I'll Reach For You, page 13
"I’m really sorry, Sky." I know she is, but I can't help feeling let down. She puts her hand on my jaw and forces me to look at her. I know she sees the disappointment in my eyes because she sees everything.
"I really want to, but I..."
"Can't. I know, Hunt." I’m not going to fight or say anything to make her change her mind, because I know it won't work. It's like I’ve given up, and I don’t like that feeling. I want her; I really, really want her. I want her so much my skin is itching to feel her, and I’m so upset I can't trust myself right now.
"I’m just going to jump in the shower, I’ll see you later," I say. She moves out of my way. I grab some clean clothes and walk down the hallway to the bathroom. I undress and jump into the warm water. Moving my hands through my hair I sigh. I’ve waited for Hunter, so many times, but this is taking too long. Hunter needs time, I know, but I’m getting impatient. It’s hard not to touch her when she moves her soft hands over my body like that.
She lights this spark and sets the whole thing on fire, and it’s hard to control myself. Like when we were hiding in the small room, I could barely stop. I want her so much it hurts, it hurts to know I can't. Taylor said I had to push sometimes, but I can't do it this time. This is more, and Hunter’s the one that has to say yes. I really want to, it's hard to keep my hands off her. God, I’m so irritable right now I’m not sure what to do. It feels like my skin is on fire and my hands are shaking.
I walk into the bedroom and Hunter’s not there. Then I hear a knock on the door.
"Yeah," I answer, and turn to find grandma.
"Hey, darling, breakfast," she studies me, and her eyes turn to worry.
"You okay?" She asks.
I nod. "Yeah, just tired. Cameron came in for an early visit."
Grandma's eyes widen. "She did?"
"Hunter took care of it," I answer.
"Did something happen with you and Hunter? You didn't look at me when you said her name." She looks worried. I know I can tell her anything, so I do. Maybe her words can calm me down.
"I want something she’s not ready to give, and I’ve waited so long. I’m getting impatient and it's killing me." I sigh. I’m so upset I can't stop moving my hands and fingers.
"I know I should wait, but..." I stop and sigh.
"But you can't," she finishes my sentence.
"Tell her how you feel, she’ll listen, then maybe there’s something she can do." She says. I just nod. I should talk to her, she’s right, but I don't feel any better.
"Now, let's go before they come looking for us." I nod and give her a small smile. We walk down to the big dining room; the table’s so long there’s a place for everyone. They’re all sitting deep in conversation, except Hunter. Grandma sits down in between her grandkids, they both look so happy. I move my legs and sit down next to Hunter, who’s on my right and my mom is on my left. Hunter’s watching me, but I don't look at her. Then I feel a hand on my thigh and it makes me turn to her. I can see the worry in her eyes, my gaze drifts down to her hand on my thigh. I remove it; I don’t want her to touch me right now. Still, her eyes are on me, it burns, and it’s hard not to look at her. I start filling my plate with food, avoiding Hunter. Mom turns to look at me as she finishes talking with my Aunt Jennifer's husband, Jake. He’s a very big guy with short blond hair, I feel so small compared to him.
"You okay, Skylar?" Mom asks. I nod and give her a fake smile. My eyes fall to the food on my plate, a slice of bread and scrambled eggs. Hunter’s still looking at me and it’s driving me insane. I can't eat, I can't think right, she’s paralyzing me. I give in and look at her, she’s looking as if I’m the only one in this room and it hurts. I turn my gaze to grandma who’s talking to Isaac. I’m not just looking at her, I’m looking at everyone. They’re all talking and smiling, looking happy. I sit here feeling my skin on fire, because of Hunters' stare. I bite my inner cheeks and can't keep myself calm anymore. I smash my hands down on the table, making everything move.
"STOP!" I yell and look down at the table. Everyone’s staring at me, quiet. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"I'm sorry," I say to everyone, push myself back out of the chair and walk outside into the warm sun. I take a deep breath, keep walking, lay down on the grass and look up into the blue, clouded sky. I can feel the tears flowing from my eyes and down the side of my cheeks. I freaked out in front of my family, I shouldn't have done that.
