City, Sister, Silver, page 46
I chuckled into my stubble, expecting her to scream and start looking for me. But then … I didn’t like it by myself, not one bit. I dashed back out onto the road, not a sign of her … Černá! Come out!
Okay, you got me, you’re right, that’s the way it was, just like you told it … I dashed outta the woods, lowland, grass, hills … not a sign, she’d vanished … maybe … soared off into the air … I fell on the ground, no, just like She-Dog, no … I can’t be like this … I love her, maybe that’s why … no, I’m me and I know what I’m doin … maybe that’s why … I looked at my hands, killing hands … ran in a circle, calling her name, maybe she’d gone back into the woods and was wandering around there looking for me … I thought of the village behind us, the skeletons, not a good place … and then on the hill I saw a silhouette … she really must’ve flown, but maybe she’s talking to herself … thinking I’m somewhere behind her, or I ran off just for a sec … it has to be her, I scrabbled up the hill … she stood there immobile, guess she was pissed … I ran up to her and froze, it was a scarecrow made of straw, instead of a face it had a gourd with a carved mouth, hole for a nose, holes for eyes … a dummy on a pole cross, straw pokin out of an old jacket fulla holes … my legs buckled … Hey, what’re you doin up there? Cripes, wait for me! Černá shouted from the bottom of the hill. I was at her side before she could say goddamn.
Hey, she squinted, a scarecrow! Great, that means there’s people around, right? People … train station’s what I mean. Is that a field there? Hey, city boy, can you even tell rye from wheat?
She was a little puzzled why I was so ardendy and affectionately hugging and kissing her, but then again not that much … occasionally we expressed tenderness and fondness for each other, and if I forgot to mention that most of the way we held hands, I don’t know why.
It was corn. We stuffed ourselves.
Look, Černá, they’re like scalps! Tearing off the husks, I gathered them into a barbarous clump …
Ever had pickled corn, roasted or stewed or shucked? I’d make some if I had a pot. Back home sometimes the scarecrows had pots on their heads, not this one … my grandma’d say we’re in poor country …
Hm.
We skirted the field, the road led upward, back uphill, and there, at the very top, stood a tall, solitary tree … we made a beeline for it, raindrops came down … warm and balmy, and then the first lightning bolt shot through the sky … Wow, look, Černá, it’s gorgeous, that scar is smiling! … hurry, run, it’s unsafe to be out in the open … yeah, let’s take cover … flashes of light painted the sky, thunderclaps shook it … Sister laughed … I tore off my clothes and ran out in the rain … she sat under the tree, in spasms of laughter … I howled too, somehow I guess we were cleansing ourselves … I rolled in the grass, yelling and shrieking … Sister stripped too, pounced on me, we skidded down the slick hillside, squawking … light exploding overhead, thunder pounding mightily. She tried something out with her voice, and her purring and meowling grew into a cloud above our heads … soon her voice was whipping through the air like energy, maybe a little like radiation … I bellowed: Hah, you Bog you, take us both, you Murderer of Young, you Old Fuck … and I shouted: Why’re we here, Up yours, Maniac, and then it occurred to me that maybe maniac came from Manitou, and I kind of liked that idea … I tore up blades of grass, quietly, Sister crawling under my knees, it rained, drops lashing down like endless ropes, I chopped them in flight with the edge of my hand, dancing and skipping, and Sister tried to do a headstand, found an indentation, head in the ground, long white legs swaying, I caught on and held her … and then … a fireball hissed past my elbow, Sister fell, I had to let go, the pulsing orb shot through her legs as they swished to the ground, I was worried the tail had singed her ankles … the lightning ball shot all around us, I stood still, Sister lay there, watching … and then the thing began hopping around the plain, high in the air and back down to the ground, and vanished … Think it’ll come back, I asked, actually I shouted, over the rain … No, said Sister, now on her feet … we both had goose bumps, and just to be safe we hugged.
Under the tree, it was still friendly … not so much rain came through its dense leafage, we put on our clothes … the rain began to die off … the cornfield was somewhere below us, damn, should’ve ripped some up for reserves … but what about the other side, surely there must be a village … I think, though, my dearest, that tonight we’ll be outside again. It’s not that cold … maybe we can find a haystack or somethin … I don’t care, said Sister, I’m startin to like it, an besides … maybe, you know, after what happened … it’s not a bad thing if we’re not home right away. Think they’re after us? It’s always better to act like they’re after you, I recited to her the words of the teaching. You held my legs up real nice. So you weren’t cold last night? C’mon, I told ja … I slept with that girl … how could I be cold. An tonight I’m sleepin with you. Yeah you are. An I’m thinkin even, you always wanna go to the sea, hey … maybe it really would be better to take off. You think … cause of. It’s easily possible, though, that if the Viets found him they cleaned him up an everything is cool … or else … Drop it, please. You’re right, Černá, it’s like a dark cloud. It’s a lot better now though, huh. Yeah, oh yeah, I said. Got a smoke? How’re you for cash? I combed through my boots and all my pockets … I’d say two tickets to the Pearl an a couple drinks an meals, could be. You’re makin me hungry! All I have’s a couple thou too, got that smoke? Aright aright, here … she lit up. I watched the glowing ash. Shifted my vision slightly, and there they were … those unforgettable lashes, each and every one a living continuation of her soft eyelids’ tenderness, she moved them, gazing out into the landscape, emitting rapid searching looks … targeted flashes … I stretched out to hide any targets on me. I stretched out to touch. We were close. The storm was over.
