Painful, page 41
Griffin glared at Matt before grabbing a paper from the stack and shoving it at me. It was exactly what I thought it was. Goddamn it, Griffin…let it go. “Yeah…I read it,” I said, flicking a glance at Kiera.
Looking reluctant but too curious to stay silent, Kiera asked him precisely what I hoped she wouldn’t. “Read what?”
Griffin shifted the paper to her while I tried to think of something that would make her feel better about this. I couldn’t think of a damn thing though. It just sounded…bad.
Annoyance on his face, Griffin told her, “This says that we shouldn’t have sex with all the girls hanging around, because chicks will try to screw us just to get knocked up! So we have to pay them to raise the kid! For eighteen years!”
The look of shock and disgust on his face was almost humorous. Griffin didn’t often consider the consequences of his actions, and this was clearly something that had never even crossed his mind before. It was honestly sort of a miracle that he hadn’t knocked someone up yet. But the way he’d phrased it, and him bringing it up here—now—was pissing me off. Why was tact completely beyond him?
Kiera’s eyes slowly turned to me. “They gave you a pamphlet on sleeping with fans?” she asked, her voice crisp, edged with irritation.
Fucking Griffin. Shrugging, I kept my eyes on my papers. “It’s just a warning…” A general, all-encompassing, doesn’t-apply-to-me warning. There was also a memo about drugs and alcohol, but of course, Griffin wasn’t concerned about that one. Just the sex. God forbid someone tell Griffin who he could or couldn’t screw. Jackass.
Before I could say anything else, Lana intervened. “It’s a standard precaution that we give to all of our rising celebrities. They will be targets to all sorts of different people, and we give them guidelines on how to best protect themselves from…being manipulated.”
She paused to smile warmly at Kiera. Lana had instantly realized that Kiera was more than an eager fan the moment I’d brought her in here with me, and she’d been extremely courteous to her. I was very grateful she was taking a moment to explain this to Kiera. I felt like it had more weight coming from Lana. “It’s the company’s way of protecting the asset. It’s a very common practice nowadays.” She laughed and shrugged. “Athletes have to sit through a seminar about it. They never listen though…”
Some of the annoyance fell off Kiera’s face as she absorbed that. Unfortunately, Griffin was still pissed. Throwing his pen down, he said, “Well, what’s the point of being a rock star if I can’t bang the groupies?”
I wanted to toss my pen at him. And maybe a bucket of cold water. Was he seriously not going to sign because of that? Kiera seemed incredulous too as she muttered, “I thought it was supposed to be about the music?”
I automatically cringed, because I knew what he was going to say, and I knew Kiera wouldn’t like it. “No, no, I’m pretty sure it’s the pussy.”
Yep. Fucking Griffin.
Kiera leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. I patted her thigh in silent apology for my bandmate, but she didn’t look any less irritated. I wanted to smack Griffin for his comment, but he was too far away. Thankfully, Anna smacked him for me.
Griffin turned to glare at her as he rubbed his head. “What?” he asked, genuinely perplexed. Anna rolled her eyes and shook her head, but even still, she looked more amused than anything else.
Matt laughed. “Dude, it doesn’t say you shouldn’t have sex. It says you should always use protection.” He rolled his eyes. “You can still sleep with them if you want, just wrap it up. And please do. The last thing the world needs is another you,” he said with a smirk.
Evan let out a low laugh as Griffin turned his heated eyes on Matt. “Fuck you, man.” Face softening, Griffin looked back at me. “Is that true? Do girls really do that?”
I wasn’t sure why he was asking me. It wasn’t like I had personal experience with that. But it wasn’t uncommon for Griffin to come to me on the rare occasion he had a dilemma. For some reason, he valued my opinion. By the look on his face, I could tell he wanted me to deny it. He wanted reassurance for the lifestyle he loved, wanted me to say something like, “No, the only thing girls are interested in is a few minutes with your body…don’t worry about it.” But he did need to worry about it, so I wasn’t going to tell him that. Instead, I told him what was, most likely, the truth.
“Some,” I said, squeezing Kiera’s leg in another quiet apology.
Looking annoyed for a different reason, Griffin finally picked up the pen. “Well, that’s fucked up,” he said, signing his name.
