The Show Must Go On, page 13
As she stood and stared, she finally noticed her sister and friends were all wearing the same color of dress. The styles varied but the color was a blush champagne. She hadn’t known they were planning that. Funny, they seemed to be wearing the wedding dress color. Her blue dress was really best for a bridesmaid dress. She would chuckle if she felt better. As it was, she was trying hard to not laughy hysterically.
Jennifer was waving her hands around now. They might be arguing. Natalia should say something, but she didn’t have the strength. She distracted herself with thoughts of the hotel. Soaring marble halls, stately palm trees, cascading waterfalls, exotic orchids, priceless art, and artifacts combined to form the perfect backdrop for a perfect wedding. She gazed around the ballroom at the decorations and flowers draped in perfect symmetry over the arches. Jake had taken over the wedding planning and surprised her with how he had managed to pull everything together in such a short amount of time. Certainly, this was the work of the conscientious decorator. Apparently, money could buy an extravagant wedding at an elegant hotel, even on short notice.
A few of Natalia’s other friends had been able to attend too, and now they stood in a small group as they waited for the ceremony to begin. She gazed at them. They laughed and talked but seemed a bit intimated by Jake’s two local friends. Not too surprising, really. Natalia sighed. One work friend and two friends from the animal shelter where she volunteered were there. Eric and his girlfriend, and Val were there as well. Andrew stood near Jennifer, yet Rob’s absence made everything seem wrong. Tears welled in her eyes.
Eric sidled up close to her and said, “Nat, are you sure about this?”
She stared off into the distance for a long moment, then turned to him and nodded.
“I’ve never seen a bride look so sad,” Eric murmured to his date. Turning to Natalia, he said, “Nat. I know this won’t help, but how many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?”
With a faint smile, she shook her head.
“Twenty. One to hold the bulb and nineteen to drink until the room spins.”
Natalia’s smile spread. She knew he wanted to make her feel better. “You’re a good friend.”
Eric smiled. “You, too.”
Natalia’s friends and Marissa joined her when Eric and his girlfriend stepped away. Her sister was annoyed about something, but Natalia didn’t comment. She just turned to gaze at the minister. He was an elderly man with kind eyes and a warm smile, but he seemed quite absent-minded. He was searching through his papers as if he had misplaced something. No worries, Jake had said.
Everything should be okay. Natalia swallowed the lump in her throat.
A few minutes later, the clergyman began the service. She couldn’t help but think this wasn’t how she expected her wedding day to be. Her family should be there. For that matter, Jake’s family should be there too. A brief stab of doubt made her wonder again if she had made the right choice, but she reassured herself that Jake really was the right man for her. She gazed at him through her lowered lashes. She loved him. He loved her. He seemed steady and secure. He had the qualities she wanted in a husband. He seemed so happy. How could she think of hurting him? Rejecting him at this last minute would hurt him. Telling him about everything that had happened with Rob would hurt him. She couldn’t bear to tell him. And, if she was honest, she felt sure he would leave her. She was ashamed of her behavior and swore to herself to be faithful to Jake from this moment onward. Yes, she might be hurting Rob, but Jake was the right man. She took a deep breath then realized she had made her decision. She wouldn’t let herself feel hollow. She did her best to concentrate on the minister’s words and hoped for the best.
Rob
Saturday 1/21
NO ONE NOTICED WHEN Rob skidded to a halt at the door of the banquet room just as the minister pronounced Natalia and Jake husband and wife. He arrived too late. Rob watched their first kiss and felt as if someone had reached into his chest and torn out his heart. Everything in his world ripped apart. Nothing would be the same again. Deep anguish swelled within him. He knew he had lost the only woman he would ever truly love.
He fell back against the wall, his eyes shut tightly. Why had she done this? Hurt and anger slashed through him. The blistering pain was far worse than he expected. His legs could barely hold him. For a moment, he was afraid he would embarrass himself and throw up, but he forced himself to keep it together and turned away.