It was totally dark when we came to the hut. The roof was made of sticks with waterproof fabric stretched over them. Inside, a hole lined with blankets. And there was a firepit.
Potatoes! Cried Sister. An a … whatchamacallit … a rutabaga!
I found a bottle. That was all there was. Remember, Sister … those deserters … but I was already building a fire. We’d better get lost, said Sister, but she was already opening the bottle … aright, we’ll stay an see where it lands us … making love in that hole, we had the feeling, which we shared with each other, that it must’ve been something like this back in the cave days … in all likelihood, I told Sister the anthropology, based on the drawings of the time … kneeling and from behind, cause with your back on the rocks, ick, my sis filled in with a grimace, the potatoes meanwhile burned. We put in a new batch.
We drank ourselves silly. My dear … stop me mercilessly if I start goin off again … but my heart … a couple times I sat down on a stump when you were walking ahead of me an we weren’t holding hands … an I took it out an I wanna tell you, my heart in spots is black an stabbed an burdened, maybe that’s why I’m always ravin on about the sea an the islands … I donno what that girl who held you last night told you … but my heart is heavy … an I oughta tell you that on my way … see, in the former time my heart …
You, said Černá, moving closer … always rattlin on about your heart … what about my feet … they hurt!
Sister sat by the fire, waiting for her things to dry, I gaped in amazement at her skin, golden and soft in the flickering glow … I examined the bony outline of her ribs, jutting out beneath the skin, holding fast the sweet paradise of her innards, her, the eden of her body, her raven-black hair merging with the dark and the paleness of her face reflecting each time she dodged the blaze’s tongue or tossed her head … then, sitting back on her heels and resting her hands on her thighs … she turned around and the flames’ reflection flickered on the skin of her back, her slender neck, I’d never seen her through fire before, through a frolicking wall of flames, shimmering with the air’s motion … we both turned, toward the sound … the guy was gigantic, one eye agog, across the other a black patch, I was crouched at his feet, hidden in shadow … his lace-up boots, green pants, the deserters, my mind raced … but if he didn’t notice me, he saw Černá very well, just let out a groan, for a moment he seemed petrified … it isn’t often a guy comes home to find his fantasies come true, a warm fire and a naked woman … when I looked at Černá, I froze too … she’d scooped up her clothes, but … she smiled at the giant invitingly, running her hands over her breasts … I thought she’d lost her mind … that guy could squash me like a bug if he wanted … the second it hit him that a naked woman was really there and smiling at him, he let out a gasp, threw open his arms, and charged at her … moving faster than I could think … I knocked his feet out from under him, as he fell I grabbed a branch from the fire and conked him, as he raised himself on his elbows I bashed him over the head and stabbed the branch into his face, both of us were roaring … Černá snagged me by the elbow and dragged me out of the hut, running and stumbling … we didn’t stop till far away, still trembling … why’d you do it, why, said Černá, shaking me … Huh? You’re askin me … you’re the one that did it, an c’mon, there’s probly more of em out here. More who? Sheepherders? What sheepherders, that was a deserter, we saw those guys. Now you’re really mixed up, he had long hair an a beard, that was just some oaf, a local! What about the uniform? I saw his boots … He was in rags, that was a sheepherder, army boots’re what people wear in the country … We could’ve made a deal. You slut! Don’t gimme that crap, you were strokin your tits, leadin him on! What’re you babblin … idiot … I covered my chest cause he was starin at me is all … an why’d you jump him, anyway? I mean you got the gun, shit! I mean we coulda tried nice, an then if somethin went wrong you coulda … threatened him with the pistol. An don’t call me slut! Flying into a rage, she hurled herself at me, fingers curled, we tumbled through the grass, her biting, me holding her off with my hands, and I don’t know why … I guess the whole thing … I started laughing, she fell still on top of my hands and whispered: Look. Take a look.
I let her down, she rolled off into the grass. I turned around, in the distance was a fire. It stood out strongly in the dark. The flames whipped the night, billowing white steam … the fabric was soaked with rain … but I knew it was that hovel.
So he stayed in there, I said nonsensically.
Sister turned her face to me and it was full of tears, c’mere, she said, burying her head in my armpit and weeping. I couldn’t. I looked at the stars. Guess it’ll come some other time. An I hope she’ll be there for it. Just let me make it through tonight, I said to myself.
She fell asleep. Maybe he’d come because She-Dog didn’t want me to tell this love of mine … and the pistol, it dug into me, I took it outta my jacket and tucked it under my belt … I wasn’t at all eager for my little sister to know where I carried it. There was only one round left in the gun, and that one … that one I’m savin.
