I'll Reach For You, page 19
"Aren't you cold?" She asks, looking down at me. I’m only wearing a white tank top and blue jeans. Since it’s late October the weather has turned cold and yes, I’m freezing.
"I didn't have anything..." She rolls her eyes and turns around with a smile. Then she grabs the black sweater that hangs over the chair.
"Here." She says and hands it over. I take it with a smile.
"This is why I love you," I tell her and kiss her. I move back, and she looks at me.
"You love me because I gave you my sweater?" She looks so confused.
"So, if I gave you my sweater the first day I met you, I would’ve gotten your heart right away?" She looks at me as if she just found the answer to all the problems in this world and it makes me laugh.
"Yes, you would." I decide to play her little teasing game.
"Then, if I give you one of my sweaters every day for the rest of my life, you’ll love me until the day I die?" She looks so thoughtful and hopeful I can't stop laughing. I put on the sweater and breathe in Hunter's smell; I’m probably never going to take it off.
"Yes, I’ll love you every day, IF, you give me one of your sweaters." I chuckle, and she wraps her arms around my waist.
"Good, then you can borrow as many as you want." She says and kisses my forehead.
"I love you, Hunter," I tell her with all my heart. She smirks.
"Is it the sweater?" She teases. I put my arms around her shoulders and move closer to her.
"No, it's all of you," I answer and lean in those few inches to taste her. She starts to nibble on my lower lip and I move back.
"Not today." I grin, and she sighs.
"I still love you." She says smiling.
"We should probably go down before dad breaks down the door to my room," I say. I step back and take her hand in mine. She gives me the grumpy face.
"I know," I say and drag her after me.
✽ ✽ ✽
We go downstairs hand in hand, but when we almost reach the couches, Hunt turns around and bumps her forehead on mine as she sees my dad and her mother on the couch.
"I don't want to." She begs. Her eyes are so full of pain it breaks my heart. I cup her cheeks.
"I know Hunt," I whisper to her. I have no idea what’s going on, but I sure as hell don’t like it.
"It's going to be fine," I promise her, and she nods.
"Sara told me she met you some weeks ago, she just found me at work yesterday," Dad says. Hunt turns around and puts her hand in mine, and it’s shaking. I look at Hunt's mom who has a small smile on her face and she looks nervous.
"To be honest, in some way this can be good news." He says a little optimistic. I drag Hunter after me to the other couch and sit down. Hunt looks down at her lap.
"What do you mean by that?" I ask, confused. Dad takes a deep breath and itches his neck.
"Well, I told you two Hunter can't stay here forever. This isn’t a foster home and if it was, you two could never be together." He says, and I squeeze Hunter's hand. I’m terrified of what’s about to happen. What words are going to come out of his mouth? I’m not even sure I want to hear this.
"They found a foster home for her on Wednesday," He looks down at the floor, his eyes full of sorrow.
"H-how far?" I ask afraid.
"It's um, five hours away from here." I feel the heart in my chest beating too fast and I can hear it in my ears. Five fucking hours away, I can't even sleep without her! I feel my hands and feet shaking.
"Sara showed up a couple of days later and asked for Hunter. We have two options; Hunter can move into the foster family or she can move in with her mother, here." He tells in a calm voice. I know this is a very difficult choice for Hunt; it's five hours versus her mother. Hunter must choose, even though I wish she wouldn't. I want her to stay with me, always. Hunter starts to shake her head and then she looks at me with those aching eyes. I hate this more than anything right now.
"I know this is a difficult situation for both of you, but those are the only options I have so far." He says so guiltily I can't blame him, but I don’t know whom to blame. I want to scream just to make the pain go away.
“But she is eighteen. She is an adult.” I argue, but my dad sighs with a sadness.
“Hunter is eighteen yes, but when we went through all the paperwork. We all knew that she wouldn’t be able to live on her own. We put her in foster care to the age of twenty –one. I couldn’t send her out on her own at the age of eighteen, because I knew she would end up on the street again. I can’t live with that,” He explains and I rub my head in frustration.
