The Show Must Go On, page 2
He arrived at Natalia’s apartment only ten minutes late. Not too bad. After knocking on her door, he was treated to her wonderful smile. He hadn’t seen it much lately and realized how much he missed it.
He saw her glance at his shirt: Always Late But Worth The Wait.
Natalia shook her head. “Great shirt,” she said in a teasing tone. Then in a more serious voice, she said, “You’re always worth the wait.”
She always had something to say about his tee-shirts, but he didn’t mind. He appreciated her sense of humor.
They decided on a restaurant, and soon they were sitting in a booth across from each other. Natalia looked at him with her big green eyes, and he sighed. God, she was a beautiful woman.
“What are we going to do?” Natalia asked.
“Hmm? Oh.” He placed his hand on hers and squeezed. “Whatever we have to. We’re going to make it. It’s just a matter of time.”
Raising her head, she nodded. “You’re right. Got to think positive.”
Rob thought again about what the A and R guy at Blue Crab Records said. He had the nerve to say the record company would sign the band only if they dropped Natalia. No explanation, no identification of the person making this demand, just get rid of her. He didn’t understand why. He simply couldn’t believe she had an enemy. Dropping Natalia from the lineup was absolutely unacceptable to him. If the band had to try every agent and every label in the country, they would.
“I’m glad I have you to lean on.” Natalia gave him a smile.
Rob’s eyes met hers. “I feel the same way about you.” Noticing the song playing in the restaurant, he grinned. “‘You’ve Got a Friend.’ James Taylor.”
She laughed and finished their game. “Warner Brothers. Nineteen seventy-one.” She leaned forward. “But there’s also Carole King’s version from the same year.”
“Yeah, but this is J.T.’s version.”
“Another great song is ‘You’re my Best Friend.’”
“Queen. EMI Elektra. Nineteen seventy-five but released as a single nineteen seventy-six.”
Natalia looked into Rob’s eyes. “You’re my best friend.”
That comment warmed him, and he smiled. He touched her face, running his thumb along her cheekbone. “You’re my best friend too.”
They continued their casual conversation over dinner, and Rob found himself more relaxed with Natalia than he ever remembered. Once they finished eating, Rob took her home and walked her to her door. “Things will get better, Nat. They probably couldn’t get much worse,” he said in a wry tone.
Natalia
Saturday 12/17
NATALIA WAS RUMMAGING through her refrigerator, trying to find something good for lunch, when her phone sounded. Her mother’s weekly Saturday call. Last Saturday, they had discussed Christmas plans. What was on her mother’s mind today? “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, Talie. How are you doing, dear?”
“Oh, okay. How about you and Dad?”
“We’re fine. Is work going any better for you?”
“It’s about the same.”
“And that music thing you’re doing?”
Natalia rolled her eyes. Her mother never considered her music career to be anything permanent. She always thought Natalia would someday find a more suitable job. “It’s about the same too.”
“I always hope and pray things will be better for you soon.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m unbelievably busy, you know. Christmas is getting close. I need a final number for Christmas dinner. Will your boyfriend Jake be able to come?”
Natalia found a bottle of water and popped the top. After a sip, she said, “No, he won’t be able to get to the States until New Year’s Eve.”
“That is disappointing. We looked forward to meeting him. It’s not often your father and I get a chance to meet an actor. Even if he isn’t from the U.S.”
She sighed. Her mother would have much preferred Natalia settle down with a nice boy-next-door type, except she wasn’t quite ready to settle down yet.
Her mother started talking about the menu, and Natalia smiled as she settled on the sofa for what might very well be a lengthy conversation.
Natalia
Sunday 12/18
NATALIA AND HER FRIEND, Lakeisha Holland, hugged each other and sat at a table by the restaurant window. She sipped her iced tea and gazed at her friend. “You seem upset. I don’t want to intrude but is it something you’d like to talk about?’
Lakeisha sighed. “Girl, I am just so frustrated.”