Natalia
Saturday 1/21
AFTER THE RECEPTION began, Natalia hugged Marissa, Jennifer, Lakeisha and Kaede. In a soft voice, she said, “You’re all wonderful. I appreciate your support. I guess it was just a case of pre-wedding jitters.” Jen’s expression seemed skeptical, but she didn’t speak. Neither did Lakeisha. Surprising.
Marissa placed her arm around her sister’s shoulder. “We just want you to be happy.”
With a small smile, Natalia said, “I will be.” She wasn’t sure if she was happy now but hoped everything would settle soon and start to get better.
“Are you going on a honeymoon?”
She gave a slight shake of her head. “Jake has projects lined up. Maybe later.” Turning her head, she glanced at Jake. He and Charlie were having an animated conversation. Natalia went through her purse and pulled out an envelope. She handed it to Jennifer.
“When you get a chance, give this to Rob.”
Jen’s eyebrows raised.
“Please? No questions.”
Jennifer nodded then her gaze met Marissa’s. Marissa gave a slight shrug.
Natalia’s thoughts went back to everything that had happened between New Year’s Eve and this very moment, and she began to hyperventilate. She tried to slow her breathing, but when she started to shake, she knew she needed to escape, just for a few minutes. Excusing herself, she started to walk to the ladies’ room. She needed to powder her nose and get a grip on her feelings. She stepped into the atrium, outside the banquet room, then saw movement out of the corner of her eye. In an automatic reaction, she turned. What she saw brought her to a hard stop. Rob sat with his head in his hands, not ten feet from her. She couldn’t seem to move. She almost couldn’t breathe. She stood and stared for what seemed like forever. Then, seemingly by their own volition, her feet began to walk toward him. Everything had a certain surreal quality. As she approached the group of seats, she thought of a song Rob had recently mentioned more than once. Ray Charles. You Don’t Know Me. Nineteen sixty-two. ABC/Paramount. The words drifted by in her mind. I’m just a friend. That’s all I’ve ever been. Oh, you'll never ever know, the one who loved you so. No, you don't know me
At that moment, Rob jerked his head up. She saw his reddened eyes, and Natalia couldn’t stifle the sob that escaped.
Rob saw her reaction. He grabbed the edge of his seat. She took a step closer. He stood. She almost reached for him. He almost came to her. He stopped just before he could touch her. They stared at each other, and for one wild moment, she wondered if she had just made the worst mistake in her life. They stood, trapped by the crackling electricity between them. Rob moved first. He gave her one last, anguished look, then turned and walked away.
Rob
Saturday 1/21
NATALIA AND JAKE WERE on their way to Chicago when Jennifer arrived at Rob’s apartment. She made no remark about his tee-shirt. How Can I Be So Thirsty This Morning When I Drank So Much Last Night? That shirt would definitely have drawn a comment from Natalia.
Rob flopped onto the sofa and motioned for Jen to take a seat. “Why did you tell me to go to Nat’s wedding when there was no point?” he said, his voice tight. His misery was now so deep it was a physical pain. “God, why did she do it?”
Jennifer took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I got there after you left her place this morning. I know what happened. Lakeisha and Kaede do too. I also know she cried after you left.” Jen glanced at Rob. “I don’t want to upset you.”
“She cried?” He ran his hands through his hair then his head fell back onto the sofa cushion.
“This is all my fault. I had the feeling that she really wanted you. I told her that she should think about what she was doing. I was sure she would tell you she loves you. I know she does.”
Rob’s head jerked up at her statement, and he stared at her. “Did she say that?”
“Not in so many words, but I know her so well.”
Rob scowled. The pain in the pit of his stomach was spreading.
After hesitating for a long moment, Jen continued. “Jake arrived just as she was calling you. Rob, he took the phone from her, ended the call and put it in his pocket. And I don’t know what he said, but she agreed to go with him.”
“What?” He shook his head slowly as if that would clear his mind. What in the world had happened? He probably would never know.
Jennifer shook her head. “I don’t understand how she could do this.” She looked at him. “Oh, Rob, I’m so sorry, for both of you.”