"I'm sorry," Hunt says to me and a tear runs down her cheek. I wrap my arms around her.
"Why are you apologizing?" I ask and feel a tear fall down my cheek as well. I don’t want her to go; I want to see her every day, lay next to her when I go to bed, and I can't do that when she’s so far away.
"I can't live with my mother." She whispers to me. I felt my heart drop inside my chest. Five hours away, I’ll barely get to see her.
"I'm sorry." She cries. It feels like someone just took everything away from me and left me with a hole in my heart.
"It's okay," I promise her. The last thing I want is for her to feel guilty because she wants this even less than I do. I know Hunt would never leave me if she could but living with her mother must feel like a nightmare. It’d be selfish of me to make her live with her, I understand. Five damn hours will kill me.
"I’m really sorry, Hunter and Skylar." I hear dad say even guiltier. It's not his fault, it's how it works. I kiss Hunt's cheek. I’m so angry about all this; I want to be with her so much even though she’s in my arms right now, it hurts to think about her leaving. Hunter moves out of my embrace.
"I'm sorry Sara, but I can't live with you. Not after... everything." Hunt says. Sara looks down and nods. She looks as disappointed as I feel, imagining all the things we’re going to miss, Christmas and New Year's. I won't get to play in the snow with her or give her a present. I won’t get to hold her hand under the fireworks and I’ve so looked forward to those things, all of them. Hunt looks at me with wet, red eyes.
"I'm so sorry." She says and kisses my cheek.
"I don't want to go." She begs while crying. I’m about to lose the only one I’ve ever loved, and it hurts so goddamn much.
"I know," I tell her and brush the hair behind her ear and take the tears away from her cheeks.
"Isn't there anything you can do, dad?" I plead; I can't go a day without her smile, teasing and her beautiful words.
"I'm trying," Is the only thing he says.
Chapter 51
Can you blame Me?
"Skylar, it's been a week and you’ve barely eaten anything." I hear dad say from across the table. Every dinner this week, I’ve just been playing with my food. I struggle to eat, and sleeping has been painfully lonely. Even though Hunt calls me every day I miss her voice, it's not the same over the phone. Nothing is the same without her; I see her everywhere I walk, she haunts my mind and my heart feels like a ghost. It's like it’s not even there, as if Hunt took it with her when she left. Hunt says she’s fine, but the overrated tone in her voice that lets me know she’s lying. She’s living with a married couple who has three kids. An eighteen-year-old boy named Liam, a fifteen-year-old girl named Olivia, and a five-year-old boy named Logan. Hunt said the only one she likes is Logan, which didn’t surprise me. Her and kids. I miss her so much.
"Can you blame me?" I ask irritated. My anger is seeping out lately. Hunter was the only one that made me calm, her smell and amazing smile took all the anger away. Now I can't control it anymore, and the lack of sleep doesn't do anything to help.
"I'm sorry, Skylar." He says and takes a deep breath. I look at my mom who stares down at her food with an apologetic smile.
"But you need to eat."
"I want Hunter more," I tell both and walk from the table leaving them in peace.
I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, waiting for Hunt to come thru the door and push me further in the bed to get some space. It's not going to happen, but I wish it would. I don’t know what time at night it is in, but I know I miss Hunter so goddamn much. The bed is so cold and lonely, it feels like I’m sleeping on the floor.
Before Hunt left, she looked like she was falling apart; I told her everything was going to be okay. She needed to know it’s going to be fine and I love her more than anything in this world. I miss her crooked smile and those blue eyes that change everything inside me.
She told me before she got on the plane she left me something in my room. When I came back, I found her blue and black sweater on my bed. It made me burst into tears, I cried the whole night. How in the name of God am I going to survive without her for so long? I can't even take one week!
I’ve skipped like three days of school, and the days I’ve been there, I haven't concentrated. Poor Taylor has to keep her eyes on me, so I won't fall asleep. She’s been so worried about me, but I tell her everything is fine, even though it’s not. I don’t want her worried. Ty should concentrate on her own life and Lauren.
