Painful, page 57
Kiera looked uncomfortable for a moment, then she laughed. “Can I…change now?” Her question was clearly directed only at Martin and Anna. It made me happy that she hadn’t included me in her dismissal. Good. After all this time, she should be able to change in front of me without any hesitation or need to coverup. Even if I was blatantly staring at her body…daydreaming about all the things I could do to it. And there were so many things I could do…
Lost in those delicious thoughts, I vaguely heard Anna say something about food. Hmmm…food…I wonder if we still have that bottle of Hershey’s syrup? Hearing my name being said interrupted my dirty little fantasy.
“Kellan, son, you want to give me a hand with…something?”
I had to grin at Martin’s clumsy attempt to protect his daughter’s virtue by getting me out of the room. He had to know that ship had sailed long ago. Ah, denial. That was something I could understand. And…did he just call me son? Damn. That was pretty huge of him, so of course I needed to be respectful and comply.
My smile was bright as I stood up. Maybe there was still a chance for him to like me. “Sure, no problem,” I peppily told him.
I kissed Kiera’s head before leaving, and she thanked me for being nice to her dad. Martin clapped me on the shoulder as we left, and damn if it didn’t feel like acceptance. Then he started talking about baseball. Shit. I’d already exhausted all my facts the last time we’d talked about this. I had a feeling, if I was truly going to bond with the man, then I’d need to actually start watching baseball. For Kiera, I’d happily make that sacrifice.
I made small talk with Martin and Caroline while Anna had a snack and Kiera got ready. I was talking to Caroline about our house in L.A., when I noticed Kiera entering the living room. “It’s really nice, like one of those houses you’d see in a…” My voice trailed off mid-sentence as I stared at Kiera. My jaw dropped open, and I just couldn’t seem to close it. The dress fit her perfectly, highlighting her body in a way that made me ache. She’d curled her deep brown hair and left it loose around her shoulders; there was a perfectly twisted lock resting near her collarbone that I was dying to wrap around my finger. Her ever-changing eyes were a deep green today, made even more striking by the darkness of the dress—and the depth of love I saw in them. God, she was just…so…fucking…beautiful. Stunning. Breathtaking. Glorious. And mine.
Kiera smiled at me, her brows bunched as she tried to understand my expression. Blinking out of my overwhelmed state, I slapped on a smile and stood up. “You look amazing,” I told her.
As I wrapped my arms around Kiera, I noticed her mother appraising me. Her face was contemplative, but also…approving, like seeing what her daughter did to me affirmed something for her. I just hoped Martin hadn’t noticed. He might not appreciate me practically drooling over his daughter.
Kiera stepped back from me, her expression unsure. “You don’t think it’s too short?” she asked, pulling down the bottom.
The more she tugged at the bottom, the farther the cleavage line plunged. I stopped her hands so she wouldn’t accidentally expose herself and gave her a soft smile. “No, not at all.” She looked fantastic, and she had nothing to worry about wearing this. Sure, it was a smidge on the too-short side, but as long as she didn’t flagrantly bend over with her legs locked, she’d be fine. Hmmm, what a great visual though.
From behind me, I heard her dad say, “Well, actually…”
Anna steamrolled right over him as she stepped into the room. “Shush, Dad, she looks great!” Anna beamed at her sister, then indicated the dress. “I hope you went commando, and if you did, just remember to squat to pick things up, not bend over. That’s very important.” She winked after she said it.
Kiera turned bright red, and I had to press my lips together to not laugh…or picture her without any underwear on. I managed to not laugh. I failed to hold back the erotic image. Jesus, Anna…why did you have to put that in my brain? And just when I was making some headway with her parents. Hopefully they didn’t notice how much I loved the idea.
Everyone in the room reprimanded Anna at the exact same time. Everyone except me. I gave her a discreet, appreciative grin…because I was really enjoying the new-and-improved visual she’d just given me. Jesus. Now I really wanted to skip this party. Goddamn it, Anna. I’m trying to be good today.
