I'll Reach For You, page 3
"One of them." She answers.
"What’s your favourite?" I ask and look at her again. She seems thoughtful.
"I really like V for Vendetta. I like V, the way he talks and the wise words he speaks. He may look like a monster underneath his outfit, who knows? But his soul is beautiful." I like the sound of her voice, it’s so soft. I haven’t heard her talk like this before, it makes me feel special she shared it with me. Hunter's voice was so full of passion, and I liked that.
"I love he fought for freedom, for everyone. I wish someone would’ve done that for me." Hunter looks lost and hurt. I’m not sure if she realizes she’s talking to me, or if she’s gone into her own head.
"You're free now," I tell her. She looks at me with a flat smile.
"It's a little too late." She answers. This lets me know something horrible happened to her, and it hurts to know, even though I don’t know any details.
"I'm sorry." I could feel a lump in my throat. She snorts.
"There’s no need to apologize, it’s my fault anyway." Her words hit me in the heart. Whatever happened to her is not her fault, ever.
"No," I say, and she looks at me confused.
"Don't say that. Don't blame yourself. I know you well enough to know you don’t deserve pain or anything like that." I see she’s uncomfortable, clenching her teeth, making her jaw move and her eyes are down on the couch.
"I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I’m sure you didn't deserve it." She still looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything but turns back to the movie. We both continue watching in silence. I yawn and rub my eyes. The thought of her opening a little to me is good, but I don’t like she’s judging and blaming herself. She may not see it, but she doesn’t deserve any pain at all, no one does. I lay on the couch, crossing my arms. My eyes hurt, and I can't keep them open anymore, so I close them. The sound of the TV lulling me to sleep.
Chapter 10
Hunter?
The feeling of something moving underneath wakes me. I yawn and open my eyes. I cringe when I find myself lying on top of Hunter. My face is down on her stomach and her arms are wrapped around my back. We must have fallen asleep on the sofa. I can feel her stomach move up and down, slowly under me. I glance up at Hunter, her eyes and mouth are closed. I know I should move, but if I do, I’ll wake her, and I’m not sure how much sleep she’s gotten.
It’s still dark outside. Maybe she knows I fell asleep on her and didn't want to wake me. It's not only I don’t want to wake her, the feeling of laying on her in her arms feels so good. I like her warmth and softness. Her arms around me make me feel safe. I close my eyes with a smile. Hunter's gentle breathing makes me drift back to sleep again.
✽ ✽ ✽
I open my eyes, finding myself still laying on Hunter's stomach, my hands holding onto her sweater. I blink my eyes and rub them. Keeping them open is hard so I close them again and bury my face in Hunter's hoodie. For being so small and skinny she’s incredibly soft. After a while, I notice Hunter's arms aren’t around me anymore. I open my eyes and look up to her. She’s awake, watching me with a terrified look in her eyes. Hunter appears shocked and uncomfortable, she’s completely frozen. Her blue eyes are staring at me, but nothing is moving. It's starting to worry me. How long has she been awake and staring at me like that? I sit up on the couch. She still has the same expression on her face. I feel my heart beating, faster and harder. Should I call dad? Is this normal for her? This is scary.
"Hunter?" She only blinks her eyes.
"Hunter, are you okay?" She nods finally, and I breathe out relieved. She still looks like she wants to jump out of her own skin. Then she moves to sit on the edge of the couch and looks out the window thoughtfully. Contact makes her uncomfortable. She doesn't like to be touched apparently.
"Um, I’m gonna go and change." She says and walks upstairs. I hope I didn’t scare her away, we were just getting on the right track. I really liked laying on her, which is weird. But she’s so soft and comfortable, although it might not have felt like that to her. It’s weird to think about in that way.
