The Miting: An Old Order Amish Novel, page 16
Andy refolded the letter and tucked it carefully in his pocket. He studied her. “Do you know who wrote that?”
Leah nodded.
He ignored her nod and went on with his message. “It is from a girl like you who thought she knew what was best. She thought the church was too old-fashioned or too strict, but now, as you have heard, she is heartbroken that she left and knows her sinful ways have doomed her. You would do well to listen to her words of sorrow and turn from this path you’re on. It is the path of destruction, the same path Martha Mast has chosen.”
Weaver closed his mouth tightly and stepped back behind the bishop.
Bishop Miller then nodded to the other man, and Preacher Earl Plank rocked on his heels a bit before launching himself forward. He steadied himself inches from Leah’s face. He, too, pulled out a much-folded piece of paper and started on his mini-sermon.
“First of all, this letter is to a man who left, and I think you need to hear what kind of pain his friends felt after he turned away from his Amish community. Listen closely, Leah, so you can hear the truth.”
He rocked back and forth from toes to heels as he read, his deep, slow voice emphasizing each word of admonishment.
Dear David,
Greetings from on High. Out of deep concern for you and your dear family, I tell you to stop and think what you are doing. You know better. This is far from what your parents taught you, and you know it.
Satan has a hold of you. You say the Lord shows you to do this and that. David, how can you say it’s the Lord when you know that is not what you were taught? You say we don’t understand. I think it’s time you realize who doesn’t understand. Satan has you where he wants you. It is sad and sad indeed to see your dear children being so misled. You can turn the Scriptures around as you like, but you cannot change what’s right and wrong …
Leah’s mind began to drift as Preacher Plank’s voice droned on, and she couldn’t help allowing a sigh escape. How could she make these men—and her parents—understand what she’d experienced that night and accept what she now knew to be true? Would these men let her live peacefully among them and still hold tight to her newfound faith? And what of Jacob … would all this be too much for him to bear? Leah sighed again, barely hearing as the preacher continued.
… How can you sit in a worldly vehicle and dress like the world, and drive around like the world, and say the Lord shows you to do these things? It’s unthinkable and terrible, how can you go to sleep at night? Only because Satan has you in his grip!
This is written to you out of deep Christian love and concern for you and your dear family.
Concerned friends,
The Lapps
Earl Plank added a note of warning that she not follow Martha into the pit of hell, then pulled back and let the bishop finish the meeting.
“Again, your parents are heartbroken you are considering the same kinds of things the people in these letters did and the same path as Martha Mast,” Bishop Miller began, his voice growing louder with each word. “Heed the word of the Lord: set yourself apart and don’t let pride turn your eyes away from the truth. Cast off this lie of Satan and don’t let him get hold of you anymore. Repent and come back to believing the things the Ordnung and our traditions have always upheld as truth.”
He turned to the two men who accompanied him and ended with, “Our forefathers never for a minute doubted we have been blessed by knowing the truth—to having the Ordnung to guide us and our church to help us make the decisions all of us need in order to live a humble and helpful life in our community. Don’t turn away now from all you’ve been taught. Don’t walk the path Martha has chosen to walk.”
The repeated references to Martha burned Leah’s heart. This was not fair to her or to Martha. She waited until he was finished. The group of men stood silently, their imposing wall of rebuke intimidating Leah. She steeled herself and spoke.
“All my life I’ve obeyed my parents and followed the rules laid down for me, but last week, I experienced Jesus’ grace for my soul—” Leah was so filled with emotion that her voice nearly betrayed her. Before the men could interrupt, she hurried on. “I came to the understanding He paid the price for my sins on the cross. I can’t do anything to deserve or to earn this salvation. I’ve looked at the Scriptures myself, and I finally understand them. I now know that my works and my good deeds can’t begin to cover up the sins and troubles I am born into. But God, through His Son, has offered me hope. I don’t have to do anything but accept this gift—not works, or following the Ordnung perfectly—nothing but saying ‘I accept this gift, Lord, and I confess and repent of my sins. Cover them all with your blood.’
