The Miting: An Old Order Amish Novel, page 29
“If you continue this rebellion, I will tell the bishop, shout it from the rooftops if I have to, in order to save your soul!”
Leah hated giving him this trouble, but she couldn’t live a lie.
“I’m sorry, Daet. I really am,” she continued softly. “This is doing nothing to hurt you or the church or the bishop. Other Amish, like those in Holmes County, read their own Bibles. Nothing is wrong with it, Daet.”
“Don’t talk to me about other churches. Around here, we leave the Holy Scriptures to the bishop. He’s God’s man and the only one fully able to interpret the verses right. It’s wrong for you to take this on yourself.”
“Daet, again, I’m just reading God’s Word, written to you and me. What’s wrong with that?”
“Don’t question me. Get in your room while Maem and I discuss this—now!” He pointed to the stairs, and Leah could see there was no sense in trying to convince him otherwise.
She ran up the stairs and fell on her bed. Her heart pounded, and her head raced with a thousand thoughts.
Why was simply reading the Bible a wrong thing, a thing worthy of shunning and ostracism? Why?
Leah remembered to hide her Bible. She had no doubt if anyone saw it, it would disappear. She stashed it carefully under some extra quilts in the bottom drawer.
What will happen to me? Will they tell the bishop this time? What will he do?
The next two days were very tense. Everyone walked on eggshells with each other, even Benny. Leah wasn’t happy to be the cause of family discord. Again. She fluctuated between feeling guilty about reading the Bible and feeling puzzled about why it was such an issue.
Daniel came over one day while Maem and Ada were shopping and Benny was in school. He asked if she would have lunch with him. Leah made them sandwiches and coffee.
He ate in silence for a minute or two, but she knew something else was on his mind, and it didn’t take a smart person to figure out what that would be.
Leah swallowed a bite. “Daniel, you should come right out and say what you’ve come to say.”
His eyebrows lowered, shading his eyes from her gaze. “Okay. I’m your brother, and I worry about you.”
“Ja, I know.”
“Um, Maem and Daet are really worried. Worried about this Bible reading you’re doing.”
“I know that. I know the Ordnung says we can’t do that, but I want to know why.”
Daniel shook his head, sighing as he put down his coffee cup. “This again. I think I told you before that you have to stop asking questions, Leah. It isn’t the Amish way. You know that. We were born Amish. The good Lord wanted you to be Amish, or He wouldn’t have put you in this family. It’s your job to be the best Amish woman you can be—to obey your parents always—to look for ways to serve others always—to obey the Ordnung and the servants of the church always—to keep yourself separate from the world always. So, what is hard about that, Leah?”
His face was earnest and puzzled. To her brother, questioning the Amish church was never right or justified. Sometimes, when trouble swirled around her, Leah wished she were more like him, but then she wouldn’t have met Christ and His grace, and that was not something Leah would choose to undo. Once spiritual eyes were opened, was it ever possible to go back to blindness?
With a sigh, Leah met his gaze. “Daniel, I can’t promise you I won’t read my Bible anymore, but I will promise you I’ll try my best not to upset the applecart any more than is necessary for me to live honestly and right before my Lord.” Leah put out her hands. “That’s all I can promise.”
He probably wasn’t satisfied, but he had done his duty. Leah was sure he had other things in his heart and head more worrisome to him than his rebellious sister. Sara was expecting their first child, and he was struggling to get his crops in through the rainy spring.
They spent the rest of lunch talking about Sara and their excitement over the coming birth, and of his farm and what he needed to do to make it all work.
Leah was certain that this wasn’t the last confrontation she would have to endure.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Spring led to summer, and the heat came on like a furnace. Jacob and Leah finished classes early since they went to the bishop for more instruction between services. The celery Maem had planted, hidden in the far rows of the garden behind the pole beans, was growing tall and hardy. And Leah had kept up her Bible reading in the mornings. Daet refused to look at her, and Maem left the kitchen as soon as she came down, but they didn’t shun her, and they didn’t tell the bishop. Leah wondered if they hoped she would grow out of the morning Bible reading with the passing of time, especially since she was joining the church and getting married soon.
