The Show Must Go On, page 22
“Next week.”
“So soon? I don’t know anything about making a professional music video.”
They sat for a long time discussing the ins and outs of making music videos for movies. As Ian was leaving, she pulled out her phone to call Jake. Voicemail, again. She wished she could call Rob and tell him. He would be excited for her, at least in the old days.
“This is all because of you. Thank you so much.”
“Well, it never would’ve worked if you had no talent. So, thank you.”
She grinned. “This has all been so thrilling.”
“Just wait and see.”
Natalia
Monday 8/14
THE FOLLOWING MONDAY, Natalia arrived early at the sound stage where the music video would be shot. Ian waited for her and stayed by her side. Jake had given her some halfhearted advice about acting in a video, but he didn’t bother to even be there to support her. The team the executive producer had put together was already there and busy. Ian introduced her to the production manager, director, director of photography, scenic designer, and so many others that she almost lost track of who was who. He described things such as wardrobe, hair and makeup, technical crew, even catering.
She gazed at the room and decided that it was meant to recall a jazz and blues nightclub of earlier times. It was spare, just an elevated stage, a small bar, some chairs and tables for the patrons, and a few posters. Perhaps because the movie was independent, the real money went to the stars of the movie and not necessarily the musicians or singer. She didn’t earn a lot for the video, but the experience was invaluable. What an amazing thought.
Ian then introduced her to the musicians and reminded her that she wouldn’t be playing piano. Her position was front and center, singing her heart out in the song she had written.
She and Ian were heading to have her makeup applied when they ran into the hero and heroine from the movie. Ian took care of the introductions once more.
After her makeup was applied and her hair styled into a smooth chignon, she changed into a slinky black sequined gown then the shooting began. She had already recorded the song at the studio, so all she had to do was lip sync or sing along, whichever way she chose.
The room was dim when she entered. The hero and heroine were already seated as well as several extras. An actor portraying a bartender was there too. A sudden case of nerves bubbled up, but she took a deep, steadying breath. She took her place. The spotlight came on with a thud, a sound reminiscent of old movies, and at the director’s request, Natalia began singing. This was the first run through to be sure everyone knew their parts. After some tweaking, the camera began rolling.
The song was arranged as a ballad with minimal instrumentation and a jazz feel, employing piano, acoustic guitar, bass guitar and drums. Several takes were necessary to get the action of the actors dancing and Natalia singing. They finished late in the evening, but Natalia had been riding a wave of energy, and she wasn’t tired.
Outdoor shots would be filmed at The Rocks, a historic area of Sydney’s city center located on the southern shore of Sydney Harbor. Then the video would be edited and would go through an approval process. Natalia was anxious to see the final product.
Ian told her that he had more work for her. She should have been happy, but her mood turned pensive. She wished Rob had experienced the making of a music video with her. She wished he was there to fill her lonely days and nights.
Natalia
Saturday 9/16
TWO WEEKS LATER, NATALIA wandered around Hank Hackman’s huge house, admiring the lovely antique furniture and the one-of-a-kind paintings. The house was tastefully decorated and not at all overdone. Tonight, Hank, one of Jake’s friends, was having a grand party, and she and Jake were among the attendees. Hank was one actor she could say she really liked. His wife, Linda, was just as nice.
The party was in full swing and full of celebrities. Before tonight, Natalia would have quivered with nervousness, but now, she was beginning to understand how to navigate such an event, all thanks to Ian. She now recognized most of the actors and musicians, but she had seen and heard only bits and pieces of their work, usually enough to make appropriate comments when needed. So far, she had managed to keep up her end of the conversations she had been drawn into, but she still didn’t care for such big get-togethers. Did celebrities only think of showing off?
She smiled and mingled, knowing that at any moment, someone could be watching her. She knew some talked about her still, long after Jake’s breakup with Emma, and long after Natalia and Jake’s wedding.
People still sometimes said she wasn’t good enough for Jake, or Jake and Emma were better off together. In fact, rumors had started lately that Jake was seeing Emma behind Natalia’s back. She didn’t want to believe Jake was capable of cheating, but sometimes she wondered. He was gone so often and rarely discussed what he did with his time. And he was drifting farther and farther away from her.
Natalia sighed, a tight knot in her throat. Sometimes, she felt as if everything was all just a show. Sometimes, she wondered what she was really doing in this fishbowl. At times, she felt as if her life with Jake wasn’t going anywhere. Then she would remember her career success, and she would tell herself that she should be grateful. She wished her marriage was better, though. Doubt sometimes clouded her mind, making her think her relationship with Jake was just a sham.
Natalia heard Jake talking to an unknown friend. The man said something, but Natalia couldn’t quite hear it. She stepped a bit closer then stopped.
“Her becoming a success? If she does, it’ll all be because of me.”
Was he talking about her? If so, that wasn’t a very complimentary thing to say. Ian had helped her. And she worked hard for the success she had attained. Why did he always belittle her career? It wasn’t like acting was so much more exalted than being a singer or musician.
Although her chest was tight, she pasted on a smile. Would he be quieter if she talked with him for a moment? She stepped closer toward him. He had a glass of wine in his hand and a broad smile on his face. As she drew closer, she could hear his words more clearly.
