City, Sister, Silver, page 54
Afterwards I was sorry … I’d pissed off the only person around I could talk to … gimme a break, Ondra, I screwed up, you’re right, that’s not the way it was … he walked off in a huff, pretending not to see me.
But I felt better. Charity gave me pants and a shirt. My SUPER DISCO was worn thin. I traded it in for Mickey M. Picked up a quilted jacket too, I needed the padding … because where everyone else had nothing, I had a pistol … and the Madonna. My silver Madonna. And her I had to protect. She was the only living thing I had left. And if anyone had spotted it, I would’ve had to fight. Assuming I’d even have a chance. I also had my keys. But I couldn’t go there yet.
That’s just horrible, I’m callin the mayor’s office, Gramps complained, I still got friends! Lookit um, the shameless hussies … two Romanian Gypsy women sat on the ground, newborns feeding at their breasts … I knew Gramps liked to spy on them … but now he was outraged … they’re bad for business, I’m Vltava baptized, not enough all the hicks we got crawlin aroun, now on top of it the furriners’re movin in, trash oughta be swept out … but he didn’t dare lift a finger, they weren’t alone, and their menfolk would’ve made fast work of him … it’s funny, I said, I mean who’s makin slaves outta who, those pimps … lousy bitches, go to hell! Gramps shook his fist from a safe distance … or those women an their kids … this is goin in the papers, honest Czechs’re bein robbed … or maybe they truly can’t provide for the kids so they feel like they got no choice, it’s all they know how to do … shoot em all! … you an yer who’s makin slaves outta who … nice rack on that one though, Gramps licked his lips. Yeah right.
I may be aggressive, but the Book is aggressive too … the preacher said for probably the sixth time already. We were packed in there at the Mission … Gramps’d dragged me in … in the stench of our grubby rags, but there was soup on the table, and sandwiches and rolls, ugh, I said to myself, shutting my eyes … yes, this book is a book of war … now watch him whip out the Scout Handbook, dipshit, said someone behind me … you have wronged and been wronged … yeah, that especially! shouted another voice behind my back, and a guy built like a mountain stepped forward from the door … the preacher, short and stooped, raised his hand to stop him, they had their act down pat, those two … the doorman had a T-shirt on that said Jesus Loves You, the rest of his upper body was plastered with tattoos … on our way in I’d told him: And you too, on purpose, to see what he’d do, but he just lowered his eyes and said, Enter, sinners, I didn’t tempt him further … yes, my book is a warlike book, and it’s the Bible! the preacher shouted, climbing onto a chair … grasp at last the meaning of history … start with yourself, cuntlips, a voice behind me muttered, my belly growled, the others looked on, intrigued … the preacher teetered a moment, then decided to climb back down … close the door, brother Arthur, it’s full, and the draft … you are going to fry in hell! the preacher roared. The life you lead now is a stroll! Gramps picked at his scabs, while some woman in front turned on the waterworks. Yes, a stroll through the rose garden, Satan is going to skewer you on his pitchfork down there! What the hell’s he scarin people for … a voice behind me grumbled … what people, asshole? I don’t see none, another voice replied. Silence! the preacher thundered, there is but one hope! Let Jesus into your hearts, he knocks softly, but the dragon fights his way in with the whip … the preacher paused dramatically to illustrate … but Jesus! He was no sniveler, no, he was no coward like you. Like you! He pointed at a woman, she let out a shriek. Like you! And you! The preacher ran around pointing his finger, pissed me off. No, you are mistaken, he exclaimed, like anyone’d even opened their mouth … remember Babylon, remember centuries of man humiliated and beaten, remember the pyramids, the lowly, who suffered under the whip, and the lofty, who suffered in their souls, the flames devoured each and every one, and they had to make war, to burn their savagery in blood, their enemies’ and their own … I’m ready to chow! said a guy behind me … puke is more like it, another said quietly … like rabid beasts the people lived, for they did not know … in every land on earth they murdered, nothing but tears and gnashing teeth and conflagrations … but then he came along, the warrior, he alone had the courage