The Miting: An Old Order Amish Novel, page 25
“Naomi, I talked to one of my old friends. I saw her at Walmart a few days ago.”
“Really?”
“Yes, it was Martha. Remember the one I went to see at her house? She was going to have a baby.”
Naomi nodded.
“She decided to go back home. Her boyfriend left her, and she’s had her baby. She can’t work right now, and her family said she could come back if she joins the church.”
“Oh?”
“She asked if I’d go back, too.”
Naomi didn’t say anything. She kept her eyes on the road, but a sigh escaped her.
“What do you think about that?” Leah asked.
“What do you think?”
Leah chewed her lip. “I don’t know. I’m not sure. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back with her.”
“Why is that?”
“I … I’m just homesick all the time.”
“Do you think it’s because of Christmas?”
She shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Leah, let me tell you something: we went back. And it was harder going back. I felt suffocated, and more than that, it was like turning away from Christ. Even though the church said it was all right for us to read our Bibles, they watched us in everything. We had to obey every rule, or they were on us to not go back to our English ways. Every time I did something just the least bit different, I had someone telling me to conform.”
“But maybe my family has had a change of heart by now.”
Naomi nodded, but Leah could tell she was doubtful. “You know what? I’m not going to think about that for now. Let’s go have fun. I really enjoy seeing the Christmas lights and hearing the music.”
Naomi took the cue and let the subject drop, but Leah knew many prayers would be said before a final decision was made.
Later that evening Leah prayed she wouldn’t be led by feelings of homesickness but out of obedience to the Lord. Somehow, she had to convince her parents that salvation was real. It wasn’t simply about what the forefathers or the bishop or her parents thought was right. It had to come from the soul. Following Christ was much more than tradition.
She wondered if the Schrocks thought she was being naive in her hopes for her parents. But if God could reach Leah’s heart, why not theirs? She remembered what someone had said the first time she attended Bible study at the Schrocks’—the Lord can do miracles with our families if we just let Him.
Leah turned off the lights. Outside, the snow was falling thick and fast, and she was at peace. It was good to think about going home. She wanted to dream of her family … and a kind young man named Jacob.
The next Friday, as Leah was doing laundry, her cell phone rang. Caller ID showed it was Martha.
“Hello?”
“Leah! I’m going home in just a few hours! Are you coming?”
“What do you mean? I thought you weren’t going for at least a week yet!”
“Things are bad for me and Johnny. My friends are kicking us out, so I have to go now. After he gets off work, my friend’s dad is driving me out to the farm. If you’re going with me, Leah, it has to be today.”
“Oh no, I just—I haven’t had time to think about it, Martha!”
“It’s been a week since I told you. I think if you really want to go home, you’d know by now. Don’t let me push you, though. I have to go now.” She paused. “I’ll be sure to tell your family how you’re doing, and Jacob, too, of course.”
Leah knew she was trying to convince her—and it was working.
“No—I mean—wait. Don’t hang up!”
A wave of anxiety rolled through her stomach. She’d toyed with the decision, but now that the time had arrived, she didn’t know what she wanted to do. “Martha, can I call you back in about an hour?”
“An hour? Sure, but how can an hour help you decide?”
“I want to pray.”
Martha laughed. “Oh, Leah! Call me back soon. I have to make arrangements to come get you, you know.”
Leah ended the call, confusion tearing at her heart and mind. How could she decide so suddenly? She had a job, and she’d have to tell the Schrocks. There was the thought of her family, too. How could she get word to them she was coming? It just didn’t seem possible to leave this quickly.
Leah sat down on the stool by the dryer and said a hurried prayer.
“Lord, help me! I don’t know what to do. I want to see my parents and family, but I have responsibilities here. How can I just walk away—all in one day?”
Then the phone rang again, and of course, it was Martha. Leah answered with a sigh.
