The Miting: An Old Order Amish Novel, page 18
She read the passage out loud again, focusing on this thought: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”
No fear. She let the words sink in. She need not fear for herself or her parents. She continued reading, and her smile grew. The words made so much sense. This Bible was written in English and was much more understandable than the German Bible her family read and even the Gideon Bible she’d left at home. Since Leah’s whole family had lived their lives in fear of breaking the Ordnung, could they possibly have been going against the Bible all these years? She’d never before thought the Ordnung could be wrong. She’d felt some things made no sense, but could it be because they had been written by men? Maybe the men were troubled, and they didn’t fully understand the Scripture. A new world of ideas opened to her. Some of it left her feeling better, but other thoughts made her uneasy.
Naomi met her at the top of the stairs and welcomed Leah to the kitchen.
“I’ve made morning glory muffins today. Help yourself, and there’s coffee in the pot over there, if you like it.”
Leah poured a cup of coffee, liberally doctoring it with sugar and cream. She noticed Naomi suppress a smile as she watched the coffee process. Leah’s amateur coffee drinking was evident.
“Did you sleep well?”
She stirred the milky brown liquid and brought the cup to the table, took a couple of muffins from the plate, and munched on one slowly. “I did. In fact, I couldn’t believe I woke up so late! It was seven thirty before even one eye popped open.”
“I’m sure you needed the sleep.”
“I think so, too. I had no idea how tired everything made me yesterday. Naomi, I have a question. Do you mind if I ask you something?”
“No, go right ahead.”
“I was reading in Hannah’s Bible—she left a note saying it was okay—and the words made more sense to me than the German Bible at home. And even more than the Gideon New Testament I found and have been reading. Why is that? What’s different about her Bible?”
“She’s got a different translation called the New International Version.” Naomi reached for her own Bible on the table. “It doesn’t use the old-fashioned language we’re used to reading in the Bibles the Gideons gave us.”
Leah thought about this. “So if I can find a Bible like that, will it be all right to read it?”
“Sure. In fact …” Naomi stood and went to a desk in the corner of the living room. She rummaged through a couple of drawers until she found a small blue Bible and brought it to Leah. “Here’s a little take-along version of the NIV my son had before he moved out. He’s away at college right now. He has several more Bibles, so go ahead and take this one.”
She opened the small book and read through the first few verses in Genesis. Though the thoughts were similar, the words conveying them stuck in her mind readily. “I don’t know how to thank you and Matthew enough.”
“It’s okay. We needed a lot of help getting started, too, Leah—all of us former Amish had someone to take us under their wing. It’s how we manage to move on.” She glanced at the clock. “And speaking of moving on, we need to get going soon. It’s time to find you some new clothes.”
Leah hurried downstairs to get her cape. She was excited to have new clothes. It would be nice to wear a coat for one thing—she’d always wished she could have one again, but the current bishop had decided the black wool capes were more in the right tradition for Amish people and had made the women stop wearing coats. She’d shivered through winters since that time.
She washed her hands and brushed her teeth. By the time she went to the door leading to the garage, the car was out in the driveway, and Naomi had the engine heating up. Leah closed the passenger door against the wind and cold, and snuggled into the warmth of the car. She smiled at Naomi. “Oh, so many nice things to be thankful for, aren’t there?”
Naomi chuckled as they pulled out of the drive.
The trip to town didn’t take long, and they turned off the main road into a short driveway. A woman came to the door of her quaint little house and ushered them inside.
“Good morning, ladies! How are you, dear?” she said to Naomi.
Naomi hugged the diminutive lady, seemingly careful of her fragile shoulders. “Fine, Miss Emma. How are you doing?”
The elderly woman waved her hand as she led them to the living room. “Oh, you know we old folks have our complaints, but I’m still happy to be servin’ the Lord!” She laughed and pointed to the sofa. “Have a seat, why don’t you? I’ll go get the bags of clothes.”