“And as for Martha”—Leah paused, looking each of them in the eye—“you three surely know what drove her from us—the abuse from her stepbrother Abner and then having to live in the same house with him, with no help from the church, no support for her sorrow. Nothing was done to make him feel his own shame, but for Martha, there was no mercy, no love, just guilt heaped upon guilt—”
“Leah! You have no right to discuss that with these men; they have done their duty for that girl!”
She fell silent at her father’s interruption, focusing on the men, trying to judge their reactions.
Bishop Miller spoke. “Martha Mast accused her stepbrother, and he accepted our judgment. When he is allowed back to church, his confession and repentance will be accepted. Martha has offered no recent confession nor shown any sign of repentance.”
“But she’s hurt, and no one offered to help her!” Leah exclaimed.
Bishop Miller put up a hand. “This matter is not yours and has been taken care of by the church. I’ll not discuss it with you.” His expression shut down further argument.
She hesitated, waiting for the rest of the men to say something, but it appeared they were finished speaking. Leah sighed. At least she’d had a chance to speak. In spite of the turmoil in the room, they knew just where she stood.
Bishop Miller shook his head sadly and motioned for the men who were with him to leave. One last time, he turned to her and warned that she was terribly confused and listening to Satan. “You must want to come back to the church, Leah, and confess you have fallen prey to the deceiver before we can do anything more for you. Until you do this, I agree with your parents that they should have limited contact with you. They do this out of love and not hate, Leah—as do we all—with the hope it will set you to thinking and cause you to change your mind.
“I have the unfortunate task of asking you not to come to church until you’re ready to repent and leave this rebellion. We can’t have the other youth thinking you’re being encouraged in your sin. May Gott help you, sister.”
He nodded his good-bye to Daet. The trio trouped out, their task fulfilled.
Limited contact … not come to church … Leah was momentarily stunned to finally hear the words but not surprised.
She eyed Daet, but he ignored her and walked away to the back of the shop to start work. His stooped shoulders stabbed her heart. Again, deep regret filled her that he and Maem were made to suffer over her decision.
She left the shop and stumbled back to her room, feeling numb. There she slipped to the floor and prayed again that the Lord would help her make the right decisions. She didn’t want to abandon her faith. “Lord, help me understand. Give me wisdom.”
She wiped the tears that covered her face and got up, not sure what was next for her. Moving to the window, she stared at the tranquil fields and hills so dear and familiar to her.
She wondered if Jacob would be coming to the shop. If so, he’d be told what had happened. Daet would, no doubt, let Jacob know there would be no hard feelings if he decided not to pursue his relationship with Leah.
Why does it have to be this way, God? Will I be forced to choose between my Savior and my family?
The world around her seemed threatening and dark. Her room, once a sanctuary, had become ominous and stifling. Far worse than feeling like a stranger in a foreign land, she was now branded an enemy. A sinner who’d finally found forgiveness, only to have the bishop label her rebellious, caught in the grip of the Devil. Dear Gott, help me cling to Your truth …
“Leah … Leah …” A soft knock interrupted her thoughts. It was Ada. She hurried to the door. Her sister stood in the hallway, looking cautiously over her shoulder before whispering to Leah, “Can I come in?”
“Yes, surely.” Leah swung the door wide. “Please, sneak in any time you want. I’ve missed talking to you.”
She gave Ada an impetuous hug, but her sister received the overture of affection coldly. This was not like Ada, and it broke Leah’s heart. Ada stepped around her to sit on the window seat.
“I’ve only come to tell you to do the right thing. You’re turning our family upside down, and you’re causing Maem and Daet embarrassment. You have to stop this right now.” Ada’s face radiated anger and recrimination.