The sound of footsteps comes behind me; they’re too small to be Hunter's.
"Skylar?" I hear Cameron say. She lays down next to me.
"Hey, Cameron," I say and wipe the tears away.
"Are you mad at Hunter?" I turn my head to look at her.
"What makes you think that?" I ask.
"She said it was her fault after you left." I sigh. Oh Hunter, always taking the blame. It's not her fault I freaked out, it's mine. I’m not sure if I’m angry with her for not fully letting me in, or angry with myself for losing control.
"No, Hunter hasn't done anything wrong. I’m the one that... was a total ass." Cameron laughs at my choice of words.
"What did you do?" She asks, curious. I take a deep breath.
"I want something that she’s not ready to give." I feel like an asshole for being so selfish. I shouldn't have pressed her so much, but I’m glad she didn't push me away for doing so.
"You should give her the puppy eyes," I burst out in laughter.
"It works with mom". She says as I wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes. She’s so adorable.
"I don’t think that’ll work with Hunter, she’s so stubborn... It can be very hard to love her, but, dammit, I love her." I stand up and start walking with Cameron following me.
"Where are you going?" She asks.
"Hunter," I answer and walk in the door to the living room, finding everyone except Hunter. They’re all watching me as I look around for Hunter.
"Skylar, are you okay?" Dad comes and asks.
I nod. "Yes, where’s Hunter?"
"Yeah, Hunter told us that she..."
"No, dad. Hunter didn't do anything wrong, I was the one..." I stop; I can't find the last words.
"Where is she?" I ask again.
"Up in her room, darling." Grandma answers.
"Thank you," I say and run up the stairs. I stop in front of the closed door and open it carefully. Hunter stands in the middle of the room looking at me with her sad, blue eyes.
"I'm so sorry." She says with a broken voice. I walk to her and wrap my arms around her.
"No, Hunter. I’m sorry." I take a deep breath.
"I shouldn't be angry at you..."
"No, Sky. You should be angry, disappointed and you should hate me. I told you that you shouldn’t be with me. I hate myself so much for not giving you what you want. It’s torture for me to look at you when you have that hunger in your eyes." I feel the tears streaming down my face. I can't believe I made her feel awful because I want something she can't give me yet. I’m crying so badly, I can't stop. I made her feel terrible, I didn't mean to. Hunter moves back to look me in the eyes, it’s painful to watch her. Hunter's eyes are red and wet, and she looks at me in agony.
"Hunter, you’re not the one hurting me; I’m the one hurting you." I put my hands on her cheeks and wipe the tears away.
"I’m really sorry I’m so impatient," I tell her, but she shakes her head.
"No, Sky. You have every right to be. I-I just struggle, a lot, it’s hard to show you. But I love you, and I-I really want to." She says and has a distant look in her eyes.
"There’s just a little voice in my head that won't shut up." She says irritated and looks down. She grabs the shirt around my waist and takes a deep breath.
"It's okay, Hunter." I cup her face and kiss her forehead.
"No Sky, it’s not okay." She takes another big breath and then looks at me. Her eyes are so full of pain, something I’ve never seen before. I let my hands fall because the look in her eyes is scaring me. Hunter takes a deep breath as she struggles to let the words out. Her face tells me she’s trying hard to find something to say.
"A-almost every night my dad would come into my room and wake me up with a hit from anything that’d really hurt. My mom didn't do anything, she did nothing to stop him. He was a drunk and every time he got angry, I was the one to blame." She closes her eyes and swallows hard. I take her hands in mine and she glances down at them.
"I left them when I was fifteen and never looked back. I hate them so much for ruining my life." Then Hunter looks at me and the pain in her eyes fades.
"Then three years later I met you." She looks at me with a smile on her face.
"And you... you made those things disappear. Not just that, you make me happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life. I never had anyone love me, and I’ve never loved anyone until I met you. I love you so much, Skylar, it scares me." I cup her face.