to say: Enough! The preacher jumped back on the chair: And the name of that most fearless warrior is Jesus … and he said: Love one another, there is a way … for otherwise your torture shall be prolonged unto eternity! And some heeded his words and found life eternal. You riffraff, you will never be known as anything else, you in your humiliation and pain are closer to Jesus than those who dwell in the sumptuous towers, say Yes! A few Yesses sounded out, guess they wanted to get it over with … Many stuck by Jesus and left behind the world of cruelty, only the fools and the defiant remain, and sectarians! they will burn, oh, how they will burn … And Jesus was brave enough to accept the human body and be martyred on the cross, to prove … that it could be done! Out of love for his fellow man! He left the message of his pain here for you, because pain is all you believe in, pain alone is real for you, the wretched … don’t shit cher pants, bozo, the guy behind me said … this time I got pissed off, cause in the midst of the stench and nothingness, at least the preacher had a story, yep, they killed him back then an it’s been goin on ever since, an they say nothin’s happenin … an I realized, those words from kids’ nursery rhymes, like honor an faith an all the rest, the only place they’re left anymore’s in the old stories the preachers tell, it’s similar … but Bog was in me, an I knew this guy here was leavin out plenty … and Luke the Evangelist was the only one, you poor souls, continued the preacher, who set down for the record that in the garden, that ancient, desolate garden, Jesus was alone, sweating in agony … someone fell off his chair, a little commotion ensued as the others picked him up … because he had accepted the human body and its pain, and he didn’t have to, but he was brave, unlike us, and Luke the Evangelist, you motley crew, was a doctor and he knew what he’d seen, that agony was human, Jesus feared torture no less than the most wretched of men, and that was his war … and he was victorious, and he showed that it was possible … to love.
The preacher wiped the sweat from his brow, eyelids fluttering, then went on talking about the body on the cross, and the next time the guy behind me made a wisecrack, I flew out of my seat and told him: Shut the fuck up! Softly and menacingly … then quick sat back down as the doorman moved from his post … instead of nabbin the cracker behind me though, he latched onto me an dragged me outta the row, it wasn’t me! … I said, but next thing I knew I was on my knees, a twist of the arm was all it took … and the preacher said: My son, you have seen the light, hallelujah, you have seen the light and risen to the defense … he went on jigging around me a while with the doorman holding onto me, and then it was time for soup and tea.
Before I had a chance to get any though, the preacher dragged me into the back an gave me some pamphlet an a stack a holy pictures, still talkin away, but the power was gone … socks, I said … what, my son … socks, if you have any … oh, yes … he knelt down on one knee and took off his shoes, rolled off his socks … handed em to me … I can’t, Father, thanks … but really I can’t … somehow I staggered outta there … in the hall it was still pretty rank … and all the food was eaten. I lifted up the soup lid … cue violins. A couple crumbs left, I swept em up.
Luckily Gramps was waiting outside with the guy I’d gone off on, he let loose: Nice show, boy, that’s what it takes, otherwise he’d never finish, heh heh … improv! They had a few rolls stashed away for me, plus Gramps had a chunk of salami. And a bottle of rum. We headed out to the railyard.
The Blue Army … I was scared of them at first, a uniform’s a uniform, but the railroad guys didn’t give a damn about us. Gramps’d even become a station mascot of sorts. I didn’t make any trouble, even when I was loaded, so sometimes they’d let me sit on the platform. I’d just sit and act like I was waiting for a train. Look around … occasionally I’d doze off. I think I looked normal enough.
On our way out back, ah, Gramps called out full blast, how do you do, lick your lolly? Howdoyoudo was husding through the concourse … leading Drool by the hand. It took me a while to get it. Besides, I didn’t keep track much, content to let it all merge as long as everyone left me in peace.
Drool was a mongoloid. No one knew for sure whether she was Howdo-youdo’s daughter. No one cared either. They were heading out back toward the out-of-service trains.