Kiera was a bundle of nerves as I drove her to school, anxious about being the center of attention, even if it was just for a split-second. Wanting her to be as calm as possible for as long as possible, I walked with her to where she was supposed to go. She leaned into my side, grateful. “I love how you take care of me,” she said.
Peeking down at her, I asked, “You don’t think I’m…clingy? Always needing to be near you?” Even I felt clingy sometimes. I couldn’t help it. She was my happy place.
Kiera let out a soft laugh as she looked up at me. “No…I think you got that part just right.”
That made me smile. It also reminded me that I couldn’t be that way with her as much as I wanted or for as long as I wanted. This visit was going to be a short one. Far too short. I was flying back to L.A. on Monday.
A group of people loitering in the hallway made me come to a stop. Candy and her friends. Once upon a time, I could barely remember Candy’s name, but after she and her friends had tried to convince Kiera that I’d cheated on her—making up some bullshit story and using my tattoo as proof—everything about Candy was burned into my brain. And not in a good way. She’d gone too fucking far.
I’d confronted Candy about the lie before leaving for the tour, ages ago now. I’d told her in no uncertain terms to back the fuck off and leave Kiera alone. I’d also found out where they’d spotted my tattoo. One of them had seen me exercising—shirtless—at the park. Them twisting that little-known knowledge into a fake story to hurt Kiera still pissed me off. But Kiera hadn’t mentioned Candy again, so I felt like she’d taken my warning to heart. I might have scared her a little with my intensity. I didn’t want to scare her now, or encourage her, so I kept my expression as blank as possible as she turned to face us. That became a little more difficult when I saw she was very pregnant. Thank all the fucking stars in the world that it wasn’t mine.
Candy looked really surprised when she saw us. She said something to her friends, then started walking our way. Kiera sighed, not looking forward to talking to her. She didn’t need to worry; I would put Candy in her place, if needed. Hopefully, I wouldn’t need to.
There was a confusing amount of solemnness on Candy’s face when she stopped in front of us. Her eyes lowered to the floor, almost remorsefully. “Hey, I just wanted to apologize…for all the crap I used to give to you about Kellan.”
I was stunned to hear her say that. Candy had never seemed like the apologetic type to me. Or ever truly interested in me. She was just…possessive, like Joey had been. She looked up at Kiera, then me. “I guess I wanted attention.” Her gaze drifted back to her shoes. “I was pretty ignored in my high school and being with you gave me a certain amount of…clout…here.” She looked back up at me. “Sorry. That was pretty shallow of me.”
Any lingering anger I had toward her disappeared at hearing her apology, at seeing the sadness on her face, the guilt. I kind of felt bad for her. She still shouldn’t have tried to fuck up my relationship, but…I could understand wanting to be noticed, wanting to feel connected to people. It was fairly similar to what I’d done. I’d had sex with whoever I could to feel like I belonged. Candy had sex with me to feel like she belonged, or more accurately, she’d had sex with my fame to feel like she belonged. It had little to do with me, as a person. It was a good thing for both of us that that cycle was over with. It wasn’t healthy.
Not wanting her to feel guilty about using me, I smiled and told her, “It doesn’t matter.” My eyes drifted to her stomach, then to Kiera. We’ve both moved on. “We’re not those people anymore, Candy. Don’t worry about it,” I finished, looking back at her.
Candy looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded and walked away. As she left, I hoped that she truly cared about whoever had fathered her baby. I felt like I understood her a little better now, and I genuinely hoped she was happy.
Not long after that meeting, Kiera was practically tackled by a perky blonde. The girl pulled on her so hard, her hand was yanked away from mine. Seeing someone who obviously adored Kiera made me grin. At least not every girl here had treated her like Candy. Not that they all would…it wasn’t like I’d slept with everyone at the school.
“Kiera, can you believe it! We did it!” She had a cute Southern accent, and she beamed at Kiera. Then her sparkling blue eyes shifted to me. She studied me for a second, then gave me a polite smile. “You must be the boyfriend?”
I extended my hand with a nod. “Kellan.”
