I'll Reach For You, page 22
I kiss her arm and close my eyes.
"I love you."
chapter 61
She must be your Heaven
Iwake up to the feeling of a hand and a kiss on my forehead. When I open my eyes, I see the sun outside and it’s finally stopped snowing. Then I look up to see a still sleeping Hunter. Sitting up in bed I turn to find mom sitting in the chair.
"Hi." She whispers, and I smile.
"When did you arrive?" I ask and rub my eyes.
"A couple of hours ago." She says and takes my hand in hers. I look at her watch and it's three in the afternoon. I’ve been sleeping a lot lately and it feels good to be fully awake rather than be so tired my eyes hurt all the time.
"Dad told me you got better with food and sleep. I’m glad you’re getting better." She smiles, but her eyes are full of sadness.
"We shouldn’t have let her go, after she left, you became... something else and obviously, it affected Hunter as well. She looks as small as the day she came into our house." I turn to look at Hunt. I haven't even noticed, I’ve been so busy just being here with her, but I see it now. Hunter looks skinnier. Her cheeks aren't so full as they were. I could hit myself for not noticing, maybe I was too tired when I arrived I just didn't see it. Maybe I just didn’t want to see it.
"Dad told me to remind you to eat." I turn to look at her and snort.
"I guess he did," I say and smile as she reaches for a sandwich. I’m glad I get something that tastes good, it makes it much easier to eat. I grab the sandwich and take a big bite.
"Dad and I wondered if you wanted to go out to eat this evening to a nice restaurant or something like that." She doesn’t look at me hopefully, I'm glad for that. I shake my head.
"I-I..."
"I understand you want to be here." The smile on her face makes me believe her and then she puts her hand on my arm. I give her a flat smile in return. I feel awful for not going with them, but I want to stay here. Maybe I’m selfish, but I think that it’s nice for mom and dad to be alone. It's not often they get to go out and eat together. So, it’d be nice for them to spend some time with each other.
"You and dad should just enjoy this Friday night. There’s no need to check up on me if you’re having too much fun."
"Of course, we’re going to come in to check on you and Hunter before and after we eat."
"You don’t have to, there isn't much that’s going to happen, and I’ll probably just sleep."
"We’re going to do it anyway." She smiles.
"We love you," She smiles and look at Hunter.
"Both of you."
After mom and dad left for dinner, Amber came in with her son and asked if I wanted to help decorate for Christmas. I nodded immediately, it’ll help the time pass and I’m not far from Hunter's room.
"Grab that." Amber points at some lights lying on the floor next to my legs. I nod and give her the end of it and I hold the other one.
"Maybe we can hang it on the roof?" She asks her son Jacob and me, he nods with a huge smile on this face.
"So... Skylar, what are your Christmas plans?" Amber asks while hanging the lights.
"Staying here," I answer as she moves the ladder to the other side.
"I thought so. You’ve barely been out the door since you arrived." She tells me grinning. I hand her the last end of the lights for her to hang.
"Well, dad told me we’re going to wait until Hunt wakes up to celebrate Christmas." She hangs it up and looks down at me with a warm smile on her face.
"That’s so nice of them." Amber climbs down and I nod to her.
"But there’s still a chance she’ll wake up before." I smile at her words. I’d love for her to wake up soon. Every day is a disappointment when I can't see her eyes on me. It feels like the hollowness in my chest just keeps getting wider with every day that passes.
"The chance for her waking up tomorrow is the same as today," I tell her shrugging. She gives me an apologetic smile.
"You aren't giving up, are you?" She asks as I look at her with wide eyes and shake my head.
"No, I just really miss her. Before I came here I hadn’t seen her for over a month. Then, of course, she ends up in here. It's weird seeing her so lifeless," I snort.
"The first time I saw her it looked like she was about to fall apart, then a month later she was full of life, and now it’s gone again. When she left I fell into a hole and it felt like I fell into another one when dad told me about the accident." It really hurts, it burns throughout my skin, bones and then through my heart.