One of the worst parts about Hunter's absence is the silence, it’s so goddamn quiet. She’s not here to wake me up in the mornings, poke me, tell me she loves me or any of the other things that make me love her so much.
I crawl out of bed and put on her blue sweater that’s the same color as her eyes, then walk down the stairs looking around the living room. The silence is killing me, if Hunter was here right now, we’d be sleeping or sitting on the couch watching a movie, then fall asleep. That’s what she’d have done, taken my hand and followed me down here. Just like the time I was sick when she fell asleep on the table and the night she brought the ice cream. I loved that morning when I woke up on her stomach and then dad showed up.
I laugh at my own thoughts, but then tears fall down my cheeks. Hunter really knows how to make me happy and I miss that happiness. I’d give anything in the world to have her right here, right now, just to see that smile and hear her teasing voice.
I fall on the couch looking at the front door, keeping my hopes up. What's the point? She’s five hours away and there’s no chance she’ll come through that door in the middle of the night. If she did, it’d be a miracle. I guess that’s what I need right now, a miracle.
I close my eyes but quickly open them again. All I see is Hunt's face; she’s always there even though she’s not, it’s one of the things that hurts the most. Seeing her every time I shut my eyes, then realizing she’s not here. I’d rather see her face when my eyes are open. I want to hold and kiss her. I want to do everything I possibly can do with her. She’s my everything, all I want and all I need.
I wish I wasn't this fragile, and at least get myself on my feet without feeling like I’m about to fall apart. But apparently, I’m so weak, I allowed myself to fall into a deep hole. I hate this more than anything in the whole world right now. My eyes are starting to ache, so I close them, and I see Hunter, but I’m too tired to keep my eyes open.
Chapter 52
You can take everything I Have
"Skylar." I hear Ty coming behind me, so I stop and wait for her. She has a smile on her face.
"Hi," I say.
"Hi, ready for football?" She asks, and I nod half heartily. Nothing has been the same. Ty tilts her head and studies me looking concerned.
"Sky..." I roll my eyes and start walking to the gym.
"Skylar, stop." She grabs my arm and I turn around.
"Skylar, it's been two weeks and you haven't told me anything." She looks at me begging for an answer.
"I'm fine, can we just get to football practice?" I ask upset.
"Skylar, you’re not fine. You look tired and you don’t play football with your heart anymore, you’re barely there. To be honest, you look like Hunter when she first showed up." Her words made my heart ache a little more. I bite my inner cheeks; I remember how Hunt looked when I first met her. She was so tired and skinny it was scary. Then she broke down in tears after a while and let me in a bit closer.
"No, Skylar, I'm sorry I didn't mean to… I know you miss her, but you’re not talking to me." Her words make me laugh. She sounds like me when I tried to make Hunt talk to me. God, I’m turning into Hunter, now I can't stop laughing.
"What?" Ty asks, confused. I laugh but then cry.
"I'm sorry," I tell her and wrap my arms around her. The last time I hugged someone was when Hunter left.
"It’ll be fine." She says, trying to calm me.
"I want her back." I sob on her shoulder.
"I know I’d probably be like you if I lost Lauren. It hurts to see you every day walking around with dead eyes and a hole in your heart, Skylar. You don't talk to me or anyone, it's like you don’t even exist." I shake my head.
"I don't want to exist; I don't want to feel anything," I admit. She puts her hands over my ears, her thumbs brushing my temples.
"I'm sorry, but that’s something we can't choose. If I could, I’d drag her back here for you Skylar, but I can't. I’m so sorry." I nod and move out of her hands, then dry my cheeks.
"Can you tell the coach I’m not up for the workout today?" I beg, she smiles and nods.
"Sure, just don't do anything stupid." She jokes, and I smile.
"See you later." She says and runs to the gym. Since the weather has turned colder, we’re practicing inside now. It’s getting so cold I guess the snow is about to start soon. I watch Taylor disappear around the corner and start walking out into the cold. I’m glad Hunter left her warm black hoodie for me, I can use it for days like this. There’s no one else like her. I get into the freezing car and start driving home.
