I'll Reach For You, page 17
"I can't make it stop. I don’t want it to stop." My gaze drifts down to Hunt, who has still her eyes closed, and seems like she’s fallen back to sleep. How is it possible to love someone so much?
"Stop what, Skylar?" He asks, my eyes go back to him. His gaze is stuck on me, there’s so much worry in his eyes.
"I can't stop loving her crooked smile and the way she looks at me with her blue eyes. I can't stop loving her laugh that’s like music to my ears, her smell that makes my knees weak. I can't stop loving her teasing, but most of all I can't stop loving her for the way she loves me." I lean down and kiss her cheek.
"That’s what happened, dad. I wanted her so much, leaving and giving her up was not and is not an option. I love her so much, it even scares me. Hunt scares me. The day she told me she loved me; she took my breath away. She does it so often it frightens her." I sort through the memories that pop into my head. I can't read dad's facial expression, it’s so flat.
"I don’t understand how you can just stop breathing." I hear Hunt say. I look down at her seeing her blues staring at me and smile.
"It really scares me you know." She says with widened eyes.
"I'm sorry," I say softly and stroked her cheek again. Then I remember dad’s still here and turn to look at him, apologizing.
"I-I..."
"It's fine." He says with a smile.
"You’re not going to throw her out, are you?" I ask worried, I can't lose her. Not ever. He looks at me with widened eyes.
"Of course not, but if this fails, I’ll have to." He has an apologizing look on his face.
"So, just don't break her heart." He says, and I snort.
"Isn't that what you’re supposed to tell her?" I chuckle and so does Hunt. He points at her.
"Don't break her heart." He says and shakes his head.
"Okay, this is getting weird. I’m going to make dinner." Dad says and goes into the kitchen leaving, Hunt and me chuckling. Hunt takes my hand and puts it in her hair.
"Don't stop." She says and closes her eyes again. I start playing and stroking her hair. She deserves to be cuddled after all the things she’s done for me and, I like doing it.
Chapter 46
You should definitely, really love me right now
"Hunter, you should sleep in your room," I say and lay down on the bed, looking at her standing.
"Of course, I am." She says making me confused why she said it so fast, without even blinking.
"You just need to move your ass so there’s space for me." She says grinning.
"Dammit Hunter, I meant your other room. You barely sleep in here with me." She moves and lays down next to me.
"But I can't sleep without you either. I’d rather be kept awake with by you than be alone and wake up with nightmares. I love you, and I’m staying." She says, not even letting me argue, as she wraps her arm around me and kisses my forehead.
"I’m not sure if I’m angry or I really, really love you right now," I say. Hunt's eyes are closed, but she’s still smiling.
"You should definitely, really love me right now." She says, making me kiss her cheek. Even though we’ve been very close, Hunt hasn't felt bad and I’m happy she doesn't feel ill.
"Then I really love you right now," I whisper because she’s completely gone.
✽ ✽ ✽
I wake up to a very dry throat, God I hate this. Hunt’s still sleeping; I move from her embrace and crawl out of bed.
"I'm coming." I hear her say, tired. Dammit, does she always have to wake up when I get out of bed?
"No, Hunt. Please sleep." She doesn't listen, moves out of the bed and stands in front of me. I take both of her hands in mine.
"You need to sleep, Hunt," I tell her, but she shakes her head.
"I need you more." I put my arms around her. Goddammit, why does she always have to melt my heart?
"Sky, I can't breathe." I let her go.
"I'm sorry, but you can't say things like that. It makes me so weak to you, no isn’t an option."
"Good, because I don't want a no. I'll always follow you," She kisses my forehead.
"Where are we going, by the way?" She asks so cutely, making me laugh and kiss her cheek.
"I was going to get something to drink, my throat hurts," I tell her, she takes a deep breath and puts her hands on my waist. I can't see her eyes, it's too dark and I don’t know what is going on in her mind. She leans in and kisses my cheek.
"What do you say to a movie and some ice cream?" She mumbles against my skin.
"I would love that."