"I love you too, Hunter and there’s nothing in this world that will change that. I’ll always stay with you. There’s nothing I want more than to be with you, Hunter."
"I'm sorry I can't give you everything..." I kiss her before she can even finish the sentence, I don't want to hear it. I’m the one that’s sorry. She’s been through hell, and I’ve taken everything she’s given me for granted. I move away from her lips and look into those beautiful eyes.
"Hunter, you’re my everything, and I’ll wait until you’re ready to show me." She takes a deep breath and nods.
"Okay." She says. I take her hand and we sit on the bed with our backs against the wall. It's too early to go back down to the others. I kiss her cheek and she turns to look at me.
"Thank you, Hunter. For letting me in closer." She gives me the doubting smile.
"It's not enough." She says. I shake my head.
"You’re more than enough for me, Hunter." She smiles, and I kiss her temple. It's hard to love Hunter, but I love her, and I’d never leave her no matter how hard it is to be with her.
Chapter 38
Please, don’t ever leave Me
"Hunter, come on," Cameron yells. Hunter and my cousins are outside playing on this beautiful evening. They look so cute. Grandma and I sit in a chair watching them. The sun’s about to go down, and the sky looks so amazing in pink.
"Did you talk to her?" I turn to look at grandma.
"Yeah, I did. She told me what happened to her, and why she’s struggling. I feel awful I was so impatient, what happened to her is... the worst thing I’ve ever heard." Listening to her talk about what her parents did to her was just terrible. I can't imagine how painful it must have been, and how scary it must to have been going to bed every night knowing you might get hit in your sleep. No wonder she has nightmares and can't sleep alone.
"So, she told you what happened to her? I think that’s a big step." She says.
"She looks at herself as broken, but she’s not, she’s perfect," I tell Grandma who looks thoughtful.
"She needs you more than anything, Skylar. You must keep telling her how perfect and amazing she is, she needs that because we all know what a wonderful girl she is. I mean it, just look at her." We do, and she’s running, the football between her feet, with Isaac and Cameron running after her.
"She’s really good with them, by the way. Imagine if you two have kids one day, she’d probably love them more than you." She jokes, and I laugh.
"Then I’m not going to have children." I joke back, and we both laugh.
"Hunter would probably want lots of them," Grandma says, and I nod. I think she’s right. Hunter loves kids and they kept her alive those years after she left home. She needed them more than they needed her.
"I have a problem, grandma." She looks at me worried.
"How do I tell dad I fell so simply in love with Hunter?" Grandma smiles.
"That’s a tough one. Loving someone like Hunter is difficult. I see your struggle, but you’ve done so much these past few months. Hunter looks so happy, since the last time I saw her. I’m not sure how your dad would feel about you two loving each other. He really likes Hunter and cares for her as much as he cares for you. It’d probably be fine, but maybe he’d be afraid if it were to end. For someone like Hunter, she’ll be so down she won't get back up again. That’d worry your dad. Hunter’s sensitive and we all know just one mistake will break her down. So, to answer your question, I’m not sure what your dad would say." I nod at her words, I’m still unsure what to do.
"But I’d never end it with Hunter," I tell her, and she shrugs.
"You never know what’ll happen, sweetheart." I nod and almost feel the tears falling down my face. I’m so unsure and afraid that I’ll lose her. I can't imagine a day without her, it’d be like a day without breathing. I’d never leave her, but she can leave me. I get out of the chair and start walking down to Hunter and the kids. The grass is cold under my bare feet. Hunter looks up with a smile on her face, but then it changes to worry as she studies me. She puts the ball on the ground and walks towards me.
"Skylar, are you okay?" I don't answer, I just put my arms around her for a hug. She wraps her arms around me as well. She’s so warm after all the running and smells like grass. It feels so good to hold her and have her arms around me. Hunter’s my everything, my warmth, my home, my heart and soul. She’s everything I need, and I can't lose someone who fulfils me like that.
"Please, don't ever leave me." I cry, tears running down onto Hunter's neck.
