City, Sister, Silver, page 42
South Station, where Bohler the savior used to do his hunting, it was lively. Too lively. There were even numbered cops here now, characters swarmed in the corners. Loitered off to the sides. I had a cup of coffee and then did something I’d never done in my life. I bought Černá flowers. I didn’t know how she’d take it. Roses, yeah, but that’s somethin else. They also had wreaths and candles, I just made a face.
I ran up the stairs to the attic. She wasn’t there. Nobody was. The flat looked tidied up. Like nobody’d ever lived there. Never knew we had a vacuum. I sat down.
Hours rolled by. They rolled over me, and they were heavy. They were dark. I tried the drawers … spotted some papers, but didn’t peek. That’s a no-no, they’d beaten that into me, taught me that. She hadn’t gone shopping or out for a walk, she’d’ve left a note, after all we’d talked. The flowers lay on the floor. I left the vases empty. It was still day.
Now, Černá, now that I’m rid of the spooks, now that I’ve busted outta the trap, the big trap … why now?
16
I TIED HER HAIRS. LET’S GO! THEY TOLD ME. WHO MY SISTER IS. I SEE IN THE WOODS AND … IN THE MOUNTAINS. WHAT I HAVE TO DO. THEIR WELL. RAVEN’S WING.
Again outside it slowly darkened, again came the divide … I sat there, something begun without having finished, riding on along its own axis, sucking me in, I felt a hole, an uneasiness, inside me.
Lighting up a cigarette, I hunted for her scent in the armchair she sat in, held the fork and knife she ate with. Bile climbed into my throat and I felt the light pressing down on my eyes. I let it blind me, and groped my way through the hallway, the foyer, where it was dark, without turning on the light.
In the bed I found several of her hairs, and tied my fingers firmly together, in twos. In the bathroom I found more hairs in the drain. Raven hairs. She liked water and cleanliness, but she couldn’t get rid of every trace. I tied the hairs under my nails, I could feel them better when they hurt. They smelled nice even though they’d been in water, water that had flowed over her skin.
It was evening, I looked out the window, people were going along the street, artificial people too, mutants, from this high up you can’t tell them apart, but some gave themselves away by their gait, their stealthy way of moving. This is my street, my neighborhood, my city, I said to myself, but nothing belongs to anyone, not for long. From the pub next door I heard a fight, drunkards spilled out into the street, beneath a lamp’s sparse light. In a puddle next to the lamppost stood a dog. Slurping rainwater. Cracked walls, metal bars on windows. Trashcan, gutter, and a cloud of steam rushing out of it. Obstructing my view of the billboard with the actors and the poster of the politician. The rails gleamed, shining coldly as a tram went clanging past. So this is the way she’s supposed to go, I said to myself. This way, by herself? And who else? It can’t be good for anyone, it makes no sense, nobody could ever want this. This city, this street, such a lonely walk.
I lit another smoke and wandered around the flat listening to music. I emptied my pockets of all my maps, medications, rolling papers, knives, razors, boxers, cigarette holders, straps, notebooks, games. I attempted to rip a hole in the parquet floor to get at the stash of machine guns and pistols, the metal parts gleamed so bright my eyes ached. I drew back the bowstring and it snapped with a whizzing sound, slicing through the skin on my wrist, interrupting the tattoo. Then I took some nails and, rocking Brother Nail on my knees, cleaned his hide with a rusty knife. It woke the dogs in the building, they joined in the ritual. City degenerates, but that’s in their cells. Yeah sure, I know that every second … someone else is perishing, having the soles of their feet seared, being crushed in a straitjacket, thrown to the pigs.
Maybe … it’s a possibility, my turn’ll come too … now you, someone, lying in a cold eye, in the dark, a day, an hour, a minute before being tortured, and then it comes, sooner or later it comes, you hear your own scream, and in one bright heavy second of blinding pain you absolutely definitely know you exist. No one escapes it, in one of your lives pain will come and you’ll know, acutely and positively, that you exist, it will be a single instant and it will hurt, to let you know how reality feels.
That’s Bog. So you’ll know that pain is real and all the rest is only scenery, delusion and illusion, the first cigarettes, bashful kisses, and idle banter. And why you … why not me? I already knew the answer.