"Then let’s go down, you find a movie and I’ll find the ice cream." I nod, and she grabs the duvet off the bed.
"We need this." She says, making me snort. Then she takes my hand and I follow her downstairs. I sit on the couch and Hunt throws the duvet on me. I turn on the TV and look for a movie to watch.
"Find anything?" Hunt asks and hands the ice cream to me. I grin as I see it’s chocolate.
"I take by that smile, you like it?" She says and moves under the duvet next to me, then I start the movie. I grab Hunt's shirt and kiss her cheek.
"I love it, and I love you," I tell her and start eating, feeling the colds on my warm, dry throat.
"Oh, I like this movie." I hear her say; I smile at her as she takes a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.
"I’m glad your dad and mom didn't freak out." She says, and I nod in agreement.
"Now, I can kiss you every time I want to," I tell her and kiss her cheek again.
"Yeah, well, I don’t really want to kiss you on the mouth right now." She teases.
"Ha-ha watch out, or I'll do it," I warn her. We finish our ice cream and place the bowls on the table. I lay down in Hunt's lap and she starts playing with my hair, as I do with hers. It feels so nice, but I can't keep my eyes open.
"Hunti..."
"Just sleep." She whispers.
✽ ✽ ✽
The sound of footsteps causes me to wake. I know it’s not Hunt's because I feel her underneath me. Her stomach moves up and down and her arms are around me; it's so warm and comforting. I grab her shirt at her shoulder and drag myself up, then kiss her cheek.
"Hi." She whispers and kisses my forehead.
"How are you feeling?" She asks.
"My throat is better, and I’m very warm, thanks to you." I kiss her cheek again.
"Good." She says, and I hear dad clear his throat. I pull the duvet over our heads, Hunt chuckles.
"I hope you two aren't going to lay there all day, I have a game to watch later." Hunt and I chuckle, and I kiss her on the neck.
"No, we’re not," I answer.
"Just for a little while." I finish and dad snorts.
"Yeah, fine. You two hungry?" He says, and I can hear him walking.
"Yes," I answer. Then I kiss Hunt's neck again and her throat.
"Stop." She chuckles.
"No," I mumble as I bite her ear. She moves and falls to the floor.
"Skylar!" She sounds upset. I look down at her only to feel her hand on my shirt, dragging me down with her.
"Dammit, Hunter!" I say hoarsely but kiss her cheek.
"What the hell is going on in there?" I hear dad yell.
"Nothing," I yell back. I look down at Hunt and grin. She looks upset.
"I love you," I say, making her look at me with that crooked smile and those blue eyes.
"Dammit, Hunter. You can't look at me like that when I can't kiss you." I say, irritated. Her and those eyes.
"I guess we are even then." She chuckles. I shake my head with a grin.
Chapter 47
You’re not Breathing
It's been three weeks since I told my parents about Hunt and me. The feeling is so good, just like Taylor said. I don’t need to be afraid of them noticing me looking at her or the way Hunt looks at me. She does it so obviously, it's hard to miss. I can hold her hand everywhere I go; I kiss her when I want too.
Right now, I’m sitting in the car waiting for Hunt, it's raining so bad my shoes are soaked and I’m cold. I’m trying not to worry, but it's been almost ten minutes since I got into the car and I just want to go home. There is no sight of her, I pick up my phone and call her, but she doesn’t answer.
"Dammit, Hunter," I say as I get out of the car into the pouring rain. I walk into the school hearing my wet shoes squeak under me, she’s not in the hallway, and I checked the football field, nothing. I walk back up to the parking lot, soaking wet and looking around. Then I see her standing behind an old, blue car with a woman. She has dark blond hair and looks as old as my mom. She may be a teacher, but I haven't seen her before. I don’t really think so since it looks like she’s crying, her eyes are red.
"Hunt?" She turns around hastily with wide red eyes. I’m not sure if she’s angry or sad; her face is such a mix of emotions it’s confusing. She’s more drenched than I am. Her hair, face and clothes are soaking wet and her hands are shaking. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s cold or if she’s just emotional.