I get off the couch to go take a shower. Maybe she doesn't like me. I’ve treated her like shit since the day she came through the door. I understand if she hates me. In some way, I’ve started to like her. I know I judged her way too early and should’ve given her more of a chance. Oh, God, why do I have to be such a piece of shit sometimes? I must admit I’ve never met someone like her, quiet, calm, and so kind. She took the blame for me the day I came home drunk. Not to mention she dragged my ass out of there and into the bathroom. Then she helped me get to bed. Why? She has no reason to do that. Hunter’s fascinating because she’s so hard to understand. There’s so much more to her than she shows, and I want to see all of it. I just have to get through to her somehow.
Chapter 11
You’re staring at Me
Hunter didn’t return downstairs after the couch incident. She hasn't eaten, and it’s starting to worry me, she must be hungry. I get off the sofa, walk upstairs and knock on Hunter's door.
"Yeah?" Hunter says, and I open the door. I step in finding her reading in her bed. Her room is clean; everything’s in its place. All her books are on the bookshelf, her school books are neatly stacked on her desk. No clothes on the floor or on the black rug. This is something else compared to mine. My room is so messy I can't even find my school books. We’re two completely different people, I guess. Usually, she makes me angry, because of her ignorance. She makes me feel so guilty sometimes it’s scary. Goddamn, that girl.
"Hi, I was just wondering if you’re hungry?" She looks at me with those blue eyes. Dammit, I always liked blue eyes, mine are just boring deep brown. Taylor said it scares her sometimes how dark they get, almost black. She said it usually happens when I’m angry. There’s this guy at school that was hitting on me, I swear to God, I almost punched him in the face. If it wasn't for Taylor stopping me, I’d have given him a black eye. That's when she told me I had that look in my eyes.
But every time I look into Hunter's eyes they look so sad, and it scares me. I’ve never seen someone so fragile, and I don’t even know what happened to her. It's just the way she is, how she talks when her voice trembles, she looks so small and afraid. To me, it seems like she’s punishing herself, and she doesn't even know that’s wrong. Then I see Hunter nodding.
"Yeah," Hunter answers and places the book on her desk.
✽ ✽ ✽
I ask Hunter what she wanted. She seemed surprised when I did. At first, she was uncertain and said I could decide. I shook my head and told her to pick, then finally she got a little confidence and said eggs and bacon. The perfect breakfast, I told her, and she had that smile on her face. The one with the crooked smile and the fascinating look in her blue eyes. I like that look so much I had to watch her a little longer than I should have. It made her uncomfortable and she blushed, it was adorable.
Now we sit around the dinner table. She’s in front of me, where dad usually sits. Her hair’s up in a ponytail, exposing her small ears. It's weird I adore them. Just like her smile and hair that’s brown with small hints of red. No matter how much I shouldn’t like her, there’s just something about her that makes me like her, even though I barely know her.
"You're staring at me." She says without even looking at me. Her cheeks turned red after she said it, I think mine did as well. I was caught off guard, and it made me embarrassed. I never thought she’d ever say something like that, I think it even surprised her since she blushed.
"Sorry," I tell her and focus on my food. Her gaze is on me and I see her watching me. There’s something she wants to say because she looks more nervous than usual. Her left-hand shakes and she’s biting her inner cheek. She looks so small, and it makes me vulnerable to her. The way she’s watching me makes my skin warm and stomach twist. This girl knows how to make me surrender.
"What?" I ask and close my eyes as I realized I said it too harshly. I made her shrink with my hard tone. I open my eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to sound angry." It’s not her fault she makes me feel confused or odd.
"I know there’s something you want to say. Please, tell me?" I beg, feeling guilty as I always do, because of all my actions. I hate the way I treat her it drives me insane. She looks down at her plate, playing with her food. Oh God, what if I made her close herself off for good now? I scared her away and she’ll ignore me.
"Why do you hate me so much?" She asks. I feel my heart in my throat. I didn’t expect that, even though I should. I’m horrible to her and she knows, everyone knows. There’s just something about her, and it’s hard to explain. I don’t even know what it is.
"I don't hate you," I tell her, and she gives me a flat smile, not believing me. She starts eating her food again. After a while, she finishes and walks into the kitchen with me on her heels.
