The Miting: An Old Order Amish Novel, page 15
Leah stood and walked quickly with Martha to the road, listening as she chattered about the new apartment Abe had found for them. She was excited to be leaving, she insisted, and would never miss the clothes or the life or the church, and especially not the Ordnung.
As they neared the end of the lane, Martha stopped, grabbing her arm. “You’ll not let them boss you too much, will you, Leah?”
“I hope I can please Daet and Maem without getting banned. But I also know this: I can’t give up what I believe now, this freedom, this joy.”
“What about Jacob Yoder?”
“He went with me to the Bible study, Martha. He watched me accept Christ, and on the way home he was really quiet. Sometimes I think the Lord’s working in his heart, too.”
Martha laughed. “Looks like I’m leaving you right at the best time if you’re going to get all religious, Leah.”
She reached over and gave Martha another hug. “I’ll be praying for you. Stay safe, Martha. Be careful out there with those Englishers.”
“I will. Hey, my guy says things will be fine, and I believe him. It’s been a long time coming, and I’m ready to move out of here.”
“Okay. Just don’t try to do everything all at once. I wish you didn’t have to live with Abe. Have you asked the Schrocks if they have space for you in their downstairs apartment?”
“You think like the Amish. You worry too much about what other people will say about you.” She tossed her head. “I told you before. I don’t care about what people think of me.”
“I know, but—”
“I just want to be happy, Leah. For once—just once, I want to be happy and free of those dumb rules.”
“I’ll still pray for that, Martha. I’ll pray for Gott to help you be happy. And”—she fished around in her apron pocket until she found the pamphlet the Schrocks had given her about Mission to Amish People—“here’s a number where you can reach the Schrocks, in case you need to call them to help you. I know they will.”
Martha took the paper and put it in her pocket. “Thanks, Leah. I won’t need to call them, I’m sure, but thanks anyway. And go ahead and pray for me; I guess I could always use the extra help.”
They said final good-byes, and as Martha walked back down the lane, Leah stopped to watch her. She saw the determined set of her friend’s shoulders and wondered if Martha was truly as carefree and happy as her words tried to convey.
For the first time in her life, Leah realized she was not looking forward to going home. As she approached the house, Maem’s silhouette was visible, moving from the kitchen to the living room, lighting the lamp by the door as she went. She prayed Maem would come to understand her desire to follow Jesus.
She went in the front door just as Maem was going up the stairs to bed. Maem glanced down at her but slowly turned and went up the steps without a word or a smile.
“Good night, Maem.”
Maem’s only reply was the gentle closing of her bedroom door.
Leah blew out the lamp and went up to bed, too. As she passed her parents’ room, she heard Maem crying. Leah stopped, placed her hand on the doorknob, and started to go in, but when she heard Maem talking to Daet, she changed her mind. She’d only be an unwelcome interruption.
She went quietly to her room, lit the lamp, and snuggled into her flannel gown. Reaching into the drawer for the New Testament, she unfolded the papers the Schrocks had given her and began to read some verses they’d listed, first in the book of Hebrews, and then a verse in the book of 1 Peter. It’s as if they knew exactly what struggles she was going to face.
“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
“That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ….”
She turned down the lamp and lay in the dark for a time. Leah didn’t want to lose heart, but the way things had been going the last few days, it was difficult not to feel tired and weary of it all.
“Lord, help me to put my trust in You. Help me not to mind the sorrow of being shunned by my parents but to remember all the ways You sorrowed to love me and accept me. Keep Martha close to You so she one day knows You can help her, too. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
By the next day, the news that Martha was gone was spreading through the community. Leah waited until Maem and Daet finished eating their lunch before she went in to fix herself a ham and cheese sandwich. She sat at the table and listened to her parents talking in the hallway.
“She was warned, of course, but her parents found a note from her on the table this morning.”
“Oh, John, I hate to hear that news, though we’ve known it was coming for some time.”
“She’s moved into an apartment with Abe Troyer.”
“Did the Schrocks help her?”
“It doesn’t look like it—seems she did it on her own.”
“I know she had a hard time at home, but leaving is no way to fix things, and living with her boyfriend, well, I suppose it’s no worse than running away.”
They moved off, and Leah continued eating lunch. It was depressing to know Martha was truly gone.
That afternoon, the bishop came to call on the family and asked to have a word with Leah about Martha. Maem asked her to come into the living room.
She followed Maem to the room where the bishop sat with his hat on his knee. Daet sat stiffly in a chair by the hallway door. His demeanor showed how highly embarrassed he was to be having this conversation with the bishop.
She took a chair across from them and waited politely for Bishop Miller to speak.
“Leah, your parents let me know what has happened to you since last week—this born-again thing you claim you experienced. I need to warn you before it’s too late that you’re playing with fire. The more you listen to this kind of teaching, the more likely it is that you will get burned. Now, Martha is an example of what can happen once you decide to let Satan take hold of your thoughts. I’d like to know where she has gone. Do you have an address for her?”
