The Lunam Ceremony (Book One), page 27
Layla doesn’t stop pacing. “Was that the only time you were with Dillan?”
I tell her we were together near the end of the season. She says the odds are in Dillan’s favor. “We don’t even know if Jase can be the father. Just because he phases, doesn’t mean he can father a child with a pureblood.” I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn’t believe her statement. “When you go back to camp, tell Dillan you were here with me. Tell him I figured out you were pregnant. If I’m right about his feelings, this riff between you will disappear.” She strokes my hair.
“What about Jase?” I think about the look of horror on his face when he thought I was sick. He’d probably faint if he knew I was pregnant and there was a chance he was the father. “What if the baby…”
“If the baby is Jase’s, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
Does she even realize she’s dealing with real people with real feelings? Not to mention a baby. My baby. She looks at the dread on my face and her eyes soften; she’s out of game mode. “You’re strong and independent, just the way I knew you would be. Despite the pickle we’re in now, I know you are going to be an amazing mother. That is all this baby will need.” She kisses my forehead and a tear drops onto my cheek. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, Mom.”
I go to bed feeling like I’ve royally screwed up. I don’t care how much praise Layla throws at me. I know what I’ve done is going to hurt a lot of people.
I wake in the morning to the smell of bacon. The guest bedroom, which Layla says she will convert to a nursery for the baby, is decked out with a plush queen bed and antique dressing table. It’s the kind of room I dreamt about having my entire life. I sit on a tiny cushioned stool to put on my shoes and admire the small pieces of art on the walls. They are a collection of miniature frames. When I look closer, I realize they are pictures of me. They’ve been converted to black and white. I remember Layla had a camera; she would take photos of me when I was little. She must have been sending them to Monte all these years.
When I finally locate the kitchen tucked into the back of the house, I find Rusty sitting at the breakfast bar drinking coffee.
“What are you doing here?”
“Hey, sis.” Rusty spins around on his stool and opens his arms.
I give him a hug then ask where Carrick is.
“Well, when Dad called last night and told me you were on your way here, I knew something was up. So, we went back to camp. I dropped off Carrick and the truck, then I drove down in the Mercedes.” Rusty hops off his stool and walks around the counter to pour me a cup of coffee. He seems to know his way around this kitchen. “Hey Layla, your bacon’s burnin’!” He flips on the fan above the stove.
“Does Monte know about, your um, life choice?” I leave the question hanging in the air.
“Of course. I told him when I was sixteen. We were driving back from the DMV after I got my license. He said I was free to do as I pleased and that he loved me no matter what.” Rusty places the mug on the counter with a bowl of sugar.
“What about breeding and bloodlines and all that.” I can’t believe Rusty was let off the hook that easily.
“My mother wasn’t a pureblood. My kid would have been alpha, but not with the same power you or Leah have. My bad genes worked to my advantage.” He smiles.
Layla comes running in from the back porch holding an arm-full of tomatoes. She drops them in the stainless steel sink and tends to the bacon. “Rusty, rinse those for me, please.”
Rusty clicks his heels and salutes my mom. “Yessir!” She whips him with the towel slung over her shoulder and removes the bacon from the pan. I can tell they’ve spent time together by the comfortable way they move around each other. I wonder how often Rusty has visited since Lunam? He never mentioned it before.
We eat breakfast on the sun porch, only there is no sun. I devour six strips of bacon and two slices of toast. The idea of eggs and tomatoes makes my stomach turn. Layla teases me about morning sickness and Rusty almost chokes.
“You’re pregnant?” He walks around the table and hugs me. “Congratulations, sis.”
I thank him and then Layla tells him not to mention anything to the pack.
“This is Kalysia’s news to tell.” She ruffles Rusty’s hair and kisses his cheek.
“I wouldn’t dare tell a soul.” Rusty raises an eyebrow at me. “I just want to be there when she tells him.” He doesn’t think this is going to be happy news either. “Who needs TV when you have my sister?” Rusty folds a piece of bacon in his mouth as Monte walks in and slaps the back of his head.
He’s right, I’m a walking soap opera. That polygamist love triangle thing I was trying to avoid just got real.