“Ada, I’m not doing this on purpose. I’m only—”
Ada stood. “I’m not here to argue with you. At first, I found your interest in the Bible to be kind of exciting, but now, I think your selfish behavior is awful. Have you seen the suffering on Maem’s face? You have to stop and consider the rest of us. If you don’t care what people think of you, you should at least think about what people are saying about Maem, Daet, Benny, and me. You’ve been at the quiltings—you know how the ladies will be talking us up and down. They’ll find fault with Maem and Daet. They’ll snicker behind their hands when Maem and I show up. How could you do this to your own family? I don’t understand you at all. I thought it was like a joke in the beginning, but now—”
“It’s not a joke, Ada. I’ve found true peace, and I know that Jesus has forgiven me my sins. Please, let me explain—”
Ada gave Leah a dismissive wave of her hand and walked out the door, leaving her sister rooted to the floor, sorrow washing over her.
Maem raised her eyebrows in surprise as she saw Leah approach the laundry shed later that day. She glanced away, breaking eye contact.
“Maem?”
She glanced up, pursing her lips.
“Um, I’ve been thinking, and I … I just wanted you to know …” Leah’s voice trailed off nervously.
Maem glanced toward her shaking hands, and Leah noticed the lines in her face soften, but still she turned away.
“Since you and Daet already believe I’m sinning, I’ve decided I may as well go to the Bible studies.” She paused, but the relief that she’d finally revealed her plans was immense. “I love you both very much”—she faltered, emotion choking her voice—“but I want to know more about Gott and His Word.”
Maem continued to hold her lips in a tight grimace, as though it was hard for her to not respond to Leah.
Leah paused, waiting for some tiny sign that her mother understood. When nothing came, she continued speaking. “I just wanted you to know so you wouldn’t worry about where I am Tuesday night.”
She hesitated. “And Maem …” Again Maem’s set shoulders and tight mouth revealed nothing but censure. “I … I am truly sorry you’ve been hurt by this.”
Leah stifled a sob and turned away. Nothing more could be done. Her beloved parents had shut her out.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
With the bishop’s visit and the preachers’ warnings piled up inside her, Leah burrowed down into her covers the next morning, listening with an aching heart as her family left for the Sunday service. She couldn’t remember ever missing church, and wondered what would be said of her absence. Brushing away tears, she dressed and went to the kitchen, pulling her cape off the hook as she headed out. Not sure where to go, Leah started down the lane, desperate to get away from her sorrow-filled house. She walked for twenty minutes before realizing she’d gone halfway to the general store.
The frustration and humiliation of the last few days tumbled in her head, and she knew the decision facing her would change her life forever. Would she live like an outcast among her family or deny her faith and become a “good” Amish girl again? Both options made her stomach twist in agony. After what seemed like hours of thinking, walking, and praying, she knew she was not going back home again. Others had done it. Others had walked away with nothing but the clothes on their backs, but Leah had never dreamed she’d come to the same decision.
She pulled the heavy glass door open and looked around. The bell on the door of the store had a cheerful ring, mocking her somber mood. On the counter by the register was a phone, and Leah timidly asked the manager if she could use it. He pushed it toward her without a word while she dug the phone number out of her pocket. With shaking hands, she carefully dialed the numbers from the wadded and wrinkled piece of paper and waited for the connection to go through. After several rings, Matthew Schrock answered the phone.
“Hello, Matthew. This is Leah Raber.”
“Leah, I’m happy to hear from you. How are you?”
“The truth is, you were right. It hasn’t gone well.”
Her chin trembled, and she turned her face away from the curious manager, though he tried to pretend he wasn’t listening to her end of the conversation.
She swallowed hard and continued. “I’m afraid I’m not welcome at home anymore, and need to find another place … a place to … um … stay for a while.”
There was a pause. “Oh, I see. I’m very sorry that you’ve had some difficulty, Leah. I’m very sorry to hear that. I always pray that, somehow, it will one day change—this tension between the Amish ways and the born-again Christians, but—” Matthew sighed.
She heard him shuffling through papers. “Leah, I have about an hour before I can leave church—I’ve got a quick meeting to attend. Are you someplace where you’ll be safe and warm?”