Leah sat down, but Naomi interrupted Miss Emma. “No, no. You go ahead and visit with Leah. I’ll get the clothes. Do you have them stored in the second bedroom yet?”
“Yes. There are two bags on the floor by the bed. Thank you, kindly. I don’t mind if I do sit here a bit and talk to this pretty young miss.”
She turned to Leah, her wrinkled face soft and rosy. She had the kindest eyes Leah had ever seen. “Now, what’s your name again, dear?”
“Leah Raber, ma’am.”
“Leah. That’s a pretty name. A good Bible name, too.”
“Thank you.”
“I dare say you’ll be wanting to look at some of those clothes I’ve got in the bags. Yes?” Her head tilted, and her expression reminded Leah of a curious little bird.
She nodded. “I think so.”
“Just now leaving the Amish?”
Leah nodded again, her cheeks flushed. The gentle lady’s curiosity didn’t offend her, but it sure made her nervous to talk about herself to a stranger, even one as nice as this one.
Miss Emma regarded Leah a moment and then reached across and patted her knee. “Don’t mind me. I get nosey and I ask too many questions. But just in case you’re interested, I think there are a couple of pairs of blue jeans and some tops that would fit you perfectly in those bags. And …” She put a finger to her chin and tapped once or twice. “I think there might even be a nice winter coat in your size, too. When I bought those things at garage sales this past summer, I was able to get the coats for a song.” She giggled. “Nobody wants to buy coats when it’s ninety degrees outside. But I got to thinking of how many of you girls leave home with no coat at all, so I bought however many I could find.”
She sat back in her chair, a pleased and happy expression on her face.
“That’s very nice of you to think of others. It will certainly help me out to have clothes and a coat. I won’t be able to buy anything until I get a job.”
Miss Emma nodded her head, her blue-gray curls bobbing merrily. “I understand, and I haven’t met a one of you girls yet that don’t work real hard to get on your feet. It’s a pleasure to help out in this little way.”
Naomi came back from the hallway with two large garbage bags, filled to bulging. Leah jumped up. “Let me help you.”
After they placed them near the door, Naomi turned and walked back to Miss Emma.
“Thank you again, Miss Emma. I can’t tell you how nice it is to be able to give these girls some good clothes to wear until they get a job and can buy their own things. I know they appreciate the help.”
“It is thoughtful of you,” Leah repeated.
The older lady laughed and stood up. “Now, don’t go overboard with the praise, ladies. I don’t need to get a big head at my age. Would you two like a glass of sweet tea?”
“That sounds lovely. We’ll sit with you at the table and chat a bit, if it’s okay with Leah.” Naomi glanced at her.
“Yes. Sure.”
Naomi winked at her as Miss Emma scurried around her neat-as-a-pin little kitchen. She got three glasses and filled them with ice and then poured the sugary, caramel-colored tea to the brim of each. They sat at the table and chatted with Miss Emma for an hour. Then Naomi nodded toward the clock.
“I hate to say it, but it’s time for us to get going. Thanks so much for the clothes and the tea. A nice little chat is just the thing for a chilly Monday like this.”
She gave Miss Emma a hug and Leah stood to do so, too. The woman’s frail bones felt light as a feather when Leah hugged her, like a stiff wind could blow her away. It was awkward for Leah to show affection this way to strangers. In the Amish world, they were taught not to show feelings or to touch others. But warm physical touch was one of the many things Leah was beginning to appreciate about the English world.
Miss Emma squeezed back fiercely. “Now, Leah, you be strong. Before you know it, you’ll be on your own and helping others like I’ve helped you. I have no doubt of that.” She patted her arm. “Take care, and trust the Lord always.”
“I will. Thank you.”
On the way home, Naomi explained that Emma had been buying clothing and household items for the former Amish for more than five years. It gave her something to do, and she enjoyed knowing she was helping young people. “She used to be a teacher, and she misses her students.”