I wanted to sigh in relief, one because he was signing it, and two because he looked like he was genuinely contemplating that warning. Maybe he’d be more careful from here on out. Maybe.
Finished with my papers, I gathered them up and handed them to Lana. She gave me a friendly smile as she tucked them away. I felt giddy now that it was over with, and eager to finally spend some time with Kiera. Leaning over, I kissed her cheek, then ran my lips along her jaw to her ear. Just that tiny tease was enough to send electricity down my body.
Gauging how much time was left in the show by the song I could hear playing below us, I told her, “I still have forty-five minutes of free time…Want to go somewhere more private?”
She nodded, and with a smile glued to my face, I stood up. “I’m gonna show her around. I’ll see you guys later.”
Matt and Evan gave us a knowing smile and a nod. Griffin was studying his contract like it was written in a foreign language. Oh well. Lana and the guys could help him if he still had concerns, and honestly, I was pretty sure his largest concern had already been addressed.
Grabbing Kiera’s bag and her hand, I led her back downstairs and then out the side door to the buses. I was teeming with energy when I popped the bus door open. Grinning, I told her, “Come on, let me show you where I live now.”
She giggled as she followed me inside, and I was so glad she’d let that stupid conversation with Griffin go. Groupies were his issue, not mine. I hoped she genuinely understood that. Tossing her bag on an empty seat, I led her to the sleeping area of the bus. The divider curtain was closed, and when it fell back into place, the space was fairly dark, lit only by soft lights built into the floor. It wasn’t uncommon for tired band members to come back to the bus after their performance, but a quick scan of the cubbies convinced me we were alone. I stopped us in front of my cubby. Maybe it was a little forward to lead her directly to my bed, but…I really fucking missed her.
I wrapped my arms around her, reveling in her warmth, in the sound of her light breath in the quiet room. Leaning my forehead against hers, I softly told her, “Welcome to my bedroom.”
I could feel her breath quicken as my lips slowly started lowering to hers. “Your bedroom?” she said, her voice low, seductive…sexy as hell.
She was already igniting me, making me harden with need, but I didn’t want to rush this. I missed teasing her too much. I missed the anticipation. I moved my mouth away from hers, connecting my lips to her jaw instead, and I felt a slight shudder go through her. “Mine and the other guys…” I told her. One of my hands slid down her back, over her ass, while I placed soft kisses down her neck. God, she smelled good.
She angled her head, giving me better access to her skin, and the ache inside me intensified. Slowly working my way down her throat, I said, “We’re all packed into these cubbies, like sardines.” At the base of her throat, I began lightly running my tongue up her neck. Damn, she tasted good. The noise she made when she dropped her head back made a surge of desire rush through me. Fuck. I want you.
Her hands ran over my ass and gently tugged on my jeans, subconsciously pulling me into her, telling me she wanted me too. I cupped her cheek. “It’s not as spacious as your bed back home, but there’s just enough room for two…”
Our faces were so close together…but I purposely kept our mouths apart. The tease was nearly excruciating, and I knew I’d need relief soon, but God…it felt so good. I sensed her minutely shift her focus to glance at the cubbies, and I pointed out the one on the bottom. “That’s mine. My home away from home, where I try to get some sleep with a bunch of snoring, smelly dudes around me.”
The brutal, unglamorous reality of my life made me laugh. Then I was struck by my remembered daily loneliness, and I sighed and touched her face again. Pulling back from her, I paused to absorb the beauty I had ached for so much. “Where I dream about you…where I miss you…”
My eyes misted as I stared at the depth of love in her ever-changing eyes. Being apart from her was so…hard. Harder than I’d thought it would be, and I’d anticipated it being nearly insurmountable. Maybe that was because of everything else I was going through. Maybe if all I was dealing with was homesickness it wouldn’t be so bad, so devastating. I would never know for sure, because I was already so deep in my personal hell, I couldn’t see a way out anymore. For a moment, as the weight became suffocating, I just wanted my old life back. Take me home, Kiera. Free me from this agony of missing you…and hating him.
Kiera’s eyes grew glossy, matching my pain. “I miss you too, Kellan.”