So take a moment from time to time to give at least a caressing glance to your minesweepers, your grandstand, your guns, slowly I run the burning spear through me, sun blazing down on my helmet, the dried scabs on my leather jacket again ooze blood and pus, alive. Where are you, little sister. It was dark, the only light in the room the pale glare of metal … glowing … stole a chunk a uranium off those wiseguys, discreetly purloined it, it worked … an I knew who I wanted to give it to. Maybe.
I lay on the bed and waited, sat back on my heels and waited, a second before she turned the key in the lock and the door swung open I knew. I scented her nearness, was it a scent? When she moved, in all her living beauty, did she split the air ahead of her, sending forth a wave? I embraced her, squeezing her so hard I didn’t hear the answer, she was saying something, troubles, we’ve got troubles, I’ll help you, I’ll do whatever you want, I said, by then we were lying next to each other. As the sun came up I saw her face, I wanted to get inside it, I would’ve liked to see her skull. I wanna tell you somethin … somethin has to be done … yes, there is something we have to do, I bit her lip. She rested the soles of her feet on my shins, lying across my thigh bone, I almost couldn’t feel her, the weight was pleasant. I could feel her breath on my face. Then she moved over, dissolving into the wall: Be careful, here I come, I heard.
I awoke to the sharp ringing sound of the doorbell.
I lay there, dazed and naked. If I ignore it, it’ll go away, I mumbled, or just thought to myself. But the bell kept on ringing.
I got dressed, covered myself in pants and a shirt, my silver I don’t remove. It was Vohřecký and Viška, they walked in.
Vohřecký opened the window, Viška stood there grinning. An I remembered … there he was at last, exposed in my memory … rounded shoulders, sturdy build … bald … heh, Viška … I said … Now I know you, Block 12, C-wing, Pankrác … it was him, my mind raced, how did Hadraba classify his crime … oh yeah, little kids, musta felled some little boy, little girl? … it was that cell … just down from me and Bohler and that greengrocer,* they amnestied me, but Bohler did three years, I guess cause he was a priest … that cell where Viška and the murderers were, the bark box they called it, sometimes at night the guard went in there with this German shepherd that barked on command so nobody’d hear em thrashin the prevert … funny how in the slammer even the worst monsters detest the ones that do it to kids, they consider em subhumans … that’s why they put the, diaper diddler in there, so the thugs wouldn’t beat him to death … hello, I told Viška … smiling at him … got promoted, huh?
Sit down, Vohřecký told me, better sit down.
How did you find me? Where is she, slipped out of me.
Miss Moriaková? said Vohřecký, you’re dumber than I thought, little buddy, he sat down too.
There’s no way, I don’t believe it.
You’ve sunk so low, boy, said Vohřecký, you’re not even defiantly silent when questioned anymore.
Easy Evie? Easy Evie, the knucklehead means, said Viška … Eve the skeeve, he’s talkin about.
Go find the Viets, or whatever they are, yourself … an as for Černá, you don’t have anything on her anyway.
But we do on you, boy, said Vohřecký, and he meant it seriously … a good couple Fridays now, told ja I combed through all the leads, an not only them … see, we found Závorová … whadda ya say to that?
I held my tongue.
An she’s dead.
Don’t say that! You donno nothin, spook.
An we think you did it.
Zat right?
So now we know where she was all those years. An know where we found her, what was left of her? Under a heap of coal … in a cellar. Yeah, you know where she was. Barbara Závorová, beautiful girl … strangled to death. Lousy, huh?
You guys donno nothin …
But that’s not all, Vohřecký jumped up and grabbed me by the shoulders, tore off my shirt, with one tug ripped open the buttons … Viška watched.
Yep, that’s it, said Vohřecký … an ya know we got a lady says she saw the killer … gave us a pretty exact description what he had around his neck, one a those old ladies sells candles in church, she don’t live there no more, so don’t go gettin any ideas … an she gave us an exact description of this thing here, this saint a yours, you piece a shit. Is it even silver, yeah, guess so. That granny went down for coal, saw the two a you, you an the victim, she was scared a you. But we got it in writing. She saw you rape the girl too.