After breakfast Monte suggests we leave early to avoid traffic. Layla packs a nice care package for the road. She includes a couple of boxes of Leah’s favorite cookies and some fancy cheese Monte says she likes. He knows more about her than I thought. He obviously had a relationship with Rusty, and he has my pictures hung in his spare room. Monte did care about us, he still does. He is going to start a war with Lowell and Conall, for me.
“Monte is going to drive to Quincy tomorrow to meet with Jase.” Layla says he wants to make sure Jase doesn’t try anything cavalier and storm the camp looking for me. I assure her he won’t. He probably doesn’t even know I left.
“Monte will be discreet,” Layla adds. “We don’t want Lowell to start sniffing around up there.” Layla’s remark reminds me of the card I found.
“I think he’s already been there.” I pull out Othello’s card and hand it to her. Monte looks over her shoulder and makes a disturbed face.
“If that guy is poking around, then Lowell already knows something,” Monte points at the card.
“Do you know him?” I ask Monte.
“Yes, he’s one of Lowell’s men.” He clears his throat. “He does special assignments for the Duke family.”
I wonder if Dillan’s time with Othello was also just a special assignment. Dillan thought he really cared for him. He spent last year worried that he got Othello fired and he’s been working for Lowell this whole time. I tell my parents what Deb told me about Othello wanting to add Jase to their vendor list. Monte says it’s possible, that they do recruit local businesses to do work for them. It’s how they create goodwill with the public.
“There’s one more thing, Deb knows I’m pregnant.” I brace for Layla’s wrath. She looks at Monte and he nods like he has it covered. “And there’s one more person, Delilah.”
“Oh yes, the sister,” Layla says sarcastically. “Do you know if she phased?”
“I don’t know.” I saw her name on the list, Shasta knows about her. I wonder when they will show up to find out if she has phased. If she will be forced to attend Lunam. “Do you know about the Lunam ceremony that Shasta holds?”
The color drains from Layla’s face. “Yes, a little.” I can tell she’s lying, but something that looks like pain creeps across her face. “I thought all of that ended.”
“It hasn’t,” I tell her. “But if the packs do merge and I am in power, it will end.”
Layla smiles and kisses my cheek. “That is one fight I know we can win.”
Carrick is waiting for us at the gate. Once we’re inside, he closes it and hops into the truck beside me. He puts his arm around my back and pats Rusty on the shoulder. He smiles at me and kisses the top of my head. I feel so safe, so loved in the truck with Carrick and my brother. I can’t imagine leaving the pack and leaving them behind. It isn’t just Rusty and Carrick. It’s Leah and Clio, and even Taylor. They are my family as much as Layla and Monte. I’ve been alone most of life. I don’t want to be anymore. I know exactly what I want. And it is nothing like I thought.
Rusty parks in the lot and we get out. “Where is he?” Rusty asks Carrick. We all know who he is.
“He was in the lodge about thirty minutes ago getting dinner.” Carrick and Rusty stand side by side, watching me. “I can walk over there with you. I need to get Taylor for the night.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m going to go to my cabin.” Rusty takes my hand to walk me home, but I pull away. “You go with Carrick. I’ll be ok.” I know he wants to see Taylor, too. Once I’m out of sight, dread washes over me like a wet blanket. My steps are slow and heavy, like I’m walking in a thick layer of snow, but the ground is covered in dead mushy leaves now. The only thing slowing my pace is me. I should want to see Dillan. Telling him I’m pregnant should be the happiest moment of my life. Him learning he is going to be a father should have been saved for me, not Cassie. I can’t blame her for this, for any of this. This is all my fault.
As I pass Leah’s cabin, I see a shadow move past the window. A second later the door opens and my sister comes barreling towards me. “You’re back!” She throws her arms around me and kisses my cheek. “Are you ok? How do you feel?” I step out of her arms, confused. “Layla called, she told me your news.” Leah grabs me for another bear hug. “I literally screamed. I’m so happy for you. For both of us.” She pulls back with teary eyes and a huge grin.