"Hunter, I don’t hate you." She places the plate in the dishwasher and turns to me.
"It's hard to believe." She says and walks past me into the living room as I stumble after her.
"Hey," I say and grab her arm, she stops at my touch. I loosen my grip on her arm as she pushes me back. I watch her, stunned. She looks frozen again, just like she did that morning. Her eyes locked on me, but now I see guilt in those blues. Her pushing me away scared me, she’s always so calm, I think it even scared her. I never thought she’d do something like that. She hasn't moved a muscle, this is more frightening than it was in the early morning.
"Hunter?" I ask concerned. She takes a step back and blinks her eyes.
"I didn't mean..."
"I know." I cut her off. I know she wouldn't have done that on purpose.
"It's my fault I shouldn't have touched you," I tell her, and she shakes her head.
"No, it's..."
"You don't need to explain, Hunter. You simply scared me a little, that's all." She opens her mouth but seems like she’s fighting in her own head to find what to say. She closes her mouth and nods. I breathe out relieved.
"You don't have to tell me things you don't want me to know, Hunter. I'll wait if you want to tell me someday." She gives me the shy smile and nods again.
"I'm gonna go upstairs." She says, and I nod.
✽ ✽ ✽
I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.
"Hey, dad," I answer.
"Hey honey, how it's going?" He asks. I can hear talking in the background.
"It's going fine."
"And Hunter?" He asks.
"I think she’s fine, um, she kind of... I’m not sure how to put it, but she kind of froze."
"What happened?" Dad asks concerned and the talking in the background stops. How am I going to explain this? I can't tell him I fell asleep on her, and it freaked her out. That’d just be awkward. I can't tell him she pushed me either, that’ll mean consequences for her. I don’t know how it works, but Hunter seems more fragile than a threat.
"We talked and it kind of went a little over the line..."
"Did you fight?" He sounds angry now.
"No dad, we didn't fight" I sigh.
"She walked away from a conversation, so I followed and grabbed her arm. Dad, she freezes when I touch her." I didn’t tell him about the look in her eyes that made everything in me want to take what was in her head away.
"Is she okay?"
"I think so, it just scares me when it happens because she can stand like that for a while," I tell him.
"Just give her some time, she’ll come around, but I'm glad you two aren’t fighting and you care about her. Just take it easy on her, okay?"
"Dad, calm down. I told her she doesn't need to tell me anything she doesn't want to."
"Okay, good. Sorry, but your mother’s waiting for me, I love you and say hi to Hunter for me."
"Okay, bye."
Chapter 12
I like the Floor
Iwalk down the dark hallway, past the bathroom door, then stop for a moment in front of Hunter's room. It’s late, almost midnight, and I haven't seen Hunter in a while. I just want to make sure she’s okay, but I’m not sure what to say or do. I knock carefully and step in. All the lights are on but she’s not in the bed, which is next to the window and it's pitch black outside.
Hunter’s laying on the floor on top of her black rug, her face down in a book. She must have fallen asleep while reading. I wish I could turn back time and change all the terrible things I’ve said and done to her. She looks so sweet and innocent laying there, adorable is more like it.
I move further towards her. Hunter's brown, red hair is drowning the book, her eyes and mouth are closed. She’s breathing softly in and out. Her left foot moves more away from the right one and she turns her head the other way, towards the bed. It must be a pain to sleep on the floor like that. Her ribs will ache when she stands up. I move down on my knees next to her. I don’t want to wake her, but I should.
"Hunter?" I whisper. She doesn’t hear me. I lay my hand on her arm.
"Hunter?" I say with my regular voice. She moves barely, but then she turns, sits up and backs away so fast I can barely blink. Her face is buried in her knees and her back is leaning against the bed. She looks like a scared little kid.
"Don't-don't hurt me." She says sobbing.
"Hunter, it's me, Skylar," I say softly. She peeks gently at me but then hides again.
"Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you," I say and stand up to walk towards her.
"Don't." She says. I stop, frozen on the spot, not sure what to do. Dad isn’t here to help me, he would’ve known what to do, he always does.
