The Miting: An Old Order Amish Novel, page 23
She sighed. That would be foolish. It would only bring him more pain and maybe even trouble if the bishop discovered they were together. She could not keep her eyes off his hands. How they betrayed what was going on inside. She lifted her eyes to his, and for an instant, he let her see the desire to be with her. Quickly though, he shuttered his soul and broke the gaze.
She swallowed again. She would let him know she was moving forward. In the end, it would be kinder to let him know that.
“Ja. Lately I’m too busy and too tired to think about things much, but I have moments when I really miss Maem and Daet … and, all of you, really.”
If her reply stung him, it didn’t show on his face. Jacob hesitated before asking, “Do you ever think you might come home someday?”
All that had been between them was in his question. She glanced away. “I’d come home tomorrow if they’d let me be a born-again Christian.”
“I know you think your new religion is better for you—”
She searched his eyes, holding his gaze as she asserted her point. “It isn’t a religion, Jacob. It’s real, and it means the world to me.”
Jacob flushed and swallowed. “Ja, that’s what I meant, but do you think it’s any better than what we already have in the Amish?”
“What I had with my family was wonderful, but the Ordnung and the church and the bishops, they’re not allowing me to follow Jesus and do what the Bible says. I can’t go back to that, Jacob. It isn’t me that has left; they’ve made me leave because they won’t accept me anymore. And Martha didn’t have anything nice in her Amish life, and still the church let her down. No one cared enough to make her stepbrother stop or take him to the law.” She shook her head again. “I don’t understand that kind of thinking. It’s not right.”
Jacob glanced up suddenly as an Amish family approached the doors of the hardware store. Their time was up.
Hurriedly, he took her hand and squeezed it gently before turning to go. He looked at Leah over his shoulder and whispered, “If you ever change your mind, I’m waiting for you. And if you ever want to come home, just get word to me.” Then he walked casually to the doors and greeted the family coming in with a nod.
“Tag, Elam und Velma.”
“Good day, Jacob.”
Their manner turned stone cold when they spied Leah. Both the good man and his wife put their heads down and totally ignored her. She blushed but felt little anger at the miting they practiced toward her. It was what they had to do.
She went to find Naomi. As they checked out, Leah told Naomi she had seen Jacob.
“Oh yes? And how was that?”
“He was … nice.”
“Good.” Naomi didn’t pry, but Leah was sure she understood the pain of what had just happened.
“But Elam and Velma Miller came in and they ignored me.”
“Ah.”
Leah shrugged, squaring her shoulders to hide the rejection. No matter how often it happened, she couldn’t dismiss the sting of her people’s censure. “I guess that’s their problem, though. I’m still happy I got my permit today.” Leah met Naomi’s eyes and smiled, trying with all her heart to bring back the triumphant joy of her achievement.
Naomi returned the smile. “Yes, you have accomplished something very important, Leah. Be proud of that.”
They had a good afternoon celebrating Leah’s success and went home satisfied, but she was still thinking of Jacob. He looked so wonderful. She realized the feelings she had for him before she left the Amish had not diminished. Leah missed him more than ever. She missed his smile, his gentle teasing, and the way he glanced at her from time to time from under those thick, long lashes. She missed the smile crinkles that showed his good nature, and she missed how he understood her moods and her desire to know more about God. She missed knowing she was special to someone in this world in a way no one else shared.
She spent a lot of time trying not to think about his offer to come and take her back to the Amish.
It’s too hard to go back now—isn’t it? I’ve come so far—haven’t I? I’m working. I have my permit. I have so many plans for my future. I have the freedom to worship God in the way He calls me. I am learning to know myself as Leah, apart from my Amish heritage. That’s meager to some Englishers, but it’s an entire world I’ve gained for my life. That’s worth staying here … isn’t it?
It had been a long day. All night Leah dreamed of the sound of horse’s hooves and the rolling buggy wheels on the roads around her farm home. In the dreams, she sat on the front porch with Maem and Daet, Ada and Benny. And Jacob turned into the long lane with his buggy clean and shining, ready to keep her company.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Leah slowly guided the car into the Walmart parking lot and carefully pulled into an empty spot. She turned the key off with a sigh.
“That was good!” exclaimed Hannah.
“I don’t know. It makes me so nervous! I don’t think I like driving.” She slumped in the driver’s seat.
Hannah laughed. “It took me a long time to get used to it, too. Don’t worry; in no time at all, you’ll be driving like you’ve done it all your life.”
Leah wiped her sweating forehead with a tissue and shook her head. “I don’t think so. It makes me almost sick to my stomach to do this.”
“I won’t make you drive home, but let’s go on in and get our things and head back.”
“I’m good with that idea!”
The girls hurried to shop, and Leah was more than a little relieved when Hannah hopped into the driver’s seat for the trip home.
“I can’t believe how easy I thought driving was, Hannah—until now. I guess I’ll have to force myself to keep at it, though.”
Hannah laughed at her friend’s dejected tone. “I understand, Leah, but you’re doing great. I would never guess you’re a novice driver.”