The look in her eyes, there’s so much anger, sadness, and a lot of hurt. I hate that look, even though I’ve never seen it before. I don't want her to look me like that. It hurts so much.
"Is this a friend?" The woman asks with a smile. Hunt turns around to look at her. I move and stand next to Hunt. She nods to the women, Hunt seems frozen and hasn't been like that for a while.
"What's your name?" She asks. Hunter seems speechless right now.
"Skylar," I answer easily, confused about everything.
"I'm Sara, Hunter's mom." I just felt my heart drop into my stomach. I look at Hunter, she’s biting her inner cheeks. How did she find Hunter here and why?
"I’m really sorry, Hunter," Sara says and Hunt grabs my hand in hers. She’s cold and trembling.
"I’ve been looking for Andy and you since you left, Hunter. I found Andy first, but..." she stops and dries her face.
"He died two years ago in a drunk driving accident. I’m really sorry, Hunter." Hunter holds my hand harder. I know she must be crying, but she hides it very well. She always hides what she feels, and now I’m afraid she’ll fall back into that rut. She’s come so far and seeing her mother might cause her to drown again. Hunt doesn't deserve to live in agony, she should be happy.
"I took me two years to find you after him. You look very good by the way. I’m so sorry I didn't do anything for Andy or you, but I’m willing to try again..."
"No, I don't want anything from you!" Hunt says angrily and starts walking, dragging me after her to the car.
"Hunter, stop," I tell her, but she doesn't listen.
"Hunt..."
"NO!" She yells, scaring me. Hunt’s never yelled at me in that way before.
"I don't want to talk." She sounds and looks so upset it frightens me. I know Hunt has a lot of rage inside, after all the things that happened to her. I know she hides it well, but I don’t know how she acts when all of it comes out. It‘s already scaring me.
"I want to go home." She says and gets into the car, I jump in and start driving.
"Hunter, I..."
"No!" She yells again, and it hurts to hear her. She should talk to me; her mother just showed up and told her that her brother is gone. There must be a lot going on in her mind because my head is spinning right now. I can't imagine all the emotions that surfaced in her, the ones I see right now are painful and very frightening.
"Please say something," I beg and move my hand to her, but she pushes it away.
"No!" She yells again, and I stop the car in the empty parking lot, dad must be shopping. She jumps out and slams the door shut as I follow her into the living room.
"Hunter stop," I beg her, she does and turns around, her face full of fury and tears.
"I don’t want to talk, okay?" She yells and dries the tears away.
"No, it's not okay, Hunter! I know you’re angry, but you don't have to yell at me!" I cry, tears streaming down my face.
"I know you're hurt Hunter, but don't shut me out."
"I'm not..."
"YES, YOU ARE!" I cry. I’m so angry because I don’t understand why she yells at me. Why can't she just tell me what’s going on in her head? She’s so hurt I could see it miles away. I can't stand the look in her eyes. Now, she’s clenching her teeth.
"Sorry, I’m not as perfect as you think I am." That hurt so damn much, I can't move or breathe now. The only thing I feel is the hole in my heart and the tears falling down my cheeks to my chin. I hate when she says hurtful things about herself because it doesn't just affect her. I love her with my whole heart and I don’t want anyone to harm her, but I can't stop her from doing it to herself. That’s the worst thing about her and I can't stop her from doing it. I wish I could, but there’s nothing I can do.
"Sky?" I hear her voice, but it’s softer this time and I’m too numb to answer.
"Skylar?" Then I hear footsteps coming closer until she’s standing in front of me.
"Sky?" She cups my face and wipes the tears away. Her hands are so cold it almost made me jump, but I’m too paralyzed.
"You’re not breathing." I hear her, but I can't. Her words made everything hurt.
"Skylar, come on." She sounds calmer but scared and I’m as fucked up as I can be.
"Skylar, I need you to breathe for me, please." Hunt pleads. She kisses my neck, then I feel her biting me hard, making me gasp for air and I push her shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Sky. I didn't mean to yell, but you weren't listening to me." She puts her hands on my waist. I take them off and feel the bite mark on my neck with my fingers. It really hurt.