That’s not true! An this is the Madonna!
An then you choked her. They’ll tell us that in the lab too.
But they didn’t tear her off me. The medallion was still on my skin. It was cool.
You killed Závorová. Let’s go, you freak. Get up, we’re goin down to the station. They’ll give you a nice warm welcome! Wait’ll they get a load a the artist …
I sat there.
Or maybe we oughta take a ride … step out a while instead? Whadda ya say?
I couldn’t’ve cared less that Rudolf was in the car, but there … in the seat next to the driver … shades on, she sat stiffly, didn’t even move her head … I was still hopin they’d forced her, that they had her to get at me … even now that they’d found what they found, knew what they knew … but as soon as we got on the highway, Viška, who was driving, began clowning around, honked the horn, and then one more time … we honk at the pharmacy, at the signal we come out, and … he turned around and laughed at me … I was broken, crushed … I wasn’t gonna talk, but when Viška … grabbed her thigh and said: Easy Evie, she can take it … man, can she ever, slut with an overbite, whadda ya say to those sweet little teeth … sharp as the Reaper’s scythe … I slugged Rudolf and then shouted at her.
Viška, looking like he’d expected it, slammed on the brakes, jumped out the door, but Vohřecký stopped him … they held me down … and Rudolf said into my ear, soothingly … softly: It’s the only way, sorry, don’t be surprised, you blew it, and then jabbed a needle into my forearm … the vein absorbed it gratefully, sucking it in, I didn’t care what it was, all I could see was my girl’s black leather jacket and her hair … from behind. I was powerless.
When I came to, it was daylight. I was in the backseat and the first thing I saw … Hello there, said Vohřecký. We were stopped in front of some … little wooden church, I could see cobwebs all over the corners, the belfry, Vohřecký touched my shoulder, pretty gently … wake up now, c’mon … the only other one there was her, in front, back to me … take off those shades, baby, look at me, just once … I begged her … Shut the fuck up! Vohřecký commanded, she didn’t move … easy Evie, I was glad Viška wasn’t there … they’re out eatin, the other spook informed me, want somethin? Černá, no way, I don’t believe it … she flung herself at the door, opened it, slammed it shut, walked off.
Doesn’t work, man, you can’t do that sorta thing an then have everything go okay, said Vohřecký … now show us where they are an you’re free as a bird … we’ll go in a while, you don’t want anything?
No.
Little Evie had to go and get mixed up with a hooligan, Viška joked, winkin at me as he drove, just to get to me … out of sheer love, isn’t that right, kitten? What’s the matter now? Easy Evie loves her old daddy. Don’t cha? Isn’t that right? He groped her thigh again.
Rudolf sat next to me, not saying a word, I could see him sweating. I’ll take you guys there, I told Vohřecký, but make him be quiet … Yeah, Michal, said Vohřecký, that’s enough now … Fuck you, I’m drivin here! … I was embarrassed to talk to her in front of them, and then suddenly I realized I wanted to die, the thought came in a flash and stayed … I’ll go first, I said to myself, an I’ll never come outta those woods again, I don’t wanna live, this is the end … I was a little scared of She-Dog too, I had a hunch she was around somewhere … we pulled over at the spot where Smoothy had stopped … it hadn’t been that long ago and now my life was shattered … Vohřecký tied my hands with his belt … I sat down on the ground … Viška kicked me, Sister … Černá saw it … they held him back … not like that, said Rudolf, he looked comical, like some good little student, next to these louts, Vohřecký with his gut stickin out, Viška like some kina wrestler …
After a few steps Rudolf untied me, made me lead the way … I only stopped once, where the tank driver’d gotten stuck in the mud, and I realized Černá had stayed in the car, she’d let me go … sacrificed me, who knew what for … I could’ve explained what happened with She-Dog, but no, I would’ve kept quiet … so that whole time she … I must’ve been dopey still from the injection, cause I wasn’t eatin dirt, I was walkin on top of it … they won’t let me talk to her, I won’t ever see her again, if I could slip off through the woods somehow … I stopped, wait a minute, please, wait, I wanna say somethin … they stopped, maybe because I spoke softly … What is it? said Rudolf. There’s … eight or nine of em an they’re soldiers, you’ll never take em.