“Yes. I walked to Raysburg General Store.”
“Okay. Good. Have you had lunch or anything to eat?”
She shook her head, then realized Matthew couldn’t see her. Her cheeks flamed as she glanced at the store manager, who was smiling. “No, I haven’t had anything to eat. I’m sorry to be such trouble to you, Matthew.”
Matthew answered in a calm voice. “Leah, are you sure this is what you want to do?”
Leah thought for a minute. The truth was she wasn’t totally sure, but she knew there was nothing else she could do now. Her home was a battle zone. She needed to get away and think. “Yes, I think so. As much as I can be sure, I guess.”
“Okay. I understand. I have to ask you, though, if you’re of age?”
“Do you mean am I eighteen? No. I’m seventeen. Does that matter?”
“Hmmm. We usually don’t take in anyone under eighteen, but if you’ve already made up your mind, then we’ll make an exception. Is there a chance your parents will call the sheriff to have you taken back home?”
“I don’t know. No one in my family has ever done this before. I guess I didn’t think this through very well, did I? If you say I should go back …” She left the sentence unfinished. She was confused. If she was going to cause the Schrocks trouble, she didn’t want to go there.
Matthew said nothing for a second or two and Leah looked around for the manager. He was cleaning the ice-cream case, but his face showed concern.
“Leah?” Matthew asked.
“Yes—I’m sorry, I’m still here.”
“I’ll talk to Naomi, okay? She should be able to get to you in about twenty minutes. Will you be all right until then?”
“Yes—sure.”
“Good. Why don’t you wait for her at the tables by the ice-cream counter. She’ll be driving a silver pickup.”
“Okay. Thanks, Matthew. I really appreciate it.”
She hung up, and the manager strolled over to place the phone back where it belonged. He eyed her, and she gave him a weak smile. “I’m going to be meeting someone here in about twenty minutes. Is it all right if I wait over there at the tables?” She nodded toward a corner where three tables and sets of chairs stood empty.
“There’s no one in here for ice cream while it’s this cold, so go ahead. If I get a few customers in for lunch, though, you’ll have to make room for them.”
“Thank you.”
Leah walked to the table closest to the window and farthest from the manager. She pulled her cape closer and gazed out. Two or three neighbors rode past in their buggies, but they didn’t even glance toward the store. The church service must be over. She checked the clock hanging above the door: one o’clock. No wonder I’m hungry.
She could feel rumblings and grumblings in her stomach. I never want to be dependent on anyone else for food or shelter. I will find a job and work.
The manager of the store went about his business, but he appeared to be keeping an eye on her. Leah glanced his way a couple of times and saw curiosity in his eyes, but he didn’t ask anything. About fifteen minutes into her wait, he suddenly appeared at the table and slid a small dish of ice cream across to her. Leah looked up, surprised.
He shrugged, “I had to empty a container. It was getting low. No point in wasting this little bit left in the bottom. If you like butter pecan, you’re welcome to it.”
She thanked him. The first taste of the creamy treat was wonderful. Maybe because she was starving, his kindness added to the pleasure. She savored every bite, and by the time Naomi arrived, she had finished eating it.
Naomi spied her and walked straight over. “Leah, it’s good to see you. How have you been doing?”
“The last week has been hard, but I’m okay.”
“Matthew said you want to leave home today. Is that so?”
“Yes, I have a feeling if I don’t leave, things will only get worse for my family.”
“Is the bishop involved?”
Leah nodded, dropping her eyes in embarrassment.
Naomi gave a reassuring smile. “Don’t be embarrassed. I know how it is. I had troubles similar to yours when I left. It hurts a lot, but in the long run you’ll find that you’re happier and healthier as you grow in your faith. I know it’s not easy and often very hard to start over. In the meantime, we’ll add your family to our prayer list.” She paused. “I’m very sorry you’ve had to make this decision. I was really hoping your parents would accept your new faith.”