As we shook hands, she tilted her head toward Kiera. “Now I can see why you’re straight. I think he’d make anybody reconsider their orientation.”
Hearing her say that filled in so many puzzle pieces for me. This had to be the girl who had kissed Kiera. She’d told me her name in a later conversation…Cheyenne. They’d had the same class, and then they’d been study partners, and then Cheyenne had taken a chance and kissed her. I knew it should have made me mad—someone kissing my girl at least deserved a scolding—but damn if the image didn’t turn me on.
Kiera could tell I knew from the look on my face. She rolled her eyes at me, then shoved my shoulder. “Why don’t you go have a seat with my parents?”
I couldn’t help but tease her. “You sure? Are you…good…here?” Because if there’s a problem, I could stay. And watch.
Even though I was making it sound like I’d be okay with it, I already knew I wouldn’t be—I didn’t share anymore, not even with girls. Still, there was something primal and appealing about two girls making out, and I could not stop picturing it. And leaving all the potential jealousy out of it…it was pretty fucking hot.
Kiera forcefully turned me around and pushed me away. I left…but I thought about it the entire time I walked away, and I gave Kiera a purposefully devilish grin before I disappeared around the corner. Then I shook my head at myself and let the erotic imagery go. I wanted Kiera’s lips to only be on mine anyway. Her kissing me was my favorite fantasy…my only fantasy.
* * *
Kiera was way more relaxed once the ceremony was over. I, however, was way more freaked out. I felt like hyperventilating as I drove us all to the bar. I’m not ready. I can’t do this. When I parked the car and pulled the key out of the ignition, I felt an impending sense of doom settling over me. It was painful, like a vise around my chest, slowly squeezing the life out of me. I really can’t do this.
Anna and her parents got out of the car, breezy smiles on their faces as they greeted other people coming to the party. My eyes locked onto the reflection of the bar in my rearview mirror, and I couldn’t look away. I felt trapped, cornered, and the urge to run was steadily increasing, second by second. I wasn’t sure if I could actually, physically make myself walk into the bar. Was he here? Was he waiting? Fuck.
Kiera was still in the car, lingering with me since I hadn’t moved. I heard her unbuckle her belt and open the door. “Coming?” she asked.
Fuck. No…I can’t. “I’ll be there in a sec.” Would she understand if I left? Would she be mad? Hurt? I should go inside, for her sake, but fuck…the last place I wanted to be was the bar. I felt like I’d been dumped in a pool of concrete, and it was slowly hardening around me, freezing me, suffocating me. I had to move, but I had no choice but to stay.
Kiera closed her door and moved closer to me. “Hey, you okay?” she tenderly asked.
I forced myself to look at her, and I felt the panic rising as I did. “I don’t think I can do this, Kiera.” Now…or ever.
Her face filled with so much compassion, it made my chest hurt. Her eyes never wavering from mine, she placed a hand on my cheek and confidently said, “Yes, you can. You can do anything.”
I could tell she meant it. I could tell she truly believed it…but it wasn’t true. I wasn’t as perfect as she thought I was. And there were a lot of things I simply could not do. This was one of those things.
I shook my head to object, and she leaned forward to kiss me. I couldn’t react, the panic and fear were holding me hostage. There was so much tension in my body, I thought I might explode if I didn’t do something. I just couldn’t make myself do either option—stay or go, they both seemed impossible.
But then Kiera lightly ran her tongue along my lip and something else started to break through the conflict within me. A trickle of desire began melting the ice. My jaw dropped, my mouth relaxing, and Kiera sucked on my bottom lip. My eyes fluttered closed as I absorbed the sensation, the flash of white-hot need. She dipped her tongue inside my mouth, and I shuddered as I shifted to find her lips. More.
Our mouths moved together, and all the anxiety inside me evaporated in the sudden heat. I couldn’t even remember what I’d been worried about. She was my only thought. My hand went to her cheek, pulling her into me, deepening our connection. Her hand went to my chest, and she gently, but firmly pushed me away from her. I stared at her through a fog of desire, and she bit her lip as she studied my face. I want you.