“Leah? I just wanted to tell you I can get word to Jacob and your family, if you want me to. I have a friend who’s going right past the Yoders; they can let Jacob know, and he can go tell your parents. Okay?”
Leah didn’t answer.
“Leah? Are you there?”
“Yes, I’m just—I don’t know.”
Martha took charge. “Now here’s what you do: go to your room, pack a few things—you can always send for the rest of your stuff later—get in the car with me and go home. What’s so hard about that?”
“I know, but I have a job. How can I walk out on Sally?”
“She’ll understand. You can call her with my cell later.”
“Oh, I don’t know …” She moaned.
“Leah! Don’t think. Just do, girl. We’ll be home for Christmas this year. Pies and cakes and candies galore. It’ll be fun. C’mon!”
“Well …” She took a deep breath and sighed. “Okay.”
“Really?” Martha squealed.
“Yes.” As Leah thought of the possibilities back at home, she grew more assured. “Yes, I really want to go home.”
“Great! I’m going to call and send word before you have a chance to change your mind. See you in a couple of hours!”
Once Leah hung up, the thought crossed her mind that she was making a big mistake, but the promise and hope she had for her family squelched her uneasiness. She ran to her room and gathered her things in the middle of the bed.
Leah went upstairs to get something to hold her belongings, but no one answered the door. She felt funny walking into the kitchen when the Schrocks weren’t there, but she couldn’t wait for them. She grabbed some grocery bags from a stash, and looked for something to write on.
A note pad sat on the counter, so she scrawled a brief message, sharing her excitement at being home for Christmas and thanking the Schrocks for all they had done to help her over the last year. As she propped the note up on the island where someone was sure to see it, Leah felt she was betraying the Schrocks’ trust in her. She paused to glance around. Lots of good memories had been created in this kitchen, and she felt an unexpected rise of tears. She wiped her eyes hastily before hurrying back to the apartment.
She stuffed her belongings into the bags, but as she carried everything into the living room, it occurred to her that she wouldn’t be allowed to use most of her things at home.
“What was I thinking?”
The energy of the last few moments drained away as she sat heavily on the arm of the sofa. The plastic bags slipped to the floor when she realized she was going back to something she’d worked very hard to leave.
“Am I doing the right thing?” she whispered.
If only someone was home—Hannah or Naomi, Matthew, or anyone she could run her tumbling, jumbled thoughts and feelings past.
“Lord, I need Your wisdom. I want to go home so badly, but I don’t really want to deal with everything else. What should I do?”
Leah waited for some kind of answer, but the Lord was silent.
She sighed and dumped her things back on the bed. When she finished sorting through everything, the only things she could take home were some toiletries, a few nightgowns, and her NIV Bible. Its bright blue cover brought the most pain to her heart. She loved it so much and had been happy to see it at the end of many tiring days, its cheerful cover always bringing a smile. If she’d only had the foresight to buy a somber black cover, she might be able to sneak it into the Amish world, but this—this bright blue cover? Never.
Leah picked up the Bible and held it close to her face. The smell of the leather and the feel of the silky pages brought a rush of tears.
No! I won’t leave this, she vowed. I’ll have to find a way to keep it hidden.
In that second of disobedience to the Ordnung, Leah knew what she was doing was not right for her. Her hands shook as she wrapped the Bible carefully in one of her nightgowns. She stuffed it into the bottom of a bag and glanced around, as though spying eyes were watching her every move. Was this the right way to begin her homecoming?
She went to the closet, reached way to the back, and pulled out the dress, apron, and stockings she’d worn when she left home. She wondered if they still fit. Leah glanced up and saw the kapp sitting on a shelf behind black, thick-soled shoes. She gathered them all and went into the bathroom.
Surprisingly, it took some time for her to relearn how to fasten her dress with straight pins. And her hair seemed to rebel against going back in hiding under the gauzy kapp. The stockings and shoes felt heavy and dreary, and when she finally finished dressing, she galumphed her way to the long mirror hanging at the end of the hallway. Looking back at her stood an Amish maed. It startled Leah.