Leah went with Naomi to the grocery, and then they stopped for a bite of lunch at a fast-food place. It was a treat for her, since Maem and Daet rarely went to a restaurant with the family.
All in all, her first day among the English was turning out to be a hectic, yet happy day. When they got back home, she helped carry in and put away the groceries, and then went out to bring in the clothing bags.
“You might as well look through these first, Leah. Miss Emma is good at trying to find modern clothes, and she usually buys several sizes. I pick the clothes up from her house about three times a year. Why don’t you take those bags down to your apartment and try on as many clothes as you want.”
“Okay. Thanks. And thank you so much for lunch. That was a nice treat.”
“It’s fun to have someone to go with me once in a while.”
Downstairs in the apartment, Leah took a bag and turned it upside down. A number of pairs of jeans and some T-shirts tumbled onto the floor. She had no idea what size to try on first, so she sorted several pairs of jeans and a couple of shirts into a pile. She gathered the pile and went to the bedroom to try them on.
The first pair of jeans was too big, and the second, too small. She found a perfect pair after several tries and a shirt to match, too. Then she tried on more jeans from the other bag in the living room until she had three pairs of jeans and three shirts. There was a nice dress that was just a bit big in the waist, but she could sew it to fit.
But the best find of all was a down parka. It was dark blue and knee-length with soft fur around the cuffs and hood. When she snuggled into it, she sighed with delight; it was so cozy. She almost couldn’t wait for the first snow so she could test its ability to keep her toasty warm.
She hummed a happy tune as she carried her new things to the closet. She wiggled into a pair of jeans and a heather-colored long-sleeved T-shirt. Miss Emma hadn’t neglected shoes, either. A pair of flats fit her well, so she put those on, too.
She stood at the mirror over the sink in the bathroom and took a long look. The change was dramatic and amazing. She hardly recognized herself. A confident, young lady stared back at Leah, cheeks rosy with excitement. What a difference!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The next few days, Leah woke in time to have breakfast with Hannah and then went upstairs to help Naomi around the house. She enjoyed working with her, but as the days passed, Leah noticed how her homesickness grew as the dark of night came and she didn’t have anything else to keep her busy. She wasn’t homesick for the rules or the clothes or the hard way of life, but she so missed her family and friends.
She tried not to think of Benny because it made her cry. His cute little face and rambunctious ways were precious to her. She longed to talk to Ada again. She missed helping Maem with breakfast and lunch and being with Daet in the shop. Leah found herself both relieved and saddened that her family had made no effort to track her down.
And she missed Jacob more than she thought she would. In fact, the first Tuesday night Bible study at the Schrocks after she moved in, she half expected him to show up. When the hours came and went with no sign of him, her heart broke. Had he decided not to see her again? Was he choosing his Amish life over her? Leah couldn’t blame him; after all, it was she who had left—and without a word to him. She knew he didn’t fully understand her questions about the Amish lifestyle, but somehow, she still hoped he would come to see her at the Bible study. She pondered writing him a letter, but maybe that wouldn’t be fair to him … he should have time to make up his mind about her, in light of what she had done.
More than anything, Leah wished with all her heart her family and Jacob could feel this freedom—this desire to serve God in a way that made a person happy and not filled with fear and guilt. Grace had become a beautiful word to Leah, and she savored the Scriptures where grace was spoken of regularly. She lived in this new world the best way she could, but the aching and longing for family and for Jacob never ended.
Three weeks passed quickly, and in that time Leah had applied for a social security card, filed for a copy of her birth certificate, and written her parents. She broke down, too, and sent a letter to Jacob. She wanted to explain her sudden decision, though not hearing from him made her hesitate as she placed the stamp on the envelope. Maybe he had decided she was not worth thinking about after all. One morning she asked Hannah if she minded taking her out to her folks’ place to try to get some of her belongings.
“Are you sure you want to do that, Leah?”
“I wrote Maem and Daet a letter to ask if it would be okay.”