Then Kiera’s hand threaded through my hair, and she forcefully pulled me forward, urging me toward her. Our mouths met, and the loneliness and pain instantly morphed into fiery passion. If she couldn’t physically take me home, at least I could lose myself in her. Ease my pain with a glorious distraction. The quiet space around us filled with soft needy moans, as the ache of our separation overwhelmed us. Pushing Kiera back against the bed frame, I shifted her leg around my hip so I could press against her fully, show her just how much I’d missed her. Her nails scratched down my back, almost undoing me. Fuck. Yes.
Her fingers started tugging on my shirt, wanting it off. I pulled away to help her, tossing the fabric over my shoulder. Kiera’s fingers traced the letters of her name on my chest. My skin felt electric where she touched me, and I paused a moment to savor the sensation—the connection. “I love you,” I whispered.
I rocked my hips against hers, wanting to satisfy her, satisfy us. Her arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer into her. My lips found her neck, my fingers found her stomach. I bunched up her thin shirt until her bra was exposed. That. I want that. I swept the cup aside, then ducked down to take her nipple into my mouth. The noise Kiera made, the way she arched against me…it was like she was about to come, just from me doing this. It made me throb, needing my own release.
No. I needed hers.
Mouth never leaving her chest, I blindly unbuttoned her jeans. She moaned, “Yes,” as I slid my hand inside the opening. She was clutching my shoulders, panting with need, aching for me to give this to her. My fast, frantic breaths matched hers. I needed this. I needed her…so much.
I was just about to touch her, feel how much she wanted me, when the room suddenly brightened. I instantly pulled my hand out of her jeans, released her nipple, and fixed her shirt. Goddamn it. My body was complaining about the change of pace; from the look on Kiera’s face, her body was as well. Blocking Kiera from view, I turned around to see who the hell was here.
My stomach dropped when I saw who was holding open the curtain that separated the sleeping area from the bathroom. Paul. Fucking Paul. Of course, it would be him. That asshole was the one person I really didn’t want to see Kiera like this. And from the look on his face, he’d been listening to us for a while, just waiting for his moment to spoil the mood. Fucking dick.
Paul’s eyes raked over Kiera in a way that was seriously pissing me off. He knew who she was; I was constantly studying her photo on the bus. He knew what she meant to me. And he also knew he could seriously damage us with a few well-placed words. I could feel Kiera fidgeting behind me, fixing the rest of her clothes. I struggled with what to do, because what I really wanted to do was kick his ass for purposely embarrassing her. But I knew…I knew…Paul could make this moment so much worse than just embarrassing. I had to be calm, I had to be nice. Maybe if I was, then he would be too. You can be jealous of me, but don’t be cruel. Please.
He was still holding up the curtain, bathing us in the light from the other room. He tried to look surprised, but the gleam of victory in his eyes gave it away. It also scared me. “Hey, sorry, Kellan…didn’t mean to…interrupt.” He smirked as he stepped into the room with us. “Hey, cutie, what’s up?”
Fuck. The creepy way he’d said that was like a premonition of what was about to happen. He was going to start something. He was going to hurt her. I had to get him out of here. As Paul stepped closer, I felt Kiera drop her head to my shoulder, mortified. I hated that her being embarrassed was actually the best outcome here. I shoved Paul’s shoulder, trying to hurry him along. “Yeah, well, it happens, don’t worry about it.”
Paul let out an amused chuckle as he let himself be pushed by me. When he was at the other curtain opening, he said, “Yeah, yeah, I’m leaving.” He opened that curtain, letting a softer light reach us. Then he gave me a smile that made my blood run cold. It was a smile that clearly said, You are so fucked. “Damn, man, I don’t know how you manage to always score with the hottest chick.” His eyes slid over Kiera as my stomach started knotting. “And two in one night, bro…I wish I had that kind of stamina.”
I could feel Kiera’s eyes on me, but all I could do was stare at Paul in utter disbelief. Why would you do that to me? What the fuck did I ever do to you? Paul gave me a satisfied sneer, then he said something that guaranteed his future fate. “Hey, sweetie, I’m available if you want to bang me next? I don’t mind getting his seconds…again.”
It looks like Evan will have to help me bury your body…because I’m going to fucking kill you.