She tilted her head toward somewhere outside. “Come on, people are waiting for us. Let’s go say hello.”
It took a second to release the rampant desire running through me. Once my head was clearer, I was floored by what she’d just done to me. And a little proud. Even though I wanted to grin at her for successfully distracting me, I put on a playful frown. “You turned me on…that’s cheating.”
She laughed as she got out of the car. When I got out as well, she shook her head at me. “When do I ever not turn you on?”
My smile broke free. Exactly, Kiera. It’s about time you owned that fact. Closing my door, I told her, “Well, finally, you understand the problem that has plagued me from day one.”
She held out her hand for me, and I eagerly joined her. “Yes, I do,” she murmured. Then she leaned up and nibbled on my ear. Jesus. Did she want me to be rock hard when I walked in there? I guess she did, because right after that, she added, “And I’ll fix your little problem later, I promise.”
Damn. This girl was going to be my undoing. And I couldn’t think of a better way to go.
Not caring about anything but taking her home, I grinned and pulled her toward the bar. “Let’s get this over with then.”
I felt so much better, but even still, I held my breath as we stepped through the doors. Not spotting anyone unexpected made a surge of relief go through me. He’s not here. Thank God. Kiera was bombarded by friends who wanted to congratulate her. Her cheeks flushed, but she took their praise in stride. It filled me with an odd sense of pride and bliss to see her growth, to see the connections she’d made without me. She wanted to be a well-rounded person, with joys and interests that didn’t solely rely on me, on my presence…and I wanted that for her too. Our tendency toward dependency wasn’t healthy. We should be just as strong apart as we were together.
Even still…I wanted her to join me. We could make it apart—I knew we could now—but she was my best friend, my lover, my soulmate. She enriched me, and I wanted to share every moment of my upcoming future with her. I wanted her by my side. I wanted her to be my wife. I didn’t want to wait anymore.
I fantasized about marrying Kiera while I talked to Troy at the bar. By the way he was flirtatiously tilting his dirty-blond head, softly smiling as he openly admired me, I thought maybe I shouldn’t fantasize about Kiera while talking to him. I knew he had a thing for me, and I didn’t want to lead him on. As he made a tray of sodas for me, Jenny stepped up to my side.
“Hey,” I said to her. “Where’s Evan? I figured you two would arrive together.” With a grin, I added, “If you bothered to get out of bed to join us at all, that is.”
Troy smiled at my suggestive remark, his light brown eyes amused. Jenny rolled her eyes and thumped my chest. “You’re just as bad as Griffin sometimes, you know that, right?”
I gave her a playful look of mock indignation, and I heard Troy laugh…then sigh.
Jenny laughed too, then said, “Evan will be here soon. He and Matt went to the airport to get…you know who.”
My jaw dropped. “He’s coming?” I really thought he might pick the bikinis.
Jenny pursed her lips and nodded. As one, we both looked back at Anna. Griffin was going to find out he was a father-to-be today. I was relieved, but I was nervous. I inhaled a deep breath, then muttered, “I hope Griffin doesn’t make me kill him.”
“You and me both, Kellan,” Jenny said. She sighed, then her mood brightened. “Hey, did Kiera tell you about the book she’s writing about you?”
My brows knitted in confusion as I flicked a glance at Kiera talking to her family. “About me?” Why would she write a book about me?
When I looked back at Jenny, she was nodding and smiling. “About how the two of you got together. She’s really enjoying writing it. It’s what she’s meant to do…I can tell.” Her face scrunched as she examined me. “How do you feel about that?”
I bit my lip as I looked back at Kiera. A book about us. About us having an affair…fuck. That would be…painful. But maybe cathartic too. There had been so many times during that mess when I’d wondered just what she’d been thinking. I wasn’t sure if I could handle reading her thoughts about the whole thing, but I knew…no matter what…if this was what she wanted, I would support her through it.
Grinning, I looked back at Jenny. “I couldn’t be prouder of her.”
