I felt

  the friction of the future

  and in your face my own one, love.

  Fate, its weight. Waves of life

  true happiness etc.

  B-o-g willing

  before the year is out I’ll be an averagely agile businessman

  dealing in used cars

  that’re fast as an eagle

  as a pig

  as someone else.

  A guy’s gotta live off something

  if he wants to.

  I’m also someone else.

  I put my head on your arm

  a little big but it was her.

  Then I met my double he finished

  my sentences the city was warming B.’s dead for you Brother

  went away and at 7 a.m. the day caught my woman

  at a fire drill tuning up

  a hellish band

  played to please all and the important appointment was

  at 2 p.m. in the Tchibo coffee shop

  but that’s another story.

  Me, for Me and B. and Defense

  For me he’s changed into B.

  I call him Bog and hey Bog and think of hearts and of skin.

  Someone was casually kissing caressing thinking of nothing

  and someone was walking alone into a tunnel of corpses

  B.’s all I’ve got now

  and some words aren’t at all pretty.

  Dreams can be horrible someone screams and he’s there

  in a bayonet dream and some live their lives and they’re totally theirs.

  Some things you watch with your eyes find out

  from others some things

  are already written down. It’s obvious.

  You’ve gotta believe a little in all of it.

  So you don’t get lost

  so the big dogs

  don’t catch you defenseless

  the wheel doesn’t run you down

  the black widow bastard doesn’t get you at home

  at the end of the world in the dark.

  Morning, Still

  My hero that fella

  I killed a rat killed a man yeah right another time

  another place lying in the sand of a desert island beach

  with a naked woman.

  The fella laughs

  and then someone forgives him

  maybe

  we’ve lost more than that and is B. here at all?

  Anymore? He wondered that morning thinking of the court.

  The one that sits nonstop from the very first second

  from the very first cell from the dawn of the Earth

  guess so he told himself looking in the mirror

  as he shaved himself with his old razor

  forever fucked up with

  crud and rust.

  Along the Way

  Two little birds perched on branches

  like in prehistoric times.

  Even the blood looks the same

  maybe thicker. Luggage jiggled in a threaded cage

  by the lightbulb over our heads.

  Up under the spider’s web.

  It was in my brain.

  In the concourse they offered newspapers fliers flowers

  kitchenware rags a whore and among the other passengers

  I recognized the devil a man who wants to kill and a man

  who’s going he doesn’t know where and there was no way to hide

  among the trash cans or even in the elderberry bushes.

  I was slowly beginning to love the spider now I knew:

  he’s got something going.

  That time in the bar over spinach pizza I told

  the most beautiful woman in the world my innards my everything

  and the vein in my brain that link to the universe

  nearly burst.

  She smiled because she knew about life

  and what it does: that’s the way it is.

  On the walls were faces of singers actors and boxers

  some we knew.

  We smiled a little the shine threw light on our faces

  while the others walked around outside.

  Had I turned my palms up they’d have been full of light

  but there was no need.

  I touched her hips and was gentle.

  We groped each other. I said the worst I had in me

  and grinned out the window. To where we’d been standing.

  It was all behind glass. And it was secret.

  Any Time At All

  With anyone of his next movements

  Bog could cancel theater and actors.

  Or else let them be in their colors

  writhing crawling pacing

  let them speak. At home. With the others.

  In a room with walls. Where there’s air.

  Where there’s love like a plant.

  I mixed new and old words. Some of it I meant seriously, so I hid it away in more words. Spread it around. It was all about the same thing. Some of the pages I ended up losing.

  And that night, as I wrote the word plant, I heard a cry. It came from the fire. Then there was howling and screaming … it wouldn’t stop. A wail of pain. The wind kept rolling in my direction. I figured a brawl had broken out, so I didn’t go over to look. Spent the day behind the barrels, crossing out and scrawling my stuff. And the next night it came again. A cry. And then howling. It was a person. Not calling for help. Howling. Then suddenly it stopped. And I heard … a soft rustling of paper, a little ways from my lair … something was walking around out there, I heard soft … little footsteps. I knew that it was out there and that it was looking. In my direction. I didn’t even blink. Then it went away.

  Next morning I went to see Vulture. He was there, along with his woman and somebody else … but they were … torn to shreds … blood all over. I had to throw up, crawled off, doubled over. But then I went back, averting my eyes from the dead … and the flies … I had a hunch where he kept it.

  I tore up the boards in their shanty. There it was. A good old AK-3, unwieldy perhaps, but compared to the horror around me … elegant. So, I said to myself … you’re back in the wheel.

  It was terrifying what happened to them. I saw part of Foxy’s torso with tiny holes punched all over it. Whoever killed them had tortured them first. That explained the screaming. What kind of monsters were they … how am I supposed to include them in my awe when they could do me so much harm … Bog, I know your ways and traps … I know what it’s all about. I’ll survive as long as I can. I no longer wanted to kill myself, I’d stopped having dreams about it. Not now, now someone was after me. Someone other than me for a change.