You wouldn’t believe, Gramps told me once, the cars that stop out there an the fellas drivin em … saw this set a wheels the other day … even remember the license plate, but not a peep to anyone. I don’t want any trouble. They keep an eye on it! We know the top dogs at City Hall, heh, we still got friends! … Maybe what he was saying was just part of the station mythology, everyone here had a story to tell. Everybody was Monte Christo, every thief an ex-millionaire, every junkie blathered on about the golden hit and how they were gonna do it … tomorrow … the junkies were just passing through, they didn’t live here … every lousy washed-up alkie claimed to’ve been some famous actress or singer. Lies and inventions and sob stories … everybody here lived a life of pure fantasy, the day-to-day worries of finding food and warmth and a place to sleep didn’t leave time for anything else, and sometimes it was brutal. Of course … the main thing was to cloud your mind. I wasn’t the only one lost in a fog. Some of those derelicts’ lives were real drudgery … they went on babbling their tall tales and lies because that was all they had. Nobody cared if people believed them … apart from those moments of hungover weeping … and besides it was fun. It made time move.
Drool really did drool. I saw Howdoyoudo Lolly feed her once. Dunking her bread in a cup of milk.
We sat and drank, slowly, so it would last … it was summer, but the air was … different already somehow. I was about to throw away the stuff the preacher had given me … but Gramps yanked the pictures outta my hand, scrawny old scarecrow bawled me out. I let him have em. I sat on a barrel, the others flopped out on ties around the fire: Gramps, the fella from the Mission, some Polish guy. Ondra shuffled up, sat down next to em, acting like he didn’t see me. The conversation flagged. Hey Gramps, I winked at the old man … didn’t you want me to finish tellin that fable about King Krongold? Gramps squirmed … oh yeah, that’s right, you promised … I winked at Ondra, he still had his back to me, but it looked like he’d perked up his ears … Mission Guy grumbled testily, but Gramps gave him a kick … I mixed it up last time, got totally off track … Merlin did mow down that computer army, only, get this, Gramps … there was still one slinger left, the Old Lion’s page, an he was with Krongold too … but what you gotta understand, Gramps, is this kid was sharp … looked sixteen, but he was actually younger … didn’t matter though, because, an this is historically documented … trink! the Polish guy yapped, I passed him the bottle, sposedly he’d chipped in … the kid’d spent his childhood in the orphanages of Genoa, learned all kindsa stuff there … so it didn’t matter that he was small … an not from a computer, he was flesh an blood, so he didn’t feel Merlin’s axe, not even when the troops were fallin left an right … that’s the way it was, an this page, the slinger, was extremely valiant, so as soon as he sees King Krongold’s unconscious … this slinger, who’s called Ondráš, sneaks into the tower an sees … Merlin creeping toward the chamber where the fair Eleanor lies weeping … an he’s got a dagger an his shadow falls across the floor an … errr … errr … the floorboards creak, an Ondráš winds up his sling an bang … pegs Merlin in the eye! Heh! said Gramps. Wait, but that arrow didn’t bother him, said Ondra … that arrow didn’t bother him cause it was computerized, an what Old Man Lion didn’t know … nobody knew! … was that Merlin was a program too! … so programmed arrows couldn’t hurt him, hah … but Ondráš used a real-life stone from the desert … an Merlin was reeling … that was all the slinger needed, quiet as a mouse he raced past Merlin into the chamber an fell into Queen Eleanor’s arms … no, wait! … they, uh, what was it … jou ar all paranoyt, the Pole declared, wrapping himself in a blanket … right, they take the blanket an sheets an start wavin out the window to Krongold, he spies the movement … an comes to his senses! … an he leaps on his noble Arabian charger an gallops forth … meanwhile Merlin … now you know he’s furious … shaken but furious, an he starts tearin the door to shreds with his nails … Ondráš stood, sling at the ready … an Eleanor sank to her knees, extending her snow-white arms: Make haste, my dear, make haste, Krongold … an throwing off his breastplate the king dashed up the stairs … just then, the bedroom door flew open an in came Merlin, pouncing at them with his ghastly claws … but Ondráš was sharp, he’d been expecting it … so he quick let fly, an boom! In the other eye! Merlin lurched into the wall … a second later he was right back at em again … but that second was all it took! Krongold bursts in, sees Merlin, an stabs him! Eleanor faints in his arms. Who is this lad? King Krongold frowned, gesturing to Ondráš … that, my king, is a virtuous soldier, twas he who twice felled the powerful and evil wizard Merlin! the fair Eleanor said, and she presented Ondráš with a braid of her golden tresses. So it is then … I declare you a knight, the king exclaimed in a thunderous voice … accept this gift, O valiant hero … and he handed Ondráš a huge sword covered in diamonds … the sword of the fallen Sir Dolphus … only heroes may carry the swords of heroes, the king said, his voice shaking the chamber walls … so Ondráš became a knight … Aha! so that’s why Krongold had two swords, I get it … and finding countless treasures in Merlin’s casde, they rigged out a splendid argosy and set sail for Genoa … an Krongold an Eleanor were wed … an Ondráš … uh, right! … Ondráš stayed with em! They adopted him … an they all lived together in a huge castle up in the mountains … high in the air, an kept an eye on the roads … an then comes the next part, where Ondráš takes out his Arabian steed, throws a shabrack on him, an rides off toward his next adventure … heh? … here I am goin hoarse an they’re all sleepin … the Pole’d finished off the bottle … yeah, great … everyone was snoring away, Mission Guy drooling … Ondra curled up at Gramps’ feet, also in rags, fast asleep. I walked out past the ties.