“Did they answer you?”
“Well, no.” Leah shook her head, sadness filling her as she admitted they ignored the letter.
“Do you think they’ll let you come anyway?”
She sighed. “I really don’t know, but I sure would like to get my personal things, and it would be nice to see them again.”
Hannah’s gaze scanned Leah’s while she pondered. “Okay. We might as well see what happens.”
The drive to her parents’ place took longer than Leah remembered, giving her time to imagine the family’s reactions. Her stomach churned as she thought of the ways they could still hurt her with their rejection. Would Daet yell? Would Maem cry? She felt sure Benny would welcome her, but how about Ada? She’d been so cold in the days leading up to Leah’s departure; she couldn’t believe her sister may have changed her attitude since she’d left.
They pulled into the drive as Leah’s eyes swept the yard and barn area. She saw no sign of activity, but nothing was out of place, either. In fact, the familiar scene startled her with its sameness. After all she’d been through, it was hard to believe life had gone on here as it always had. Her absence hadn’t seemed to matter.
Hannah braked and shut the motor off. Leah heard a few chickens squawking and a cow lowing in the pasture. The stillness settled over her like a shroud. It felt heavy and thick, stifling her ability to breathe freely. She got out and crunched her way through the gravel to the porch. She knocked, feeling silly to be standing like a visitor at the front door of her own home. Soon she heard footsteps approaching from within. Maem opened the door. Her eyes reflected surprise, but she stood back, silently, to let Leah inside, though not before a quick, disapproving glance at her daughter’s Englisher jeans and coat. Maem backed into the living room, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel. She still said nothing.
“Uh—Maem, I’m glad you let me in. How are you and Daet?”
Maem looked down at her shoes, not answering and not moving.
Leah swallowed. This was going to be as hard as she imagined it would be. “Did you get my letter?”
Maem nodded.
“Do you think it’s okay for me to go up and get some of my things?”
Again, her mother nodded, but immediately turned away and hurried back to the kitchen. Leah trudged up the stairs, her gaze resting on each polished step as she ascended. Nothing had changed.
Her old bedroom door was shut tight. She turned the knob and heard it squeak the way it always had. No covers were on her bed. The room was barren and swept clean. The dresser top was stripped of her brush and comb, the stack of books she’d been reading, and the stationery set she’d kept there. It was as if she had never lived here.
In a daze, she roamed the room, pulling open drawers and gathering underwear, socks, and gowns. At least they hadn’t gotten rid of those. She’d imagined everything being tossed onto a burning heap. She couldn’t find her books or the stationery set, but she did find the comb and brush placed neatly in a drawer.
Her meager belongings made a small pile on the bed, but she couldn’t find the Gideon Bible. It was one object sure to be destroyed, and its loss brought a deep sadness.
She collected her things into a plastic grocery sack she’d wadded in her pocket before they left the apartment. One bag fit it all.
Leah made her way carefully down the steep stairs and went quietly to the kitchen door to say good-bye to Maem. She was sorry neither Ada nor Benny was around.
“Is Daet in his shop?” she asked Maem with a nod toward the back yard.
Maem stopped stirring what looked to be jam in a huge pot, but remained mute. She was frozen to her spot, unable or unwilling to do more than breathe while Leah was in the room. Her arm was suspended over the pot, stiff and unnatural in its pose. Her shoulders were tight but her face was hidden from Leah’s line of vision. Maem’s body trembled, but still she didn’t speak.
Leah couldn’t help herself. Maem’s pain over seeing her again broke her heart, and Leah moved softly over to touch Maem’s back. “Please, can’t we chat a minute or two before I have to leave? I’ve missed you all so much.”
Leah’s voice broke the spell, and Maem whirled, throwing the long-handled ladle into the pot of boiling jam. She glared as she pushed away from Leah and slammed out the back door. The screen door bumped against the frame a few times, Maem’s fury giving it energy to spare.