A sad smile contoured her lips, but confusion reigned in her heart. Her cheeks appeared rosier, and her face, devoid of makeup, looked young and scared.
Leah sighed. She couldn’t believe she was actually going to go home. Then the thrill of seeing her family and Jacob hit her. She smiled, glanced at the clock above the stove, and realized she’d have to hurry. Martha’s ride would be pulling in to pick her up in less than five minutes.
She brushed a strand back under the kapp and picked up the two bags stuffed with her things. Leah looked around the apartment. Everything was neat and tidy. Her bed was made, the sheets freshly washed this morning.
When I did that chore, I had no inkling I wouldn’t be sleeping under those sheets tonight.
As she went to the door and opened it, she was aware of the heavy and oppressive feeling of her clothing. It was as though the weight of the fabric mimicked the weight of the Ordnung. She hesitated. Leah heard a car crunching into the driveway and a horn beeped impatiently. She turned the lock in the doorknob and shut the door firmly behind her.
As Leah approached the pickup truck, she saw Martha waving from the small backseat. She could just see the top of Johnny’s fuzzy head.
The driver leaned across and opened the passenger door. Leah climbed inside the cab and turned to look at Martha. She was still in her jeans and T-shirt, with a warm winter coat covering her body. Leah was shivering already since the one Amish item she’d gotten rid of was the hated black wool cape she’d escaped in last fall. Thankfully, the driver saw her shaking and cranked up the heater a notch.
“Thank you,” she said shyly. “I don’t have my cape.”
Martha laughed and slapped her arm. “I can’t believe you still have all that stuff, silly. I plan on hiding my jeans and T-shirts for when I go to town. Did you bring yours?”
Leah shook her head.
“Why in the world not?” she asked incredulously.
“I don’t know. It didn’t seem right trying to sneak those clothes in now. I mean, I’m going back, right?”
Martha laughed again. “Oh, Leah, you are such a Goody Two-shoes, y’know? I, for one, plan to keep my Englisher stuff and go to town as much as I can.”
“But the church—you said you have to join—”
“So? Let them catch me. Mr. Brown, could you wait while Leah goes in to get her other clothes?”
“I guess, but I don’t have all the time in the world.”
“No. I really don’t plan to bring my clothes, Martha. You don’t have to wait, Mr. Brown. I’m ready.”
He gave her one long look and then nodded. They left the Schrocks’ driveway, and Leah watched through the side mirror as the house receded into the background. She was fighting the urge to ask Mr. Brown to stop. Thoughts and feelings seemed to slow down to a crawl. She had trouble thinking about anything except the mantra, “I’m going back … going back … going back.”
Twenty minutes later, Mr. Brown pulled into her family’s lane. It was just after six o’clock, and Leah knew supper would be almost finished. The yellow-orange glow from the kerosene lamps faintly lit a couple of the front windows, but the rest of the house loomed dark and cold. It was very stark sitting there in its colorless jacket, the winter wind beating against its windows and corners.
She shivered once again in apprehension of going through the front door. She debated going in the kitchen door at the back, but thought of how much more time it would give her to think of a greeting to the family if she went in the front and down the hall to the kitchen.
She turned and gave Martha a trembling smile. “Here I am. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
Martha nodded, her face a ghostly glow in the near dark of twilight.
Leah turned to Mr. Brown. “Thank you for the ride. I can give you some money for gas—”
He waved her off. “Good luck.”
She could tell he wanted to get Martha home, so she slid out of the cab, grasping the plastic bags in both hands, and hurried to the porch. The wind knifed her in the back as she rushed toward the shelter of the front door. She ended up barely glancing at the truck as it pulled out of the driveway. Leah had the feeling that with it went her last chance at freedom.