"I’m listening to you; the problem is you won't listen or talk to me." I look at her angry and hurt one last time before I walk past her and up to my room.
Chapter 48
You don’t trust me?
Iwake up to the feeling of someone crawling into bed behind me. Then I feel her arm around my stomach and her face buried in my back. I’ve been up here since I left her downstairs. I missed dinner and have been sleeping off and on, crying most of the time. This is the first time Hunter came up here, it must be very late.
The look in her eyes before I walked up here was guilt. She understood she was blaming me. She yelled at me and didn't talk to me the way she should have. There must be a lot on her mind right now and I want to know about it. I want to know what she feels. I don’t want her to go through this alone like the other times she was in pain. She doesn't have to be alone and I want her to know that.
"I'm so sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry that I bit you, and I am really, really sorry I didn't want you to listen to me." She says and kisses my back.
"I love you and I am really, really sorry." She moves up and pulls the hair away from my neck.
"I bit you very hard, I'm sorry." She kisses the mark on my neck.
"I know you’re awake and understand you don't want to talk to me, so I’m going to talk to you." She kisses me on the neck again and lays back down with her arms around me.
"I didn’t mean to yell at you, but seeing my mother made me very angry. Then she told me Andy’s gone. I loved Andy even though he left me. My mother didn’t do anything for me and I don’t forgive her. Now suddenly over three years later she finds me, wants to apologize and try again. How can she ask for something like that and expect me to say yes?" I hear in her voice she’s crying, but I’m going to let her finish.
"She should have done that from the beginning." She kisses my back again and buries her face in my back, holding onto me as if her life depends on it.
"She should have taken Andy and me away from him the day we were born." She mumbled against my back. I could barely hear her, but I did hear the hurt in her voice. She’s crying so badly. I take her hand and turn around. Her face is wet with tears and her eyes are red.
"I am so sor..." I kiss her before she can say it again. She finally told me what she thought and felt, I’m so grateful, even though she bit me. I’m not sure if I forgive her for that yet.
"Stop apologizing," I mumble against her lips.
"Thank you, for telling me," I say as well and kiss her again.
"But please, don't ever bite me that hard again," I tell her, angry.
"I'm so..." I put my lips on hers to make her shut up.
"Are you going to kiss me every time?" She asks, annoyed and I nod.
"You can't even let me apologize..." Then I kiss her again, just to irritate her. She says I’m cute when I’m annoyed, but she’s so adorable. She puts her hand on my cheek and I drag her up onto me.
"You should sleep, Sky. It's really late and we have school tomorrow." She says and kisses my cheek.
"What about you?" I ask, and she sighs.
"I'm not going," Hunt mumbles against my cheek. I feel the disappointment in my whole body.
"I don't like walking out that door without you."
"I know." She says and kisses my cheek again. I understand she doesn't want to go after her mother showed up today. She might still be in shock and to concentrate will probably be very hard.
"Then I'll stay with you."
"No, you should..."
"Hunter, I’m not leaving you here alone, I don’t trust you right now, I'm sorry," I tell her. She’s not really in a good state of mind. I’m afraid she’ll burst out in a rage or something that would make her hurt herself; there are still a lot of things going on in her head. She lost her brother and now her mother is here. It must be a lot to take in and those thoughts may be scary.
"You don't trust me?" She asks so hurt it almost made my heartbreak. I can't see her eyes and think I’m grateful for that because they’d probably have burned in my mind for as long as I live. Her eyes are the answer to everything. She doesn't need to speak because her eyes do all the talking. One of the million reasons I love her, but it can also hurt. Like it would have right now if I saw those blues.
"I don’t trust the hurt and rage inside of you," I say and kiss her temple.
"I thought you said I wasn’t broken." She sounds much worse than she was, and it’s my fault. She moves, but I wrap my arms around her before she can go. Her body is warm against mine and I love she’s so comfortable and soft.