Rob slumped into the sofa cushions, eyes shut. “Thanks, Jen. I don’t want to hear any more.”
After a moment, Jennifer stood and took something from her pocket. Handing him the envelope, she said, “Nat asked me to give this to you.” He glanced up at Jen and hated the sympathetic expression on her face.
His hands shook as he opened it. He hated that too. He had a bad feeling he knew what he would find. The silver bracelet he had given Natalia just days before had been tucked inside with a note. He pulled the small slip of paper out and stared at it. Rob, I can’t accept this gift. Please understand. It’s too much. Anyway, I won’t need it to remind me of you. I will never forget you. You mean so much to me, and I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me. Love, Natalia. How could he survive this? His eyes glazed over, and his head began to pound.
When he refused to say any more, Jennifer offered again to listen if he ever needed to talk, then she said goodbye.
Natalia
Saturday 1/21 to Sunday 1/22
NATALIA AND JAKE BOARDED the plane to Chicago. She had insisted he meet her parents before they left for Australia and although Jake grumbled about taking the time to visit, he agreed to go. He had plans to attend a show at the Opera House in Sydney and the finals at the Australian Open tennis tournament in Melbourne. He said he wanted to show off his new bride. When she asked about visiting his family, he told her they lived in New Zealand, and he only saw them at Christmas.
After they settled into their seats, Jake rummaged around in his carry-on bag. Natalia looked around. She had never flown first class before. What a treat.
“Love, do you mind if I get a bit of work done on the flight?”
She gazed at him. Even though she might have liked to talk with him she said, “That’s okay.” And, actually, she was exhausted from stress and lack of sleep.
Jake gave her nose a playful tweak then pulled out his notes for his next movie and began to study them.
Natalia’s head dropped back onto the head rest, and she closed her eyes. She tried to stifle the anxiety building in her, but she still felt so uncertain about her new life as it unfolded before her. To be honest, she was uneasy about introducing Jake to her father. The funny thing was she would have had no problem if it had been Rob instead of Jake. She choked back a small sob. She needed to banish all thoughts of Rob and sleep a little.
They arrived at her parents’ home in the quiet Chicago suburb of Evanston that evening. Her father welcomed them, but the hour was late, and her mother was asleep.
Natalia hugged her father and said, “Dad, this is Jake Masterson. Jake, this is my father, Bert Tonner.”
“I’m pleased to meet you, Dr. Tonner.” Jake shook her father’s hand then turned to Natalia. He placed his arm around her and gazed at her with expectation.
Before she could speak, her father said, “Congratulations on your wedding. I’m sorry we couldn’t be there, but if you’re happy, Pumpkin, then I’m happy for you.” Natalia smiled as relief swept through her. Turning to Jake, he said, “Welcome to the family.”
They talked over coffee, Dr. Tonner asking many questions, but when Jake had stepped away for a moment, Natalia’s father said, “I have to say, Pumpkin, you surprised me. I suppose I expected you to marry that boy you always talk about. Rob?”
Natalia’s face flushed. What could she say to that without giving away her anxiety over that very choice?
“Are you giving up music?”
“No. Jake says he can help me.”
Her father sat back, lost in thought. Natalia stared at her hands clenched in her lap. Jake returned and they talked a while longer then went to bed for the night. She hadn’t seen her mother. Why wake her when she wouldn’t even understand what had happened?
The next morning, Natalia awakened with a churning stomach. She groaned and rolled away from Jake. Lying quietly on her side, she let her mind drift. Their wedding night had been less than spectacular. After Jake had fallen asleep, she couldn’t stop herself from silently crying. At one point she had even sobbed Rob’s name. Thank goodness Jake hadn’t heard. What if she accidentally said Rob’s name again? With a heaviness in her chest, she decided the fiasco of their first night as a married couple must have been her fault. Her mother’s health must have been too distracting. Yeah, right. Her thoughts had been consumed by Rob and she knew it. She slammed the door on her thoughts of him and, sighing, she dragged herself out of bed.