After Jacob and Leah started to formally plan their wedding, Leah stepped up the pace at home to help as much as possible. She knew Maem was trying to keep things on an even keel long enough to get her married off. After that, they could more easily distance themselves from her reckless decisions. She tried to help by being a kind family member to all of her siblings and responsible and hard working with her parents. As Leah’s remaining time at home grew shorter, an increased sadness enveloped her. Even though the last two years had been hard, she’d had a good childhood and would miss her family once she moved into her own home.
The tradition to live with her parents for a year after the wedding was, in Leah’s case, not even being discussed. She imagined her parents were happily relieved when Jacob came to them one Saturday and told them he had found a small farm he hoped they could buy soon after the wedding. That way, they wouldn’t have to stay with them for long before they’d saved enough to purchase the farm. Leah’s parents didn’t ask him where it was. They asked nothing.
She knew it was not in the area, and it seemed best not to tell them. It would only upset things more.
Today, Jacob was coming early to drive her to town. While she was still reading her Bible, a knock came at the back door, even earlier than she expected. Leah called out for him to come in, and she glanced up, a smile curving her lips.
There stood Bishop Miller. He greeted her, and his gaze fell on the book she was reading. He had no trouble recognizing what it was.
He blew out his cheeks, an expression of disbelief on his face at her blatant disobedience. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Maem came in the kitchen. Could things get any worse?
“Uh, good morning, Bishop Miller,” Maem stuttered. She didn’t have to look Leah’s way to know what she was reading, and her pink cheeks told the bishop all he needed to know. Clearly, Maem and Daet knew what Leah was doing and had not stopped her or told him.
“Gut morgen, Rachel.” He gestured to the Bible. “I know we should talk about this, but I think it will be best if I get control of my feelings before we do. So just let me say I’ll stop in the shop and let John know we will be talking. Soon.”
With that, he turned on his heels and slammed his way out the door. The two women could hear his heavy footfalls marching angrily toward Daet’s unsuspecting haven.
For a moment, Leah thought Maem would simply leave the kitchen. Suddenly, she whirled toward the table, snatched the Bible out from under Leah’s hands, and ran to the stove. Quickly opening the oven door, she angrily thrust the Bible into the fire.
She turned to Leah, her face pale except for two red spots highlighting her cheeks. “There! It’s over. Now let there be no more rebellion from you until you wed and leave this house forever.”
She hurried out of the kitchen, crying as she ran up the stairs.
Leah got up slowly and walked to the open oven door. The flames eagerly licked at the pages of the precious Bible. The sight made Leah’s stomach turn. She couldn’t watch it burn.
She banged the iron door shut and dashed out of the kitchen and down the steps to the driveway. As she waited for Jacob to come, she found a spot behind the corner shrubs out of sight. She sank to the cool grass and let the tears wash her face.
Around the back at Daet’s shop, she heard the door thud as Bishop Miller left. His buggy wheels threw pebbles in its hurried wake as he passed her. A few minutes later, Daet left the shop. His rapid, heavy footsteps announced his irritation.
Not only was Leah in trouble, but her parents were, too. They had never before been in any kind of noncompliance with the church; it would be a difficult burden for them to bear.
Jacob came for Leah, and she scurried from her hiding place to meet him. Before he could help her in the buggy, she was on the step and seated beside him. Her tear-streaked face let him know something was very wrong.
“Leah?” he began, concern marking his features.
“Jacob, let’s go quickly. I’ll tell you what happened on the way. Hurry! Before Daet stops us.”
Jacob slapped the reins to hasten Bingo’s pace. Once they were out on the road, she told him what had happened.