"What makes you think I’d ever leave you?" She asks and I just shrug.
"I can't leave when you’re all I have and love in this world, Skylar. I love you so much leaving you would kill me." She moves back to look at me, then she puts my blond hair behind my ear.
"I wish I could kiss you right now, it’d be so beautiful with the pink sky and everything." She says.
"You’re such a romantic," I tell her. Hunter chuckles and wipes the tears from my cheeks.
"Would you mind if I did?" She looks at me with those pleading, blue eyes that look a little grey right now. How on earth can I say no when she looks at me with those blues? You can see everything in them. She uses her eyes to express how she feels and it warms my heart when she looks at me.
"There’s nothing I want more," I tell her, and she wipes the last tear on my cheek away. Then she leans in and puts her lips on mine. Hunter always tastes good and she always takes the worry away. She moves her hands up and grabs the collar of my shirt to pull me closer and I put my hands on her face. No matter how many times I kiss her it’ll always feel like the first time. It feels like everything just disappears, as if it’s just her and me in this big crazy world, then I hear Cameron and Isaac.
"Eww." Hunter smiles and so do I. Cameron and Isaac are laughing. Hunter kisses me fast one more time and runs after the kids. They’re laughing so hard I can't stop smiling. Hunter catches Isaac and throws him over her shoulder and continues to run after Cameron. She gives up, puts Isaac back down and falls on the grass, breathing hard. I move over to her and look down; her chest moving up and down.
"I’m so tired." She says, and I smile. I offer my hand to help her up, but she drags me down on top of her.
"Dammit, Hunter," I say and look up at her. She laughs and puts the hair on my face behind my ears. I move further up and kiss her; I just want to feel free for a little while. It's the first time I’ve been outside with her this way and it feels so good. I move to the side and kiss her cheek and she kisses mine. Then she starts to tickle me.
"Hunter!" I yell and turn to the side. She moves up on me with a satisfying grin on her face. She pokes me again making me shrink and move, but she’s holding me down.
"Dammit, Hunter!" She leans down to kiss me, and I let her because this time, I bite her lower lip. She moves back, her eyes smiling. She doesn't say anything but moves back to me for a new kiss. I cup her face and breathe her in. She starts to nibble on my lower lip, I push her back and turn us around again. I look down at her, but I find sadness in her eyes.
"What is wrong?" I ask, scared. She puts her hands up to my face and moves her fingers lightly over my skin.
"Your eyes can't lie, you know." She says. I look at her confused and she notices.
"You want more than I can give." She says, answering my question.
"Yes Hunter, I want you more than anything, because I love you, every inch of you. I'm sorry I can't control my body as you can." Her eyes widen, and she snorts.
"You think it's easy for me? Skylar, there’s nothing more I want than for you to touch me. I want you so bad it’s hard to say no. I want you; all of me wants you, but that one percent is killing the ninety-nine percent. I feel so weak that I let the little one kill all ninety-nine. I don't understand it. I want you so much, but that little voice in my head won't be quiet." She closes her eyes and breathes out. I lean down and kiss her forehead mumbling against her skin.
"I guess I’ll have to wait for that little one to come around then." She chuckles underneath me.
"I promise it will." She answers, and I kiss her one more time on her forehead. She leans up and kisses me on my neck. She’s so cute, but then her goddamn finger pokes my side again.
"Hunter!" She doesn't stop. I grab her hands and roll us around again, she stands up trying to run, but I grab her foot and she falls. I burst out in laughter and sit up.
"Dammit, Sky!" She says and stands up again.
"We should probably stop before someone notices." I agree, and she extends her hand to help me up as I look around. Grandma’s sitting in the same chair watching us with a grin. Cameron and Isaac are on the swings, having fun. I turn to look at Hunter, who is already watching me.
"Dammit, Hunter." I start walking and hear her chuckle. She can't look at me like that when we have to go back inside. Hunter’s damn eyes and smile are to die for.
Chapter 39
Breath, Goddammit!
*Sexual content*