That string in my head, I only felt it rarely now … I’d set up a regular time for sitting on the platform, that was my time to think about Černá, I’d given up believing she’d ever step off the train … given up being scared of it too … and when I’d jump out of my skin, it was always a different girl … and somehow I’d make it through the rest of the day, walking, wandering, sleeping … it occurred to me to try leavin the station, goin by my place on Gasworks, pick up my clothes and some money, there’d be something there, wash up so I wouldn’t stick out so much, and then go where I had to go, and do it. I gave my pistol a pat.
She talked to me first. Nothin much, but young, strawberry blonde, face kina runny. Took my hand. One word led to the next, our shoulders touched. I groped her under the table so it’d be obvious. She held on. Egh, I neighed on the inside … checked my getup, the lighting was dim, puffed out my chest … after a few shots we were all over each other … and I was turned on, so I’m absolutely positively getting better, I thought to myself. I kept drinking till nightfall so she wouldn’t notice how keyed up I was. I was looking forward to Gasworks. This way it would be … healthier. Up until now I couldn’t’ve imagined standing next to that sink again. Like I had that time with her. There might even be some of her things there still, trifles.
Ginger was a sociable one. Nurse on vacation in the little mother. Bullshit, no doubt, but it sounded nice. So if I trip an bust my face, you’d bandage me up, right? I’ll bandage you so good … you haven’t lived till you’ve been bandaged by me, she poured it on. We made a deal, I’d get the drinks, she’d get the cab. Either we’d stay at my place, or grab the cash an go somewhere. I’ll hit the cellar first thing in the morning, it’ll be a classy farewell … I told myself. With a manly smile. She got a little wild in the cab.
Yep … this is Gasworks, the driver said. Same name still.
I recognized the store on the corner, but except for that … my street, which used to be one of the worst … lots of buildings had new facades, wait a sec, leggo, I pushed her off, a fashion boutique, a toyfil store, a crystal shop, here? … a bank, this is unbelievable …
You gettin out, or do you want me to keep goin?
Wait here, I told him and the redhead, moving as if in a dream. At number 23, where my place should’ve been, was a hotel. Glass doors, dish jockeys, cactuses … Hotel Evropa, yeah, that’s original … Chinese tombs on the walls, all the frills … unobtrusive music, red carpet …
Where do you think you’re going? A fellow in a uniform stopped me, reception clerk. He surveyed my attire under the glowing chandeliers.
I live here.
Uh-huh … we’ll see about that. Which étagère?
Which what?
Which room.
Number nine, on the courtyard.
Oh, that’s gone now, sir. This is a hotel now, as you see for yourself.
Where’s my stuff, dammit!
Make an appointment at City Hall, sec. 77. All previous tenants who failed to submit claims were relocated to the City Dump. You must have neglected to submit your claim by 9/7!
What claim? That’s my stuff!
We’ve had cases like yours before. But if you haven’t submitted your claim yet, I’m afraid it’s too late.
What the … ?
You won’t get any space from us.
Where’re all the resta the people that used to live here?
Where do you think? They went somewhere else.
I staggered back to the cab. This is unreal … my nautical maps, my photos … a couple blazers …
Where to?
Back!
It took Ginger a while to get it. So you don’t have anything? Nope. The driver pulled over to let her out. We didn’t even say goodbye. I took off through the bushes and stiffed the cabbie. It was sad, but I had to.