“She burned it, Jacob,” Leah finished with a sob. “And I fear my parents will be in trouble this time. I didn’t want that to happen.”
Jacob thought for a minute. “But Leah, since they did know, they had to have decided to take the consequences if it was found out.”
Wiping away tears with the corner of her apron, Leah mumbled, “I don’t know. I think they were just hoping to get me married before anyone discovered me reading an English Bible.”
“It’s done now. Nothing to do but face the music. Whatever the church decides, you know I’ll be there with you, right?” He turned to Leah. “Let’s pray about this when we get to town and we’re safely off the road, okay?”
She looked at Jacob. This was the first time he’d mentioned praying with her other than at mealtimes. In spite of her fears and the confusion, a flutter of joy filled her heart at what his words could mean.
When they reached town a few minutes later, Jacob led Bingo to the first parking lot he saw with hitching posts. Jacob tied the horse to the post as Leah waited for him to climb back in the buggy. He took her hands in his and began to pray. Together, they turned the situation over to God and asked Him to give peace and guidance. They asked Him to allow the bishop not to deal harshly with her parents, but most of all, they prayed for her family’s spiritual eyes to be opened through this troubling time.
When they finished their prayer, peace grew in Leah’s heart. They completed the errands they needed to run, and when it was time to go home, the comforting spirit was still with her.
At home, no one met Leah at the door. She waved good-bye to Jacob. The house appeared quiet and normal.
As his buggy rolled off, Jacob called back, “I’ll be praying, Leah. Don’t worry. The Lord is in control still.”
“Yes. I know. Thank you for praying with me, Jacob.”
No one was in the kitchen or the living room as Leah entered the house. She went upstairs with the packages they had bought and spread them over the bed. She spent the rest of the morning sorting through the new things and revising her list for the wedding. Keeping out of Maem and Daet’s way seemed the wise thing to do.
The house remained unusually quiet. Leah worked on through the late afternoon, wondering now and then at the continued calm in the house.
At dinnertime, the family ate in tense silence. Leah did not press things with her folks. Maem was tight-lipped and solemn, and Daet refused to look her way. It was hard to swallow even the broth of the soup. Leah’s heart raced as the strain in the room increased.
Oh, how I hate to be the cause of all this! When will I learn how to fit in, God? How do I obey You and keep the peace with the Ordnung? How do I live among my people without causing this much conflict every time I read my Bible or try to witness to Your Son’s grace? Where is the compromise?
Dinner ended, and Leah and Ada stood side by side at the sink as they washed the supper dishes.
“What’s going on?” Ada finally whispered.
Leah glanced around. Maem was bustling around, putting spread and apple butter away.
She leaned closer to her sister. “The bishop caught me reading my Bible at breakfast this morning.”
Ada’s eyes widened. Just then, Daet came into the kitchen on his way to the shop to finish up for the day. He eyed his daughters but said nothing.
Finally, they finished the chore and started for their rooms.
Maem stopped Ada. “I’d like you to help me with the hemming of these pants, Ada.” Her eyes moved to Leah. “You should go on, Leah. It’s getting late. Maybe you can work on wedding things more.”
Maem’s tone was polite, but weary. Leah nodded, obeying without comment.
She hurried up the stairs.
No time to chat with Ada. That’s one way to keep her from my influence, I suppose.
Leah rearranged the packages from her morning shopping spree into a neat pile in her closet. The wedding seemed so very far away. There was no way the bishop would allow what he had seen that morning to go unpunished. There were bound to be repercussions for Jacob, as well. A meeting would be called. It was only a matter of when, not if.
As the late sun slanted through the window, her eyes grew heavy. The pillow looked inviting. She got ready for bed. There was no point in trying to join the family tonight. It would only upset her parents more than they already were. She said her prayers and changed into her nightclothes.
She settled onto the pillow and let her breath escape in a long sigh. In the morning, she would deal with whatever came.