The gentleman’s shit his pants! said Viška, if only the girls were here now, huh? Don’t worry, said Rudolf, shoving me ahead.
And then we were standing above the valley, me gripping a stone to throw on the roof, and for the last time I whispered to Vohřecký … don’t be stupid, I mean … we’re gonna get … I mean they’re gonna put up a fight … our only chance is if they’re already gone … but then a shadow peeled itself off from the trees and started toward us, Hunter, and Rudolf spread his arms and said: Sakya, sir … Sakya … it’s us … and he said the word one more time and then his eyes bugged and his knees folded and he had a cane stickin out his throat … Vohřecký, two steps ahead of me, reached under his arm, but then sputtered, clutching his belly … I was already off and running … and the forest began to move … I felt it more than heard it: that hop, hop of theirs again, somebody crashed through the bushes, I made a circle and then one more, caught a glance of Vohřecký, white windbreaker billowing in the wind … they were on him, probly to finish him off … and then all around me again: hop, hop … a branch lashed me in the face … thanks to Rudolf my hands were free … I came to some mud, the color of moss … somehow I guessed right and jumped across … whatever it was he’d shot into my vein … my side didn’t hurt, I was breathin all right … the whole way, actually, while I was knocked out, I’d been resting … an now I’ll find out, if Černá’s there an by herself, if they got em … I was gonna find out and that gave me wings … I ducked down between the rocks, cautiously weavin in and out … took a breather in a trench or whatever … an joy again flowed through my veins … but hatred too … cause if she’d betrayed me like I thought, I had a hunch what I would do … there’s the car … I saw him but couldn’t run fast enough … Viška pounced, he’d been waiting, I sidestepped … got to the car, she gripped the wheel, hurry up, go, he rattled the handle, I slammed the door on his fingers, he howled in pain … go, you cow, what’re you waitin for … slowly he walked around the car and settled in next to her … go on, girly, give it some gas, now the clutch, just like I taught cha … let’s get ridda this dumbfuck, huh?
Aiming at me. Both of us panting. Černá shot off.
Here I am, Černá, I hissed. No answer. Won’t be long now, Viška said. Pull over by that haystack, Evie. Yeah, here. An you, out. Into the field, hurry up. Move! Černá climbed out too, I moved toward her, but he was faster.
Into the field, I said. One, two, five steps, an hold it. Turn around. An you hurry up, kill im! You went down on him plenty a times. Now you’ll see … how he goes down. Do it, Evie! I order you … kill him!
I turned around and time came to a standstill … I realized … that woman aiming the gun at me, Černá, now I knew who she was … the mist ripped open behind their backs, somebody was standing there … I hoped, but it was only a scarecrow, made of straw, the mist swallowed him up again … I know now my sister is death … I’d searched for her and now she had me … I closed my eyes and heard: bang! and then one more time … this is my sister, it’s death, and this is the end.
I stood there, still deaf from the gunshots. A sharp dry wind sliced into my face … I heard a scream, like … an animal, and opened my eyes … he was flat on his back and Černá was kicking him, kicking him in the face, and then she jumped up and came down on her heels … I ran over and knocked her off … screaming, out of her wits … What? What? I bleated, somehow I managed to drag her off … the pistol lay on the ground, its barrel hot, stuck it in my pocket and hauled Černá away … we went and lay down in the woods, out of sight of the car … and of him.
She lay facedown in the moss, shoulders twitching … we gotta get outta here, shoulda taken the car, shoulda stuck him in that haystack, I didn’t know what to say, held her … then I heard an engine, somebody drivin down the road, what if it’s … yeah, let it be them, the yellow guys, I shoved her forward, stumbling, but we made it deeper into the woods … somehow I had to break through her silence, I gave her a shake and tore off her shades … her eyes looked like they were inside out, sharp and deep, but it was her, I hugged her on the ground, she’d fallen down, and I said: Thanks, you’re mine … you’re brave … you got tangled up with em, doesn’t matter, it’s gone.