It felt like I was going to vomit when dad told me what happened to her. It was a nightmare come true. I rub my eye as I feel a tear on its way.
"She must be your heaven since you’re going through hell without her." She tells me, and I chuckle. It reminds me of the day I told Hunter I love her. Before I did, she told me she was looking for hell but stopped looking because she realized she was already there. Hunter was so upset, and when she is, she takes it out on herself. It makes me feel powerless because there’s nothing I can do about it.
"I know what my hell looks and feels like, and it’s not pretty," I tell her with my broken heart.
chapter 62
City Lights
It's Monday night and there’s nothing new with Hunter, except the same old thing, she’s going to wake up soon. The sun stopped shining yesterday and it started snowing again. It’s nice to watch it fall because it helps me calm down when everything in my body wants to scream for Hunt to wake up. Amber’s been very kind coming in every day and talking to me, it’s nice to have her around. It feels less lonely and the best part is talking about Hunt, it gives me hope and I can't stop smiling when I talk about her.
"Hunt, I really need you to wake up," I whisper and kiss her shoulder. Then I look out the window at the city lights illuminating the dark room and the white snow that’s falling lightly. Mom and dad came in a few hours ago with pizza. I can't remember the last time I ate that.
What I do remember is when I was sick, and Hunter insisted on coming down with me to eat in the middle of the night. No matter how many times I told her to go to bed she refused, then she fell asleep with her face buried in her arms on the table. Hunt was so adorable with her half-closed eyes, but she’s so cozy when she’s tired. She’s so cuddly right before going to sleep, it makes my heart race and my stomach tingle every night. Her skin’s so warm and soft it’s not hard to hold onto her. There’s no one like her, never will be, and I’m so lucky to have the only one.
"Hunter?" I beg.
"Just come back home and I’ll never, ever let you go again." Still, there’s nothing but quiet. I’m not sure if it’s going to drive me insane soon or what. Hunter usually talks in her sleepy voice before we fall asleep and holds onto me.
This feels almost as empty as when I was home alone in the bed. I feel so goddamn hollow and can feel the fury in my veins because of it. I begin to play with the necklace I got from Hunter. I do that sometimes when I’m angry because it helps calm me when I think about that day. When she gave it to me, she was so nervous her hands were shaking and her voice trembling. She was so cute, looking at her just made me love her more. In some way, Hunt can just do that sometimes. There are a lot of things she can do to me, it’s like I’m under her spell or something.
I’ll do anything for her, no matter how big or small. I don't know what I'll do without that smile, those deep blue ocean eyes, and especially her beautiful heart. I’ve already lost my mind after only two months.
The feeling of crying at night is starting to fall upon me, just like I did back home. I think all my emotions and thoughts are making me exhausted because no matter how much I sleep, the blue color under my eyes just won't fade. It’ll probably go away sometime, I hope. It looks awful and I don’t really want to look like a complete mess when she wakes up.
I told her I was fine on the phone every day. Maybe she knew I was lying, I could hear it in her voice and maybe she did the same. She probably did but was too scared to ask, like I was. Hunt is really something else.
One day I was sitting on the couch for an hour and I started to wonder where Hunt was. She wasn't around, so I started to look for her in the house. Then I found her in my room picking up stuff. When she saw me, she looked irritated. She said she couldn’t understand how I could be so messy and my room looked like someone dropped a bomb of clothes and random stuff on the floor. I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. She looked so pissed off and was so tired of walking into my room feeling things under her feet all the time. Then she grabbed two handfuls of clothes and threw them at me. I couldn't hold in my laugh, and I burst out right away. She was so upset that day.