“I’m sorry, Bishop Miller, but I don’t have an address for her.” Leah shifted in her chair, her cheeks warm from the lecture he’d just delivered.
“Then do you have a way to get in touch with her? Her parents are very concerned for her and might like to call the sheriff. She is underage,” he continued gravely.
Leah sat up straight. “Did they say they’d do that?”
“I think they see how I view this thing, and they know I encourage families to call the authorities when their underage children run away.” He frowned slightly and continued. “Not that we like to get the law involved—it’s not our way—but we can’t just hand our youth over to Satan. So I feel the families need to do whatever they can to get their children back into the fold.”
He regarded her a few minutes longer and then stood to leave. “One last thing, Leah: your daet and maem have every right to correct you in your rebellion if you continue to go to these Englisher Bible studies. Of course, if—or should I say when—you make the rightful decision to join the church, your public repentance will be required, too.”
Leah made no comment and stayed seated while her parents led the bishop to the door. Maem came back in, looked at her pleadingly, and then followed Daet out the back door to the shop. Daet hadn’t spoken one word to her. She sighed and climbed the stairs feeling more and more like her bedroom was both a solace and a prison. Jacob should know what the bishop said, in case he wanted to stop seeing her. It wouldn’t be fair to get him into trouble, too.
Dear Jacob,
I wanted to let you know that Bishop Miller has been to see me about Martha. He also asked me to repent of my born-again beliefs, but I just can’t do that—it is what I now know to be true, and just like it says in the Bible, it has set me free. Daet thinks I’m just being rebellious, but I don’t think I am. Bishop Miller will make me confess and repent if I decide to join the church.
Jacob, you should know that I’m not certain I can stay here. It breaks my heart to even write it. If only the church and my parents would let me stay and follow my Savior, then I would gladly remain here and join the church. But that doesn’t look like it will happen.
If you decide you can’t be with me anymore, I will understand. I know the trouble I have had by being a friend to Martha, and I expect the community will do the same thing to you if you stay with me.
I’ve been told I can’t go to the Bible studies anymore, but I plan to do it anyway, somehow. I’m so hungry to learn more of what Gott says in His Word! Thank you, Jacob, for taking me to the Schrocks. I have peace even though I’m sad and not sure what will happen next. If I decide to leave, I will contact the Schrocks to help me. You should not be involved in any way, so the church will not blame you or punish you.
Take care, Jacob. You have been kind and thoughtful to me over and over these last few months and I appreciate you very much.
Your friend, Leah
With tears streaming down her face, Leah folded the letter and put it in an envelope, then found a stamp and decided to mail the letter that afternoon. No sense in giving Maem or Daet the chance to intercept it.
Another day of solitude passed, with Leah feeling increasingly like an unwelcome, invisible guest in her own home. Ada’s eyes filled with tears every time Leah entered the kitchen, and Benny’s clear confusion over their new family rule nearly broke Leah’s heart. Obviously, her daet hoped to give Leah a taste of what a real meidning would be like. She took to eating her meals after the others had left and keeping to her room as much as possible to avoid the painful silence that greeted her.
Finally, she could bear the isolation no more, and she ducked outside to get the bike from the shed when the others were busy with lunch.
The air was turning colder, and the sky looked gray; snow was not far away, but she was only going to ride to the general store and back, just to stretch her legs and feel the wind on her face again. Deep in her heart, she also hoped to hear back from Jacob.
Many of Leah’s Amish neighbors passed her on the way to the store, but only one or two waved or nodded a greeting. Already the word was getting around she was in trouble. Her neighbors might not know why, but they would not want to be on the wrong side of the bishop or the church if she was shunned in the future.
Leah was tired by the time she got to the store, so she decided to rest at the picnic tables that were clustered outside under the trees. The sun was setting quickly, and she knew better than to linger or it would be dark and too dangerous to be on the road with her unmarked bicycle. Daet and the rest of the men in the community had removed all the bike reflectors just last year after Bishop Miller had decided they were too showy. As she was about to gather her bike and head for home, a familiar buggy pulled into the lot. Jacob waved. Relief washed over her; at least he was still acknowledging her.
“Wie gehts, Leah?”
“Gut. I wasn’t sure you’d talk with me, Jacob.”
“Silly, Leah. After I got your letter this morning, I was hoping for a chance to speak with you face-to-face.” Jacob grinned sheepishly. “My brother spotted you on the road, so I headed out, figuring you might end up here.”
Leah, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, looked away to gather her thoughts. “Jacob, I don’t know what to say. Between Martha’s leaving and the bishop’s accusations, I thought you’d be done with me, and I just … I just don’t want you to feel obliged. Or get into trouble because of me. That’s all.”