“You’re pregnant?” She nods and tears up. “Congratulations.” I give her a quick hug. I don’t have time to be mad at Layla for blabbing to Leah. I know she did it for my benefit, to make sure someone is watching out for me. I don’t think Leah had time to tell anyone else, but I have to ask.
“Of course not!” She pulls her jacket closed when a cold gust blows through the camp. “I’ve been in my cabin resting most of the day. I haven’t seen anyone. Not that I would tell. It’s your news, not mine.” Or Layla’s.
I look down the row of cabins at Cassie’s. “Have you seen her?” Leah follows my gaze and shakes her head. “Have you seen Dillan?”
“Like I said, I’ve been inside all day. Clio and Patsy stopped by earlier. I haven’t seen anyone else.” I can tell Leah is uncomfortable with our conversation. I never thought I was the type of person to employ spies, but that’s what I’m asking my family to do.
“How are they, Clio and Patsy?” The smile on Leah’s face tells me they are also pregnant. That means all the alphas will produce an heir. This is good news for the Sierras. Shasta may have ten times the alphas, but a hundred half-breed alphas do not outrank a pureblood. That is one thing Monte and Layla were adamant about.
I tell Leah I’ll see her later. I walk the last few steps to my cabin and sniff the air. I pick up only traces of Dillan’s scent, which means he isn’t home. I head inside, strip off my clothes, and take a shower to wash away any lingering traces of Quincy. The weight of what I was going to do finally catches up to me. I was going to leave Dillan for Jase. I let the hot water run over my face to mask my tears. What was I thinking? I have a duty to my family, to my pack, and most importantly, to myself to do the right thing. I see that now. I’m going to make sure from here on out that I make the right choices. For me and my baby.
My hands are wrinkled and my skin is raw from the scalding hot water by the time I step out of the shower. I grab a towel from the rack and run it over my skin. I stop at my flat stomach. I look into the steamy mirror and imagine myself fat and pregnant. A small sad smile creeps onto my face. I’m going to have a chubby dark-haired baby of my own to bounce on my knee and feed Leah’s chili. The thought fills me with a warmth and joy like no other. I’m so stupid for thinking motherhood was a death sentence, for thinking Dillan and I couldn’t see the world if we were parents. Having a baby wouldn’t have hurt us, it would have made us stronger, made us a family. I run my hand over my stomach. How can I just pretend there is no chance Jase fathered this child? Layla is right, we have to focus on the facts, otherwise doubt will eat me alive. Still, it feels wrong to tell Dillan I’m pregnant knowing there is a chance he isn’t the father. Just like it isn’t right to keep this from Jase. How am I going to get through the next nine months carrying this secret?
“Kalysia?” Dillan’s voice echoes into the bathroom.
I’m not ready to face him, but I can’t run away. I have a duty, not to my mother or Monte, not to my pack or Dillan. I have a duty to myself and to my baby to stay. I have to do what’s right for her or him. If that means swallowing my pride and my honor, then I will. I drop the towel to the floor and open the door. “I’m in here.”
Dillan appears in the doorway two seconds later. I smell the musty air from outside on his skin. He looks at my naked body, and a low soft moan escapes his lips.
“Come here.” I take his hand and wrap it around my waist.
He moves in close and takes me in his arms. “I missed you so much.” He kisses my neck through my wet hair. “I’m so sorry.” He takes my face in his hands and kisses my lips. I try to get lost in it, but I can’t, not with Jase on my mind. Dillan pulls back. “I want you to hear it from me. Cassie is pregnant, you know what this means.” He searches my eyes for a glimmer of hope. “Everything we talked about is still on. We are leaving this place and never looking back.”
I put my hands over his and peel them from my face. “Dillan, wait...” I try to stop him, to tell him I’m pregnant, but he keeps going.
“I was confused about a lot of things, but I had time to think while you were gone. I realized that I don’t care about my father or the pack. I don’t care about anything or anyone but you.” He is beaming as if his words are good news. Three days ago, they would have been.
“Finding Othello, showing you the ocean. Me surfing and you going to college. That is what I’m focusing on. Just me and you.” He kisses me hard and deep. When he pulls away, I’m breathless.