I knew Hunter liked it clean after I saw her room, so I should probably have tried to be better. The worst part was when she found one of my school books. She picked it up and just looked at me, only blinking her eyes. Then she burst out saying, 'well, I found your English book'. I thought for sure she was going to throw it at me as well. Hunt was so irritated, but she looked so cute. I made it worse when I told her that and then tried to kiss her. She just pointed at me and told me to stay away. It was so funny that I just couldn't. When I kissed her cheek, she just sighed and smiled. Then she told me if I didn’t get better at cleaning, she’d kick me on the floor in the mornings.
One day my dad came and told me there was something wrong with my room, and I asked them why. I thought there was something wrong with the electricity or things like that, but then he said, “there’s an actual floor in your room.” Hunter burst out in laughter and I hit her in the arm. Dad knew it must’ve been Hunt's work since I’m the laziest one in the house. I was very grateful to Hunter for helping me because now I don’t need to walk through my room as if I’m in a maze.
chapter 63
I am begging You
It's Christmas Eve and there’s still no sign of Hunter waking up. Today I went over to mom and dad's hotel room and took a long warm shower. Hunt's foster family was with her when I was at the hotel, so I didn’t have to see them today.
Amber came in with her son and wished Hunt and me a Merry Christmas. She hoped I get what I wished for as if it was only that easy. Hunt’s been sleeping for ten days now and there’s probably going to be more.
A knock on the door makes me turn in the chair. Mom and dad come in with warm smiles on their faces and snow on their jackets and hair. The snow doesn’t seem to stop.
"Hi," They both say and come in. We had a deal to eat something together since it’s Christmas Eve. I smile as I see dad coming with a pizza box. Best Christmas food ever, I chuckle as I smell it.
"Well, it’s not what we usually eat, but sometimes it’s okay with the changes," Dad says shrugging. I asked Amber before she left if there was a way I could get more chairs in here. She said it was fine to use those in the hallway. So, I did and placed them next to the one I’m sitting in.
"How are you?" Mom asks while taking out a soda from the bag.
"Hungry." I grin. She looks at me worried.
"Yes, I’ve eaten today." I roll my eyes. Dad places the pizza down on the table next to Hunt's bed and hands us each a piece. I take a bit and it makes my stomach growl more.
"I can't wait until we get home to eat the real Christmas dinner with everyone," Dad tells and I nod in agreement. I’ve been looking forward to celebrating with Hunter for a long time and then all of it was taken away when she left, but now it’s all back.
My eyes land on Hunter, the bruise on her cheek is starting to fade. I’m happy about that because it looked big and painful. Amber took the bandage that was around Hunt's head off yesterday. When she did, I saw a scar on her temple a little shorter than my pinky finger. Like she didn’t have enough of those from before.
After Amber took it off, she looked at me with a question written all over her face. Then asked about the other scars on Hunt's body, she looked so worried. I told her it’s not my story to tell, but it comes from Hunter's hell. Then she asked if it was ever hard to be with Hunter. I nodded and told her Hunt could sometimes be difficult to handle when she’s in a depressed state. That’s when she hates herself so much it’s painful to listen. I wish I could make her shut up, but I can't. One day I hope all her self-criticism stops and disappears forever. I sigh and take a new slice of pizza.
"You okay?" Dad asks, worried and I nod.
"Yeah, just thinking."
"About what?" I look at him and roll my eyes.
"Hunter." I sigh. He smiles.
"We all do that. I don't think it'll long before she wakes up." I nod. It can't be far away now. She’s been lying here for days now, but for me, every hour feels like a year. I miss her more and more every minute that passes.
"I hope so," I answer after a while, just staring at Hunter.
Mom and dad left an hour ago, they stayed for a while. After they left, I was so tired I could’ve fallen asleep in the chair next to Hunter. But I forced myself to get up and turn off the lights and move into the bed with Hunt. I watch the snow falling quietly in the dark. It's not really the Christmas Eve I had in mind this year, but I’d rather stay here with Hunt than go home. I wanted to be with her and here I am.