“Maybe I can help.”
After a long pause, Lakeisha said, “I got passed by again for a promotion.”
Natalia’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh Lakeisha, that’s awful. I’m so sorry to hear that.”
Her friend’s eyes flashed. “There’s a glass ceiling where I work. I work so hard, but I only get so far.”
With a sinking feeling, Natalia shook her head “It’s obvious that inequality exists at your workplace.”
Lakeisha’s face contorted. “I think it happens at a lot of workplaces. Maybe most.”
Natalia nodded. Even though she was white, she had thought long and hard about white privilege and all of the systemic inequities. They were everywhere. And she was sure she only had a small glimpse of the pain and desperation felt by Black, Latinx and Native American citizens of this country.
Affronted on Lakeisha’s behalf and her sense of justice and of right and wrong right offended by the treatment of her friend, Natalia said,
“Everyone should have equal opportunities and equal chances for promotion.”
Natalia hoped she didn’t sound sanctimonious because she genuinely believed in equality and justice for everyone regardless of skin color, ethnicity, nationality, class, age, religion, sex, sexual orientation, health, and disability. She took a deep breath. She could feel herself getting agitated and she wanted to be sure she was paying attention to Lakeisha.
“My Mama always encouraged me to work hard, and I do.”
Nodding, Natalia said, “I’m sure of that. I remember all the times you’ve worked overtime and brought work home. And not because you weren’t getting enough done. You were doing your work and others’ work too.”
“Damn right.” Lakeisha threw out her hands. “So why did I get a degree when I can’t move up the career ladder?”
“You’re educated, smart and hardworking. Maybe the idiots where you work will take notice.” Even as she said it, Natalia wondered if that was even a helpful comment. More likely one that didn’t really acknowledge the sheer magnitude of the problem.
“I wish I had a useful suggestion. I wish I could help.”
“Just talking helps. Thanks.”
Natalia and her friend talked a while longer, but they eventually had to leave.
Natalia
Monday 12/19
THE BAND SAT TOGETHER at Rob’s apartment, downing their drinks. Each guy had a beer, Natalia had coffee. They went over their band improvement checklist one by one.
She started. “I’d say we’re always professional, little fighting and our equipment may be old, but it always works. Well, except those few times we blew an amp. We usually get there in time for sound checks, and we do our best to give a great show.”
Andrew frowned. “Yeah, but we need to get to the gigs on time for those sound checks, and we need any extra time to set up.” He looked at Rob. Natalia feared they would argue about Rob’s tendency to be late, but Rob appeared to let it slide.
Natalia tapped a note into her tablet. “Okay. Get to gigs earlier.” She paused, then said, “I know you guys practice a lot. I spend a couple of hours each day practicing on the keyboard. That’s in my free time, and the times I play at the store.”
Andrew said, “I agree. We all know our instruments.”
Rob spoke. “We’ve got a good local following. Though we should always be trying to find more fans.”
Eric nodded. “And a good regional following too.” He laughed. “Remember that time we played in Daytona, and that biker dude got on stage and started singing.”
With a grin, Rob said, “Yeah, and the time those drunk girls chased you down the beach. That’s what we get for playing during spring break.”
“And the time we rolled out of Eric’s van in Tampa only to find zillions of people dressed up as pirates.”
“Oh yeah, the Gasparilla Pirate Festival. That was wild.”
They all laughed then Val, always the one to be pessimistic, said, “I think our Facebook page could use some improvement, and maybe some new photos on Instagram.”
They brainstormed some ideas, which Natalia added to the list. She knew that Instagram affected young girls’ mental health and body image and sometimes encouraged social exclusion and ostracism, as well as the fear of missing out. The group had discussed these concerns before, so she felt confident using this site.
Then Rob said, “We should shoot a new video and upload it to Spotify or YouTube. Maybe for my new song ‘Late Night Madman.’”