“My wife? Yeah, she’s one hot piece of ass.”
Natalia stopped in her tracks, her heart pounding.
The friend laughed, and Jake draped an arm around his neck. In a conspiratorial tone of voice, he said, “No matter what trouble she causes, she’s a great fuck.”
Natalia cringed. Jake’s voice was much too loud.
“We’re rooting all the time.”
A hush fell over the room. She knew that rude bit of slang meant sex. Her face burning, Natalia turned her head to see everyone watching and listening.
“That pussy of hers is something else, hot, slick velvet, and a nice tight fit.”
Her stomach queasy, she hurried over to Jake and grabbed his arm. “Please don’t talk so loud,” she said it in a quiet voice when she really wanted to scream.
“Just talking about you, love,” he said even louder. He stumbled, and Natalia realized he was quite drunk. She tugged his arm, but he resisted. “I’m not ready to leave yet.”
“We’re leaving anyway.”
Just then, Hank approached them. “I’ll get him to the car, Talia.” He reached into Jake’s pocket. “Here are the keys.”
Hank walked Jake outside, and Natalia forced a smile onto her face. She said goodbye to Linda and left as quickly as possible.
Jake was already in the car, and Natalia noticed he was asleep. Thank God. She could drive home in peace. He didn’t like her to drive his Rolls Royce Phantom Convertible, but she had no choice tonight. She would probably hear about it from Jake tomorrow.
She thanked Hank and pulled onto the street. She told herself to drive with great care, but unfortunately, her mind started to wander. What possessed Jake to talk like he did? Yes, he was drunk, but he still shouldn’t have said what he did. She was horribly embarrassed, and in fact, it wasn’t even true. Sex for them had been mediocre and sporadic, at best. He had lost interest, and it hadn’t even been a year since they were married. Should she confront Jake? Ask him to share his problem with her? Or maybe the problem was her.
They arrived home without a scratch to Jake’s gorgeous car. She opened his door and wondered how she would get him upstairs. She shook his arm, and he awakened.
“It’s time to go to bed.”
Jake mumbled something and lurched out of the car. She closed the door behind him. He grabbed her, and together, they walked to the door. She led him to the bedroom, and he sat on the bed. Instead of releasing her, he yanked her closer. She resisted. He ran rough hands down her body and tried to kiss her. She didn’t want sex with him in this condition. He kept trying but eventually fell asleep. He had let her go, but she expected he would awaken at some point, and she would have to submit to keep the peace.
She washed her face and brushed her teeth, then slipped into bed. She hoped Jake would sleep until morning.
Rob
Friday 10/6
ON AN EARLY OCTOBER day, Rob opened the door to the guys, and they entered his apartment. Eric took one look around and said, “Hey, man, you’ve cleaned the place up. It had been such a pigsty.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” It must have been bad if a single guy like Eric would notice. Rob motioned them into the living room and walked into the kitchen. Pulling three beers from the refrigerator, he turned to find Andrew, Eric, and Val behind him.
Taking a beer, Andrew said, “None for you?”
“Nope.” He grabbed a bottle of water, and they sat in the living room. As they walked to the living room, he wondered if they noticed his tee-shirt. Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult. He tried hard not to imagine what Natalia’s reaction might have been.
Andrew, Eric and Val popped their beers open, and Rob noticed how quiet they were. He assumed they were wondering if he was going to disappoint them again. He felt their eyes on him as he pulled out his guitar. He looked at Andrew first. He felt nervous, ridiculous as that seemed. “I’ve got a new song.”
Eric spoke first. “That’s great. Let’s hear it.” The others nodded and looked more alive than they had in a long while.
A little hesitant at first, Rob played his song, “This Is How Life Is.” When he finished, the guys looked at him for a few seconds.
“No offense, man, but that song sucks.”
Andrew frowned. “Back off, Val. That song has potential. Anyway, it’s the first new song he’s written in six months. Let’s be more supportive.”
Rob’s eyebrows rose. Andrew was defending one of his songs. He couldn’t remember that happening before tonight.
Eric nodded. “I like the social consciousness of it.”
Val shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right. We can work with it.”
Rob sang the song again, and the others joined in, and soon they had what they thought was a good sound.
After extracting a promise from Rob that he would join them at their practice session the next day, the guys finally left.
Rob sat on the sofa and thought about his life. He had been so down for so long, but maybe he would make it after all. When Natalia went away, she left a hole in his heart that would never heal, but at least he could function again. He stood and pulled out a picture of her he kept hidden under a stack of bills. If only he could see her again, just once to apologize for his harsh words when he had seen her last. But that would never happen.
Natalia
Saturday 11/4
ON AN EARLY NOVEMBER day, Natalia stood at Jake’s home office door. She hesitated for a moment before she entered the room. She needed the receipt for a dress she wanted to return, and it had to be in the file on his desk. Always so testy about sharing what he considered his space, she hated to invade Jake’s personal area, but he wasn’t home, and she wouldn’t bother anything else.