It isn’t just us, not anymore. Even if I wasn’t pregnant, he is going be a father. “You can’t leave…” I start to argue.
“Yes, we can and we will. This camp, this pack, is tearing us apart, and the last thing I want to do is lose you. I made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t say the things I wanted to say or do the things I should have done. I can make it right. I know I can. I can make us right. Kalysia, you are the only sure thing in my life. You were the reason I went to Lunam. Not for my father or my duty to the pack.” He places my hand over his heart. “This wasn’t whole until I met you.”
He doesn’t know how capable I am of ripping his heart out and breaking it. I’ve done something so terrible. So unforgivable. I played with the lives of others for my own gain. Cassie and her baby, even Jase.
“And Cassie and the baby?” I pull back and look in his eyes. “Leaving them isn’t the right thing.” I choke back tears. “You care about her.”
Dillan seems to have thought about this. He’s ready with an answer. “We can see the baby whenever we want. We can Skype and Facetime.” He thinks it will be enough, but he won’t be here to kiss her goodnight or watch her take her fist steps. He doesn’t know it yet, but it will kill him to walk away.
“And Cassie?”
“It isn’t what you think. I couldn’t be the robot you wanted me to be. I couldn’t show up, have sex with her, and leave. So, yeah I gave her candy and I was nice to her because I’m a nice guy.” He takes my face in his hands again and stares into my eyes. “I care about her, but I love you, Kalysia.” He kisses me softly on the lips. “I love you. You are the one I want to leave with. You are the one I will spend the rest of my life loving.”
A steaming hot tear rolls down my cheek. I have to tell him, now. I just hope he’s as happy to hear I’m pregnant as he was when Cassie told him. Cassie’s baby meant freedom for Dillan, but my baby will be a responsibility and an obligation.
“Say something.” Dillan smiles nervously and gives me space to speak.
I swipe a tear away and look for my discarded towel. I feel so exposed. Dillan pulls a clean towel from the cabinet and wraps it around my naked body. He pulls me into his arms and stares into my eyes. This is where I belong. Not with Jase. Not in a desert town with Layla. I belong here, with Dillan.
“I’m pregnant.”
It takes a moment for Dillan to register the two most relevant words a woman can tell a man. It pains me to know I wasn’t the first person to say them to him.
“You’re pregnant?” His eyes widen. “You are pregnant?”
I nod my head, unable to speak through the tears stuck in my throat.
Dillan crushes me to his chest, and I feel him take a deep breath. He holds me like this for a long time. Thoughts race through my mind, good and bad. I need to see his face. I pull back and wriggle my arms free from the towel. It falls to the floor on top of the other one. Dillan pulls me closer and kisses me before I have a chance to see his eyes. I put my hand to his face and feel the tears on his cheeks. He’s crying.
“Are you ok?” It seems like a silly thing to say, but I’ve never seen a man cry before.
“Yes. I’m more than ok.” He takes me in his arms again and lifts me in the air. He carries me to the bed and lays me down gently. He pulls his shirt off and kneels beside the bed, surveying my naked body. “You are so perfect, so beautiful.”
“Yeah, well I won’t be for long.” He lays his ear on my belly and I rub my hand through his hair. He’s happy. I’m happy. We are going to be a family.
I hope.
This book, or any of my books, wouldn’t exist without Murphy Rae. I hope people judge my books by your beautiful covers. Thank you times a thousand! A special thanks to Holly for helping me make sense of this story. You got it, even when I didn’t.
My family, my pack, without them I’d be a totally normal and upstanding citizen. Thank you for keeping it crazy and always fun. To Ali & Crysta for believing in magic. To Achilles for only making me get up seventy-eight times to let you in and out of the house while I was writing. Tas, thank you for letting me be right. To all the kids in my life – you guys are the only reason I get up in the morning, literally. And to gin, you get all the blame and most of the glory.
Nicole Loufas lives in Northern California. She loves books, music festivals, and bloody mary’s. She prefers gin to wine, and hates the smell of fried fish. She writes poetry in her spare time and books the rest of the time.