“I’m sure Jennifer wouldn’t mind doing that for us,” Andrew said.
They sat in silence for several long moments, then Eric said, “I know. What about tee-shirts of the band? Fans like things like that.”
Andrew pounded him on the back. “Great idea. Can you work on that?”
“Yeah, sure.”
They talked a while longer then left with some promising ideas to put into place.
When Natalia arrived home, she brushed her hair, washed her face, and brushed her teeth. Then she settled down to meditate. Usually, she felt better after meditation, and she often had realizations, sometimes simple, sometimes profound. When she finished, she felt relaxed and sleepy, so she went to bed.
Natalia
Tuesday 12/20
NATALIA’S PHONE RANG early the next morning, too early for it to be Rob or her friend, Jennifer Green, since neither was a morning person. Her friends Kaede Kobayashi and Lakeisha Holland were morning people, but this was even too early for them. She really wasn’t either, but she rose early every day to fit in some yoga before work. Feeling for her phone, she grabbed it, then it slipped from her hand. With a groan, she rolled over and retrieved it from the floor. She clicked the button and heard her father’s voice on the line.
“Pumpkin, I hate to bother you so early, but I have some news.”
Natalia’s heart began to pound. “Bad news?”
He paused for a long moment. “Your mother has had a stroke.”
Natalia’s heart almost stopped. “Oh, no. Is s-she...I mean, is she alive?”
“Yes, but she’s unstable. Do you think you could come home sooner than planned for Christmas?”
“I’ll be there as quickly as I can.”
Her mother was in the hospital, the woman who had never had a sick day in her life, and it didn’t sound good. A horrible sinking feeling came over Natalia. This was one time when she wished she lived closer to her parents. She could be there now instead of trying to figure out travel plans. What would she do if her mother died? That thought was too terrible to contemplate.
On instinct, Natalia grabbed the phone again and hit a number. Her voice quivered as she spoke. “Rob, I need your help.”
“Nat, are you okay?” he said in a sleepy voice.
She took a deep breath. “My mom is in the hospital.”
“Oh no. Is she okay?” He sounded more awake now.
Natalia repeated what her father had said, fighting back her tears.
“I’m really sorry, Nat. I’ll take care of your cat, Sebastien, while you’re gone and bring in your mail. Anything else you need me to do?”
With a sigh of relief, she said, “I don’t think so, but thanks, Rob. You always come through for me.”
Natalia
Wednesday 12/21 to Saturday 12/24
AFTER BEGGING HER BOSS for the time off and hurrying to prepare, Natalia arrived the next afternoon at her parents’ home in Evanston, Illinois. With a knot in her stomach, she met her siblings, and they all hurried to the hospital to see their mother. Doctor Bert Tonner, their father, was already there. Warned by her father and her mother’s own physician on what to expect hadn’t prepared Natalia for what she had to face. The pale, drawn woman she saw in the hospital bed simply could not be her mom. Natalia remembered her as strong and vibrant, sometimes stern but always kind. But the stroke had taken her away. Her mother couldn’t speak and didn’t seem to understand what had happened. She couldn’t walk by herself. She couldn’t even feed herself. Her mother had become just a shadow of her former self.
Natalia’s sister, Marissa, talked with their brother, Will, and his family while Natalia sat by the bed. She took one of her mother’s hands, and it felt so fragile. Feeling it start to shake, she looked down then realized that her hand was shaking, not her mother’s. She felt a tear slip down her cheek, but she managed not to lose her composure. In an instant, her entire world had changed. She knew life would never be quite the same again. There would be no more calls from her mother to encourage her or sympathize with her. With a slight smile, Natalia realized her mother would never again call to tell her, in great detail, what she was doing wrong with her life. She sighed as she realized her mother had found it hard to let go of her youngest. Natalia was finding it hard now to let go of her mom.