  As it grew dark I was afraid. They marched past. Just a pack of scamps. Scamps may be little, but when they get together … Vulture’d told me stories about them setting tramps on fire. Douse em with gas an toss a match, that’s how they got their kicks. He said that in the days before Jasuda,the stalingos used to come to the Dump and do it to people too. Keepin the city clean, they’d said … he’d had to hide from em a few times himself. I hoped that when the scamps went ridin off on the shinkansen, He’d count it to their credit that they did it so they could see, so they’d know … to get a whiff of death, they needed to know there really was such a thing. But not the stalingos, those guys had a fuckin ideology, a mission. Well, either way, to the victims it was all the same.

  I poked the muzzle out through the barrels and got the crew in my sights. The one leading the way had his hair shaved on one side. On the other it was dyed blue and down to his shoulder. He leaned on a metal bar as he walked. Two scamps ran up onto the heaps and took a look around. Jumped pretty nimbly, they knew what they were doing. The others walked single file. All of them had something in their hands. Their getup was the usual. Something on top, something below, the main thing was fast shoes. They didn’t come my way. Maybe they were just tryin to find a trail that’d been wiped out by the last rain. The wind tossed me a sentence from the two at the end of the line: I’m glad we’re outta here. They disappeared over the heaps.

  That night I heard the screams again. Far away. Next morning I went for water. Every step of the way I was afraid I’d run into a body. Some oldster was at the pump. He was glad to have someone to talk to. All he talked about was the Creature. More people showed up. Everyone was talking about it. We’re packin it in, declared a guy scarred with smallpox. It’s those motherfuckin stalingos, they’re tryin to drive us out. Nuh-uh, said a woman in a blue men’s robe, this is some new ting, sumpin from here, I was talkin wit da reporters, they tolt me. An those guys know! They got a inside track … I’m gonna be in the papers. TVs comin too! Some decided to leave, it’d been a long time since Jasuda’s trucks last showed up. On my way back I ran into Hippo. Hi! I said to my buddy, jutting out my chin … but he had no hatred in him. Said I should join his crew, it was all over here … c’mon, Hippo, some killer creepin around, we’ll spring a trap on him … Naw, this’s somethin weird, you saw Vulture. Yeah, I’m sorry bout that. He helped me out a lot. How bout Stick? He’s comin wid us, you oughda too … Where you goin? Train station. No thanks, aready been.

  I don’t know why I stayed. When it got dark I took out the AK and stood watch … and then I heard soft steps coming toward me, broke out in sweat … they went off to the side, my heart lilted with relief … but then they came toward me again and I realized I didn’t have ammo. I clutched the rifle like a club and waited.

  Hello, said a voice. Soft and sweet. I peeked out. It was a child. A little boy stood there smiling. And his eyes … they glowed … I knew him.

  Remember me, Potok? Uncle? The boy kicked a barrel with the toe of his sneaker.

  Can I come in, can I come visit? In your little house.

  Blood pounded in my temples. I had no doubt this was the Creature, it was him, the demon …

  Are you gonna kill me? I stammered.

  I’ll think about it, Potok. Why don’t we have a nice talk, huh?

  Even his voice was childlike. He came in. The glow from his eyes lit up my burrow, the barrels shining … silver.

  You’re … I squeezed out, you’re from the well, Kučera’s boy.

  Yeah, he said, hanging his head. A little kid with a crewcut, in shorts, a T-shirt, and sneakers. White socks, standing there, hands in his pockets.

  An you know what I saw down there? You know what all of us saw?

  Uh-uh.

  Torture, you know? They showed us torture. An they let us touch it, they let us get inside it a little. Just a little teeny bit. But each of us was all alone an we were sweating blood. Blood. Get it? Me an those big girls an the granny. Why us, I don’t know. Do you? An we were afraid someone was gonna do it to us too. What they were doin to those other people. We didn’t know how bad it could be till we saw. Anyone can do it. Anything’s possible. An we were all by ourselves, an then we weren’t even human anymore. We changed down there. An you know what we changed into, Uncle Potok, do you? the boy whimpered.

  What do you want from me?

  I want you to help me.

  I crossed myself. The boy smiled. His glowing eyes smiled too. I touched the Madonna on my chest, the boy nodded his head.

  That’s why I’m here. I hadda do some real bad things, you know.

  He stuck out his tongue, licked his lips, gave me a wink, then rocked up on his toes like he was stretching … and took a step toward me. I was afraid he was going to touch me.

  I’m just a little boy, you know? he said. An I can’t take it much longer. It’s too much. Little boys like me, when they don’t have a daddy … he winked at me again … or mommy, they get tired real quick. You know?