She tried the doorknob and, as she knew it would, it opened with a squeak. Fighting back rising panic, Leah stepped back in time and shut the door on modern life.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The wooden floor of the living room squeaked as Leah stepped across it. She could hear the low murmur of voices in the kitchen, and the scent of apple pie, fresh from the oven, drifted through the air. Did Maem bake a pie for her homecoming? The thought warmed her and hurried her steps. Leah smiled as she walked into the kitchen.
There was the family. Maem was standing at the stove, her hands still in the pot holders, clutching the steaming pie. As Leah came in, Maem’s teasing expression turned to shock, then just as quickly to stern.
Daet sat in his usual place at the table with his back to Leah, but he twisted his head slightly, saying nothing. Only Benny ran to her, but just as he reached her outstretched arms, he stopped and shyly looked to Maem for permission to greet his long lost sister. She nodded—once. He jumped into Leah’s arms and laughingly teased her about her cold, red cheeks.
Leah couldn’t believe how solid and tall he had grown in a year!
“Hey, you have to jump down! You’re nearly as big as me now.” She smiled and ruffled his blond hair as she gently placed him on his feet. He giggled, leading her by the hand to the table.
“Look! Leah is home again!”
His voice was excited and loud. Daet gave Leah a short glance, taking in her Amish clothing, but still didn’t speak. She looked across the table to Ada, but her sister had her head dipped low over her supper plate, not even a glance in Leah’s direction. Maem carried the hot pie to the table and slipped into her chair, her gaze locked on the tops of Leah’s black shoes. Leah noticed Maem’s lips twitch, and a small puzzled frown dipped her eyebrows lower.
Other than Benny, no one uttered a single word. If he noticed the snub, it didn’t stop him from chattering on and on about all the things that had happened to him since she’d been gone. Leah listened, but her heart was breaking. This was not the welcome she’d envisioned.
Finally, after she stood five minutes awkwardly, Leah slid into the empty chair marking her old spot at the table. Benny’s chattering sputtered to a stop and he looked around the room. His face reddened as he noticed the heads bowed low over the dinner table and no one speaking but him.
All right, then it was up to her to start the mending. She cleared her throat. “How have all of you been? I’ve missed you—very much.”
Maem said nothing. Ada said nothing. Benny didn’t answer either, but his eyes regarded everyone with wide-eyed curiosity. Leah faltered, but went ahead with her apology.
“I, uh … I’m very sorry for the trouble I’ve been to you this past year or so. I’ve had a lot of time to think—” She stopped. Why didn’t they act like they knew she was coming? Could it be they hadn’t gotten word? “Martha told me Jacob was going to stop by and tell you I was coming. Did he?”
Maem, her eyes averted, shook her head.
Ahh, so the pie wasn’t for me, after all.
They were stunned, it was clear, that she’d come home. Silence ruled the room for several more seconds. Benny squirmed in his chair as Leah’s blush deepened.
What should she do now? Just as Leah started to say something again, Daet turned to face her. He cleared his throat.
“You need to speak to the bishop in the morning,” he said tersely. “Once we’ve talked with him, then we can discuss your plans to join the church. Until then, please do not behave as you did before you left. This is not settled between us until you have confessed and made things right before the church. And after tonight, you must eat at the small table Maem will put in the corner over there. Once you have confessed and joined the church, we’ll have you back with the family.” He stroked his beard. His face was set. “There’ll be no more talking tonight.”
He stood, and Maem and Ada joined him. They moved toward the door, Benny pushed along by Maem. He turned back for a last glance at his sister, his lips formed in an O, curiosity and confusion flickering in his eyes. One by one they left the room, leaving her sitting alone at the table.
Leah glanced around the familiar kitchen, tears of shame filling her eyes. Never in her life had she felt more alone than at this moment, here in her home. After a few minutes of listening to the clock in the hall tick its lonely message, she pushed the chair back, brushed away her tears, and quietly started up to her room. She glanced toward the table. Even the pie was abandoned in her family’s hurry to get away from her.