When Leah went down to breakfast, Maem was at the table, and it surprised her to see Maem make eye contact, giving her a long, remorse-filled look.
Maem and Benny had their usual morning rush before she sent him off to school. And as Ada finished her work at the sink, Maem shooed her off with another chore.
Then she focused on Leah. She poured Leah a cup of coffee and asked her to sit beside her. Leah sat, but Maem’s kindness confused her. After what had happened, it was the last thing she had expected.
“First of all, Leah, I want to apologize for what I did to your Bible. That was wrong of me. I was mad. That’s sinful behavior.”
For once, Leah managed to keep her thoughts to herself. An apology from Maem was astonishing. Leah was not sure whether to be heartened or wary.
“I … I have some news to give you, and it made me think that what we’ve been upset with you about is really not as terrible as other things people do.”
Again, Leah met this remarkable speech with silence.
“Did you know Martha has an English boyfriend?”
“I think she needs prayer,” she replied simply.
Maem twisted her hands together and sat back with a sigh. “She left with him yesterday. And she abandoned her baby.”
Leah stifled a gasp.
“Ja, it’s true. It’s so sad to think of the little one with no maem.”
“Are her parents going to take care of him?”
Maem nodded. “But they aren’t happy about it at all. I walked over yesterday afternoon to see if I could help out in any way, and Martha’s maem was very upset. Said she wished the girl had taken the baby. No matter what Johnny had to live with, she wanted Martha to lie in the bed she’d made.” Her eyes shimmered with tears.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Leah said, “but there’s been something wrong in Martha’s home from the time those two households joined together.”
Maem studied her but said nothing more about Martha. She got up and asked if Leah wanted more coffee.
“Sure, but I can get it.”
“No, it’s all right. I’m getting another cup for myself anyway.”
Leah watched as her mother poured the coffee and set out the cream pitcher. She brought it all to the table, and colored her coffee the frothy beige she favored. The cream created clouds again, just as it had that morning long ago when things hadn’t been bad between them. A lump formed in Leah’s throat as she remembered.
“So, Leah, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I don’t want to say this to anyone but you, but I already miss seeing your head bent over that book every morning.” She glanced up. “You seemed at peace while you read,” she added wistfully.
Leah stared down at the oilcloth table covering. Her finger traced the familiar pattern of the checks on the surface, but again, she didn’t know how to answer. This wasn’t what she had expected the morning to hold.
“Where’s Daet?”
Maem nodded toward the back door. “In the shop, of course.” She stared out the window. “He doesn’t know I wanted to say these things to you. As I was walking back from Martha’s house, I thought of how much you’ve done for our family. In spite of all the things we don’t understand about your new ideas, you don’t do the things Martha has done. It’s not been easy, I’ll admit. We don’t understand this born-again thing, not at all. And we’ve always heard how bad it is to take on the Englishers’ religions, so of course it seemed terrible to us. And there’s the miting …”
Maem gulped back a tiny sob. Her confession and emotions confounded Leah more and more. She hadn’t figured her mother would ever say things like this to her. Maem regained control and went on.
“The mitings—I never wanted any of my children to feel the pain or bear the burden of having no family at all. It hurts me, Leah. I myself can’t imagine not having a family to love and support me. I’m not the kind of mom who wants to bring trouble to her children, even if it is supposed to be rebuke for their own good.”
She looked her in the eyes, and Leah believed her.
“I can’t say it’s been a happy time for me, either. The main reason I came home was because I missed you all so much, but I have to be honest with you; even though Jacob and I have taken the classes, we’re not planning to stay in this church. We’ve tried to stay until after we get married, but our farm is in Holmes County. We plan to join a New Order church.”
Maem took in the news, biting her lips and allowing a sigh to escape. She nodded slowly. “But you will still be Amish, right?”
“As long as we’re allowed to be. I learned a lot in my time away from home, and some of it I really liked. The church services and the worshiping—it made me happy. I felt closer to God.”