He steered her bike to the side of the building. She followed, watching as he carefully leaned it against the wall. He turned to her, his expression calm and sure.
“I don’t want to talk about that, and I don’t want you to think about it anymore, either. Whatever happens, I’ll stick by you; if you want me to, that is.”
“Even if I have to leave?” she asked suddenly.
He searched her face, finally shaking his head. “I’d like to say you won’t make that decision, but the way your folks and the bishop are talking … you may not have a choice if they won’t let you be the Christian you want to be. I’d understand that, Leah, but I’d be hurt.”
He paused. “You’re the only girl for me.” He smiled sadly. “And I can’t imagine not having you in my life, but truthfully, I also can’t see myself living life outside the Amish community. The life is hard, but I like the farm and the community atmosphere. I don’t always agree with the things the Ordnung requires, but I accept it. If you aren’t there, Leah, it would all be different.”
He shuffled his feet. “I don’t know if I could stand being around folks if they were shunning you. The thought of you being hurt—”
He swallowed, then looked out at the blackening sky. “It’s getting late, and you shouldn’t be biking on the roads after dark. I’ve got my buggy; let me put your bike in the back and take you home.” He whispered, “I have a reflector I can put on the back.”
Leah was surprised. “Jacob Yoder, you’re going against the Ordnung by using a reflector?”
Jacob tapped her nose with his finger. “Looks like we may be more alike than we thought—both stubborn and rebellious.”
She laughed, relief and gratitude coursing through her—and another emotion too, that left her a little breathless. Climbing into his buggy, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, ever so grateful for Jacob Yoder and praying that somehow things would work out.
Almost the entire ride home, Jacob talked about plans for the farm, the new shed he was helping construct, and the silly antics of his younger siblings. It felt so good to think about something other than her troubles, to laugh and enjoy the company of such a special friend. Before long, she was safely home.
Jacob lifted her bike down from the back, and she gripped the handlebars, suddenly feeling awkward. Just as she was about to blurt out a good-bye, Jacob put his hand over hers. “Leah, I’ll go with you to the Bible study on Tuesday, if you’re still determined to go.”
“Oh, Jacob. That would be great. Should I call for a ride?”
“Better. It’s too dark now for us to take the horse and buggy.”
“Okay. If you come by tomorrow, I’ll let you know if I get in touch with the Schrocks.”
“See you then. Good night, Leah.” A quick kiss on her lips and he was gone.
CHAPTER TWELVE
When she got up on Saturday morning, Leah found the bishop was not ready to let her be. Maem had left a note on the breakfast table saying that Bishop Miller was waiting for her in her father’s shop. With no appetite for breakfast, Leah gulped down a few sips of coffee, took a deep breath, and walked outside with as much confidence as she could muster. When she went in the shop, Leah discovered a grim bishop along with two stone-faced church preachers.
Bishop Miller started right in. “Leah, the preachers would like to counsel you about your sinful ways. You know Preacher Andy Weaver here is someone whose daughter left the church, and he wants to warn you about what can happen to you.”
Andy Weaver was one of the long-winded preachers in the church who tended to preach on everything considered sinful, from rubber tires to riding in cars.
He cleared his throat and stepped forward. Leah glanced at Daet, standing in the shadows, his arms folded and his eyes cast downward. His shame made her heart ache, but a surge of irritation swept over her that her parents were being humiliated for nothing important. If only these men would listen to her testimony, then they might not feel she was doing anything bad after all.
From somewhere within herself, she summoned the courage to speak before Preacher Weaver started on his diatribe.
“Excuse me. I need to ask something of you three men. If I listen patiently to your views, would you then agree to hear me out about what I’ve learned from the Bible?”
Daet’s eyes swung to her, and he stiffened at her boldness. Bishop Miller took note of Daet’s frown and sighed. He reluctantly nodded agreement and then asked Preacher Weaver to proceed.
“Leah Raber, I have a word of warning for you.” The man took out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and smoothed it between his hands.
Leah barely stifled an exasperated sigh as she recognized the paper as one he had used several times in church while he was preaching. He cleared his throat importantly and began to read the often-quoted letter:
Dear Father and Mother,
It has been in my mind to write to you for a while, but after leaving, I was afraid of what you’d say to me. I know I have sinned against God, and I wonder how He will ever be able to forgive me. Now that I am married, I fear there is nothing left to do but to beg you to forgive me. I wonder if God will forgive me.
My sins bother me every day, and every night I think of what I have done wrong. I will probably never escape the feeling that I have sinned. I am afraid sometimes that my wrongs against you both will eventually kill you. I am so sorry.
Even though you taught me right and wrong, it is my fault that I decided to do the wrong thing.
I am writing this letter through my tears. I pray every night God will hear my prayers. When I think of how much you must miss me and how hard you tried to raise me right, I feel just terrible. Please do not forget to pray for me, and please, please forgive me.