Natalia visited her mother in the hospital the next three days. Each day was just as painful as the day before. The whole Tonner family was there, and Natalia felt their support, but somehow it seemed harder for her to accept her mother’s illness, maybe because her mother wasn’t terribly old, only sixty-one, or maybe because Natalia was only twenty-four, and this sort of thing just didn’t happen to parents of someone her age.
The hospital discharged her mother on Christmas Eve. Natalia’s father arranged to have her released with home health care nurses to assist. Natalia exhaled in relief when she learned that her mother didn’t have to go to a nursing home.
The family spent the morning getting their mom situated in the master bedroom. Her mother was restless, but Natalia’s father had explained in advance that was possible.
Everyone sat together quietly for a while in the basement rec room. The house was beautifully decorated for Christmas, but no one was celebrating.
Will and his wife, Lauren, Marissa, and her husband, Charlie, and all the children went out for the afternoon, but Natalia stayed home with her father. They sat together in the family room.
Her father seemed quiet, as if he was pondering the changes in his life. He finally stirred. “I hate to see April this way.”
Natalia took a sip of hot tea. “I do too, Dad. It’s awful.”
He sighed. “At least she seems to have settled down once we got her into bed.”
“Will she ever get better?” Natalia asked in a small voice.
Her father’s shoulders slumped. “No, Pumpkin, she won’t.”
Natalia burst into tears, and her father patted the sofa for her to sit beside him. He placed his arm around her, but she still felt the loss, even though her mother was still alive. How would she ever get by without her mother’s support?
Hearing her phone play her favorite song written by Rob, she sucked in a deep breath and tried to dry her eyes. She picked it up and her father stood and walked into the kitchen to give her privacy, which she appreciated.
“Hi, Rob.” She sniffed.
“Hi, Nat. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.” She tried to sound positive when all she was feeling was hopeless.
“Really? ‘Cause you don’t sound it.”
Natalia forced back a sob.
“Nat, you’re crying. Is everything okay? How’s your mother?”
“She’s home. Oh, Rob, she’s not the same. She doesn’t even know me anymore. It’s scary.”
“God, Nat, I’m sorry to hear that. Isn’t there anything the doctors can do?”
Biting her lower lip, she blinked her eyes over and over. She didn’t need to lose it again. “No,” she whispered.
“I’m so sorry. I wish I could do something to help.”
“I’m glad to hear from you. You called at exactly the right time.” She sniffed again then realized his call really had helped.
“I’m just sorry it happened right before Christmas.”
“Me, too.”
After a brief silence, Rob told her about what was happening while she was gone. He told a couple of funny stories, and she actually laughed. Just talking with him made her feel better. He was everything she could want in a best friend.
“Remember, I’m always here for you. Call me anytime if you need to.”
“Thank you so much.”
“Try to have a Merry Christmas.”
“You too.”
After the call, Natalia sat on the sofa holding her phone, lost in thought. Jennifer, Lakeisha and Kaede were good friends, but Rob was definitely her best friend. She started flipping through her pictures, hoping to find one of her mother but hearing her father’s voice, she dropped the phone on her lap. The last picture she had looked at was of Jake and her. She didn’t really mind that Jake had only texted. He was so far away and so terribly busy. But Rob had called and texted every day.
Natalia
Monday 12/26
CHRISTMAS EVE AND CHRISTMAS Day passed in a painful haze for Natalia. Her mother showed no signs of improvement, but she had seemed to gain some strength, so when the day after Christmas came, Natalia knew she had to get back to Orlando if she wanted to keep her job.
Her boss hadn’t been happy when she asked for the time off, but he had grudgingly given it to her. Now the time was up. She hated to leave her mother, but at least her health had stabilized.
Natalia’s father took her to the airport.
“Stay strong, Pumpkin. Your family and friends will help you through this.” He kissed her goodbye. She felt her chest tighten, and tears formed in her eyes. Looking at her father one last time, she saw sadness in his eyes and suddenly wished she could stay longer. But her life was in Orlando.