Later that night, Leah sat on her bed, knees pulled to her chest, as she studied her GED lessons. It seemed impossible to grasp all the ideas in this section. Math especially was not Leah’s strength. Trying to cram four years’ worth of learning into her brain, from ninth grade to twelfth grade, was nearly driving her crazy. She’d barely passed the last test in science. She wished, not for the first time, that she had the sharp mind of her sister, Ada.
She put down the book. Being fully English was taking its toll on her ego. There seemed to be so much to learn and do. And what seemed easy to the English girls was incredibly challenging to Leah.
Will I ever fit in here? I don’t fit into the Amish world anymore and am barely fitting into the Englisher world. Why, Lord?
With a sigh, she worked on. After another futile twenty minutes wrestling with the math lesson, she gave up. It was Sunday night, and tomorrow would be another busy day at MAP. Then she’d have to get home before Sally arrived to pick her up for work. Maybe it would be better to get some sleep and try the math again tomorrow.
Leah placed the books in a neat pile on the floor beside her bed and lay down. She opened her Bible and turned it to where she was reading in the gospel of Mark.
She came upon the scene where Jesus healed the man on the Sabbath. Leah was amazed at the power and fearless actions of Christ. While she was with the Amish, she’d never considered a Christ who was anything other than a meek man who walked around doing good. That is, if she thought of Him at all. But in this passage, He showed Himself to be a confronter of men who were thinking evil things. He even healed a man right in front of his enemies!
Leah put down the Bible and turned off the light. It was not the way of her people to be confrontational, nor would she ever think that even one of the Amish she knew would do something that the church would deem wrong. Yet Jesus cared more for the reasons why people did the things they did, and not just the practice of doing things for tradition’s sake.
Leah yearned to have Christ’s strength, but in all honesty, the Englisher world was increasingly complicated. And as each challenge grew more difficult, she thought often of Jacob’s invitation to take her back to the Amish.
Home. It would be so easy to go back.
In the MAP office one day while Leah was busy grading Children’s Club lessons, one of the volunteers told her she had a phone call. Leah hurried to answer it, curious as to who would be calling her.
“Leah, this is Sally.”
“Oh! Hi, Sally. I didn’t expect to hear from you.”
“Did I catch you at a bad time? Your roommate told me you were at MAP today. I have a question for you about Thanksgiving.”
“Okay. I have time to chat a bit.”
As the ladies in the office had talked earlier about holiday plans, Leah had been very aware she had no family to go to for Thanksgiving. She’d thought of the dinner Maem usually made: turkey, mashed potatoes, noodles with the turkey gizzards, and pan gravy. Leah and her sister had been helping Maem cook the dinner since they were little girls. Her heart had grown heavy with the thought she wouldn’t be with them this year, but now her pulse quickened. Perhaps Sally had a plan in mind. Maybe she wouldn’t be alone after all.
“I was wondering what your plans are,” Sally said.
“I … don’t know, I guess. I used to help Maem cook the dinner, but …”
Sally forged ahead while Leah forced the tears from her voice.
“Honey girl, I wish I could replace your family. I know you’ll miss them, but we always have enough to feed an army, and it will be just my husband and me this year. Our kids are with their in-laws. We’d love to have you join us, if you want to. You could come early and help me cook a turkey dinner. I know how good you are in the kitchen. How about it? It would be fun. We’d consider it a blessing to have you with us!”
Leah was surprised by the invitation, but somehow it was hard to accept. Could she get through the dinner without breaking down when thoughts of home intruded? Leah contemplated saying no and staying at the Schrocks’, but when she thought of Sally’s fun nature, she realized the day could be a wonderful time of getting to know her friend better.
“Sure. That sounds lovely. Thank you, Sally. It’s so nice of you to ask.”
“Sugar, you don’t need to thank me. With my kids gone, this old house will feel mighty lonely without a young person in it. I’ll pick you up, okay?”
“Okay.” Leah hung up the phone and smiled. Already her spirits were lifting as she considered spending the day cooking and eating with her employer. Sally had a heart for others, and her joy was contagious.
Thanksgiving Day dawned bright and chilly. A few snowflakes darted and danced in the air as Leah rummaged through her meager supply of clothes for a sweater and slacks that were warm. By the time she finished dressing, she heard a knock on the side door leading to the garage. That would be Sally. She’d promised to pick Leah up around ten so they would have plenty of time to prepare dinner together. She went to open the door just as Hannah was making a dash from her bedroom.
“Leah! Let me give you a hug before you go,” she called.
Leah laughed and returned her friend’s heartfelt hug. “Where’re you going for Thanksgiving, Hannah?”
“My boyfriend’s family. They’re ex-Amish, too.”
“Have a good day, Hannah.”
“You, too.”
Leah found herself basking in the warmth of Sally and Len’s home that Thanksgiving, grateful for the laughter, the noise and cheers of the football game, and the new foods—all so different from her own traditions but good all the same. Even cleaning up was fun, with Leah and Sally chattering about the upcoming holiday season. For Leah, the warmth of her growing friendship with Sally was a balm to her lonely soul. Sally knew no strangers, and her infectious laugh and boundless energy never failed to encourage Leah.
Driving home later that evening, Sally asked if Leah wanted to come to her place on Saturday to help prepare for a catering job for a local cancer fund-raiser.