  I just gulped.

  I want you to do something … to me, he took another step closer … I’m just a lost little boy, said the Devil, an it took me a while to find you. I had to ask around, he laughed, rocking up on his toes again, but now here I am an I’ve got you. He blinked, and in the glow that came from his eyes his lashes were totally white … he stood looking at me … and I realized to my amazement that I was standing upright inside my cave, like all at once the walls had grown, I saw stone and wood, smelled the rot … yeah, that one you called Vulture was scared of rats, so I did a rat for him … another one was scared of cops, so I showed him a cop, well, they’re in hell now, how bout you? What’re you most afraid of? Do you know? … we were standing in a tomb and lying on the catafalque was a little white coffin, not for me, flashed through my mind … nope, said the boy, it’s for me, I want peace … you gotta do it, said the Devil, my little boy body’s all tired out, it was horrible doin those things.

  How? I stuttered, my voice sounded like it was coming from out of the sacks on the ground.

  Shoot me, the boy said. With what you’ve got in your hand. An whatever you’ve got that’s valuable. Once you do it, you’ll be able to protect yourself. Forever. I’ll be back tomorrow. An if you aren’t ready, I’ll hafta stay on earth like this … an it’ll hurt you a lot. Bye now, Uncle Potok. The boy walked out of my barrel shack. Without a sound.

  I couldn’t sleep. That was no dream, uh-uh. What’m I supposed to do it with … whatever I’ve got that’s valuable, and from then on I’ll be able to protect myself … he’ll come for sure, that glow, everyone who came out of the well had that glow in their eyes. Then I realized what he meant.

  The next day I spotted some people again. They’d said they weren’t leavin, that they were gonna stay till the end, but the night before they’d found another shredded body … one insisted they oughta call the cops … yea an den dey chase us outta hea … naw, man, the guy laughed, we call em in, an it eats dem … heh heh, the bottles went around the circle.

  Found a mold among the wrecked cars, I think some thing for ball bearings. I didn’t say goodbye to Madonna, just gave her a pat like a thousand times before … my grandpas, she’d protected every one of them, but now I guess the world’s different an I gotta fight … I melted her down, the bullet came out pretty well … I think I know who was helpin me, the fire got the black coating off, then I scraped and smoothed the surface … turned the silver bullet in my hand … pretty handsome … I stood up … for the first time in ages I did a little dance, just with my elbows an heels … then I roared, true … and good thing I’d been in the army, I took apart the AK-3 and put it back together … then waited, had a few cigarettes.

  It was a full moon. One minute I was shuddering, the next I just grimaced. An when I do this, will I go back to bein human? With a kind face and a sneer underneath, or the other way round, or both at once? An maybe … you know, Černá, wherever you are. I hope you’re doin all right.

  He stood before me.

  Look, big man, I cut up my knee, he sniffled, we were playin monkey in the middle …

  I didn’t move.

  Are you ready? said the Devil.

  Yes.

  Yesterday … it’s funny … the guy was scared of trucks so I changed myself into a car, you should’ve seen his face … I shredded him to bits. It hurt him. Are you scared?

  Yes.

  Then watch this, the Devil said.

  And the little boy began making faces, leering, laughing, his face peeled off from inside … like it was being swallowed by fire, dissolving in some solution, his eyes were glowing though, you could almost touch the silver glow, and then … he had on a warm-up suit, it was still a tyke, but another one, in a striped T-shirt … sulking, soccer cleats on his feet, and around his neck …

  No, I said.

  He was blond, skinny, elbows scraped, the way little boys’ are, around his neck was the thin imprint of a string, and on the string …

  I can’t, I said, dropping the rifle on the ground.

  Because that key … I knew it, I’d opened the door with it a thousand times, and there was the vestibule, my father kept his sack of birdfeed in there, I was scared of that sack … scared the Blind Man from the pirate movie was hiding inside and would jump out and grab me, I’d raced past it into the kitchen a thousand times …

  I wanna go home, the boy whimpered.

  His eyes were blue, a little bit cock-eyed, I recognize him, myself, I remember … I remember every mirror from back then …

  Where am I? Lemme go home. I don’t wanna be here, said the boy.

  I picked up the rifle.

  I picked up the rifle and placed the barrel to his temple, clenched my teeth, and squeezed the trigger … bang! … he tumbled onto his back, head spurting blood, the bullet had torn his face wide open … the body curled up, eyes twinkling a moment, then he shut them and he was gone.

  You did it, I heard a hiss. You’re free.

  I know, I screamed, squatting on my heels, rifle in my lap, the barrel was warm … I had to sway, just with my head … back and forth … back and forth … the hissing voice I guess came from me. I don’t know if it said anything I was supposed to remember. Anything of value.

 

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