I step into the house, finding dad firing up the fireplace in the living room.
"Hi, what are you doing here?" He asks and looks at the watch on his arm.
"Don't you have practice?" He warms his hands in front of the fireplace, then turns around and looks at me with a smile. I just shrug.
"I didn't feel like it," I answer and sit on the couch. I hear dad take a deep breath and sit down next to me.
"I know Hunter leaving has been really hard, but you can't skip school as much as you have. The school called; you’ve skipped six days in just two weeks, Skylar." He puts his hand on my knee just like grandma does sometimes.
"And you have missed a lot of football practice. I’m not sure you can continue playing if you don't show up." He says worried and I shrug.
"I don't care, dad," I tell him upset. I don't care about anything anymore, I lost interest in everything after she left. She took all the things I enjoyed with her when she moved.
"You love football." He says encouragingly. I take a deep breath and turn to look at dad. He smiles, I know he’s just trying to cheer me up, but it’s not going to work. I shake my head.
"Not anymore," I answer.
"Honey, you can't give up everything just because Hunter’s gone." He says, and I sigh.
"I don't have anything to give, dad," I tell him angry and move off the couch. I look down at him.
"I am tired and heartbroken. I can't sleep, and I can't eat. Hunter took everything from me when she left, dad." I wipe the tears from my cheeks; it feels like I’m doing it every day now.
"I don't know what you want from me, but I know I’m not capable of giving it to you, dad. I want Hunter back, is it really too much to ask for?" I beg and struggle to breathe. Dad gets off the couch and steps towards me, but I take one-step back and shake my head.
"I want Hunter, it's all I want. You can take everything I have, as long you give me Hunt back." I plead and walk upstairs. I take a deep breath and dry the tears away. Hunt keeps telling me she’s fine, but I still don’t believe her. At least she tells me she misses me, and she still loves me. She keeps asking if I’m wearing her sweater. One day I didn't because I had to clean it, then she asked if I still loved her. I laughed and promised her I still do, always will.
Chapter 53
Then why do I hate myself so Much?
Three weeks and nothing has changed. I still feel like I’m going to drown in my own pain. The school has not gotten any better, I got a warning about football from the coach. If I don’t show up more often, she’s going to kick me out. I simply nodded, knowing I’m going to be kicked out soon anyway.
I skipped three days this week as well. I know when dad comes home, he’s going to yell at me. Nothing is working I guess, I’ve lost all hope. Snow has come now since it’s November, and sleep has just gotten worse due to the cold. There’s no Hunter to keep me warm at night.
Ty keeps trying and so does Lauren, but I told them to just stay away. One of the teachers yelled at me for falling asleep in class, but when I looked at her, she stopped. I was completely lost when I woke up to her yelling, I didn't even remember where I was. The teacher looked at me like she knew I was in pain.
Hunter said on the phone a couple of a days ago there was already snow where she is, she wished I was there watching it fall to the ground with her. Then she asked how things are going with me. I lie to her every day and it hurts. I lie about football, about school and how messed up I’ve become without her here. I love her, and I want her back. The sound of the door opening makes me jump out of my thoughts as Mom and dad walk in.
"What are you doing here?" Dad asks, surprised. I thought me being home was normal now.
"Watching TV," I answer easily. Dad looks at me angrily and takes a deep breath.
"You have school, you know." He says and takes the remote, then turns off the TV.
"Skylar, I need you to get control of your life, right now." He says upset.
"Yeah, just give me the remote and I’ll fix it." I reach my hand out for it and he laughs.
"You sound like Hunter right now." He sighs and sits on the couch. Dad puts his arm around my shoulder.
"I miss her too, you know. It feels like both of you left to be honest and I miss you. I miss the way Hunter made you smile and laugh when you two were running around teasing each other. That was something she was good at by the way. You looked so happy, but now that she’s gone, it hurts to see you like this every day. I wish you’d at least try to be better because right now you’re only going one way and that’s down." I know his words are supposed to make me feel better, but they don't. There’s only one voice I want to hear, and she’s not here.