When Hunt wakes up, she’ll probably be a little upset I was here with her instead of with my family celebrating. I know her well enough to know she’ll not understand why I 'wasted' my time on her. I don't really understand why she thinks I should put her last in line, she’ll always be the first and only one. I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life.
She, of all people, should understand since she grew up in a loveless home. I’m probably the only one who’s shown her how much I love her, and probably the only one she’s ever loved. Maybe she just doesn't think she deserves it or isn’t used to coming first. I’m not sure, but I know she’ll always come first. I love her, and I always will. I can't wait for her to wake up and look at me for the first time in two months.
"Do you remember the first time you looked at me with your crooked smile and deep blue eyes? It seems like it was just yesterday. I’ll never forget that it felt like your eyes were swallowing my heart. You took everything in me and I just had to give it to you. I wanted you so badly I simply had to. I didn’t care if I had to pour out my heart and soul to you, because I already did that when you looked at me. I love you so much and I just want you to wake up for me." I cry and feel the warm tears erupt from my eyes, but I wipe them away before they fall down my face.
"I am begging you to come back to me." I cry and kiss her shoulder. Talking to her and not getting a response is starting to wear on my heart. I’m not even sure if she can hear me or feel me here, but I’m willing to try. She’s my world and I’m not giving up.
chapter 64
Everything around her Is
Hunter didn’t wake up on Christmas day either. I was really disappointed, but I should’ve known not to get my hopes too high. It’s seven in the morning, way too early to be awake on a Saturday. There’s an old man talking too loudly in the hallway, he sounded angry about something.
My back started to hurt so I moved down to the chair, staring at Hunter. I’m trying to get my head under control of all the thoughts that are spinning around.
Then I hear a knock on the door, almost soundless. The door opens, and Amber's face comes into my view, her blond hair up in a ponytail.
"I thought maybe you were sleeping." She says and walks in. I shake my head.
"No," I tell her. She moves to the other side of the bed and I get out of the chair.
"You’re leaving?" She asks as I reach for the door.
"I just need some air," I tell her, she nods. I grab Hunt's warm black hoodie and step out into the now quiet hallway. Then I take on Hunter's hoodie and walk out into the snowy weather and see the busy traffic passing by. The cold air hits me in the face, goddamn it’s getting frigid outside now. I shiver and warm my hands.
The sound of a siren comes behind me as I walk back in, I cross the lobby slowly and quietly. Then I met Amber in the hallway stepping out of Hunt's room and she smiles as she sees me.
"I'll come in later," She looks at her watch.
"Probably around one, I guess." I nod and smile, it feels nice to have her around.
"Thank you," I tell her, she smiles and starts walking down the hall. I step into the room and sit back down in the chair. Then I lay my arms on the edge of the bed and rest my head on them. I stare at Hunter for a long while with my tired eyes. I push myself back in the chair, feeling my veins on fire.
"Goddammit, Hunter! If you don’t wake up soon I’m going to kick your ass out of this bed!" I speak so angrily that I yell, and it was all in vain. I lay my head back down on the bed and sigh. Then I put my arms under my face and close my eyes, giving in to all the sleep I’ve missed this morning.
✽ ✽ ✽
The sound of footsteps in the hallway and voices that are following them cause me to wake up. I raise my head and open my eyes, seeing the sun shining outside. It's been some days since the last time I saw it, the warmth of it on my face feels nice. My eyes drift up to Hunter.
I can't breathe. I see her blue eyes on me. They’re so wide and clear. She’s not moving, just staring like the day I woke up on her the first time on the couch, frozen. I’m looking at her just the same, I can't move, talk and I’m barely breathing. I swallow hard, then the sound of talking gets louder. I recognize dad's voice and the door behind us opens. They stop speaking immediately as I hear them step in. My eyes are still attached to Hunt's, neither of us has moved yet. I’m not sure if I’m going to freak out soon. Hunt's eyes start to blink a lot and she narrows them, then close her eyes and shakes her head a little.
