge when he’s this angry. I need to talk to him when he’s less agitated. I promise I’ll come to you. Please?”
He gazed into her eyes. With a silent nod, he took her hand from his cheek and kissed it. She shuddered. He stepped closer still and pressed his lips to hers. She returned his kiss, her mouth soft and tremulous, her passion for him still burning just beneath the surface. Natalia gave him an unsteady smile as he gazed into her eyes.
Before he turned to leave, he said, “I’ll be waiting for you.”
Natalia
Friday 1/20
NATALIA HADN’T BEEN to see Rob yet, but now, the night before her wedding, she sat in her Jeep and stared at the apartment building where he lived. She shifted in her seat, still unsure about what she was doing there.
The conversation with Jake earlier that day had been truly horrible. And she hadn’t even gathered the courage to tell Jake about the kisses, much less having been on the edge of making love with Rob. She had said she had doubts she needed to work through on her own before the wedding. Even just saying that had completely freaked Jake out. Who knows how he might have reacted if she confessed everything about Rob. He had hammered on her for what seemed like forever but finally he relented. She had eventually convinced Jake to reserve a room for the night at the hotel where the wedding ceremony would take place.
He would be terribly angry if he knew she had come here. She would be too if she was in his place, but she hadn’t told him. She was a coward, she couldn’t deny it. And her self-respect was taking a beating as well.
Wrestling with her feelings since Wednesday hadn’t clarified much for her. Resting her face in her hands, she took a deep breath. No matter how she was feeling at the moment, she needed to talk to Rob one last time before she could be absolutely sure about such a serious commitment as marriage. She needed to sort through this mess and get everything straight in her heart and her mind. She needed to decide between Rob and Jake before she caused too much pain for either man, for herself as well. Maybe the attraction between her and Rob was nothing but if she didn’t talk to him tonight, the torment of never knowing what might have been, could be more than she could stand. If she called off the wedding, even the night before, that would be better than making a huge mistake. She couldn’t let Jake touch her when she had almost made love with Rob, and she couldn’t make love with Rob until she was free from Jake. She had to take this opportunity to talk to Rob. She had to figure this out.
She took another deep breath, stepped out of her Jeep, and walked to the building. As she climbed the stairs, her nerves wound tighter and tighter with each step. She should have called first, but it was too late now. Her hand shook as she knocked on the door. After a few moments, she heard noise, then someone fumbled with the knob. When the door swung open, Rob’s ex-girlfriend greeted her. At first, just surprised, Natalia said hello. Then she noticed that the girl was clutching her partly unbuttoned blouse.
“Oh, Christina. I... I didn’t expect you,” Natalia said. Her heart cracked as she realized what she saw before her.
“Hi, Natalia. I guess you’re here to see Rob. Isn’t it great? He and I are back together.” Without waiting for an answer, she turned and called his name.
“No...no. That’s okay. I can come back at a better time.” She began to back away. She had always liked Christina, but this was too much to handle. She had no reason to stay now. She had her answer. A driving need to escape as soon as possible overtook her. She continued to retreat, but before she could slip away, Rob walked into the living room and saw her. Her blood began to boil when she saw that he seemed just as disheveled as his ex-girlfriend. Feeling hurt and very foolish, she bolted from his door and down the stairs. She heard him call her name, but she refused to stop. She made it to her Jeep and reached for the door, but a hand grasped her wrist. She twisted around, and her eyes clashed with Rob’s. “Let me go.”
Out of breath, Rob still managed to say, “No. Let me explain.”
She tried to pull her wrist from his hold, but he wouldn’t release her. “I don’t need an explanation. I’ve seen all I need to see.”
“No, you don’t understand. You’re making a mistake.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not what it seemed.”
“I don’t want to hear your lies,” she shouted as she struggled to free her arm. “I don’t know what I was thinking. How could I love you? What was I thinking?” She wrenched the Jeep door open with her other hand. Her body tensed as he continued to clasp her arm.