She walked to the desk, and before she reached for the file box, she saw a pile of receipts tucked partly under it. She picked up the receipts and noticed they were from a local casino. She studied them for a minute with growing alarm.
“What the bloody hell are you doing in here?”
Natalia spun around her heart in her throat.
“I-I was looking for a receipt. I thought it was on your desk.”
Jake entered the room and stopped in front of her. His scowl almost made her cringe, but anger started to burn inside her too. Regardless of her stomach churning, she wanted to know what was going on with Jake.
“You’ve been gambling?”
“I was just having a few spins on the pokies.”
“You were spending time in a casino?”
Jake shrugged. “Yeah. So what?”
Natalia looked down at the receipts in her hand. He must have lost twenty thousand dollars, maybe more, in one night. They could afford it, but that wasn’t the point.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this, that you lost this much money.”
Jake took the receipts from her hand. “No big deal.”
“Yes, it is. You’ve said most of our money is tied up in investments, and we didn’t have the extra money to fly Jennifer here for a visit. Now I see you lost money gambling. That much money is way more than enough to cover a round trip to Sydney from Orlando. So, what’s going on?”
“Damn it, Natalia. I can manage the finances. It’s none of your concern. Just drop it.”
She thought about digging for more information, but the fury in his eyes made her change her mind. She stepped away. Thank goodness he hadn’t complained when she had opened her own account for the money she, herself, had earned. Jake had laughed and said it would never amount to much, but it was her nest egg. Jake couldn’t gamble it away.
Natalia
Monday 11/6
WITHIN A FEW DAYS, Jake was planning another trip. In addition to his acting and occasional forays into directing, he also co-owned a small entertainment company with offices in Sydney, Brisbane, and Melbourne. He never really explained what the company did, although he said he and a partner created it to help young actors get into the business. Jake never invited Natalia to travel with him on his work-related jaunts and, although she always had work available with Ian, she wished sometimes Jake would include her. As they ate breakfast that morning, she half listened as he talked about how beautiful Brisbane was.
He packed his suitcase after their meal while Natalia sat and watched. He seemed to be packing a lot of beachwear, but it was summer in Australia, so she didn’t think too much about it.
Jake had the habit of driving himself to the airport on his many short business trips, so at twelve-thirty Natalia said goodbye to him as she stood in the doorway.
She wandered around the huge house at a loss for what to do that afternoon. She could go to Ian’s studio. She could call Ian’s wife, Rachael, to ask if she wanted to go shopping, or she could work on one of her partially written songs. No, definitely not songwriting. Every time she tried to work on a song suggested by Ian, she felt a sharp pang. She was so accustomed to writing with Rob, and it just wasn’t the same without him. She still missed him terribly, but she forced him from her mind.
Finally, she threw herself down onto the sofa in the room that Jake called the family room. Too fancy for a family room in Natalia’s opinion, but why argue with Jake. Feeling the beginnings of a headache, she rubbed her face. The house still looked so formal to her. She liked cozy, but Jake liked fancy. She liked an eclectic mix. Jake liked traditional. He hadn’t really allowed her to make many changes when she moved in, so she sometimes felt like a visitor in her own home. Or perhaps more accurately, a visitor in Jake’s home.
Day turned to evening, and Natalia turned on the television. She didn’t watch many shows regularly, so she turned to one of the home and garden type networks. She didn’t really work much around the house because Jake had a housekeeper come in to clean every week. And she didn’t work much in the garden because, once again, Jake had someone to do the work. She sighed in dismay. Sometimes, life with Jake was just so challenging.
Suddenly, a news flash interrupted the show. Natalia didn’t pay much attention at first, but when the news anchor announced that a flight to Brisbane had gone missing, Natalia immediately jerked to attention. Her heart pounding, she listened for more information. The newswoman finally said the flight number, and to Natalia’s horror, it matched Jake’s flight. With a cry, she fell to her knees in front of the TV. Tears began to fall down her face as her frozen mind tried to take in what was happening.
She didn’t know how much time passed before her phone rang. She grabbed for it. “Jake?”
“No, love. It’s Ian. Hey, didn’t you say Jake was flying to Brisbane?”
Trembling, with her throat closing tightly, she managed to choke out yes.
Without a pause, he said, “I’m on my way.”
She sat on the sofa, barely registering that the home improvement show she had been watching was back. Her mind kept replaying the phrase this must be a mistake, this must be a mistake.
Ian and Rachael arrived at her house in record time. Rachael wrapped her arm around Natalia’s shaking body, and they walked into the family room. The TV was on, and they watched the news together as Ian called the airline. He finally got through, but Natalia only half listened, her eyes glued to the television. She heard Ian as he tried to pry some information out of the airline, but he seemed to get nowhere. He came to join Rachael and Natalia on the big leather sofa.
“Sorry. They won’t tell me a thing.”
Rachael turned to her. “Is there anyone you’d like me to ring? Jake’s parents? Your sister?”
“His parents,” she whispered. She was still too numb to speak. She heard Rachael make the call, but she still couldn’t wrap her mind around what was happening. Ian placed his arm around her and murmured some soothing words. She nodded. She was feeling much too raw to say more, as if she could force out anything coherent anyway.