I peered up at and into the stars, chill springs, unmoving eyes on a creature’s wings, openings to elsewhere. And then I also fell asleep. We were pretty tired.
An I had my … it was a wolf dream. We ran off, Raksha squealing with joy … me too, we knocked the lock off the cage and it rattled through the zoo the whole last night, one of us knocked it off with a paw, the chain fell away, and then we ran, running over the hard frozen snow, through the woods, over the dirtclods, along the stones, claws clicking, and we didn’t worry about our tracks because we were running … away.
Her eyes glowed like coals … sometimes she would nip at me, lick me … there, where I had a scar from my collar, the bald patch on the nape of my neck where the fur hadn’t grown back in … she touched her snout to the spot on my ribs where once upon a time the barbwire had cut me, and pieces of wire were left in there, they’d grown into me … I nipped at her too, her scars were inside … the drill where they’d taught her to beg and hold out her paw and roll her peepers and pout her lips, where they’d dressed her up in ribbons and suits so she’d grow into a good little girl, a well-mannered little woman … always at attention, like a snowman kind of, but sexy … where they showed my little sister how to wiggle her ass to please the bosses … to live with idiots the rest of her life in exchange for cash to get makeup and food and a flat … consuming energy on learning how to go ooh and aah whenever the fucking bosses lay down the gospel … but now we were running … and the only trail we left was the fast frozen breath that fell from our fangs … my loved one was a bee and a butterfly and knew how to cut with her claws and her tongue, and I tried too … we learned from each other what was good for the other, and that made both of us stronger … running, and the earth turned beneath us, running by graves and leaping across them, avoiding the bones and glassy stares and empty eyesockets … of wolf skulls … and steering clear of traps and snares, we had experience … with falling stakes and poisoned meat … we made it without harm through the red pack’s territory … and met the last white wolves, they were wracked with disease … and the big black wolves chased us, but we escaped … we, the gray wolves of the Carpathians, had an age-old war with them, they were surprised we fled, their jaws snapping shut on empty air, they had a hunch it was their turn next, the helicopters were on the way … we ran side by side, our bodies touching … running over the earth as it turned, with the wind whistling in our ears like a lament for every dead pack … and the clicking of our claws made the earth’s motion accelerate … we ran over the earth, a mass grave, running away … away from there … and then … but then we stood on the final cliff, above the depths, and nothing was left but to jump off and plunge into the surface, that was where it all began … the depths below sparkled like a mirror and Raksha, my sister, shrank back, tongue drooping, a growl, dark and savage, escaping her throat … Akela nudged her flank with his snout, but she snapped at him … we’re here … come on, Sister, we can’t go back now … come on, let’s jump … let’s fly, we can be together forever … but Raksha turned and ran back … Akela stood at the edge, hesitating, but just for a moment … he ran after her … Raksha had found a hole in the hillside and wouldn’t come out … and Akela didn’t get it, he didn’t know a thing … he stayed outside alone … the only sound from the hole in the ground her growling … warning him … and then it was quiet … Akela was alone … and there was no point, he could go back to the cliff by himself … and fly … but there was no point … he howled, the moon was all he had and it drove his nerves crazy, Akela had no one to lean on … he ran into the woods and killed the first animal he caught scent of … carried it back to the hole … Raksha dragged the meat inside … days went by, and Akela went mad with grief … the solitude, so close to the precipice, and the betrayal … he didn’t know anything … and then he saw Raksha come out of the hole, dragging wearily, creatures all around her … sucking the life from her, taking it for themselves … Akela attacked … but Raksha knew, she’d been expecting it … knocked him off his feet, and he exposed his unprotected belly, offering his neck, the jugular, nothing mattered to him anymore … but she didn’t break the rules … she returned to the creatures … leaving Akela alone with the moon, but now he knew … and his howl was different.
What’re you screamin, for God’s sake, what? You donno how to sleep, said Černá. No, you don’t. Either you grind your teeth or but now you were even screamin!
Sorry. If you knew what I dreamed though, hah! You’d be amazed!
Did the gentleman fly?
Yeah, actually no … it was a lot different this time. An it told me. See, you crawled into this hole an …
Yeah sure, listen. I practically didn’t sleep. Or else it was a dream. It was really weird. Listen, I got woken up by this awful din, this ruckus. Like machines, you know? I donno, I think I was awake, an it came from underground. I tried to wake you. The earth was shaking. Like there was some airport or factory or somethin underneath us. I walked around a while an then I went … she pointed to where the grassy plain sloped downward, I listened and it sounded familiar … over there, I wasn’t even scared, I kept lookin to make sure I could see you … an there’s a gorge there, man, I lie down an look, an there’s these little carts flyin around, an the people pushin em were totally emaciated, down to the bone, horrible … an in the side of the gorge were these metal doors with guards out in front … an there was this racket from inside, an this light like they were meltin down iron or whatever … the people had on these suits striped like zebras, but you know … that was enough for me, I got outta there, metal doors … there was ivy or somethin all over em, an it was rolled back. I donno if it was a dream.