Paul was laughing as he left. He wouldn’t be laughing later when I was pummeling him. Kiera’s hands dropped from my body once he was gone; I felt hope for us dropping with them. She believed him. She absolutely, 100 percent believed him. How do I fix this?
Closing my eyes, I swallowed the sudden lump of tension in my throat. I don’t know what to do. How do I make her believe me over him? When he’d just wrapped up all her fears in one tidy, little sadistic present. She was just going to have to blindly trust me. Again.
Reopening my eyes, I slowly turned to face her. The rage and pain I saw on her face tore me wide open. She doesn’t trust me…at all. I was about to start explaining, but she didn’t even let me open my mouth. Her right hand reached out, slapping my cheek full force, her promise ring digging into my skin. The abrupt, unexpected pain sent shockwaves down my body, and all of a sudden, what I felt the most…was anger.
Mine was no match for Kiera’s fury though. “You son of a bitch!” she screamed, backing away from me.
I rubbed my jaw, feeling the sting of a fresh cut over the burn of the hard contact. “Jesus, Kiera. Can I explain before you start whaling on me?”
My eyes narrowed as I glared at her. I thought she’d at least let me speak before she started assaulting me. Guess not. The heat in her eyes far outweighed the heat in mine. The betrayal on her face was so clear; seeing it cooled my temper. “You can explain ‘scoring the hottest chick’? You can explain ‘two in one night’? You can explain him ‘getting your seconds…again’?”
I suddenly felt extremely exhausted. Fuck you, Paul. Fuck you very, very much. A weary sigh escaped me as I ran a hand down my face. “Yes, Kiera. I can explain.” If you just let me.
She shoved a finger into my chest like she wished it was a sword. “Are you cheating on me?” she snapped.
I grabbed her hand. I tried to lace our fingers together, tried to get her to calm down, but she fought me; her rigid fingers wouldn’t let me in. “No, I’m not,” I told her, my voice soft. I ducked down to look her in the eye, so she could see my sincerity, but she avoided eye contact with me. This wouldn’t work, not if she wouldn’t even give me a chance to refute him. I tried again. “Hey, I’m not, Kiera. I’ve already told you that before…several times probably.”
She inhaled a shaky breath, and when she spoke her voice shimmered with emotion. “Then what…was he talking about?”
I grabbed her other hand; it was tightly clenched into a fist. I tried to get her to loosen up, tried to break the walls I could see forming around her, but nothing was working. She was shutting me out, more and more with every second. Desperate, I grabbed her cheeks and forced her to look at me. Her eyes watered as she stared at me, and my heart cracked at seeing her pain. He’d slipped into her mind so easily. She was so afraid…but I could understand fear. I felt it often enough myself.
“He’s lying, Kiera. He said that to get a rise out of you. He knows who you are, they all do. I flip through that photo book all the time…” I gave her a soft, reassuring smile. “They all think you’re beautiful…”
I wasn’t reassuring her though, and she pushed my hands off her face. The rejection stung, but I understood. She believed him, she believed I was cheating on her. She confirmed that with her next words.
“Why would he lie?” The inflection on the word “he” spoke volumes. She’d fully accepted that I was the one lying to her because in her mind, a stranger had no reason to lie. But she didn’t know Paul. She wasn’t understanding what was really going on.
I stayed away from her since she clearly wanted space. Feeling more alone than I had in weeks, I shook my head. “Because we were the last band to join the tour and we got bumped to the second in the lineup. Because Lana wanted to sign our band and not his.” I paused to shrug. “Because he’s a childish, immature asshole with a grudge against me, Kiera, and if making you doubt me got us fighting tonight instead of…” With another weary sigh, I tossed my hands into the air. “Because this, right here, is what he wanted…His stupid form of payback for our band being better than his.” Please believe me. I swear I’m telling you the truth.
Her expression softened, but I could still see the pain, the doubt. “Why should I believe you?” she asked.
Her question was like having acid poured over my soul; every inch of me hurt. Could we do this? Was it even possible for us to be together? How can I prove the unprovable to you? How do we win? The pain, the panic, the fear—it loosened my tongue. Tossing up my hands again, I snipped, “I haven’t done anything wrong! Why shouldn’t you believe me?”