"Tell me what to do and I'll do it."
"Please, just go." She shrinks.
"Anything, except that, I don't think I should go." I take one careful step towards her. Hunter doesn’t give me a glance.
"You can tell me," I say. She shakes her head.
"If you aren’t going to talk to me, can I at least sit with you?" Not a word from her, she’s frozen me out, but I move over and sit down carefully next to her anyways. We sit in complete silence; the only sound is our breathing. The air in here feels so heavy and uncomfortable. After a while, it’s hard to keep my eyes open. The yawing is getting so intense tears are coming out of my eyes.
"Hunter?" I rub my eyes and take away the tears.
"Yeah?"
"I’m not sure how long I can stay awake." I close my eyes but open them fast again.
"You should go to bed." She says.
"I’m not going until you’re fine." I rub my eyes, goddammit this is getting painful.
"I’m fine."
"Don't lie to me." I close my eyes and give in.
✽ ✽ ✽
"Skylar?" I hear a soft voice calling my name.
"Hmm?" I mumble, too tired to form words. I’m sitting, leaning against the bed.
"I think we should get you to bed." I turn to the sound, eyes still close. I can't remember the last time I was so tired. I shake my head and hear Hunter standing up next to me.
"Come on." I shake my head again and lay on the floor where Hunter sat.
"I like the floor," I say and Hunter chuckles. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her laugh before and it makes me smile. I wish she’d do it more often.
"Skylar, come on." She says. I could sense she’s still amused. There was a little hint of a laugh in her voice. I shake my head.
"No, I like it here." She snorts at me.
"You don't even like me." Her words made me open my eyes and stand up in front of her. She laughs at me, making my cheeks turn red. I hope she didn’t notice.
"I like you," I tell her. She shakes her head.
"Why’s it so hard to believe?" I ask and sigh. She shakes her head, and I roll my eyes, making her blue eyes smile.
"What do I have to do to make you believe me?" I ask. It felt like I was begging her, but I didn’t show it. I want her to know I like her, even though she drives me crazy. She walks to the door and opens it.
"I'm not leaving until you tell me what I can do to change your mind," I say stubbornly. She shakes her head. It makes me realize she’s as obstinate as I am. I think in some way she’s warming up to me, she’s testing my limits. She opens the door more, another sign for me to get the hell out. I shake my head with a smirk. She looks down at the floor with red cheeks and I laugh.
"Get out." She says with a hint of anger in her voice. I know I should go, but I want her to believe me. Then a thought hits me. Why do I so desperately want her to believe me? I never cared about what she thinks of me, but now I do. I itch my neck in frustration.
"Skylar, out please." She sounds impatient. I clench my teeth and feel my skin on fire. Why can't she just tell me why she won't believe me.
"Just tell me, goddammit!" I feel the heat in my body, my skin, and bones. Now I see the hurt in her eyes and I shake my head. How can she make me feel angry and guilty at the same time? Sometimes I just want to yell at her. Then she makes me feel like wrapping my arms around her and apologizing, even though I know it’s the last thing she wants from me.
"Hunter, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."
"Just get out!" I’ve never heard her angry before. I give in to her stubbornness and leave, taking the door and slamming it closed. Goddamn, that girl. I go into my room and lay down on the bed feeling the fire in my veins slow a little. I close my eyes and feel the tiredness take over again.
Chapter 13
Yes, but don’t expect as much as you Do
"Skylar, are you okay?" I shake myself out my thoughts and turn to Taylor. We’re in class and I haven’t paid any attention. I can't stop thinking about the night Hunter and I fought. She pissed me off so bad, I kept my distance from her the rest of the weekend. Of course, I had to drive her to school, we sat in silence though. It was awkward, but I had to drive her, my dad would flip, and I simply could not once I looked at her face. I’m angry with her for not answering me, but when I saw her in the morning it had faded. Her sad blue eyes are haunting me. Just looking at her gives me so many different emotions.