After breakfast, Jake waited with Natalia’s father in the family room while she went to see her mother. She sat at the top of the stairs and steeled herself for the visit. She heard her father chat with Jake about his home in Australia, his job, and his plans with Natalia. Finally approaching the matter at hand, he said, “Natalia’s mother is not well. That’s why Natalia is so concerned. She has what’s called multi-infarct dementia. It means that multiple areas of the brain have been injured due to damaged blood vessels in the brain. It’s usually from a series of small strokes, although the most recent one was large. I know Natalia really struggles with this. I hope she can cope with being so far from home.”
Natalia had heard enough. She stood and walked to her parents’ bedroom door. She needed to see her mother first, without Jake, because she didn’t know what to expect. Would her mother be calm and aware or confused and distracted? She needed to connect with her, try to decide how she might react to Jake. If her mother seemed unsettled, any unexpected event would agitate her further. She took a deep breath and entered the bedroom, hoping she would be well enough to meet Jake, hopefully chat a little, all the while knowing that would never be. She paused to gaze at her mother, pale and fragile. She looked so small lying in that big bed. A hollow ache began in her chest. She wished her mom was well again. Natalia missed their mother-daughter conversations. She missed hearing about every little detail of every family member’s life. She missed baking cookies together. She missed all the simple things that made their relationship so special and so irreplaceable.
Her mother opened her eyes and stared at her. Natalia walked over, sat on the edge of her bed, and studied her mother’s bewildered expression. Seeing her now broke Natalia’s heart. She steadied herself then said, “Hi, Mom. How are you feeling this morning?”
Her mother twisted the bedspread between her fingers.
“Mom, I have someone I want you to meet.” Her mother’s perplexed expression chipped away at Natalia’s fragile control. “Mom, do you remember when I mentioned Jake?” At that moment, the bedroom door flew open. Startled, Natalia looked up. Jake burst into the room and walked over to stand by Natalia. Why hadn’t he waited for her to prepare her mother? Her stomach knotted.
Before she could speak, he kneeled beside the bed, took her mother’s hand, and said, “Mrs. Tonner, I’ve wanted to meet you.” Her mother’s gaze met his. “I’ve wanted to tell you that your daughter is a beautiful person, and I want to make her happy for the rest of her life. She will never want for anything.”
Natalia’s mother cocked her head but remained silent. Jake waited. When her mother didn’t respond, his eyes moved to look at Natalia. “I’ll wait for you downstairs, love.”
She just nodded. Jake left closing the door none too gently behind him. She turned back to her mother, but something now seemed different. For one brief, amazing moment her mother’s expression cleared and she said, “Natalia, honey, don’t marry for anything but love. It’s the most important thing.” Her eyes met Natalia’s. “All I want is for you to be happy. Do whatever it takes but please do that for me.”
Overcome by this miraculous moment, she burst into tears. Sobbing like a child, she buried her face in her hands, but her mother pulled her close and stroked her hair, and for a few quiet seconds, everything seemed right. She felt the moment when her mother slipped away again.
Watching as her mother drifted into sleep, Natalia couldn’t take any more. She lurched toward the door and stumbled into the hall. She stood, crying, with no idea how to get a grip on herself or her emotions. A sound caught her attention. Jake stood on the landing. Her eyes met his. At a time like this, she needed the comfort of her husband. He paused, but when he saw the tears that streamed from her eyes, he said, “Talia, you need to get a hold of yourself.”
She hurried to him, and he patted her on the back but then continued on to the bedroom. Left alone in the hallway, she just stared at the bedroom door. If it had been Rob, his arms would be around her and he would be whispering soothing words. Rob was much more a feeler. Jake was much more a thinker. A thinker who apparently was short on sympathy.
Her legs could no longer hold her, and she fell against the wall. The next thing she knew, her father stood before her. His scowl made it obvious he had seen Jake’s reaction. He took his weeping daughter into his arms and rocked her like he had when she was a child. He helped her to her room, frowned at Jake then left to make a cup of tea for her.