“Catering? You do that, too?”
“It’s more a side job. I do some fund-raisers and donate the food. I usually have a few nephews and nieces to help me, but this Saturday, they’re all on vacation with their families. It isn’t a big job, but I sure could use some help getting the food prepped and then serving. I’ll pay the same as your hourly rate for the cleaning, if that’s okay. What do you think?”
Leah thought about the chance at extra income, knowing it would put her that much closer to getting her own car. Naomi had helped her open a checking account, and she had also gone back on her own and opened a savings account. Leah was setting aside a portion of every check for the day when she would be able to move into her own apartment and buy a car.
“I’d love to help. I’m trying to save for my own apartment and car so any extra work will be appreciated.”
“Good. I’ll pick you up about three—it will take us almost three hours to prep the food and then about four hours after that to serve and clean up. Sound all right to you?”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you Saturday afternoon.”
When she entered the apartment, Leah realized Hannah hadn’t returned yet, so she had the apartment to herself. She put the plate of Thanksgiving leftovers in the refrigerator, kicked off her shoes, and stretched out on the sofa. It had been a good day after all.
Just before she dozed off, she thought of her family. She thought of Jacob. His smile and kindness to her. How he made her feel safe. She fought to stave off the familiar sadness that crept in, but she whispered a prayer for all of them—especially Jacob.
The following Thursday, Hannah drove Leah to take her final driver’s test. She had passed the written exam with flying colors, but she was nervous again when it came time to take the road test. The examiner asked all kinds of questions and then indicated for her to get in the car to demonstrate her driving skills.
Leah did well at the four-way stop, kept the speed limits, and even aced the parallel parking, but when it came time to turn left onto a small road near the exam office, the examiner spoke up, “Don’t show me your bad habits. That corner was sloppy and you drove too far into the other lane. Keep your cool.”
Of course, keeping her cool was the last thing Leah thought she could manage, but she concentrated on the road, and when she finally turned into the parking lot of the DMV, she turned off the ignition with a sigh.
The examiner scribbled on the clipboard in his lap. At last, he turned to Leah, his face serious.
“If you keep driving like that”—he paused dramatically, a frown covering his face—“you’ll be a very good driver.” He offered a broad smile. “Congratulations—you passed!”
Leah exhaled loudly. “Thanks!”
She couldn’t wait to tell Hannah. She followed the examiner into the building and filled out all the appropriate paperwork. Finally, the clerk handed Leah her first official driver’s license. She couldn’t help herself: a huge grin spread over her face as she hurried to the lobby. She waved the license in the air as Hannah stood to congratulate her with a hug.
“Woo hooo! Let’s go celebrate, Leah! Here”—she tossed her the car keys—“you drive.”
They spent the afternoon treating themselves to lunch and running errands—and Leah had to admit, doing all the driving gave her quite a sense of confidence. Now she couldn’t wait to save enough money for a car.
That evening the Schrocks invited Hannah and Leah up for dinner to celebrate reaching her goal. Afterward, she thought of how she’d love to share her happy news with her family, but the sober reality of how they would condemn Leah for the success hit her. No way would Maem and Daet be happy or proud of her tonight. Instead, the bishop and everyone in the church and community would claim Satan had a grip on her soul for sure.
Leah settled in front of the movie Hannah had switched to, but her thoughts were not focused on the story unfolding on the screen. Instead, her heart sadly recognized the things she was accomplishing in the English world were further distancing her from Amish family and friends.
Even Jacob would have trouble defending me now.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Saturday morning, Leah drove into Ashfield alone for the first time. A few snow flurries drifted around the car, and though she was nervous, she experienced a sense of freedom and independence she’d never realized could mean so much.
The mega store was busy, and as she cruised up and down the rows looking for a parking spot, she noticed the line of horses and buggies tied to a rail. Because the air was nippy, the horses were covered in blankets. She slowed down to see if she recognized any of them, her heart beating with the hope of catching a glimpse of her family or Jacob Yoder. but she didn’t see Sparky or Jacob’s horse, Bingo.
Leah found a spot and parked.
The wind was picking up, and as she hugged the warm parka to herself, she remembered how cold she’d been in her black wool cape. Though the wraps did an adequate job, the wind easily came under the hem, blowing frigid air from bottom to top.
Brrr … I don’t miss that at all.
Inside, the cheerfully decorated store brought joy to Leah’s heart. She hummed a carol as she shopped. An Amish Christmas wasn’t as decorative, but it still was a happy and festive time for the family. Special cookies and foods were prepared, and Leah especially loved the secret gifts they made for each other the last weeks before Christmas. Longing for Maem’s special holiday pies, Ada’s silly jokes, Benny’s excited cries, and even Daet’s readings from the German Bible crept in. She’d been gone for just over a year.
“Leah!”
She turned to the voice interrupting her thoughts and caught a glimpse of Martha wheeling a shopping cart between the bustling crowds. In the cart, she could see an infant car seat, a little baby just visible beneath the canopy. Leah heard his whimpers and saw tiny fists waving in protest. Martha rushed to her side and hugged Leah tightly.
